Wronged by someone else and taking it out on myself.

[Buddy]

Hi Pete. Just wanted to chime in with my support.

I agree with all replies on this thread because I believe property rights to be a corollary to individual rights (to life) and that these rights exist because of the responsibility one has to sustain a self who wants to live. One may even sense that his/her property is an extension of the self in a very real way. As a result, whenever someone violates your property, they have also violated your person - also in a very real way.

Cheers :)

 

[SeekinTruth]

Well Pete, I can join you in this pit today as I discovered that my car was broken into last night. Apparently there have been numerous break-ins in my neighbourhood of late. Thanks to your opening this thread and Laura's input on the validation of feeling violated, I realised that that is exactly how I feel about it.

My initial shock gave way to using humour to pretend that I was ok about it, then saying "well, at least they didn't take much" (in fact, all they took was the spare tyre in the trunk ) Most of the energy the shock released went into 4 hours of organising for the glass to be replaced and filing a report with the police. Only then did I discover that my insurance wouldn't cover it. And only then did I realise that a better option had existed from the outset for dealing with this, but which I overlooked in my traumatised state.

Then I got mad at myself for 'writing off my day', that I could and should have dealt with this better had I 'just stayed inwardly calm'. But how retarded is that line of thinking?! How can I remain inwardly calm when I actually feel violated to my core?!

Accepting and feeling this, I realised it would have to be processed somehow before it became any more toxic. And especially as I was receiving a visit from my parents shortly afterwards. So I went onto the roof of my apartment building, from where I have a 360 view of the neighbourhood, and blasted several rounds of Warrior's Breath out so loud that it echoed back off the buildings.

It helped, although I'm wondering now about the symbolism of this break-in. Is there danger nearby? Well, maybe that's an obvious question. But I mean in direct terms, as in danger entering my life. Perhaps it's more appropriate to ask, are there gaps in my awareness I need to bridge? Is there something in particular I'm not willing to see or pay attention to?

I think so. Anyway, I just wanted to share some of my observations from a similar experience.

Sorry to hear about your car break-in, Kniall. Hope you're able to process the emotions. Doing some extra pipe breathing and EE will probably go a long way.

 

[pete02]

Accepting and feeling this, I realised it would have to be processed somehow before it became any more toxic. And especially as I was receiving a visit from my parents shortly afterwards. So I went onto the roof of my apartment building, from where I have a 360 view of the neighbourhood, and blasted several rounds of Warrior's Breath out so loud that it echoed back off the buildings.

It helped, although I'm wondering now about the symbolism of this break-in. Is there danger nearby? Well, maybe that's an obvious question. But I mean in direct terms, as in danger entering my life. Perhaps it's more appropriate to ask, are there gaps in my awareness I need to bridge? Is there something in particular I'm not willing to see or pay attention to?

I think so. Anyway, I just wanted to share some of my observations from a similar experience.

Sorry to hear about your incident Kniall. I'm glad you chimed in though because I was starting to feel like I might be the only one doing the work that still suppressed emotions knowing I shouldn't. Just another reason for me to beat myself up and I know I shouldn't because I know darn well I'm not the only one. The EE has helped tremendously with processing it though. I feel better each time I do it. Makes me think I should be doing the full program more than I do. I think the awareness part was the purpose of this whole thing because I have started to look at my life in general and see that I take many things for granted that I shouldn't. I need to open my eyes more and realize that I am no more special than the next person and start to live a little more carefully. I definitely think this was a wake up call from the universe and I'm glad it was only something as insignificant as a cell phone.

On the lighter side something in me has also changed for the better. I don't know if it has to do with the awareness factor, EE, or maybe just the paleo diet kicking in but my concentration has been much better this week. Usually the last four hours or so of my shift I try to get some reading in and most of the time end up dozing off. It was really annoying having to read three or four pages and then walk outside to wake myself up but this week in just two nights I went though just over a hundred pages of PBPM taking notes and being able to focus the whole time. And that is a lot for me because I do tend to get interrupted quite frequently at work. I'm hoping this is a permanent change in my body because I still have a lot of reading to get under my belt and it feels great.

Hi Pete. Just wanted to chime in with my support.

I agree with all replies on this thread because I believe property rights to be a corollary to individual rights (to life) and that these rights exist because of the responsibility one has to sustain a self who wants to live. One may even sense that his/her property is an extension of the self in a very real way. As a result, whenever someone violates your property, they have also violated your person - also in a very real way.

Cheers :)

Thanks Bud. I know you guys are right because when I was younger and something like this happened to me I would get very upset and angry and it would all come out but somewhere along the lines something in me changed and not for the better. I think this is why EE helps me so much because quite often when I do it it feels like its bringing me back to my youth for some reason if that makes any sense. Maybe almost returning me to the boy I was before all the programming and conditioning set in. You know I've thought about this time and again and I know for sure that if I had caught this woman red handed I would've been furious and that anger all would've come out, but being that I realized it after the fact I felt that there was no one to be angry with other than myself for letting it happen and that's why I reacted the way I did. I made sense of it with my own mind and that's why it didn't work.

 

[Keit]

It helped, although I'm wondering now about the symbolism of this break-in. Is there danger nearby? Well, maybe that's an obvious question. But I mean in direct terms, as in danger entering my life. Perhaps it's more appropriate to ask, are there gaps in my awareness I need to bridge? Is there something in particular I'm not willing to see or pay attention to?

I think so. Anyway, I just wanted to share some of my observations from a similar experience.

I think I better share about my recent somewhat traumatic experience as well, especially since it could carry a symbolic message too. Several days ago I went to sleep just to be woken by an incredibly loud and strong banging on the door. It was so loud, I thought that the door would smash any second. I was pretty disoriented and it took me several seconds to realize what was going on. Thought that maybe it was a check up or something, but then it was already 1:20 am. After several seconds it stopped and I heard a male voice talking indistinguishably, then it downed on me that these were probably drunk students looking for some female attention, my roommate attention to be exact. She wasn't in the room at that time and still at work (she works as a waitress).

I was pretty shaken and very thankful that the door was strong enough. In the morning talked to the girls next door about it. They heard the noise and obviously were too afraid to open the door and see who it was, but one of them said that earlier that day they saw a guy in the building that was expelled from the dorm and now lived in the city. And that it was probably him. Later talked to the superintendent and she confirmed that saw the same guy leaving the building in the morning. But beside maybe preventing him from entering next time there is not much they could do.

My roommate also figured out that it was him, and when she saw the guy the next morning, she told him that he scared the hell out of everyone and that he shouldn't do it. She told me that every-time he gets drunk, he remembers about her and tried to get some. But when I pointed out that it isn't healthy behavior by far and that if the door was open it could turn criminal, she just dismissed it and said that he would never do anything really violent. Well, obviously, that isn't so. But apparently it isn't unusual either. Even superintendent wasn't too surprised and just told me to call the reception immediately when something like this happens. Basically, that's the reality of students culture that some of them get heavily drunk every weekend. Girls just make sure to keep the doors locked. At least it doesn't happen often. The next day I was very angry, and it turned out as not one of the best days, but it's ok now.

Violations like this, either theft and breaking in, in my opinion, shouldn't be dismissed or thought of as nothing much. There is a full justification to feel angry and furious. But to be honest, I also found myself trying to move beyond it and thinking that maybe it happened due to my own gap in awareness, or maybe I am overreacting since other girls didn't see it as such a big deal (or said that there is not much to do about it anyway). The fact is, it is a big deal. But since it's not unusual in this culture, they became desensitized to the pathology.

 

[Z...]

Hi Keith I don't think you are over reacting, your personal space has been violated and you were scared. It can be terrible strain on the nerves if our sleeping quarters or personal space doesn't feel safe,
From what you described about your roommate I got the feeling this may repeat.
Is there any chance you can change your roommate? Even the fact that she works very late cannot be healthy for your sleeping patterns.

I wouldn't hesitate for a moment to try and find other roommate but I am aware this may be extremely difficult

 

[SeekinTruth]

Hi Keit. Sorry to hear about your traumatic experience, as well. I agree with Herr Eisenheim and if it's at all possible, it may be best to look for a new roommate arrangement. Best of luck and use pipe breathing and EE as often as needed to process the emotions and reduce the stress. :)

 

[Keit]

Hi Keith I don't think you are over reacting, your personal space has been violated and you were scared. It can be terrible strain on the nerves if our sleeping quarters or personal space doesn't feel safe,
From what you described about your roommate I got the feeling this may repeat.
Is there any chance you can change your roommate? Even the fact that she works very late cannot be healthy for your sleeping patterns.

I wouldn't hesitate for a moment to try and find other roommate but I am aware this may be extremely difficult

Well, actually my roommate is pretty ok, especially in comparison to other girls I had an opportunity to observe. She is hardworking and responsible, and is not the one to hang out with guys (also has a boyfriend). She is good looking so guys gravitate toward her, and she obviously likes the attention. I think it's more a matter of general apathy and acceptance girls here developed toward pathology. She is also wounded, and it is reflected in the choice of men she goes out with (at least according to what she shared with me).

Besides, since I am a "foreigner" (meaning, paying student), prior to assigning me to a room, "International Student Affairs Commission" tried to look for the best option and asked the superintendent about the best choice. So that's basically the best choice. And it's pretty much ok with no complains. As for sleeping, I am indeed not sleeping well or enough, but that's combination of factors and not something new. She started working only recently and only after the government canceled her "pension rights" (she is an orphan and is entitled to governmental support).

I know it may sound as excuses, and I am grateful for the concern (or aware of the danger due to possible gaps in the awareness), but from what I saw, the room and the person I am currently with are better choice than many others.

edit: grammar

 

[Ca.]

Sorry to hear that this activity, can at time's, extend it tentacles to catch forum members off guard. Tends have it's roots attached to maintaining vigilance, and awareness, that when it is at a low, can manifest it's heighten state, that becomes what seems to be more active.

While on return trip to the states, i was just about to clear this last stage of the trip finally moving through customs, and the airport scene. It is a grueling 12 hour flight with very little sleep, up to this point up for almost 25 hours, and with terrible meals. This condition can make one prone to movement's of 4th density STS, if ones guard is down. Which mine was deteriorating.

As i was nearing the exist stage of custom's, all of a sudden i was directed what appeared by chance, ( but i was aware of the idea of supposed thoughts "by chance", the trap and that way of thinking, may lay in wait ) to the lieutenant of the shift. He immediately told me to open my bags, and asked what was my business was in Europe. Now i had to think ( you know do have time for cup of coffee, and about and hour to hear the truth ) about the question as like he was implying something. He then said "you think about it" as if i was going to make something up, and began rifling through the luggage looking for the red hearing i guess. But it was the attitude, and rudeness that began to effect me. Like he was having a bad hair day, i was going to have pay for that.

I was very tried, ( i mean slap happy tired), and knew that I was very vulnerable by my thoughts, and choose, to keep a low profile. Pathology, like Keit said, just let it go, aka freewill, was the thought i had, of what this really represents. A possible moment in time, when something said under duress can be magnified, in this surrounding, i am in, that could lead to something it is not. Conquest, capture, and destruction, to quote the C's.

So i wanted to stay on guard to my condition that may prevent me from leaving the airport confines, and of customs.

This interrogation only lasted perhaps five minutes, but was a set of fast questions, like maybe to try to trip me into saying something that may lead me into harms way. So it told him what he did not want to hear, the truth. When became evident that he was not going to find anything that represent what he was looking for, he kind of mentally threw his hands up, and walked way. I just kind of collected, and resembled the luggage, and stared at his back side wanting to say how i felt about his attitude, and treatment of me. But i just came see that i was free to leave now, and anything said in haste may come back to bite me.

So as he walked away, i said in very composed, and controlled voice "have a great day" a just stared at him as he was walking away, for what seemed like 5 seconds or less. It was like i was in a daze. When i came out of the daze, i finished repacking the bag, sedately, and quietly escaped the confines of the mentality of this environment, i was in.

I was glad that i did what i did, as to play his game of hide go seek, catch you, (catch me me doing what ............?) if i can.

It took a lot of concentration, aka mental blocking, and will power not to over react to the Pathology, self induced, or manipulated.

 

[truth seeker]

My roommate also figured out that it was him, and when she saw the guy the next morning, she told him that he scared the hell out of everyone and that he shouldn't do it. She told me that every-time he gets drunk, he remembers about her and tried to get some. But when I pointed out that it isn't healthy behavior by far and that if the door was open it could turn criminal, she just dismissed it and said that he would never do anything really violent. Well, obviously, that isn't so. But apparently it isn't unusual either. Even superintendent wasn't too surprised and just told me to call the reception immediately when something like this happens. Basically, that's the reality of students culture that some of them get heavily drunk every weekend. Girls just make sure to keep the doors locked. At least it doesn't happen often. The next day I was very angry, and it turned out as not one of the best days, but it's ok now.

Sorry, but are you implying rape in that sentence?

Perhaps I'm being overly cautious but based on what you've written about your roommate, I do think she's being dismissive as you said. Perhaps on some level, she even enjoys the attention she gets from these situations.

Also, while she may be a more serious student than others, I find it difficult to believe that she's the only one there who's like that but it's difficult for me to say because of the ponerized nature of people in general. Did the student affairs commission say what factors constitute her being the 'best' choice? If people are normalizing such behavior, would they even know what a 'best' choice looks like? I realize you're new and may not want to make waves but I too think you should continue looking for a new roommate - especially since it's still relatively early in the year.

Added: Kniall, them taking the spare tire is interesting. If there is any symbolism, maybe it relates to what the spare tire is used for - emergencies. Perhaps it relates to not having enough backup resources? Not thinking of any one thing in particular, just food for thought.

 

[Mrs.Tigersoap]

I'm sorry to read about your misadventures, Pete and Kniall.
As you both realized on your own, it's important to stay with that first feeling of being violated in order to process it. When we were mugged years ago, I actually threw up when we came back home. I may be way off, but you two should not feel ashamed whatsoever to be "attached" to something material (don't know if 'attached' is the right word when it comes to a tyre - it's clearer with a phone - but you know what I mean).

Then I got mad at myself for 'writing off my day', that I could and should have dealt with this better had I 'just stayed inwardly calm'. But how retarded is that line of thinking?! How can I remain inwardly calm when I actually feel violated to my core?!

Accepting and feeling this, I realised it would have to be processed somehow before it became any more toxic. And especially as I was receiving a visit from my parents shortly afterwards.

Kniall, since Truth Seeker was talking about the symbolism of this theft, could this sense of being violated have something to do, at some level, with your parents' visit? That's the first thing that came to my mind when I read your account, so I thought I would mention it.

 

[Keit]

Sorry, but are you implying rape in that sentence?

That what I was implying when talked with her about him. I told her that it was good that the door was closed, otherwise who knows what he could do in this state, including rape. She said that first of all, if she was in the room, she also wouldn't open the door, and second that she doesn't think he would go as far as raping or anything like this. According to her it could all be resolved by screaming at him and kicking him out of the door.

Perhaps I'm being overly cautious but based on what you've written about your roommate, I do think she's being dismissive as you said. Perhaps on some level, she even enjoys the attention she gets from these situations.

Yes, it is quite possible.

Also, while she may be a more serious student than others, I find it difficult to believe that she's the only one there who's like that but it's difficult for me to say because of the ponerized nature of people in general. Did the student affairs commission say what factors constitute her being the 'best' choice? If people are normalizing such behavior, would they even know what a 'best' choice looks like? I realize you're new and may not want to make waves but I too think you should continue looking for a new roommate - especially since it's still relatively early in the year.

Well, the factors are that she is a good student, "block warden" (we live in "blocks" of two rooms and she has the responsibility that all the cleaning and organizing duties are carried out) and has no problematic record in general.

The problem with looking for another roommate is indeed the fact that I am personally reluctant to do it due to not wanting to make waves. I have no support system here and already started building relations with the girls from the block (that helped me on various occasions), and still have 5 years to go. So in my thinking (subjective and skewed as it is), unless another incident like this or similar occurs, I have no explanation to give without causing "hard feelings" or creating drama.

There is also the issue of dormitories being full. Before being assigned to the double room, I asked to be alone. They said that there is an overload (also due to periodic arrival of externals and others who come to receive extra qualification) and they put foreigners only in doubles, and at that time there were only two double rooms left. The rest are with 4 people in the room, which isn't optimal.

But I'll inquire about that and see what the answer will be. Maybe there is a better solution. Best not to close myself off to other possibilities.

 

[anart]

But I'll inquire about that and see what the answer will be. Maybe there is a better solution. Best not to close myself off to other possibilities.

It sounds to me like you're in as fine a place as any. I also think that you have a better take on it than anyone here since you are there and know the lay of the land better, so there's no need to make more of this than is there. Just keep your usual vigilance up and continue building relationships as you are - my take at least.

 

[Gwenllian]

Thanks Pete, Kniall and Keit, for sharing your experiences.

Pete, your account made me question my own reactions.

Our house was broken into a couple of weeks ago and I haven't felt angry, either. I discovered it only after my partner and son had returned. My son had not closed his window properly and as the wind was very strong the nights that they were away the window had been blown open. Somebody must have climbed onto the roof and entered my son's room. The doors of the cupboards were opened and a screen of an old notebook that my son had disassembled was missing.
Also, we found out later that somebody had been in our garden and taken away more stuff. I did hear lots of noise going on during the nights that we were on our own (I was at home with my youngest child), noise that I could not link to the normal sounds of storm and which had woken me up. I got up twice and switched on a light, just in case somebody was there. I slept badly for two nights, which makes me think people were out there two nights in a row. I did not want to take the risk of bumping into somebody, so I stayed downstairs and did not go outside to check. The lights must have scared them off, because they did not come down the stairs. I would have known straight away, had they opened the door of my son's room.

The weird thing was that I had had some premonition, because I checked the windows upstairs, except the one that would blow open later, as it seemed closed. Our next-door neighbours live about one hundred metres and more from our house, so I have been aware of the fact that we are more isolated here as in the city. Also, I was under the impression that we were being observed.

I am now wondering whether I was suppressing my feelings or whether I was in fight mode. Although I felt scared I did get up and switched on a light and I was fairly clear-headed and very alert. (We have a dog and she slept through it all! You should hear her during the day, all she does is bark, but not at night.) Afterwards, I wasn't furious, but I felt pain, I think.

I spoke to several people about the break-in, including my next-door neighbour, who also experienced some trauma. The door of his shed had been left ajar and two of his cats are still missing. He has looked everywhere, but cannot find them, not even dead or run over. The other person told me that stuff was taken out of his car (he had not locked it) and a neighbour of his had reported that her garden furniture had been stolen. We live in the country and although stuff happens this is quite unusual.

So, thanks again, Pete, for talking about your experiences in Spain and not hiding them, but talking about them out in the open.

 

[Gertrudes]

Pete, I just caught up with your thread and wanted to thank you, and all others who have shared similar events. It has really helped me put similar personal events into perspective.

Somewhat similarly to you Pete, I have mostly tried to rationalize these events thinking that I was showing signs of being materially attached to something. But:

Violations like this, either theft and breaking in, in my opinion, shouldn't be dismissed or thought of as nothing much. There is a full justification to feel angry and furious. But to be honest, I also found myself trying to move beyond it and thinking that maybe it happened due to my own gap in awareness, or maybe I am overreacting since other girls didn't see it as such a big deal (or said that there is not much to do about it anyway). The fact is, it is a big deal. But since it's not unusual in this culture, they became desensitized to the pathology.

And I think the above is pretty much a great part of the problem, we learn to think of these thinks as normal, instead of feeling what our instincts are telling us.

One of the the most blatant cases of being mugged/broken into happened to me a couple of years ago when someone broke into my house, whilst I was inside. I was in the toilet, and I think that whoever came in thought that there was no one home. I was scared to death and the only thing I could do was to lock the door as silently as I could. I took me a good couple of hours after all noises had finished to finally open the door and leave the toilet.
Now what made it worse was how my family and friends made fun in a sort of seemingly light way for the act that I had stayed in the toilet for so long. My family, in particular, never really allowed me to talk much about it because for them, this event hadn't been particularly relevant, these things happen all the time, and who was I to whine about it. I took it fully on board.

The biggest problem here, as I see it, isn't my family or friends, but the fact that they are an example of how most people really do see these events as almost, if not completely, normal! And then we trap ourselves in spectacular mental gymnastics trying to rationalize what is purely and simply: trauma.

I'm glad you chimed in though because I was starting to feel like I might be the only one doing the work that still suppressed emotions knowing I shouldn't. Just another reason for me to beat myself up and I know I shouldn't because I know darn well I'm not the only one.

Of course not :) Speaking for myself, from the way I felt when I described my little ordeal above, I can tell how much I needed to get this out of my chest. Your post awoke several emotions in me that triggered a cascade of memories and more associated emotions I didn't know were hiding. Thank you.

 

[Niall]

I'm sorry to read about your misadventures, Pete and Kniall.
As you both realized on your own, it's important to stay with that first feeling of being violated in order to process it. When we were mugged years ago, I actually threw up when we came back home. I may be way off, but you two should not feel ashamed whatsoever to be "attached" to something material (don't know if 'attached' is the right word when it comes to a tyre - it's clearer with a phone - but you know what I mean).

Then I got mad at myself for 'writing off my day', that I could and should have dealt with this better had I 'just stayed inwardly calm'. But how retarded is that line of thinking?! How can I remain inwardly calm when I actually feel violated to my core?!

Accepting and feeling this, I realised it would have to be processed somehow before it became any more toxic. And especially as I was receiving a visit from my parents shortly afterwards.

Kniall, since Truth Seeker was talking about the symbolism of this theft, could this sense of being violated have something to do, at some level, with your parents' visit? That's the first thing that came to my mind when I read your account, so I thought I would mention it.

Thanks TS and Mrs T, both of your suggestions may hit the mark in my case.

I had left my car on this particular street a couple of times before, despite bad vibes about the location. So when I'd be approaching the car in the past, I would feel a blip of worry about it having been stolen, shrug it off, then think "but what if?"... Oh, phew, it's still there!

This time when I went through the same motions, my father called just as I approached the car (in fact, just at the point where I felt relief at seeing that it hadn't been stolen!). While he's asking me to confirm when I'll be meeting up with him and my mother (I was actually collecting the car right then in order to go see them), I notice the documents' wallet out of the glove compartment and lying on the passenger seat...

Added: Something else does appear to have been taken: my MP3 player. Some of my favourite tunes were on that device, which I used for listening to POTS and doing the full programme.