NewOrleans said:
MODERATORS:
Sincerely request deletion of this account and comments. It's not about looking for attention, but communication. I respectfully admire this community but cannot continue talking only to myself...
You know, NewOrleans, your previous post (or a dialog actually) looks very similar to conversation with your inner
negative introject. It's really not that unusual and outstanding because more often than not I also go through the same inner conversations, it just with time my voice that chooses to align with more beneficial and loving to self aspects is becoming more stronger and more confidant. And just to add, I also have an aspect that craves attention and appreciation and shivers if there is no reply as if it a proof that I am rejected and unloved. The truth is that it is very sad, in a non judgmental way, because if we identify and listen to the inner introject (born out of wounds and faulty upbringing) we end up facing our worst fears (being rejected) because we sabotage our chances of happiness with our own hands. This is the nature of the wounded self that finds perverse pleasure in reenacting past hurts.
And one of the things that I found as working best with modifying my reactions and slowly rewiring this faulty thinking that makes me so miserable and isolated, is to dare and face the fear, but most importantly to first give to others what my own heart greatly desires to receive. Healthy communications are organic, and sometimes you get a reply and sometimes you don't. After all, you don't go and reply to every person who posted on the forum, right?
Like Percival said, you could post your thoughts in an appropriate thread and increase your chances of communication, but instead your wounded part that knows nothing than pain sabotaged your chances of getting what you really want by creating a separate thread. For example, your first post here was a quote. It was really inspirational and I liked it, but perhaps you are not aware that there is already a
thread for inspirational quotes. The second post was your dialog with the self that didn't have any question or
explicit asking for something, help, advice, even attention. That's, by the way, another sign of narcissistic wounding - you expect others to read your mind. Again, nothing unusual, been there, done that, etc. Please understand that what ever replies are given to you are given with the spirit of people who viscerally know how hard it is to go beyond this inner destructive force and change for something more beneficial for self and others. Look how much inner anguish and wasted energy your inner
spirit of trauma have you going through where you could have what you want if you would stop obsessing about what you are
not getting but what you already
can offer to someone else. And I am sure you have a lot to offer! Just some thoughts.
Oh, and in case my reply will be perceived by you as another justification that perhaps this forum is not for you and better get the hell out of here, including demanding to delete your posts because your negative introject just can't face the shame of being "exposed" like this, please understand that it's never too late to begin anew, starting with realizing that unless you'll make an effort of changing how you react to things, everything will remain the same, including feeling isolated, rejected and unloved. It's not shameful to make mistakes, on a contrary, it is courageous if you admit them, and then choose to make something different and better. Be sure that everyone here is rooting for you, for the higher aspects of you, that is, that can be of great help to yourself and others.
