Let me explain Penny. She will be 31 next moth. Before she was born she had a stroke in vetro from what I've been told. She has epilepsy and her right had can't do much. Her mother told me that Penny has the mind of a 7 year old. I question this. In living with her for a period of time I have found her to be as manipulating as her mother. She is very cunning, can show an intelligence that she can hide well. She has learned to exaggerate her seizures to get impatient sympathy from her mother and to unnerve those that do not know her well. Her mother has a horrible habit of giving and doing what Penny wants to keep Penny from getting upset. This is were I differ from the others in that as much as I can I call her out on her rudeness and mean behavior towards me. I strive to remain calm and aware inside myself so I can think clearly and not feed the pediter.
When she decides that she is not GOING to get or do what she wants, the feeding frenzy begins. I have gone through I think three physical attacks and many verbal and psychological attacks. I cannot keep her from entering my room.She will only explode violently if I ask her to leave. I have found that pretending to lay on my bed for a nap will usually get her out. This past week my worker and I bought myself a heavy duty security rod that fits under the door knob.
The mother. She has informed me she will not do anything to protect me. Or stop her daughter. She told me ( after saying the rages were from hormone s and medication), that Penny has been doing this since she was two years old. That she would lock herself in the house bathroom to get away from her 5 year old daughter. That she constantly had bite marks all over her. I do not know why Penny was not institutionalized.
Her mom tells me that she knows that Penny can go into my bedroom and beat the crap out of me. When her mom found out about my security bar she just shrugged and said, " well, Penny is learning kick maneuver s in Taekwondo, so she will probably be able to kick your door in." I told her at least I would have time to call the police. I have recorded the conversation in her presence and over the phone. ( not for legal purposes but because I cannot write quickly enough to get it all on paper because of my eye sight. I go back later when I am alone and my worker and I get it on paper.
One cannot discuss anything with her. When she finds the conversation going uncomfortably, she swiftly changes the subject. One morning I found it amusing. She had said she had something important to discuss with me Than proceed ed to insult me and be incredibly rude going on about how much FAT I was eating. Some of you have been there and done that. After suggesting to her to simply refrain from watching me prepare my meal and several loud "that's just disgusting and that is so gross in a demeaning manner I Finley lost my patience with the matter and covered up my meal to spare her any further agony and to enable me to eat in peace.
I think I am one of the few people that said no to her or confronted her.
So. I have seen several patterns here.
#1. I was raised with a psychopathic stepfather. I have the one living brother who has psychopathic behavior. I have spoken at length about him.
#2 I seem to find these wonderfully nice people, in Mona's case she has her hands in almost a dozen town positions, from Chamber of Comm., Rotary, Charity events and many more functions. (She uses all these functions to actually begin crying and saying she does so much for everyone and she just can't do it anymore, when confronted with something really unpleasant. ) I seem to pick people who turn out like these two. I am sur ising there is a major lesson here?
Now, when I can I am reading Laura's book Through a glass darkly. I was going over the part where she realized that she needed to let her (ex) husband go and why.
I can theorize why I may be experiencing these types of situations. I obviously have something to learn here or I would not constantly be experiencing them. I understand that these two are STS oriented. I an striving to be STO oriented. I can allow that Mona and Penny are expressing their true nature. And only because of you Laura, and your work am I able to understand this. I have done what I can on my part to open up ways for Shay and I to get low income housing. I have spoken to Adult protective services, lawyers, social workers, legal aid, woman's shelters and disability advocates. The SYSTEM has effectively left someone in my situation without protection. With all the budget cuts and sensless conditional criteria for receiving help, I am left with a waiting game. I am going to purchase something like a LifeAlert that you wear around the neck. I can hide it in my cloths. Then if she does get a hold of my phone, in an emergency I can call 911. I will begin filing police reports. Writing things down, with dates and people.
So am I looking at this in a healthy way? Am I understanding things in a clear, honest way. Am I deceiving myself somewhere? I can't see the forest through the trees.
I hope I can get into a place soon. I think I am done with having room mates. For awhile anyway.
One other thing. Every other part of my life is wonderful. So many people, strangers come and approach me and we have delightful conversations. My lab work came out great. And than Mona is telling me I will never get out of the wheel chair, I will never walk again, I am going to lose all my sight, on and on. She can use those words as a personal bowel cleanser! I finely like who I am and appreciate the lessons put before me. Its a bitch right now, but just wait! :D
