I've noticed a couple of things which struck me as share-worthy. . .
I decided to refresh myself with various books and materials used in these forums, and found myself swimming in Ouspensky's, "In Search of the Miraculous" for about a month. (This is my first time reading this particular volume, so for me, this book isn't a review at all but new ground.)
After a month, I am barely two thirds of the way through. I am not a particularly fast reader, but this is *extremely* slow going for me, and especially with such an easy to approach volume.
What stopped me was the whole notion of, "Remembering Yourself". --I discovered that I am fully capable of reading while asleep. A large portion of my mind runs off in countless different directions while my eyes track and (barely) process words. As the book calls direct attention to the process of self-forgetting and self-remembering, (which were concepts I didn't fully grasp, and still do not, to be honest), this weird facility of mine to read but not read a text came into sharp focus.
So I began to READ the book. --Every time I noticed myself drifting and that I'd not properly consumed the content of a sentence or paragraph, I'd go back and read it again until I was satisfied that I'd been as fully present as possible. The result is that I need to re-read practically every sentence in the book at least twice. It's not as frustrating as one might think, just really, really slow.
Two things started happening.
One was that I found certain thoughts would emerge in my mind, questions and theories, and even events in my life, which would within the next paragraph down the page be very directly responded to. It's sometimes like having a conversation. I've not experienced this before with any book. This, while quite interesting, is probably nothing more than finally being in proper tune.
The second thing is an observation which has to do with G's regular assertion that, "One cannot change anything!"
I didn't understand that. Surely change is possible. If I see an apple on a table and I wish to change that, I can choose to move the apple. Right?
But it comes down to defining words, as was made clear in the book. "Change" has a specific meaning in G's system. And while I intellectually was able to grasp what he meant, I didn't really get it. Until I started seeing the patterns.
Maybe this will be helpful for others. --Actually, I'd be curious to know if this is a phenomenon isolated to myself and the people in my immediate friend-group, or if it is part of something much larger.
I've noticed that many of the same significant events which are happening in my life now are repetitions of events and broad motions which happened back in 1994. Things I'm building, ideas I'm working with, passions igniting, plans unfolding. I'm even moving from my current living arrangement and into another, both of which are uncannily reminiscent of the places I moved from and to back in/around 1994.
The relationships are the same, and the challenges set up for me are the same, and the future appears to hold the same carnival ride. It all looks like I'm experiencing another iteration, (and have been for some time now) of the ride which I call my life.
--Of course, things are different. The entire landscape if one were to quickly look at it appears entirely new. But the deeper intentions and motivations, the *feelings* are very recognizable.
Curious about this, I've polled the people around me. "What were *you* doing back when I was building my studio?" (That's what I was doing in 1994.)
The answers were all astonishing. Two of my closest friends, (who may have met half a dozen times over the last decade and a half), were both going through the SAME relationship events. One is watching a woman he shares a deep love with, marry another man and move away, saying a final, heart-breaking good-bye. Back in 1994, he went through the same thing, the only difference being the woman, (though she was also Asian and essentially the same 'kind' of person in every other respect.) Only the window dressing of life has changed. All the REAL stuff is the same.
My other friend has just finished going through a difficult break-up with a woman he loved very much. He was stunned by the similarity of the event (and the woman) to that which had unfolded in 1994. In the case of both my friends, these relationships were very significant events, neither having experienced any relationship during the time between each event.
In each case, the recognition of stark similarities flowered outwards from the initial seeing of the pattern, in much the same way I am able to see myself passing all the same dozens of landmarks, they were amazed by just how similar the landscape they were passing is now to what it had been then. --Neither of these friends takes any interest in the kind of subject matter explored in this kind of forum, and often are so resistive that I don't talk much about it. There's little point. But this casual question sparked by my own fascination with pattern caused them to look at their lives and be quite overcome. --Which was not my goal. I've learned not to push my own interests onto others who have little or no desire for such ideas. (Bad consequences for all!)
Now, at the age I am, (38), and that of my two friends who are similarly aged, we have lived long enough to have gone through our respective 'patterns' at least once, (if it may be called that. I'm not sure if it is a set period of years or what), but it is very interesting to look forward and have some notion of what comes next. For my younger friends, who are still working through the first iteration of their own patterns, (and again, I am being very liberal with the word 'pattern' and how long it might take to work through if it even behaves that way), they do not see similarities to past events and 'choices' yet because it is still new terrain.
Anyway. . .
After thinking through this, the notion of "You cannot change anything!" really struck me and made sense for the first time in a very real way.
For example. . . One 'choice' I've had to face was again the same as one I dealt with years ago. It has three options. "A Lot, None, or In Between." --In this case, without getting into useless details, those three options are set and clear with no option of variance between the three, and each will have very powerful and different results. The first time through, (in 1995), I picked "In Between", and I lived with the consequences which were what they were.
Faced again with the same choice, something interesting happened. This time, I *recognize* the triple fork in the road as One Of Those Critical Junctures. --I see the pattern and know I am having to Groundhog Day the thing again.
Here's where it is further interesting. --Try as I might to Change something, I am finding a curious set of resistive forces in place. --Picking, 'None' is out of the question for very basic, foundational reasons. (I need tools to work). But picking 'A Lot', which is a somewhat realistic option, feels WRONG, like swimming against a very strong current towards something which makes my body react with sweating palms and a sick sort of feeling. My gut and my intellect repel the idea! (Perhaps this is the predator fighting me, but who knows?)
In any case, the middle option "In Between" remains frictionless and easy. And I know where it leads. Further, the world itself is exerting a force which also seems to guide me down the middle path. That's where the current is flowing.
Now, which option is the RIGHT one, I don't know. Each could hold its own in a debate very well, so it REALLY comes down to who I am as a person. I still have to go through with whatever I choose, so it's not a done deal yet, but that's not the point of my writing this. --The reason I'm writing is to share my take on why G might have said that it is impossible to change anything.
A curious part of all this. . .
I am not yet convinced that this is bad. Part of me is horrified by being stuck in a loop of sorts. But part of me is also elated. --Some things ARE different. For instance, I've decided to be much more kind and open to people and their needs. --Yes, I know this needs to be done with appropriate filters in place, but I don't want to be the same arrogant guy who went through this whole ride the first time. I basically don't want to be mean to people. --My friend who is saying good-bye to his lady-friend has decided something opposite, but similar; "I don't want to be such a push-over. I always put myself last and I got nothing done. I'm not going to do that again!"
(In our discussion, I realized that I thought the middle path might be the best for both of us. I don't want to be a push-over, but I wouldn't want to see my friend become a reckless and self-centered person; I'd seen the damage that can cause. I wonder, because we are such close friends, if this might not be some balancing action in the whole network of reality.)
In any case, I've already noticed that the coloration of the last couple of years as compared to those from the first time through have held a different character. The course remains the same, but how one experiences the ride, I think, might be very variable. Further, we both have much more experience and knowledge. I am reminded that the nature of reality is not so much a loop as it is a spiral. Perhaps one purpose of life is to experience all of God as fully as possible and our little performance within creation and the ability to hone it and make our way through it while learning as much from the experience as possible is the point. Or one of the points. I don't know. It will be fascinating to see how this all plays out. I'm going to see what it takes to CHANGE some events, and see what happens to balance out those changes as G says will be the result.
Okay.
That's all I have for now.
I've got to pack. I move house in a couple of days! Then more reading.
Cheers!
I decided to refresh myself with various books and materials used in these forums, and found myself swimming in Ouspensky's, "In Search of the Miraculous" for about a month. (This is my first time reading this particular volume, so for me, this book isn't a review at all but new ground.)
After a month, I am barely two thirds of the way through. I am not a particularly fast reader, but this is *extremely* slow going for me, and especially with such an easy to approach volume.
What stopped me was the whole notion of, "Remembering Yourself". --I discovered that I am fully capable of reading while asleep. A large portion of my mind runs off in countless different directions while my eyes track and (barely) process words. As the book calls direct attention to the process of self-forgetting and self-remembering, (which were concepts I didn't fully grasp, and still do not, to be honest), this weird facility of mine to read but not read a text came into sharp focus.
So I began to READ the book. --Every time I noticed myself drifting and that I'd not properly consumed the content of a sentence or paragraph, I'd go back and read it again until I was satisfied that I'd been as fully present as possible. The result is that I need to re-read practically every sentence in the book at least twice. It's not as frustrating as one might think, just really, really slow.
Two things started happening.
One was that I found certain thoughts would emerge in my mind, questions and theories, and even events in my life, which would within the next paragraph down the page be very directly responded to. It's sometimes like having a conversation. I've not experienced this before with any book. This, while quite interesting, is probably nothing more than finally being in proper tune.
The second thing is an observation which has to do with G's regular assertion that, "One cannot change anything!"
I didn't understand that. Surely change is possible. If I see an apple on a table and I wish to change that, I can choose to move the apple. Right?
But it comes down to defining words, as was made clear in the book. "Change" has a specific meaning in G's system. And while I intellectually was able to grasp what he meant, I didn't really get it. Until I started seeing the patterns.
Maybe this will be helpful for others. --Actually, I'd be curious to know if this is a phenomenon isolated to myself and the people in my immediate friend-group, or if it is part of something much larger.
I've noticed that many of the same significant events which are happening in my life now are repetitions of events and broad motions which happened back in 1994. Things I'm building, ideas I'm working with, passions igniting, plans unfolding. I'm even moving from my current living arrangement and into another, both of which are uncannily reminiscent of the places I moved from and to back in/around 1994.
The relationships are the same, and the challenges set up for me are the same, and the future appears to hold the same carnival ride. It all looks like I'm experiencing another iteration, (and have been for some time now) of the ride which I call my life.
--Of course, things are different. The entire landscape if one were to quickly look at it appears entirely new. But the deeper intentions and motivations, the *feelings* are very recognizable.
Curious about this, I've polled the people around me. "What were *you* doing back when I was building my studio?" (That's what I was doing in 1994.)
The answers were all astonishing. Two of my closest friends, (who may have met half a dozen times over the last decade and a half), were both going through the SAME relationship events. One is watching a woman he shares a deep love with, marry another man and move away, saying a final, heart-breaking good-bye. Back in 1994, he went through the same thing, the only difference being the woman, (though she was also Asian and essentially the same 'kind' of person in every other respect.) Only the window dressing of life has changed. All the REAL stuff is the same.
My other friend has just finished going through a difficult break-up with a woman he loved very much. He was stunned by the similarity of the event (and the woman) to that which had unfolded in 1994. In the case of both my friends, these relationships were very significant events, neither having experienced any relationship during the time between each event.
In each case, the recognition of stark similarities flowered outwards from the initial seeing of the pattern, in much the same way I am able to see myself passing all the same dozens of landmarks, they were amazed by just how similar the landscape they were passing is now to what it had been then. --Neither of these friends takes any interest in the kind of subject matter explored in this kind of forum, and often are so resistive that I don't talk much about it. There's little point. But this casual question sparked by my own fascination with pattern caused them to look at their lives and be quite overcome. --Which was not my goal. I've learned not to push my own interests onto others who have little or no desire for such ideas. (Bad consequences for all!)
Now, at the age I am, (38), and that of my two friends who are similarly aged, we have lived long enough to have gone through our respective 'patterns' at least once, (if it may be called that. I'm not sure if it is a set period of years or what), but it is very interesting to look forward and have some notion of what comes next. For my younger friends, who are still working through the first iteration of their own patterns, (and again, I am being very liberal with the word 'pattern' and how long it might take to work through if it even behaves that way), they do not see similarities to past events and 'choices' yet because it is still new terrain.
Anyway. . .
After thinking through this, the notion of "You cannot change anything!" really struck me and made sense for the first time in a very real way.
For example. . . One 'choice' I've had to face was again the same as one I dealt with years ago. It has three options. "A Lot, None, or In Between." --In this case, without getting into useless details, those three options are set and clear with no option of variance between the three, and each will have very powerful and different results. The first time through, (in 1995), I picked "In Between", and I lived with the consequences which were what they were.
Faced again with the same choice, something interesting happened. This time, I *recognize* the triple fork in the road as One Of Those Critical Junctures. --I see the pattern and know I am having to Groundhog Day the thing again.
Here's where it is further interesting. --Try as I might to Change something, I am finding a curious set of resistive forces in place. --Picking, 'None' is out of the question for very basic, foundational reasons. (I need tools to work). But picking 'A Lot', which is a somewhat realistic option, feels WRONG, like swimming against a very strong current towards something which makes my body react with sweating palms and a sick sort of feeling. My gut and my intellect repel the idea! (Perhaps this is the predator fighting me, but who knows?)
In any case, the middle option "In Between" remains frictionless and easy. And I know where it leads. Further, the world itself is exerting a force which also seems to guide me down the middle path. That's where the current is flowing.
Now, which option is the RIGHT one, I don't know. Each could hold its own in a debate very well, so it REALLY comes down to who I am as a person. I still have to go through with whatever I choose, so it's not a done deal yet, but that's not the point of my writing this. --The reason I'm writing is to share my take on why G might have said that it is impossible to change anything.
A curious part of all this. . .
I am not yet convinced that this is bad. Part of me is horrified by being stuck in a loop of sorts. But part of me is also elated. --Some things ARE different. For instance, I've decided to be much more kind and open to people and their needs. --Yes, I know this needs to be done with appropriate filters in place, but I don't want to be the same arrogant guy who went through this whole ride the first time. I basically don't want to be mean to people. --My friend who is saying good-bye to his lady-friend has decided something opposite, but similar; "I don't want to be such a push-over. I always put myself last and I got nothing done. I'm not going to do that again!"
(In our discussion, I realized that I thought the middle path might be the best for both of us. I don't want to be a push-over, but I wouldn't want to see my friend become a reckless and self-centered person; I'd seen the damage that can cause. I wonder, because we are such close friends, if this might not be some balancing action in the whole network of reality.)
In any case, I've already noticed that the coloration of the last couple of years as compared to those from the first time through have held a different character. The course remains the same, but how one experiences the ride, I think, might be very variable. Further, we both have much more experience and knowledge. I am reminded that the nature of reality is not so much a loop as it is a spiral. Perhaps one purpose of life is to experience all of God as fully as possible and our little performance within creation and the ability to hone it and make our way through it while learning as much from the experience as possible is the point. Or one of the points. I don't know. It will be fascinating to see how this all plays out. I'm going to see what it takes to CHANGE some events, and see what happens to balance out those changes as G says will be the result.
Okay.
That's all I have for now.
I've got to pack. I move house in a couple of days! Then more reading.
Cheers!
