Why are you single?

[ana]

'Normal' people make me feel twisted, because I definitely am twisted! The only difference between me and them is, that I know that I am twisted. They do not. Sometimes I think the same way like the guy in the first Matrix-Movie, who collaborates with the machines: "Ignorance is a bless!"

What do you mean by "normal" people?

 

[Faith]

hello everyone :/

I gave it some thought, took a step back and tried to re-read the questioned paragraph without being identified with what I was trying to communicate in the first place. I really try to take any critique seriously, even if it seems without any reason at first, but after reflecting the new data, I do understand your concerns. It's like Laura :) has just suggested. This rather affective, verbal reaction I described authentically can easily be interpreted in the wrong way, especially if the recipient doesn't know me, which is definitely the case here in a public forum. If it is not understood as an example of some funny grotesque, but taken seriously instead, it might cause trouble of some sort. Yes, now it's quite clear. I meant us no harm. I guess this is an emotionally turbulent topic.

It seems you have found a program you are striving to eliminate which is a step in a positive direction.

Yes, it's a program, I guess, that starts bothering me automatically during spring-time.

You state that you don't like to be questioned, but isn't this a great deal of how we communicate and convey/clarify our thoughts?

I really try to see it that way. Whenever someone is insulting me, I say to myself: It's the 'feeling insulted' and not the 'insulting' that really matters. Learn to be 'uninsultable' if that is even possible. You can't change them but maybe you can change yourself. Same goes for questioning, I guess. Every question can also be an indicator for what I am? So it's quite usefull actually. Feeling insulted seems to indicate that there is a certain part in me that I do not accept or that I don not understand. But still I don't like it :P

What do you mean by "normal" people?

Well, that's the question of a lifetime: what's normal? In this case I am referring to people who are not like me, who seem to be members of the majority, who pretty much do what they are told. 'Normal' means mainstream to me -- people who work properly -- properly means 'like it is welcomed by the employer and your neighbour, by society and the power elite'. Something like that. I am not quite sure yet.


SAO, what you have written in your post is very insightful. 'Mojo' is a lie! I guess the programes connected to this issue are very powerful. What demage has been caused in the name of love? This must be the secret ingredient for a spicy crunchy humanoid. 'Illusion of intimacy' Interesting. I have never really seen it that way.

Annette, I really like your Avatar. It makes you seeing things the other way, so to speak, changing your point of view :)




edit: added reply for SAO and Annette :)

 

[kenlee]

What do you mean by "normal" people?

Well, that's the question of a lifetime: what's normal? In this case I am referring to people who are not like me, who seem to be members of the majority, who pretty much do what they are told. 'Normal' means mainstream to me -- people who work properly -- properly means 'like it is welcomed by the employer and your neighbour, by society and the power elite'. Something like that. I am not quite sure yet.

Hi Floetus, when you are referring to people "who are not like me" are you sure about that? The people you see around you have basic needs just like you do. They want to live their lives without constant fear and anxiety, go to work without constant stress and have enough time to be with their friends and families and live their lives as they want to. They don’t want to be lied to by those who they elect into responsible positions and who speak on behalf of them and who are expected to say what the mean and mean what they say. They want healthy food, secure shelter, good medical care and honest institutions who are looking out for their best interests.

So imo ‘mainstream’ is quite abnormal because the conditions of mainstream existence do not fit with the basic needs and values that are inherent in the majority of people. There is a mismatch there between an inner pattern and an outer existence that works against its realization, the conditions of which do not fit that pattern.

I think normality is a kind of matching up or synchronization between the essential inner world and the outer worlds. I think an example of this would be the physical body which has an inherent amount of time available for it and the better that the environment matches or fits that inherent pattern then the longer the body will live out its maximum years (in a healthy way) as it was designed for. The same I think would apply to the psychological and spiritual worlds within us. If the psychological needs can be met and the spiritual creative forces in our essence can be freely expressed with minimum obstruction from the conditions of the external world then I think those conditions would make for what would be considered normal since there is a proper fitting of the inner nature with the conditions of the outer world.

 

[Menna]

"Normal" --- HAHHA...What is "normal" who is "normal" in my opinion no one is normal. Society has norms and people conform to those norms and are viewed as "normal". Follow those "normal" people into their homes and be a fly on the wall for a week im sure you will see some not so "normal" behaviors.

"Character is what you do when no one is watching"

SAO - Your post was great. I agree with everything you said. Just because someone is in a relationship doesn't mean that those two people are truly Intimate and loving. When someone who is not in a relationship looks at two people who are they say "I want what they have" without knowing what they truly have. You must "Know thyself" first before you can get to know another. You must be truly intimate and loving with yourself before you can with another. If you aren't comfortable with yourself you can never be with another. Thats why the day I found this website/forum I said to myself "I found something great" this website/forum is a great place to gain knowledge and apply it. Using the knowledge to strip away the programing and get to know yourself and improve.

 

[Annette1]

Feeling insulted seems to indicate that there is a certain part in me that I do not accept or that I don not understand. But still I don't like it :P

Yes, I empathize with you. It is frustrating when you attempt to understand something and cannot seem to figure it out. I've felt this many times. What helps me is to give myself an extra dose of patience. Sometimes knowledge comes where and when you least expect it. What really grabs me is when I discover the answer was so simple and I missed it; like several times. My thought then is "DUH, what a moron you are, annette." And I realize my impatience also tripped me up. However, I suspect that just like "normal", "perfect" is in the eye of the beholder, so I don't strive to be either.

My view on "normal" is reflected in my signature. :P

And, yes, the avatar is about understanding a different perspective.

 

[Faith]

... when you are referring to people "who are not like me" are you sure about that?

No, I am not. I am still following a quite similar track, because one half of me is still addicted to illusions and wants to be like them, share what they 'have' like Menna suggests "I want what they have". The other half seems to know that it's illusive and poisonous. Then the two halfes start struggling with each other and whatever I am is torn between them -- the 'eye of the storm' is just watching. I don't want to be mainstream, I can't, even if I wanted to.

Some of these 'normal' people tell me what's good and beneficial about their normal lifestyle. I can understand what they have and why they are 'happy', because it's basically the same I want, seen from a rather superficial point of view. But it looks like plastics to me. It looks quite solid from the distance but when you are touching it, feeling it and holding it in your hand, you realize that it's fake, that it pretends being solid, being substantial, having weight and depth -- it's hollow, light, flat, plain and unnatural. I believe that those plastics are affecting our minds as well, making it hollow, light, flat, plain and unnatural, especially if humanity is defined by industrial products, brands and illusive image-dissociations, which is pretty much the case, isn't it? 'Normal' people are buying branded 'individuality' that makes them perfect dividuals, divided by the industries into spicy and crunchy snacks -- branded like cattle. One fine day they will establish the human bar-code-label-branding, that is sooo cool and stylish. You know: I want to be IN

 

[ana]

'Normal' people make me feel twisted, because I definitely am twisted! The only difference between me and them is, that I know that I am twisted.

Well, that's the question of a lifetime: what's normal? In this case I am referring to people who are not like me, who seem to be members of the majority, who pretty much do what they are told. 'Normal' means mainstream to me -- people who work properly -- properly means 'like it is welcomed by the employer and your neighbour, by society and the power elite'. Something like that. I am not quite sure yet.

This is contradictory, first you refer to "normal" people as those being like you but not knowing, and now, you say that you where refering to people who are not like you. :)

 

[Faith]

:P Hmm... ja, contradictory indeed. It's a sloppy description, isn't it? I am not quite sure. normal, normal... hmm. What about the majority of people, mechanical people, who don't want to see these automatisms, fakes and illusions, superficial people, who seem to be happy, who believe in individuality, who live in denial, who like to be drugged, who rather go the easy way, who think there is nothing more, who don't want to face their own reality, who tell me that I am asking too many questions, that I am too idealistic, that I am thinking too much, that I just need a girlfriend to calm down -- affirmative people. The only difference is, that I am trying to face it, to improve myself, that I know I am sleeping, that I know I am mechanical, vectored by outer forces, that I am weak. Every now and then I am seeing those things and then I try to reflect this data in a rather wholistic way. That seems to make the difference. ANd it's probably nothing more than that. I am not sure. But whatever that is I am doing here is rather not normal, don't you think? So what the majority does must be quite normal. Frakking relativety!

What Kenlee has written seems to be quite reasonable. It's another, better use of the word 'normal'. I tried to use this word as the majority seems to use it, which is very contradictory and confusing. I'd like to use kenlee's version instead. Then I have to find another word for those people I am referring to: happy sleepers?

 

[Menna]

Floetus - Your avatar gives me the chills

Not one person is the same - so to say someone is normal is not correct. No one is the same - so how can more than one person be normal if we are all different?

 

[RyanX]

Floetus - Your avatar gives me the chills

Not one person is the same - so to say someone is normal is not correct. No one is the same - so how can more than one person be normal if we are all different?

Menna is correct. To say "normal" we first have to establish what particular trait we are talking about. We could use the trait of empathy. If we see that the large majority of people express this trait, then that would be considered normal. Using formal statistics would be better yet if you really want to get into the details of what is considered "normal" for any given trait.

Floetus, do you realize your idea of "normal" is completely subjective? You also appear to be identified with your subjective concept of being "not normal". This might be worth further examining on your part.

 

[Faith]

Floetus - Your avatar gives me the chills

Too many fairytales -- poor child, but there is still hope.

Not one person is the same - so to say someone is normal is not correct. No one is the same - so how can more than one person be normal if we are all different?

'normal' seems to be a rather superficial label, that depends on your subjective point of view. It's pretty relative, isn't it? Basically it means the state within controlled parameters, that is stable, that fits the expectations. Normal body temerature vs. fever.

 

[Faith]

Floetus, do you realize your idea of "normal" is completely subjective? You also appear to be identified with your subjective concept of being "not normal". This might be worth further examining on your part.

I knew that there is something wrong with it. I have to give it some thought. :(

 

[Avi]

Dear All,

I was single and celibate for 5-years before getting engaged during an intense period of feeling the need to be married. That relationship and pretty much all else crumbled in my life within 18-months of the engagement. Within a year we were separated. Only a couple partners prior to that and two years since of single again.

here are some thoughts on the question, why are you single? (ARE you single, in this sense?)

This comes from "The Labors of Hercules, An Astrological Interpretation" by the Tibetan, Djwhal Khul and is found in the Labor of Taurus:

There are potencies and faculties hidden in the human being that, when developed and unfolded, may bring new powers to bear upon this problem. But, in the meantime, what shall the aspirant do? Certain suggestions may be made:

1. Ride, control and master the bull and let the aspirant remember that the bull has to be ridden across the waters to the mainland; which means that the solution of the whole sex problem will come when the disciple subordinates his separated personal island self to group purpose and endeavor, and begins to rule his life by the question, "What is best for the group with which I am associated?" It is by doing this that the bull is ridden to the mainland.

2. Use common sense. The ancient meaning of the word "common sense" was that there was a sense which synthesized and unified the five senses and so constituted a "common sense", literally, the mind. Let the aspirant use his mind, and through the medium of intelligent perception, guide and control the bull of desire. If common sense is used, certain dangers will be avoided. There is a danger in the method of many aspirants in inhibiting or shutting off all sex expression. Physiologically they may succeed, but the experience of psychologists and teachers is that where inhibition and a drastic suppression is imposed upon the organism, the result is some form of nervous or mental complex. Many physically clean people have unclean minds. Many who would scorn the practise of any of the sex perversions and who hold that marriage is not for the disciple, have mental apparatuses which will not bear investigation. Their minds and their interpretations of other people's actions are so salacious and their capacity to think evil so great, that, dangerous as this may sound, one feels that it would be better [52] for them to be ridden by the bull of desire than to continue their present practice of substituting mental indulgence for outer sin. A clean mind and a pure heart, a rightly organized and rightly used physical body, conformity to the laws of the land in which his destiny is cast, utter consideration for the welfare of those with whom he is associated, and a life of loving service: these constitute the ideals of the aspirant.

3. A right understanding, of the meaning, of celibacy. The word means "single" and the meaning usually given to the word is, to refrain from the marriage relation. Many young men and women, driven by spiritual desire and under the influence of the thought-form of the church during the Middle Ages, with its many monasteries and convents, believe that for them the celibate state is essential and right, and are puzzled when they find that complexes result. But may it not be that the true celibacy has been expressed for us in the words of Christ, when he said, "If thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light"? May it not be that true celibacy is the refusal of the soul any longer to identify itself with the form? May not the real marriage relation, of which the physical plane relation is but the symbol, be that of the union of the soul and the form, the positive spirit aspect and the negative matter aspect?

Let the soul be single in its purpose and freed from the thralldom of matter, and then right action and a right point of view will inevitably be the characteristics of the physical plane life. Let the soul ride the form, controlling and mastering it, and then it will surely know its right obligations. It will recognize the relation that it should hold to other human beings, whether its destiny is to be that of husband or wife, father or mother, brother or sister, friend or companion. Through right use of the form and right understanding of purpose, through right orientation to reality and right use of spiritual energy, the soul will act as the controlling factor and the whole body will be full of light. Through control, through the use of common sense, by a right understanding of celibacy, and by [53] identification with group purpose, the disciple will arrive at liberation from the control of sex. He will succeed in following the example of Hercules and will ride the bull of desire over to the mainland where, in the Temple of God, he will hand it over into the care of the Cyclops who were early initiates, having the single eye about which we have been speaking, the eye of Shiva, the Bull's eye in the constellation Taurus. For Hercules himself was not only the disciple, but he was, in his lower nature, the bull, and in his higher nature the Cyclops.

When the bull of desire has been handed over to the Cyclops, to the initiate with the single eye, which is himself, the soul, the three divine aspects, will begin to manifest: Brontes, Steropes and Arges will guard the sacred bull, and Hercules, the disciple, will no longer have any responsibility. Brontes is the symbol of the first aspect of God, the Father who spoke and is the creative sound. Steropes means lightning, or light, and is the second aspect, the soul. Arges means whirling activity, the third aspect of divinity, expressing itself in the intense activity of physical plane life. These divine aspects constitute the controlling factor and once they have gained possession of the sacred bull, the problem of Hercules is solved.

The two Keywords of Taurus are (From Esoteric Astrology, p. 403):

1. "Let struggle be undismayed". (The Form Aspect.)
2. "I see and when the Eye is opened, all is light". (The Soul Aspect.)

So are you single, in thought and word and deed? Or are you being ridden by the bull of desire interested in the sex function for the sake and pleasure of the self?

I think it is particularly poignant the phrase

What is best for the group with which I am associated?

This is interesting for me to ponder and examine for this urge again has been there for not "being single" and yet in reality where my life is at and what is necessary I can't really see how that can change based upon circumstances, forget about whether I've even met someone who is at least interested in the work if not active with it.

Some thoughts . . . .

oh! Anart, some people are so vain that to say 'I've been waiting for you' is a heap of trouble! LOL! Love it.

You could also just answer, "because I've been waiting for you!" - hopefully that will make them really uncomfortable!

Of course, if they smile, then I guess you're in trouble. ;)

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being single. In fact, I know a LOT of people who envy single people. I actually think it's quite healthy to be single for a long time - you get a chance to accept yourself as you are, not only because of being seen through another eyes in a 'positive' light (which is often just feeding). I was single for over 7 years at one point and I don't think I could have dealt with everything I've dealt with if I weren't single - it was necessary. So, there's another viewpoint on it!

I get asked this question 2-3 times a week and to tell you the truth it annoys me. Why do others feel that people should be in relationships? I also know of a lot of people in un happy relationships, why do they create their own problems by staying with that person.

I believe people need to take more pride in themselves and stop looking outside to others to better their life. If you find someone you like spending time with then by all means get to know that person and see where that goes.

This is just me venting as I find it offensive when someone says, "Why are you single." like I am expected to be with someone.

I know that if I was 100% happy with being single then these comments wouldn’t bother me, but regardless of that I find it interesting that being single is questioned.

Just like anything else in life there are positives and negatives - to being single and being in a relationship. I just don't know why when someone is single other people ask "Why"

 

[Paradigma]

Hi everybody, hi Menna,

I can understand you very well, although hardly anyone asks me that question "Why are you single" but I wonder myself why I am.

At the moment I'm 22 Years old and was never in a relationship. Of course I always ask myself for the reason and reading the post here are quite a summary of these factors. Especially reading the comments of Floetus (btw, your avatar is really creepy) gives me an insight view to how I was some months ago, well propably still am...

Floetus reading stuff of you has very often this heavyness in it. It's depressing and I think one reason for that is, you are always thinking about your negativ aspects.
To make a little discourse, in medicine I learned about two ways of looking at health.

1. Pathogenesis
2. Salutogenesis

Pathogenesis focuses on the factors that cause deases while Salutogenesis focuses on the factors that support human health and well being.
Well being is not only the health of your body but also of your mind.
Is there anything you like about yourself? Or is everything twisted and you are so beyond "normal" that you have the feeling you are not in touch with the world.
This reminds me pretty much of myself when recently I posed the question to me "Why am I always that serious? Why can't I have fun like the others do?". By asking myself for the reason I knew exactly how it's going to end up, me "lamenting" about my charactertraits about my childhood experiences and about my distinct thought activity. But I wanted to go another way this time and instead of listing up things that make me serious I did a list of activities I really enjoy and lift my spirit, like tumbling, doing gymnastics, meeting with very good friends, having a nice chat that is not just superficial, flirting ;) and so on. It's up to you what you enjoy but I think you already get the idea of what I mean.

You seem to be a very thoughtfull person who is considering every activity of you and others around you. That is nothing bad but you tend to exagerate with that, or better to say it happens to exagerate. I know how it is to not be able to stop that continious thinking espescially if you recognize programms in your mind.

I noticed there are at least two kind of problem.
The first one is acute and has to do for example with dealing with disappointment or anger. Unpleasant feelings that rise fast and can be handled "quickly" to calm down.
The second one is more sort of "chronic" that includes for me negativ charactertraits and general how things go bad in live.

The first group is relatively easy to handle, depending on how centered you are but the second group of "problems" requires very much energy to change because they are part of your personality.

Imagine a wall made of bricks. The single brick is one facet of your personality and there are plenty forming your individual shape. Well let's say this shape has its lows and deeps so to say weaknesses and strengths and sometimes it happens that bombs are thrown over your wall having an impact on your side, causing disturbance and so on. Depending on the subjectiv size of the "grenade" you can handle it relativly easy, either by defusing it or by throwing it back or however you deal with the issue. The grenades are the first group.
The second group is the wall, quasi your defencesystem. I use this word because I think you rather see the world hostile and unpleasant.
Whenever you recognize there are certain parts of your wall that allows to attack you because this segment is to low you have to raise its height but there are some bricks below that are to instable to built upon so you have to remove them.
What do you think, how much energy does it require to remove a bottom brick? And how exhausting do you think it is for your mind and our body to always go for the next unpleasant bottom brick? You are loosing so much energy by always trying to fix yourself that the rest above and even beside collapses and you have this feeling of being unnormal, twisted, torn apart, an eternal construction site.

I don't know how familiar you are with the 7 Chakra system but it's similar to that. Yogis say that there are 7 centers of energy in the human body and that the living energy comes from a point between the genitals and the anus (1. Chakra) rising over the spine to the seventh chakra at top of the head passing the other 5 chakras.
What you are actually doing, by always questioning yourself is blocking this natural flow of energy in your body causing a general decrease of energy and that leads to the point that your head especially your third eye doesn't have the energy to open, so to say to give you insight.

What I want to say, Floetus be like a flower concentrate more on flourishing than on how can I get rid of parasites.

And in this sence to all people that are unhappy with being single, some blossoms take longer to bloom than others but they will ;)

Have a nice day!

 

[Menna]

I have read about the 7 chakras and chakra meditation but I have never tried it. Paradigma - are you familiar with the chakra meditation do you recommend it?