I lived in a residential group for people with disabilities.
That's where I met him in 2006.
My ex was just a nice guy back then, (i will call my ex M.
We almost had a relationship there already.
He tried to kiss me once, at the beginning.
But I refused because I didn't know him well enough yet.
After a while, I really fell in love with him, and gathered all my courage, and said I loved him.
But then nothing happened.
(He explained to me later in our relationship that he was completely dazed by the medication, and no longer knew what was left or right.)
But the residents there were treated like a piece of shit.
Me and M, too.
Both my parents and M parents wouldn't believe us, that we were treated so badly, and wanted to get out of there.
So we were stuck there.
The counsellors had to do what they were told to do from higher up.
There were some good counsellors who left because they didn't agree with how to treat the residents from higher up.
Some of the good counsellors were bullied away.
And the majority of the counsellors did what they were told to do from higher up.
There was also a client council, where we had some say for ourselves (which was an illusion afterwards)
A new team leader had to be appointed, and the client council also had a say in this.
M was the head of the client council, I was on it too.
A good counseller was elected new team leader, (i will call him R)
And R was fired shortly after.
R started his own residential group.
But of course you can always only start small.
There was also a client who was always eavesdropping on the door of the office, because it was adjacent to the kitchen of the house.
There was a door from the office to our kitchen.
And that person always knew everything that was going around.
He told me that R had started his own residential group.
So I contacted R.
And that's how I got rid of that bad residential group and went to R.
There was one other client with R, i will call him V.
I don't know if R chose V, or if that V went to him, like I did.
But I suspect that R took V away from there (which was a very bad choice afterwards, but that's another story)
So i was "lets say"saved from that horrible environment i was for approximately one and a half years.
But M was still stuck there for years.
R had arranged a temporary home for me, with 2 Polish girls.
Workaholics, but very nice girls.
I lived there for about a year, maybe a year and a half, something like that.
This was a few blocks away from the residential group.
After that i moved to an apartment in another village, but fairly close to the residential group.
M and I still had occasional contact.
But I soon realised that all the effort for contact was coming from me.
Both on whats app, and visits.
If M came to me, he was there for 5 minutes at most, and was gone again.
And if I went to M, I'd sit there for hours.
So I stopped contacting M.
Then R was killed by V, that was in 2010.
And me and M were very fond of R, so we got in contact again.
But that contact also faded, after the cremation, and everything about that terrible event was over.
Then we came in contact again through facebook.
And I assumed that he was still that nice boy I had known for a long time.
And one thing led to another, and the relationship went very quickly.
I also found out in the relationship that he had been on medication since childhood.
That he was sent to a boarding school by his parents, and all other terrible things that will mess you up deeply.
And that residential group was the last drop that flooded the bucket to turn in to a narcissist.