Women Who Love Psychopaths

I've been rereading this thread after many months and find I am seeing things very differently from the first time. I have focused on the childhood wounding and how it has affected me and particularly how I react/respond to others. It is more painful to look honestly at how I have wounded others in my relationships with them. I've been learning about self-compassion and it is giving me the strength and objectivity to be honest about just how much the predator in me feeds. I was the scapegoat of the family and was fed upon by everyone. But I also learned how to feed on others by not honouring their boundaries, manipulating to get something back, giving without being asked and then being angry and resentful when the result was feeling used.

It is freeing to start to e see the part I have played in my own dramas but I think the difference I am experiencing, I realize as I write this, is that I feel the pain of hurting others, rather than the shame programming that locked it up inside. It's wonderful to be able to see the predator/programs running, to see them for the programs they are, take responsibility for my life, without blame and ask who I am underneath all of these programs. Understanding that this dynamic has been carried on throughout my life out of ignorance and now I have choice, each moment, is SUCH a relief! Learning really IS fun!

Thank you again for this thread, the forum and the information so readily available.
 
Greetings! I am new, it appears I may have missed out on the topic by Sandra L. Brown, MA and Dr. Liane Leedom, MD on Women Who Love Psychopaths. I don't know how to contact them or if they are even doing a study still. I would like to participate.
 
Hi misscharly,

The book is discussed here. I've merged your post to that topic.

Welcome to the forum. :) We recommend all new members to post an introduction in the Newbies section telling us a bit about themselves, and how they found their way here. Have a read through that section to get an idea of how others have done it. Thanks.
 
I scored 26 on the "http://saferelationships.com/dangerous-man-quiz.htm" Which has been a real eye-opener! Glad I can put a pattern to my past mistakes!

My most "at least" was.. At least they know what they done wrong.. Maybe I'm just too forgiving! (Could have been a selfish trait to keep them too.. mm)

Very useful post!
 
I know this is an old thread but being new to the forum, this is a topic which in the last few years has caught my attention through personal experience.

A close childhood friend of mine, who I eventually became housemates with for two years exhibits many signs of male psychopathy;extreme charisma, great talker, speaks to women's emotions etc. He had a girlfriend while we lived together and the relationship started unhealthily, he was cheating with that women for a year on his previous girlfriend. The drama in the relationship was very scary, I thought he was going to either end up killing himself or her, he goes through bouts of extreme depression. Basically a year into the relationship he was sleeping with about 7 different women on rotation every fortnight behind her back. He dumped her suddenly giving no reason and she would cry publicly on campus, in the library etc. But they would always make up, the longer the relationships went on the more abusive it became but she insisted this was the love of her life. He asked for my advice, I told him either separate from her completely or carry on the relationship but apologise, and tell her everything you have done behind her back so you don't begin the relationship with a full closet of lies and betrayal. He had her and other attractive smart women wrapped around his finger, although he would verbally abuse them once he had charmed them. He was lazy, slept half the day, unhygienic, misanthropic(hates people despite his charm) but undeniably charismatic. We had become close through playing sports together in school and he opened up to me about his alcoholic parents.

One of the key aspects of self development I think is to get past formatory dualistic thinking, so I am wondering what makes people attracted to someone who clearly is unhealthy in himself and towards others.

Unfortunately, I have seen this dynamic between my parents. My dad has several children with multiple women and has physically abused all of them. My earliest memory in life is my dad beating my mother then picking up my little bike, which he is about to throw at her as she is helpless on the floor. But it took a decade before a strong community of friends were able to help my mother leave him for good. My Dad shared the same characteristics as my friend he could manipulate people to his will.

Why is this so common? and what can a regular guy learn? I have never been in a relationship but have no observation or experience of how to conduct myself as a man. I have been surrounded by pretty horrifying examples of abuse and psychopathy in my immediate environment from the outset of life.
 
I guess the first step would be to get and read Sandra Brown's book, the title of this thread. And while reading it, realize that it doesn't just go one way. We do have a thread on female psychopaths, too.
 
Pierre said:
20 seconds video summary of Mickaila Peterson about the "evil" traits that are attractive to women:

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So an extrovert who ‘seems’ to be agreeable and who is able to read someone in order to align their behavior on what the other wants out of an individual, as well as the ability to bring in a lot of money to the table. Women would see this man as a ‘nice guy’ who ‘knows what the world is really like’ (in her estimation of the world) and he has money. He likes to have fun and he’s very attentive to her needs – that is until the manipulation begins. It will start as only a little push here and there – “Honey, I think you look better in blue instead of red.”; “I know you believe that sushi is really good but I think it stinks, so let’s not eat it anymore.”; “Your brother is really a jerk, I think you shouldn’t hang out with him anymore.”

Even though the woman may think she looks good in red, doesn’t want to give up eating sushi, and really loves her brother, she may do as pushed because she doesn’t want to give up this ‘great guy’ who spends a lot of money on her and gives her so much attention. From there it just goes downhill over a period of time until he dictates everything in her life. (Note: this can be a female doing this to a male as well). Just my thoughts…
 
sandrabrownma said:
Hi Laura--Haven't been on here for YEARS but was tickled to see a whole thread about the book. Am glad it instituted deep dialogue and perhaps was helpful in some way to others.
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It was definitely helpful for me! Thanks for the hard work and writing and research. I've shared your material with a number of people who were also similarly helped by your insights.
 
sandrabrownma said:
Hi Laura--Haven't been on here for YEARS but was tickled to see a whole thread about the book. Am glad it instituted deep dialogue and perhaps was helpful in some way to others.
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Hi Sandra, your books are very valuable. The first book from the recommended books list that I had my junior high daughter read was How To Spot A Dangerous Man, and I had my wife read it too. My youngest 2 children will also read it before high school. I hope to see you around the forum more, and hope there is something here at the forum that is valuable to you too.
 
hlat said:
Hi Sandra, your books are very valuable. The first book from the recommended books list that I had my junior high daughter read was How To Spot A Dangerous Man, and I had my wife read it too. My youngest 2 children will also read it before high school. I hope to see you around the forum more, and hope there is something here at the forum that is valuable to you too.
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@sandrabrownma I agree. Both my daughters received copies of 'Danger Man' in their late teens. They kind of squirmed at the time, and I don't even know for sure if they read it, but I felt better to know that the information was available to them. You've done a great service for the women of the world.
 
sandrabrownma said:
Hi Laura--Haven't been on here for YEARS but was tickled to see a whole thread about the book. Am glad it instituted deep dialogue and perhaps was helpful in some way to others.
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I would like to extend my gratitude as well. Thank you for your gifts to the world.

hlat said:
Hi Sandra, your books are very valuable. The first book from the recommended books list that I had my junior high daughter read was How To Spot A Dangerous Man, and I had my wife read it too. My youngest 2 children will also read it before high school. I hope to see you around the forum more, and hope there is something here at the forum that is valuable to you too.
Click to expand...

herondancer said:
@sandrabrownma I agree. Both my daughters received copies of 'Danger Man' in their late teens. They kind of squirmed at the time, and I don't even know for sure if they read it, but I felt better to know that the information was available to them. You've done a great service for the women of the world.
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Also in agreement. This was a timely reminder, for once my significant other finishes her current reading I’m going to suggest one of Sandra’s books to her. She’s currently in the process of becoming more aware of her past traumas and working through the motions to heal from her experiences that have scarred her from previous relationships. She’s doing a wonderful job, and I believe this will be more than helpful for her through that process.

When the time is right, my daughters will also be introduced to this work. We have to aspire to protect these babies to the best of our abilities, and this is an excellent way to arm them.
 
herondancer said:
You've done a great service for the women of the world.
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Indeed you have! I have recommended your books to quite a few women. And, those who come here to the forum with problems of this sort are also recommended to read your books. I think you have made it possible for so many women to understand what is going on in their relationships and to get out of them and begin to have a healthier life. In short, you are a savior.
 
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