Why are you single?

[Joe]

Perceval - That is a picture of myself. But to tell you the truth looking this way doesn't help - in my case, my personality and character doesn't match up with the picture - most girls think I sleep around - only interested in a one night stand - Couldn't be farther from the truth. I worked on my body because I had low self esteem now people think im cocky without getting to know me - funny how that works. And If I was you I would be thinking - well it doesn't help your case if you post pictures like this lol

LOL! Yeah, I suppose I might say that, or at least think it! ;) I understand what you mean about girls thinking you are cocky because you work out etc, but I think there are a lot of other people who would think that you could easily find a girlfriend so "how come you don't have one??" Anyway, it's really just a symptom of how screwed up our society has become - focus is placed on appearance and substance is ignored. Cold controlling and blinkered intellect is prized over emotion that opens us to the concept of the infinite.

 

[JonnyRadar]

Cold controlling and blinkered intellect is prized over emotion that opens us to the concept of the infinite.

Dang... Nicely said, Perceval!

 

[Faith]

Hello everyone :),

I am definitely identified with being 'not normal'. You guys seem to know me better than I do. But why is that? I tried to answer this question right after RyanX had pointed out, that my idea of 'normal' completely is subjective. It is! I could not explain, couldn't isolate this mechanism. That part of my brain felt numb - dead end. After work I went for a jog, which always helps me thinking and dissociating, creating concepts and receiving ideas. I focused on the facts, on memories of what I did or said, that could be related to this issue. What did I see?

Is there anything you like about yourself? Or is everything twisted and you are so beyond "normal" that you have the feeling you are not in touch with the world.

No, on the contrary. There are many things I like about myself. But you are right! I am extremely focused on those things I don't like about myself. That has always been a mystery in the eyes of my friends, family and colleagues. When I zipped through my memories, I realized that there were many situations in my life, when I was really successful, when I was affirmed and admired by others, friends, family, women and men alike, colleagues and even strange people. Then I felt really flattered of course but also embarrassed at the same time.

When a person admires me or my work, he or she seems to overlook the fact, that honest success is the result of hard work, and not the result of just being gifted. I always have been afraid of pride myself on it. That is what makes you sloppy. Lot's of people tend to overlook the hard work behind it. Then I try to explain the great effort it cost me, the mistakes I made and that it is the result of just my personell, subjective appreciations.

Whenever my ego started feeding itself with the moments of success, I could not stand it very long. This is the strangest thing people could never understand, as they say. Even my professor who really, really approved my work, could never understand, why I am so shy and humble most of the time. I can't tell if it was a role I played unwittingly or if I really was shy and humble. For example: I am quite good at giving a presentation. People tell me that it's fascinating and entertaining, that it's well prepaired and original, that it's natural and authentic. Whenever I had a really good reason to feel strong, to feel beloved, happy, approved and well, perfectly narcissistic, I had to find something bad to compensate it. When I did not find anything, then I guess, I made it up. Maybe that's the reason why many people claim, I would be too complicated or too perfectionistic. I always wanted to make the best of it. For me this has always been more important than faking the bigshot. When something could be easy, and sometimes, not often, things are easy, I have to find a way to make it complicated. That is when I am exaggerating it, I guess. Now I am perfectly narcissistic, right? But this is what happens, when I focus on the good things.

What if your real self is "terrorizing" the fake you? I don't think the real "I" feels terror, especially not as a result of questioning and doubts - although seeing yourself as you truly are can be shocking. The only thing that is afraid to be exposed, doubted, and questioned is the predator, the false self that is full of lies and illusions.

… But I have to be careful not to identify with it. I don't want to play this melodramatic role of the poor guy, who has seen the truth, who can't be happy anymore. It's narcissistic and deterministic as well. I am still working on it. …

Hi Floetus. It seems you have found a program you are striving to eliminate which is a step in a positive direction.

Instead of feeling happy about this possibility: "Hey, maybe my real self is terrorizing my ego as long as I can think, unwittingly without support. What a bless! You are still alive! Maybe I am not lost!" ,I find something bad, you know: I can easily be tempted to be narcissistic and to forget, who I really am ... thank you folks.

:/ Now that it is said, there are two possibilities. Anart will mirror me badly or I am seeing myself for the second time... I am a bit scared, actually.

 

[RyanX]

You guys seem to know me better than I do. But why is that?

I think this is part of the mirroring process. Remember what Laura says, "you can't think about the way you think with the way you think". It is strangely true and I've seen it and experienced it enough to realize how true it is. Also, if another sees some sort of wrong thinking in another, it usually means they have had to work through a similar program in themselves.

Is there anything you like about yourself? Or is everything twisted and you are so beyond "normal" that you have the feeling you are not in touch with the world.

No, on the contrary. There are many things I like about myself. But you are right! I am extremely focused on those things I don't like about myself. That has always been a mystery in the eyes of my friends, family and colleagues. When I zipped through my memories, I realized that there were many situations in my life, when I was really successful, when I was affirmed and admired by others, friends, family, women and men alike, colleagues and even strange people. Then I felt really flattered of course but also embarrassed at the same time.

When a person admires me or my work, he or she seems to overlook the fact, that honest success is the result of hard work, and not the result of just being gifted. I always have been afraid of pride myself on it. That is what makes you sloppy. Lot's of people tend to overlook the hard work behind it. Then I try to explain the great effort it cost me, the mistakes I made and that it is the result of just my personell, subjective appreciations.

Whenever my ego started feeding itself with the moments of success, I could not stand it very long. This is the strangest thing people could never understand, as they say. Even my professor who really, really approved my work, could never understand, why I am so shy and humble most of the time. I can't tell if it was a role I played unwittingly or if I really was shy and humble. For example: I am quite good at giving a presentation. People tell me that it's fascinating and entertaining, that it's well prepaired and original, that it's natural and authentic. Whenever I had a really good reason to feel strong, to feel beloved, happy, approved and well, perfectly narcissistic, I had to find something bad to compensate it. When I did not find anything, then I guess, I made it up. Maybe that's the reason why many people claim, I would be too complicated or too perfectionistic. I always wanted to make the best of it. For me this has always been more important than faking the bigshot. When something could be easy, and sometimes, not often, things are easy, I have to find a way to make it complicated. That is when I am exaggerating it, I guess. Now I am perfectly narcissistic, right? But this is what happens, when I focus on the good things.

I don't think what you're seeing is narcissism. You might have some narcissistic tenancies too (we all do), but in the context here it sounds like you are experiencing the negative introject. There was another post recently from another forum member that I think hits on this same theme:

http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=17152.0

I think a lot of us get this "perfectionism" or a feeling that "nothing we do is ever good enough" at times. We can't appreciate our achievements because we were told that what we did was never good enough by our parents. I've had to get through this program too, so I just wanted to let you know you're not alone! :)

I don't know if you've read the big 5 psychology books, but if you haven't I would definitely recommend it (especially Narcissistic Family and Trapped in the Mirror).

No need to be scared floetus :) We're here to help you work through these programs. It can be a strange feeling, but you need not fear us - we're hear to help you if that is what you desire.

 

[anart]

Hello everyone :),

I am definitely identified with being 'not normal'. You guys seem to know me better than I do. But why is that? I tried to answer this question right after RyanX had pointed out, that my idea of 'normal' completely is subjective. It is!

The only reason it might seem that way at times is because you're honest. When you post, you are honest, and because you are honest, you reveal parts of yourself for others to see. We are, each of us, much worse at seeing parts of ourselves than we are at seeing parts of others - so it would stand to reason that this network sees each of us better than we see ourselves.

I could not explain, couldn't isolate this mechanism. That part of my brain felt numb - dead end. After work I went for a jog, which always helps me thinking and dissociating, creating concepts and receiving ideas. I focused on the facts, on memories of what I did or said, that could be related to this issue.

Utilizing our motor centers often allows our intellect and emotions to do their own work - thus we think/feel more clearly and thoughts/understanding can make their way through to us - at least this happens with me, at times.

What did I see?

No, on the contrary. There are many things I like about myself. But you are right! I am extremely focused on those things I don't like about myself. That has always been a mystery in the eyes of my friends, family and colleagues. When I zipped through my memories, I realized that there were many situations in my life, when I was really successful, when I was affirmed and admired by others, friends, family, women and men alike, colleagues and even strange people. Then I felt really flattered of course but also embarrassed at the same time.

When a person admires me or my work, he or she seems to overlook the fact, that honest success is the result of hard work, and not the result of just being gifted. I always have been afraid of pride myself on it. That is what makes you sloppy. Lot's of people tend to overlook the hard work behind it. Then I try to explain the great effort it cost me, the mistakes I made and that it is the result of just my personell, subjective appreciations.

I think it's really - really - important to understand that children of narcissists (or children of narcissistic family dynamics) almost always have difficulty accepting well-earned praise. We tend to think our successes are 'accidents' and our failures define us. We tend to not be comfortable with compliments, or even with objective statements describing our valuable traits. We learn from an early age that our positive aspects must serve, or reflect well on, our parents, and are never truly our own. This makes for an uncomfortable 'growing up' since as we come into ourselves and begin to shine we have no idea how to deal with that, since acknowledging our own strengths as aspects of ourselves (and not our parents) is foreign.

So, we become embarrassed, or self-deprecating, or balance each positive statement we hear with an internal negative statement about ourselves.

Whenever my ego started feeding itself with the moments of success, I could not stand it very long.

Exactly.

This is the strangest thing people could never understand, as they say. Even my professor who really, really approved my work, could never understand, why I am so shy and humble most of the time. I can't tell if it was a role I played unwittingly or if I really was shy and humble. For example: I am quite good at giving a presentation. People tell me that it's fascinating and entertaining, that it's well prepaired and original, that it's natural and authentic. Whenever I had a really good reason to feel strong, to feel beloved, happy, approved and well, perfectly narcissistic, I had to find something bad to compensate it. When I did not find anything, then I guess, I made it up. Maybe that's the reason why many people claim, I would be too complicated or too perfectionistic. I always wanted to make the best of it. For me this has always been more important than faking the bigshot. When something could be easy, and sometimes, not often, things are easy, I have to find a way to make it complicated. That is when I am exaggerating it, I guess. Now I am perfectly narcissistic, right? But this is what happens, when I focus on the good things.

You are not perfectly narcissistic, you are perfectly narcissistically wounded. You are striving to be who you are through a veil of fog created by (likely) your childhood and the wounding that occurs when we are not valued and accepted (unconditionally) for who we are instead of for what we do or what we can reflect on our parents. Your reactions really are textbook for narcissistic wounding. If you've not yet read the 'big five' narcissism books, I really think they'd shine a lot of light on how your mind works in certain situations.


Narcissism "Big Five"
Myth of Sanity - Martha Stout
The Narcissistic Family - Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman and Robert M. Pressman
Trapped in the Mirror - Elan Golomb
Unholy Hungers - Barbara E. Hort
In Sheep's Clothing - George K. Simon

Instead of feeling happy about this possibility: "Hey, maybe my real self is terrorizing my ego as long as I can think, unwittingly without support. What a bless! You are still alive! Maybe I am not lost!" ,I find something bad, you know: I can easily be tempted to be narcissistic and to forget, who I really am ... thank you folks.

I think it might be really worthwhile for you to begin to learn the difference between 'narcissistic' and 'narcissistically wounded' - I think the key lies there for you, and you're smart enough to figure it out. ;)

:/ Now that it is said, there are two possibilities. Anart will mirror me badly or I am seeing myself for the second time... I am a bit scared, actually.

Hey, why pick on me? ;) I didn't even chime in on your 'removed offensive paragraph'!

Floetus, you have a good head on your shoulders. You can think, you can consider and, most importantly of all, you can listen. This is a rare thing on this planet. I have very little doubt that if you put that mind to use, and your heart, and get to the bottom of a few things that you will make phenomenal progress. No question.

 

[Buddy]

The only reason it might seem that way at times is because you're honest. When you post, you are honest, and because you are honest, you reveal parts of yourself for others to see.
...
Floetus, you have a good head on your shoulders. You can think, you can consider and, most importantly of all, you can listen. This is a rare thing on this planet. I have very little doubt that if you put that mind to use, and your heart, and get to the bottom of a few things that you will make phenomenal progress. No question.

I'm just going to be a mimic here, because I wanted to second all this. When I read Floetus's first posts, I knew from the start that there was a difference here and that I should be very careful and considerate. Even though it may be completely irrelevant, that biblical passage where jesus said of Nathaniel "Behold, a man in whom there is no guile!" came to mind as a symbol of the honesty I was witnessing. Because of this quality, I second the prediction that "you will make phenomenal progress" if you take the recommended course of action, Floetus. :)

 

[Paradigma]

I have read about the 7 chakras and chakra meditation but I have never tried it. Paradigma - are you familiar with the chakra meditation do you recommend it?

Well I'm not familiar with chakra meditation in particular, so I cannot recommend you that but I started 4 years ago with candle meditation taken out of a yoga book. That means, starring into the flame of a candle and concentrating on that for about 10 minutes trying not to blink :) I did that for about a week everyday and guess what my concentration increased ^^
After that week I decided to go further and take the next step in the book and sitting down for medtation and letting my mind go. This got a bit boring cause for about 30 minutes nothing happend but then my mother started to play the piano downstairs and by hearing the sound a stream of thoughts was released and I was able to watch it without identification.
Well afterwards, I tend to say, I was cured from my depression. Definitely not cured from all those programs and viruses of my mind but cured from this total identification with my unhappy me.
By the way I was also doing breathing techniques. It was a different one but I can definitely recommend the pipe breath

[quote author=floetus ]
:/ Now that it is said, there are two possibilities. Anart will mirror me badly or I am seeing myself for the second time... I am a bit scared, actually. [/quote]

Floetus, the only one who is afraid, is your ego ;) because you are about to remove some major bricks in your wall ;)

 

[mabar]

Hi People had asked me once in while the same...and my answers varies from the standard (i. e. I'm not interested) to the complex (i. e. trying to explain the Work, the world, the wave...and mostly because I don't believe “being in love with someone”...or the typical being in love in the romantic point of view...the concept of Love I do believe ...I found a very good one here in the forum from Perceval: http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=14966.0 …like a pearl, it does not appear like magic it develops and grew)...either way they don't get satisfied... it seems...I am the weird or I will never find a boyfriend or getting married, friends-family had told me...and I am not worry by that…

By the other hand...I think I learned to look marriage in a different way, I remembered that when I was young (elementary and junior high) my mother taught me to do many things, I do appreciate it now, but being younger ...do the dishes, clean the house, wash the clothes, sew the bottons, prepare food, etc... because if I want it to get married I will need to know how its done because I will be the one to do it, why? because I am the woman, and the woman does those things and rise children...so when everybody happend to ask the question around the marry thing...almost by automatic all those activities -that I did not like to do then- pop in my mind...and the answer was mostly the same “no thank you, I think I will pass…”. She focused also in the education, to have a career...to work...so working+cleaning+rising children...nop! that was not my ideal of a “happy life”... and neither is now. I am doing mostly the same right now...without rising children luckily...and people ask me that too...why I don't have children? as the being single”, the answers is pretty much the same...I don't see the “cute” point of view of babies...I see the real point of view...“real” being...I need to have time to give them time, consideration, knowledge, to prepare them from what is coming...

I do get annoyed when people ask my age, I think and I think its due to other issues, I don't like birthdays, I didnt like hugs (here are some other issue as well I think)...this year was one of the better birthdays I had have...I did not scape, I usually hide from people in my birthday I think I am starting to accept my age and my self as who I am... Clik! To me the “normal” type is as relative as anything...it depends of the social circle that each one dwell in, depends on the programs I see with my particular point of view different from the others, depends on circumstances, etc... I do consider myself as weird rather than “not normal”...different would be much better I supposed...I am weird since I remember...the others (family-friends) referred to me as weird...and sometimes being weird makes me feel free, so I think I like it.

Clik!
Reading anart´s last post… I tend to have difficulty accepting well-earned praise, but not like accidents, more like a “checking list”… listening from others I have a difficult time understanding success or achievements, they had told me “you manage to do this, that etc..” I don't see it as a wonderful thing…I think I have other issues here too… My mother being a teacher I supposed could not bare to have a child that just could not be proud of….at least in the academic matter, elementary and junior high was beyond difficult, they found I needed glasses and they also found I had dyslexia and being compared with two other siblings always with A+`s was not helping me… so I learned that if others can do it so I can, maybe it was due because I just want to be accepted…


mabar

 

[Faith]

Anart, Bud, Paradigma, RyanX, Menna, Annette1, Kenlee, Ana, Bjorn, all of you :) I just don't find the right words. I don't know how to put it. What you have said, really means a great deal to me! I've never met such wise people! I can hardly describe how I feel right now. I am completely overwhelmed. I feel... relieved, somehow. For the first time I really feel free, but it's fading already. Soon I will find out that its damn serious and still difficult and strange. I don't know how to adapt. It's confusing. I just can't handle it right now, Anart. I'd love to thank each of you in private, you deserve it, but I just don't know what to say. Can you believe that? It's beautiful.


Maybe it's no big deal but right now I am far from it. This is new to me. I know, it's just the beginning. For a second or two I felt... now it's gone. I should have write it down. What a strange feeling. It's beautifully sad but also hopefull, eternal... , it reminds me of an ambient tune by Robert Rich: The Road To Wirikuta. This is my road!


What can I say? My ego feels pretty vulnerable, now that I've revealed my innermost thoughts, but I think here it is in good hands, finally. I am also glad that others might benefit from these posts, so it's not just about me. I don't dare saying it out loud, so I am whispering it: "long live the network"

 

[spyraal]

Hello everyone,

This has really been a very interesting and rewarding thread so far. Floetus, your sincere and honest contribution has added a lot to it. Thank you, and the other members and mods for their great input!

Personally, i am single for 2 years now. And a plain "why" is too simple a question sometimes...It is not actually "100%" my choice to be single, as it is a result of a shift in my priorities. And by that i mean both my personal priorities as well as my mate-choosing priorities. Relations-wise, i realized by both thought and observation that for a relationship to really work, both partners need to have reached a certain level of self-knowledge and esoteric development, otherwise true happiness cannot be sustained and grown, apart from seldom, random and incoherent moments here and there floating among a sea of confusion regarding their mysterious and un-repeatable nature. So, being the stubbornly idealistic person that i am, i gladly took this journey of solitude trying to find as little as...me, and the rest will hopefully follow on their own "time". I hope the woman that is to be my other destined half, is somewhere trying to doing her "homework" too... :D

I don't think that someone definitely ought to be single all the way in such a journey, but then again, i guess only a co-linear partner whose soul calling is accurately matches your own can really follow in such a "trip". Also, as far as i can tell, by being single you learn that having some degree of Solitude is key to doing some esoteric work. I think an ideal partner can share and be a companion through our hours of Solitude without disturbing it. Otherwise, a bad relationship in general can easily become seriously detrimental to one's path for personal growth, and quite often a bad relationship with a narcissistic or worst, a psychopathic individual can become a person's own tomb stone...

After these 2 years, i have to admit that few times the predator's mind sends me images of loneliness, and as the last memories of being in a beloved's arms begin to fade away in the memory's distance, i fear that my solitude might make me so incompatible with what surrounds me, something like a strange creature, an nature's oddity that really has no equal of his species to mate... Fortunately, i do not give too much real credit to all this stuff, but never the less, it is strange to observe how the predator's mind produces grim pictures that play at our emotions... I guess there is nothing like a good old "poor me..!" energy juice flowing in the ether for the guys up there...

As it concerns what constitutes "normal", it is IMO just another case of the "mixing of tongues" as this word alone means something else in each person's mouth. Most people would call themselves "normal" if they were asked for once... So their most probable standard for what is considered "normal" is probably.... themselves again! Quite a catch, eh? So, go figure... :P
One of the most wonderful things in this forum is that we are coming to use one and the same "tongue" where words share a common meaning which provides for understanding, accuracy and objectivity. This is probalby the closest to true communication i have ever got. So, "long live the network" from me too!!! By the way, shouldn't we start a mate matching section too?

Thank you,
:)

 

[Annette1]

... I can hardly describe how I feel right now. I am completely overwhelmed. I feel... relieved, somehow. For the first time I really feel free, but it's fading already. Soon I will find out that its damn serious and still difficult and strange. I don't know how to adapt. It's confusing. I just can't handle it right now, Anart. I'd love to thank each of you in private, you deserve it, but I just don't know what to say. Can you believe that? It's beautiful.

Oh Floetus, I empathize, and I think the others will as well. I felt much the same when I first bumbled my way here. I experienced soaring highs and trench deep lows. The joy makes up for the pain and frustration. My simple analogy for it is like learning to ride a bicycle. At first you fall off, tumble off, wobble around a bit, suffer some bruises and scraped shins, but eventually you master the bicycle. Doesn't mean you won't hit a bump in the road and tumble off, but you get back on the bicycle and continue onward.

Maybe it's no big deal...

Oh yes, it is a big deal. Each and every one of us is in the sense that one by one we are adding up and seeking to regain the balance. As each of us works toward that goal, we all grow; the energy expands.

What can I say? My ego feels pretty vulnerable, now that I've revealed my innermost thoughts, ...

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. As Anart, Bud and Spyraal expressed earlier, it was refreshing to see such honesty and feeling. The great thing about the forum is that we are given the opportunity to learn from others’ experiences, thoughts and feelings on a variety of subjects. Most of all, I am happy for you and wish you well on your path.

 

[Menna]

Floetas - You said your ego feels pretty vulnerable. I’ve had that feeling many times. It almost feels like im FREE. It should make you realize that the ego is not you. I believe I said in a previous topic that during conversations I sometimes feel the need to build up my ego. I recognize what I have done and at this point my ego feels vulnerable because I have recognized it. This is a very odd feeling and I know the ego is not me it is something alien. Your ego most likely feels vulnerable because you were so honest and during times of honesty you realize your own ego and during that time the ego feels vulnerable because you are face to face to it. The ego needs food and just like something that needs food it needs to be fed over and over again. I think that’s why Facebook is so popular.

 

[istina]

Thank you Floetus and all participated in this!!!
As I was reading this - I was crying, like it was me involved. It was not the theme (being single) but it was about the dynamics, about the way how Floetus did it.
"So long live the network from me too!!!"

Anart, Bud, Paradigma, RyanX, Menna, Annette1, Kenlee, Ana, Bjorn, all of you :) I just don't find the right words. I don't know how to put it. What you have said, really means a great deal to me! I've never met such wise people! I can hardly describe how I feel right now. I am completely overwhelmed. I feel... relieved, somehow. For the first time I really feel free, but it's fading already. Soon I will find out that its damn serious and still difficult and strange. I don't know how to adapt. It's confusing. I just can't handle it right now, Anart. I'd love to thank each of you in private, you deserve it, but I just don't know what to say. Can you believe that? It's beautiful.


Maybe it's no big deal but right now I am far from it. This is new to me. I know, it's just the beginning. For a second or two I felt... now it's gone. I should have write it down. What a strange feeling. It's beautifully sad but also hopefull, eternal... , it reminds me of an ambient tune by Robert Rich: The Road To Wirikuta. This is my road!


What can I say? My ego feels pretty vulnerable, now that I've revealed my innermost thoughts, but I think here it is in good hands, finally. I am also glad that others might benefit from these posts, so it's not just about me. I don't dare saying it out loud, so I am whispering it: "long live the network"

 

[Oxajil]

Thank you Floetus and all participated in this!!!
As I was reading this - I was crying, like it was me involved. It was not the theme (being single) but it was about the dynamics, about the way how Floetus did it.
"So long live the network from me too!!!"

Anart, Bud, Paradigma, RyanX, Menna, Annette1, Kenlee, Ana, Bjorn, all of you :) I just don't find the right words. I don't know how to put it. What you have said, really means a great deal to me! I've never met such wise people! I can hardly describe how I feel right now. I am completely overwhelmed. I feel... relieved, somehow. For the first time I really feel free, but it's fading already. Soon I will find out that its damn serious and still difficult and strange. I don't know how to adapt. It's confusing. I just can't handle it right now, Anart. I'd love to thank each of you in private, you deserve it, but I just don't know what to say. Can you believe that? It's beautiful.


Maybe it's no big deal but right now I am far from it. This is new to me. I know, it's just the beginning. For a second or two I felt... now it's gone. I should have write it down. What a strange feeling. It's beautifully sad but also hopefull, eternal... , it reminds me of an ambient tune by Robert Rich: The Road To Wirikuta. This is my road!


What can I say? My ego feels pretty vulnerable, now that I've revealed my innermost thoughts, but I think here it is in good hands, finally. I am also glad that others might benefit from these posts, so it's not just about me. I don't dare saying it out loud, so I am whispering it: "long live the network"

I feel the same way! This place is where I feel safe and well, this is where one can get sincere support and objectivity.

Here is something interesting about the predator in all of us:

I want to appeal to your analytical mind. . Think for a moment, and tell me how you would explain the contradiction between the intelligence of man the engineer and the stupidity of his systems of beliefs, or the stupidity of his contradictory behavior.

Sorcerers believe that the predators have given us our systems of beliefs, our ideas of good and evil, our social mores. They are the ones who set up our hopes and expectations and dreams of success or failure. They have given us covetousness, greed, and cowardice. It is the predators who make us complacent, routinary, and egomaniacal." " […]

In order to keep us obedient and meek and weak, the predators engage themselves in a stupendous maneuver-stupendous, of course, from the point of view of a fighting strategist. A horrendous maneuver from the point of view of those who suffer it. They gave us their mind! Do you hear me? The predators give us their mind, which becomes our mind. The predators' mind is baroque, contradictory, morose, filled with the fear of being discovered any minute now. "I know that even though you have never suffered hunger, you have food anxiety, which is none other than the anxiety of the predator who fears that any moment now its maneuver is going to be uncovered and food is going to be denied. Through the mind, which, after all, is their mind, the predators inject into the lives of human beings whatever is convenient for them. And they ensure, in this manner, a degree of security to act as a buffer against their fear.

 

[bjorb]

[quote author=mabar]My mother being a teacher I supposed could not bare to have a child that just could not be proud of…[/quote]

I can relate to this, my parents especially my mother being disappointed in me. For example my brother is doing 3 studies at once. When I can barely hold on to my current one.
Than there is my family-line, which through history some of it’s members are/where quite respectable in certain academic fields.

It brings pressure. I know how it is, to never feel anything when accomplished something.

But that feeling of being a failure is our addiction into thinking that ego gives us a sense of identity, and in this case it’s us who are obsessed into trying to be accepted by those people who ‘love’ us. They see us as extension of there own. There ‘love’ is nothing more than something they reflect on there own specialness. They only see themselves nothing more.

Next to that, it’s a bloodline which for centuries is dominated by tragedy, power and bloodshed. You really want to be proud of that?


Love is heavily misunderstood. If we truly want to find ourselves. We must understand what love is.

Maybe these 2 quotes can help:

[quote author=C]"Love is Light is Knowledge. Love makes no sense when common definitions are used as they are in your environment. To love you must know. And to know is to have light. And to have light is to love. And to have knowledge is to love."[/quote]

[quote author=gurdjieff]"The chief means of happiness in this life is the ability to consider externally always, internally never." ~ G.I. Gurdjieff[/quote]