Why I Can Not Celebrate July 4th

[Nawd]

Back in 1998, I had been going to my restaurant job for months. Nearly every morning at around 6am, I'd get a red light, so I'd look around being bored, waiting for the light to change. In those minutes, I noticed a white van delivering bread to Ruby Tuesdays, and would see the employees unloading the van. It was every morning, very predictable. I worked about a quarter of a mile from there.

On July 4th, 1998 - 6am in the morning....something was strange. There were no employees unloading the van, the passenger door was opened, instead of the back of the van. I looked at it and got a really strange feeling. It felt like something was wrong. But the light changed to green and I went on down the road.

I always get the feeling around July 4th, that I should have done something, instead I just ignored my inner feelings and figured everything was ok. It was not.

_http://missourideathrow.com/2008/12/Ringo-Earl/

It has been 15 years now, and I can't get over this, every July 4th, knowing that I was watching and wondering what was going on in my gut, while two good people were being murdered.

:(

 

[Gertrudes]

Dawn, I can imagine that this must be a very difficult memory to live with, particularly since you felt that something was wrong. However, had you gone investigate, perhaps you wouldn't be here today to tell the story?

 

[Hesper]

Back in 1998, I had been going to my restaurant job for months. Nearly every morning at around 6am, I'd get a red light, so I'd look around being bored, waiting for the light to change. In those minutes, I noticed a white van delivering bread to Ruby Tuesdays, and would see the employees unloading the van. It was every morning, very predictable. I worked about a quarter of a mile from there.

On July 4th, 1998 - 6am in the morning....something was strange. There were no employees unloading the van, the passenger door was opened, instead of the back of the van. I looked at it and got a really strange feeling. It felt like something was wrong. But the light changed to green and I went on down the road.

I always get the feeling around July 4th, that I should have done something, instead I just ignored my inner feelings and figured everything was ok. It was not.

_http://missourideathrow.com/2008/12/Ringo-Earl/

It has been 15 years now, and I can't get over this, every July 4th, knowing that I was watching and wondering what was going on in my gut, while two good people were being murdered.

:(

Dawn that's horrible! What an ugly, ugly situation. So close to death, so close to a predator stalking its prey, and you had no idea that it was going on.

Speaking directly to your head, I think it's apparent that there's nothing that you "could" have done. Of course your System 1 tells you that there are so many things you "could" have done. You "could" have called the police but what would you have said? That the passenger door on the van outside Ruby Tuesdays was open, instead of the back door? Or that you had a funny feeling while driving by the restaurant on your way to work? Or you could have gone to check yourself - and put yourself in extreme danger without the slightest idea that there was such a nasty thing waiting behind the door. None of those options would have provoked the proper response from the police to save the lives of those individuals.

Death is inevitable, and in the moments before death we are always vulnerable. The worst part in a situation like this is the tragic irony of "life as normal" turning into a shocking and horrific end. That vulnerability is frightening, and seeing it is a reminder that no matter what we do it can come out of nowhere. I hope that you are able to remember that, deep down, this was not your fault at all. Feeling a deep remorse for what happened is healthy, and I share your remorse - that sense that we will wait for our heart to tell us the truth behind this pain. But regret is not as healthy. Regret is like saying, "I wish I could change what happened that day". Of course we cannot change the past directly. But indirectly, by learning a deeper lesson from the event, you can change its meaning and capture the rare, sweet lesson that a departure from 3D to 5D can provide us here.

I think that lesson is partly captured in Gurdjieff's "Last Hour of Life" exercise. By sincerely tasting the reality that we can go at any minute, you are that much closer than so many others to understanding how important vigilance and virtuous preparation for a "journey home" truly are. And also, the more that we accept death, the less fear we have about it and the less power and control we seek to keep it at bay - we eagerly await the time when we can go "home" to share our experiences with our truest parents, talk about all the lessons, and enjoy the warmth beside the fire. By the time you drove by, perhaps those individuals were doing just that, sharing that remorse over all the things they wished they'd been able to do.

I hope this resonates with you Dawn.

Hugs

 

[Cyre2067]

Aww Dawn, I have to agree with Hesper and Gertrudes. You had no responsibility to behave any different than normal, and if you had stopped and poked around you may have ended up in 5D a bit early.

I think you experience can be taken as a strong lesson to keep vigilant for signs that things are out of place. To trust your instincts and if you sense danger or something odd on any level of awareness to get the heck out of there or avoid the situation. There may be another time in the future where your spider sense is tingling similar to how it did that morning, remember and trust it. Rarely do we have such powerful experiences without a good reason from above, imho.

 

[angelburst29]

Hi Dawn,

From my perspective, your awareness alerted you to something out of place. Within that moment, you sensed possible danger and a split second later, acted on a "green command" to proceed to your destination (you're job at the restaurant). The experience, along with the sudden option - choice to intervene or not and it's 'imprint" has haunted you.

Quote from: Dawn
"I always get the feeling around July 4th, that I should have done something, instead I just ignored my inner feelings and figured everything was ok. It was not."

Personally, I sense, "You did do something!" You chose "Life" and to continue on the Path, earmarked before Birth.

I have come across references, in occult and folklore literature, that suggests, several "check-out's or exit's" are inserted within our life blueprint, in the event we chose to terminate this incarnation.

From my own experiences, I feel there may be some truth in it. I can relate to two specific events and a possible third, as check-out-exit's, if I had chosen that option. I think, it's more of an "inner decision" than physical? To a degree, the imprints of those events, haunt me in memory. Each were life altering, in that, they made me more aware of the world around me and my part in it.

Dawn, it may be that the event haunts you, due to a possible "exit point" inserted in your Life Blueprint? With that thought, saying "you ignored your inner feelings" might not be the right concept? From your visual prospect, you were only aware that something didn't seem or feel right. It was only after the event that you became aware of what transpired.

It also seems symbolic that you didn't hesitate to go on the "green light" and the date signified independence? The C's have stated, "Nobody is a Nobody" and I think, we all contribute in our own way. You chose, to continue on the Path.

 

[Nawd]

Thanks to all of you! I have a bit to think on this time around (July 4th). Thank you again for all of your all's words.

The realization that I almost made an actual left turn that morning, to check things out, was a fleeting thought....but that was at the same time these two people were being killed. I think the worse part is that I would go on lunch breaks and met Joanna many times. I knew her. She was a trainee for a position as an assistant manager from the Jeff City branch. She was a sweet lovely person. I can almost feel what she must have felt trying to figure out the numbers of the safe under such stress, hoping beyond hope, that she would lay in her own bed that night again.

I've never in these past 15 years stepped foot inside of that restaurant again. Maybe I should now, maybe I can finally put this behind me.

So I know things went the way they went for a reason. I am glad I got a green light and avoided very likely early demise.

I guess the haunting comes from the fact that what I did was correct, and had I chose differently, indeed, I would likely not be here now.

It is indeed time to move on, and let a holiday be a holiday, instead of a reminder of a tragic event. OSIT

 

[3DStudent]

I could see myself feeling the same way in that situation, Dawn. It must have been hard to feel that way for all those years. But I agree with the others, that if you had done something, it could have been worse for you.

Good luck in celebrating the upcoming holiday. We can always celebrate them in our own ways. Take care.

 

[angelburst29]

From a 3D view point, it truly was a tragic event. The fact that Joanna was an acquaintance, makes the situation even more sensitive.

If there's any truth to the theory, that we often reincarnate with Group Souls, (those we have interacted with in previous lifetimes), there may be a connection between you and Joanna, on more than a physical level? Perhaps, she had accomplished what she had set out to do, Karma wise and it was her option to move on to a different plane ....... while you chose to remain, fulfilling your own commitment?

I don't think, time and space, breaks true connections of those who may hold a meaning to our life in significant ways? The energy is still there in an imprint, if only in memory.

Visiting the restaurant, even after 15 years, may bring closeur to the event? Mentally, acknowledging the friendship may cease the haunting feeling.

This situation reminds me of something my Cousin said to me before she died of Cancer .......
" See you on the flip-side and don't hurry - on my account!"

 

[stellar]

So I know things went the way they went for a reason. I am glad I got a green light and avoided very likely early demise.

Well I am certainly glad you are here with us today, learning and sharing.

Your post took me back 34 years when I missed a bus by making an unplanned visit to visit my grandmother who turned out not to be home on the day. The seat that I was allocated would have been a fatal end for me had I occupied it. Everyone seated in that rear half of the bus was killed afer it rolled down a ravine.

 

[Hesper]

The realization that I almost made an actual left turn that morning, to check things out, was a fleeting thought....but that was at the same time these two people were being killed. I think the worse part is that I would go on lunch breaks and met Joanna many times. I knew her. She was a trainee for a position as an assistant manager from the Jeff City branch. She was a sweet lovely person. I can almost feel what she must have felt trying to figure out the numbers of the safe under such stress, hoping beyond hope, that she would lay in her own bed that night again.

Thank you for sharing all of this, Dawn. Again, I am sorry, but I am also glad that you're opening up about it.

It is indeed time to move on, and let a holiday be a holiday, instead of a reminder of a tragic event. OSIT

I agree with you. There are so many other reasons to avoid celebrating July 4th. Let's not forget the deaths of all the other innocent people in the name of "freedom," many as sweet and loving as your friend. And yet there is always external consideration, and your individual circumstance. Perhaps it would be nice for you to simply enjoy the evening and "feel" together all of these impressions.

 

[Nawd]

So I know things went the way they went for a reason. I am glad I got a green light and avoided very likely early demise.

Well I am certainly glad you are here with us today, learning and sharing.

Your post took me back 34 years when I missed a bus by making an unplanned visit to visit my grandmother who turned out not to be home on the day. The seat that I was allocated would have been a fatal end for me had I occupied it. Everyone seated in that rear half of the bus was killed afer it rolled down a ravine.

Wow that is horrible!

I am happy you are here with us!

 

[l apprenti de forgeron]

So I know things went the way they went for a reason. I am glad I got a green light and avoided very likely early demise.

Well I am certainly glad you are here with us today, learning and sharing.

Your post took me back 34 years when I missed a bus by making an unplanned visit to visit my grandmother who turned out not to be home on the day. The seat that I was allocated would have been a fatal end for me had I occupied it. Everyone seated in that rear half of the bus was killed afer it rolled down a ravine.

Wow that is horrible!

I am happy you are here with us!

And I'm happy that the two of you are here! And same for all the people in this forum who want to share and awakening. Thank you Dawn and all for this post. It helps to assess the present (this "predator" and fast present, belongs to the "big end"= end/beginning of the Great Cycle). Everyone here must knows someone who died early, a person who appreciated life and wanting to be here right now more than anything in the world, with his loved ones and that Could not be. That possibly for individual lessons. This helps keep thinking.

 

[snuFaluFagus040]

Hi Dawn,

I too cannot celebrate the 4th of July for the exact same reasons as you. My name is Nick, and I worked at that Ruby Tuesday restaurant for a few years, including the morning my friend Joanna Baysinger was murdered. I worked the 6 a.m. shift, I was supposed to be there to help unload the truck, but I was late to work that rainy morning in Columbia, and so my life was spared.

I registered at this site tonight, because I was just thinking of Joanna, so I did a web search and found your post. I thought to myself that perhaps I could help you work through some of your feelings and maybe I could talk to you about some of mine. You see, I walked in the restaurant. The police were there, and there was even a coroner walking right past me on my way in, and nobody stopped me from going inside. I saw everything.

They took me in a car full of my fellow employees to the police station that morning, because we were murder suspects at that time, for all intents and purposes.

Anyways, its obviously something I'm still struggling with, and though I still hurt thinking about it a lot, I have moved on and maybe I can help you. I really hope to hear from you sometime, Dawn. But if not, I want you to at least know this:

There was nothing anybody could have done to stop what happened that morning. Absolutely nothing.

-Nick W

 

[obyvatel]

Hi snuFaluFagus040,
It must have been quite a traumatic experience for you.

[quote author=snuFaluFagus040]

I registered at this site tonight, because I was just thinking of Joanna, so I did a web search and found your post. I thought to myself that perhaps I could help you work through some of your feelings and maybe I could talk to you about some of mine.

[/quote]

It is understandable that you would want to process emotions related to the incident. However, for safety reasons, using the forum to get into personal contact with a stranger is discouraged.

Please feel free to read the forum guidelines to get an idea as to what is done here in this forum. We do discuss a wide variety of topics and that would include what you have brought up here but such discussions are done in a public group setting. If the forum activities seem interesting to you, please do head over to the newbies board and make an introductory post, which is something all new members are encouraged to do.

 

[snuFaluFagus040]

I didn't mean to cause any problems.

I was looking at this site on my phone, the TOU seemed pretty straight-forward, and I appreciate your privacy and safety concerns.

I registered to tell Dawn that there is no reason for her to feel guilty for anything that sad day, and that there's a lot more to the story. I respect this is not the forum for this, and I won't be posting or signing in again unless it's to retrieve a message.

All my apologies.

Nick