Acceptance

[obyvatel]

So I started to look carefully at people at work who seemed to handle stress well and were habitually called upon to fight fires. The key thing I could discern in them was what I call the attitude of acceptance.

There are similar people at my work, and I would classify them as not caring very much. They do their thing, put forth their effort, but at the end of the day, they don't "own" the outcome. They punch the clock, do their their time, and then it's quitting time. Perhaps it's the clear delineation that makes it easy for them; they don't get over-involved or fuss with the details. But they are rarely the people putting in the extra hours to move projects/issues forward.

Quite the opposite in my experience in the above context. The people who were routinely brought in to fight the high stakes metaphorical fires were the ones who put in late nighters after a regular day's work consistently as long as it needed to be done. And while doing it, they were still able to keep their sense of humor and while acknowledging that what was going on was hard for all concerned, they did not seem to fall into the "woe is me/us" routine.

[quote author=ignis intimus]
I would say: fight the good fight. If not for today, then for tomorrow. There is much to say 'no' to in our current reality. Beyond the geopolitics and global pathology, there are so many wrong ways of doing things that impact peoples lives in every field. But you have to balance it somehow, without over-extending yourself. Change, or at least influence, what you can.
[/quote]

Acceptance is not agreement; acceptance is not resignation to fate. It has been clarified in the thread but still it seems that the words "yes" and "no" tend to elicit a knee jerk response with the misunderstanding that acceptance means saying yes to pathology.

 

[Divide by Zero]

Thanks to all for this thread.

The fine line runs where we have to choose to say no, in order to conserve our energy. I suppose the correct way to do this would be to do it in an honest manner with oneself and the job/etc?

"I can't do that now, because there are many other projects that are in progress" or
"It would be better to do that at so and so time, because then we will be able to better focus on it"

The reason why I am bringing this up is that my supervisor doesn't know how much time and effort it takes to do certain jobs. So he, without empathy (due to not knowing the scope of the job), throws more and more on the pile- every one being an emergency (when they are usually not). The time it takes to switch jobs makes it feel like none of the jobs are getting done. That in itself takes away the sense of accomplishment. I know that means I am not accepting things not being completed (when I want them to be), but how else could someone deal with an authority that lacks common sense or consideration?

In other words, where can we draw the line, not get sucked into the chaos- but be able to do what we have to do?

That's the hard part for me, and I think my job is nowhere as hectic as others here!

 

[obyvatel]

[quote author=Divide By Zero]
The reason why I am bringing this up is that my supervisor doesn't know how much time and effort it takes to do certain jobs. So he, without empathy (due to not knowing the scope of the job), throws more and more on the pile- every one being an emergency (when they are usually not). The time it takes to switch jobs makes it feel like none of the jobs are getting done. That in itself takes away the sense of accomplishment. I know that means I am not accepting things not being completed (when I want them to be), but how else could someone deal with an authority that lacks common sense or consideration?
[/quote]

In that position I would ask the boss "which job would you like me to prioritize?" If he does not have the knowledge about the scope of the job in terms of how much time and effort it takes to get it done, I would tell him. If someone else in the same organization has the know how, I would request him or her to back me up on the estimates I give to the boss.
The response also depends a lot on the overall context of the situation. Is the boss just incompetent and inconsiderate or is he under pressure from elsewhere? If I explain things with patience and reason, in a calm manner, does it have the desired effect? Or do I have to act belligerent/ aggressive/hassled with him to get the point across? Or do I need to put the point across while pandering to his ego if he is insecure ?

There are many more variations to the above theme. The point is to keep your own equilibrium when confronted with difficult situation and then find out the most appropriate ways to deal with it. Acceptance as discussed in the context of this thread is mainly associated with the first part of maintaining one's composure when faced with difficulty. This helps in saving energy which can be used to look for appropriate responses or solutions to the problem at hand.

 

[ignis.intimus]

Acceptance is not agreement; acceptance is not resignation to fate. It has been clarified in the thread but still it seems that the words "yes" and "no" tend to elicit a knee jerk response with the misunderstanding that acceptance means saying yes to pathology.

I hadn't read all of the posts before I posted mine, but to be fair, you did later admit you didn't explain yourself well initially.

My choice of words was misleading. Scottie clarified it very well.

It's a bit knee-jerky to call my post a knee-jerk reaction given the above. I did take the time to read what you posted, think about it, and apply it to situations in my own life. I also spent 30 minutes composing that post. I wouldn't argue that I contributed greatly to the value of this discussion but at least I said what I meant and meant what I said from the get-go. I am still not sure that I misinterpreted your words, I think I just have different ideas about it.

Acceptance is not agreement necessarily, although it can be - if one doesn't qualify the potential nuances of the English language. Lots of bad ideas come down the pipe and one could accept that is the case and do nothing more, and thereby tacitly agree to it. What I am saying is: accept that things are what they are *now* but consider and act on how to change them going forward, strategically.

 

[obyvatel]

Acceptance is not agreement; acceptance is not resignation to fate. It has been clarified in the thread but still it seems that the words "yes" and "no" tend to elicit a knee jerk response with the misunderstanding that acceptance means saying yes to pathology.

I hadn't read all of the posts before I posted mine, but to be fair, you did later admit you didn't explain yourself well initially.

My choice of words was misleading. Scottie clarified it very well.

It's a bit knee-jerky to call my post a knee-jerk reaction given the above. I did take the time to read what you posted, think about it, and apply it to situations in my own life. I also spent 30 minutes composing that post. I wouldn't argue that I contributed greatly to the value of this discussion but at least I said what I meant and meant what I said from the get-go. I am still not sure that I misinterpreted your words, I think I just have different ideas about it.
................................
What I am saying is: accept that things are what they are *now* but consider and act on how to change them going forward, strategically.

I agree with the part in bold. Also, I am sorry for the "knee-jerk" reference.

 

[RedFox]

The following may help add some perspective :)

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/wise-mind-living/201501/why-acceptance-is-one-the-best-stress-reducers

Why Acceptance Is One of the Best Stress Reducers
Finding acceptance allows you to release stress rather than generate it.

You’re stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic on the way to the airport. The babysitter canceled an hour before your meeting. Your boss just told you the headcount for your assistant got cut. Want to know how to stop stressing? Practice acceptance.

It may surprise you that one of the best ways to reduce stress and diffuse a stressful situation is to simply to accept it. Accept the environment you’re in. Accept whatever is happening. Accept your feelings about it all. Accept that you are really stressing!

I’m not saying you should be passive or never make an effort to avoid or change something you don’t like. But practicing this kind of acceptance works more immediately to dial down your stress level. Finding acceptance is often what allows you to be ready and able to make a necessary change.

Acceptance works to reduce stress because it helps you manage your emotions. The true source of stress in your life is not whatever particular thing you think is stressing you out, it’s the emotion that thing is stirring in you (read this post (link is external) I wrote about the real reason why you’re stressed out). If you deny those distressing emotions – or ignore them, or misunderstand them – you create stress. If you want to stop stressing, you need to be in charge of your emotions, rather than your emotions being in charge of you. This is the heart of Wise Mind Living, and acceptance is the quickest route there.

To be clear, you should definitely change stressful situations and distressing emotions (read about the big 8 emotion families here (link is external)) when you can. But there are always going to be times when you can’t change what’s stressing you out – or you’re unable to change anything at that moment. Accepting the situation for what it is allows you to decrease the negative impact on you – to release stress rather than generate it.

Here’s the catch: I can’t tell you exactly “How To Do Acceptance.” There’s no set of step-by-step instructions. Acceptance is an attitude, not an action. It’s a state of mind that you cultivate by recognizing the situation, identifying and acknowledging the emotions that are stressing you out, and just allowing it all to be. Tell yourself: “It is what it is, and I can’t change it right now.”

Here’s what acceptance is not: ignoring an emotion or burying your head in the sand, or being a doormat. Acceptance does not mean you stop trying to change the way things are. Acceptance is not passivity – it’s perspective. It is a choice. When you practice acceptance, it’s like you put the situation and the attendant emotion and stress up on a shelf for a while. The idea is to put it somewhere you can keep an eye on it, and where you can get it back if you need to, but where it is out of the way for now.

Buddhist philosophy talks about the difference between pain and suffering, but for our purposes here you could substitute “stressing” for “suffering.” The Buddhist take is that pain is a part of life, no matter what. Everyone experiences pain. Suffering (stressing), on the other hand, is optional. Suffering is the result of how we handle pain. You can’t get a pass on pain, but you don’t have to suffer. How much you stress is up to you.

You create stress for yourself when you deal with something difficult or painful by ruminating about it, finding others to blame, and generally telling yourself how terrible it is and how overwhelmed you are by it. When you do those things you are practicing non-acceptance – you are struggling against the situation rather than admitting to yourself that whatever it is is happening, and that’s just the way it is.

If you’re stressing, you’re not accepting. If you’re not accepting, you’re going to be stressing. Want to not be stressed? Practice acceptance.

 

[Miss.K]

I've also been observing colleges that seem to not get stressed and frustrated, and who do really well, and figured that they accepted situations that the others who did get stressed and frustrated didn't.
But they also say straight if they know they won't be able to fulfill the task in the given time.

Of cause the ones who are more skilled are also more confident in knowing that if they can't do the task in the given time, it is because the given time is not enough, and the ones less skilled will not be sure if it is that the time is not enough or if they are not good enough to do it in the time given.

So I started to imitate the yessers, and as Scottie said, "Everybody loves a person who always say yes" (I even made a supervisor that everybody was afraid of like me, and talk to me as an equal, partly by working a lot of overtime, but also because I tried to put myself in her shoes and see what she needed).
On the positive side it has made enough companies like me enough to hire me again whenever they have a new job, and on the negative side (apart from nearly having killed myself doing overtime) it is now assumed that I can do more than I actually can with a 40 hour workweek, so that I sometimes end up working 80 hour weeks (and/or not sleep for the last couple of days to complete a deadline) to keep my good reputation.

I don't think that the ones I'm trying to imitate does that (they might occasionally have a 80 hour week, but I don't think they pull all nighters, at least not as often as I do) And I'm also often uncertain if it is me who is not good enough to do the job without working double, or if the task is totally unreasonable (also often I'm asked to say ahead how long I will take and that can be difficult as each job is different, and it can be hard to say from the material I get to determine, if that requires 50 or 500 drawings, and if those drawings each take 5 or 50 minutes to do)

The reason why I am bringing this up is that my supervisor doesn't know how much time and effort it takes to do certain jobs. So he, without empathy (due to not knowing the scope of the job), throws more and more on the pile

This is one of the main reasons that I prefer working overtime as a freelance to keep getting jobs, than to work for one company. I more and more work with other freelancers, thus skipping having to deal with the slave whippers that the big companies always have.
They are called production people (people=managers assistants) and a college of mine once invented the saying NTPP! (never trust production people) as they don't know what the tasks require, and somehow think that people are lazy and have to be whipped, and I think it is jobs that attract people with psychopathic tendencies, (or at least people who has no creative abilities but who likes to be in a position of power) And it bugs me when dealing with them, that I know that it is my work product who pays their salary, and they are not helping me to do my job in any way, but instead offending and bullying me..

It is so much better when I work with another freelancer. I still work overtime, but if it gets too much, and I say so, I'll be taken seriously, and not treated as if I'm lazy or dumb

 

[luke wilson]

For me, employed work is a dangerous example to use. I say this because, in my experience, the whole work system is built upon a transfer of emotion and energy. In my experience also, those who fit that bill of acceptance in the work place have a good reason to. For example, they are probably in power position and their putting out fires involves ordering and pushing others around, they are probably already being treated nicely by management and are on an advancement path, they are being paid more, they trust in the system etc... Those who may find it hard to cope may gave good reason... They are overburdened by management, pushed around, not really acknowledged, rarely involved in decision making but have to implement said decisions, aren't paid well, struggling in general with everything due to the cumulative effects of all the individual contributors.

You can also bring the situation outside work to bear... What sort of environment are they going to after work? If someone is turning up to a nice comfy middleclass him, with a loving wife and kids getting on well in life, then no doubt he is better equipped to deal with stress at work... If the opposite is true, then yeah, poor guy stands almost no chance especially if physiologically he is getting affected.

So, personally, I wouldn't look at a job situation without trying to figure out the underlying dynamics of those involved. They may all appear the same, but the reality could be quite the opposite.

In conclusion, acceptance is not the same for everyone. People have different burdens and are in different environments which can aid or may hinder the act of accepting. I think recognising this and accepting it, is also part of the process.

 

[Thaigrr]

The following may help add some perspective :)

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/wise-mind-living/201501/why-acceptance-is-one-the-best-stress-reducers

Why Acceptance Is One of the Best Stress Reducers
Finding acceptance allows you to release stress rather than generate it.

You’re stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic on the way to the airport. The babysitter canceled an hour before your meeting. Your boss just told you the headcount for your assistant got cut. Want to know how to stop stressing? Practice acceptance.

It may surprise you that one of the best ways to reduce stress and diffuse a stressful situation is to simply to accept it. Accept the environment you’re in. Accept whatever is happening. Accept your feelings about it all. Accept that you are really stressing!

I’m not saying you should be passive or never make an effort to avoid or change something you don’t like. But practicing this kind of acceptance works more immediately to dial down your stress level. Finding acceptance is often what allows you to be ready and able to make a necessary change.

Acceptance works to reduce stress because it helps you manage your emotions. The true source of stress in your life is not whatever particular thing you think is stressing you out, it’s the emotion that thing is stirring in you (read this post (link is external) I wrote about the real reason why you’re stressed out). If you deny those distressing emotions – or ignore them, or misunderstand them – you create stress. If you want to stop stressing, you need to be in charge of your emotions, rather than your emotions being in charge of you. This is the heart of Wise Mind Living, and acceptance is the quickest route there.

To be clear, you should definitely change stressful situations and distressing emotions (read about the big 8 emotion families here (link is external)) when you can. But there are always going to be times when you can’t change what’s stressing you out – or you’re unable to change anything at that moment. Accepting the situation for what it is allows you to decrease the negative impact on you – to release stress rather than generate it.

Here’s the catch: I can’t tell you exactly “How To Do Acceptance.” There’s no set of step-by-step instructions. Acceptance is an attitude, not an action. It’s a state of mind that you cultivate by recognizing the situation, identifying and acknowledging the emotions that are stressing you out, and just allowing it all to be. Tell yourself: “It is what it is, and I can’t change it right now.”

Here’s what acceptance is not: ignoring an emotion or burying your head in the sand, or being a doormat. Acceptance does not mean you stop trying to change the way things are. Acceptance is not passivity – it’s perspective. It is a choice. When you practice acceptance, it’s like you put the situation and the attendant emotion and stress up on a shelf for a while. The idea is to put it somewhere you can keep an eye on it, and where you can get it back if you need to, but where it is out of the way for now.

Buddhist philosophy talks about the difference between pain and suffering, but for our purposes here you could substitute “stressing” for “suffering.” The Buddhist take is that pain is a part of life, no matter what. Everyone experiences pain. Suffering (stressing), on the other hand, is optional. Suffering is the result of how we handle pain. You can’t get a pass on pain, but you don’t have to suffer. How much you stress is up to you.

You create stress for yourself when you deal with something difficult or painful by ruminating about it, finding others to blame, and generally telling yourself how terrible it is and how overwhelmed you are by it. When you do those things you are practicing non-acceptance – you are struggling against the situation rather than admitting to yourself that whatever it is is happening, and that’s just the way it is.

If you’re stressing, you’re not accepting. If you’re not accepting, you’re going to be stressing. Want to not be stressed? Practice acceptance.

This article nails it for me, RedFox, thanks for sharing!

 

[luke wilson]

Also should have added this about jobs... As we all know, most jobs in our system dont really have much to do with alignment of skill and ability. Not just skills that you are taught but those that come naturally to an individual. So, someone might simply struggle, for example, having to work in a super organised environment, if their tendency is more free form and a super organised person may stand no chance if you stick them in an environment where they cant control or organise. 2 people in the same job, one may appear better and more able to cope, but that may simply be, because that job is inline with who they are. Most managers don't acknowledge this and frankly don't care. They don't really see who they are charged with. Instead, they take a blanket approach which is, I want the job done! Fast, quick and efficiently... Get set, ready, go!

 

[mkrnhr]

Maybe a different example can clarify a little further. Let's say I find myself in a certain situation, my boss is a jerk, my coworkers are world-class idiots, or my wife is the evil witch of the west herself. It doesn't matter which situation it is.
Acceptance is the attitude to tell oneself: ok, here is the situation, what can I do about it? Or in other words, the rules of the game have changed, what's the best strategy to sail through all of this until the rules change again? Lamenting that the situation is unjust or unfair doesn't help, it only makes it more difficult to find an adequate strategy.
It applies also to the attitude we have to life in general. Instead of lamenting: I wish I could live forever, or I wish I had super powers, it is more rational to accept one's limitless and deal with it the best possible: I may have some days/months/years to live, how do I deal with limited time to maximize my learning and experience (which is to live life). This doesn't mean to agree to some abuse. For instance, if there is a bully in your life, you accept that there is a bully in your life and that the meaning of the game is to find out how to deal with it: do you fight of flee? Which is the best strategy?

 

[luke wilson]

Thanks mkrnhr, there is a lot to be said about your points. When I was thinking about the implications, a question appeared in my mind.

What happens if you cant change or do anything about the situation you are in and does acceptance necessarily lead to healing or is it primarily about coping?

I have had good practice with acceptance in my life, but I have found that sometimes, it doesn't give you the relief or the healing from stress. For me, this is because in some situations, stress and the suffering from it, is not a choice I have made. Rather, it is an involuntary reaction of my body, emotions etc to something external. For example, when I was young, school was very stressful. At the time and even now, I accepted that reality. I took it in my stride. However, that didn't stop me from feeling the stress. The reality was no choice, the stress was no choice despite the acceptance. What I was able to do was cope. I didn't have any breakdowns, didn't turn to a bully, didn't do drugs, didn't become anti social etc. Acceptance helped me cope.

However, it didn't heal what damage was garnered from stress. I still have to carry that around and find a way to heal from that. If anything, I think being so non rebellious, made me absorb more stress than was necessary. I've seen a horrible tactic other people use, which I will call stress transfer. What they do, is they reject their stress, and by doing so transfer it to you through constant complaining. You know, people who complain about a situation, but do nothing about it. Someone I know, who is adept at doing this, told me that without doing this, they couldn't cope.

Just to clarify, when I say the stress and suffering is not a choice, I mean it in the same way that if I fall off a bike, the pain I will feel and thus the suffering, is nit a choice. Rather it is your body reacting and bringing your attention to something. In the case of a physical injury, I can wait it out, for my body to heal. In the case of other firms of injury e.gm psychological and emotional, healing is not so straight forward and acceptance really amounts to a coping strategy I.e. It helps you cope with your injuries.

 

[Renaissance]

For me, employed work is a dangerous example to use. I say this because, in my experience, the whole work system is built upon a transfer of emotion and energy. In my experience also, those who fit that bill of acceptance in the work place have a good reason to. For example, they are probably in power position and their putting out fires involves ordering and pushing others around, they are probably already being treated nicely by management and are on an advancement path, they are being paid more, they trust in the system etc... Those who may find it hard to cope may gave good reason... They are overburdened by management, pushed around, not really acknowledged, rarely involved in decision making but have to implement said decisions, aren't paid well, struggling in general with everything due to the cumulative effects of all the individual contributors.

I've worked a number of low level, high stress grunt type jobs and while it may be difficult to find acceptance in such positions, I think it can also provide a good foundation for character building, work ethic, burning off self importance, etc. Dabrowski wrote something that stuck with me that said something along the lines of the value of comparing yourself to your own ideal of who you want to be rather than others. I think it's easy to get caught up in other people's situations and how easy we think others might have it when those considerations don't really provide much usable information for our own work on ourselves. It also doesn't do much for us to find acceptance in things that are easy, but there is value in working to accept the challenges in front of us that we'd usually rather not deal with but need our attention. It's a bit like discovering where we can accept responsibility and engage with the universe and our lessons instead of resisting those things due to our programming, how we handle stress, etc.

 

[luke wilson]

For me, employed work is a dangerous example to use. I say this because, in my experience, the whole work system is built upon a transfer of emotion and energy. In my experience also, those who fit that bill of acceptance in the work place have a good reason to. For example, they are probably in power position and their putting out fires involves ordering and pushing others around, they are probably already being treated nicely by management and are on an advancement path, they are being paid more, they trust in the system etc... Those who may find it hard to cope may gave good reason... They are overburdened by management, pushed around, not really acknowledged, rarely involved in decision making but have to implement said decisions, aren't paid well, struggling in general with everything due to the cumulative effects of all the individual contributors.

I've worked a number of low level, high stress grunt type jobs and while it may be difficult to find acceptance in such positions, I think it can also provide a good foundation for character building, work ethic, burning off self importance, etc. Dabrowski wrote something that stuck with me that said something along the lines of the value of comparing yourself to your own ideal of who you want to be rather than others. I think it's easy to get caught up in other people's situations and how easy we think others might have it when those considerations don't really provide much usable information for our own work on ourselves. It also doesn't do much for us to find acceptance in things that are easy, but there is value in working to accept the challenges in front of us that we'd usually rather not deal with but need our attention. It's a bit like discovering where we can accept responsibility and engage with the universe and our lessons instead of resisting those things due to our programming, how we handle stress, etc.

Fine points.

Purely playing devil's advocate here... just because I don't totally agree with what is being said! Just trying to understand.

It's not the level of job, it's how you view yourself relative to your workmates and the organisation as a whole plus how others view your job as well e.g. if I'm a cleaner and I'm always the one getting the horrible jobs for no discernible reason other than favouritism, damn right I'd be slightly perturbed... same if I was a lawyer and I was constantly getting lumbered with unwinable cases whilst a colleague on the same level is getting ushered straight to the high table.

I know you already touched upon the dangers of comparing against others as opposed to your own ideal. There is only 1 other person who to me once told me he never compares himself to others... My thoughts personally, the ideal is nice, but I don't think we have much choice... otherwise advertising and social pressure/conformity wouldn't really be a thing. I think as human beings you can't help but compare and contrast against those around you, if not for anything, to help you regulate yourself. How else would you know how to behave around others or any such relative stuff... So, I don't think the ideal totally fits with what is real. We can struggle against our tendency to compare... but I don't think we can emerge totally victorious.

Anyways, my whole point, is that stress sometimes is unavoidable and so is the suffering after. If you have stress and you aren't suffering, then I think you have a problem because something somewhere is clearly disconnected. Acceptance is not a magic bullet but if anything, can help you to cope. But sometimes, what is required is not to cope, it is to totally rebel and not accept what has been lumbered on your desk or plate.

 

[casper]

For me, employed work is a dangerous example to use. I say this because, in my experience, the whole work system is built upon a transfer of emotion and energy. In my experience also, those who fit that bill of acceptance in the work place have a good reason to. For example, they are probably in power position and their putting out fires involves ordering and pushing others around, they are probably already being treated nicely by management and are on an advancement path, they are being paid more, they trust in the system etc... Those who may find it hard to cope may gave good reason... They are overburdened by management, pushed around, not really acknowledged, rarely involved in decision making but have to implement said decisions, aren't paid well, struggling in general with everything due to the cumulative effects of all the individual contributors.

I've worked a number of low level, high stress grunt type jobs and while it may be difficult to find acceptance in such positions, I think it can also provide a good foundation for character building, work ethic, burning off self importance, etc. Dabrowski wrote something that stuck with me that said something along the lines of the value of comparing yourself to your own ideal of who you want to be rather than others. I think it's easy to get caught up in other people's situations and how easy we think others might have it when those considerations don't really provide much usable information for our own work on ourselves. It also doesn't do much for us to find acceptance in things that are easy, but there is value in working to accept the challenges in front of us that we'd usually rather not deal with but need our attention. It's a bit like discovering where we can accept responsibility and engage with the universe and our lessons instead of resisting those things due to our programming, how we handle stress, etc.

Fine points.

Purely playing devil's advocate here... just because I don't totally agree with what is being said! Just trying to understand.

It's not the level of job, it's how you view yourself relative to your workmates and the organisation as a whole plus how others view your job as well e.g. if I'm a cleaner and I'm always the one getting the horrible jobs for no discernible reason other than favouritism, damn right I'd be slightly perturbed... same if I was a lawyer and I was constantly getting lumbered with unwinable cases whilst a colleague on the same level is getting ushered straight to the high table.

I know you already touched upon the dangers of comparing against others as opposed to your own ideal. There is only 1 other person who to me once told me he never compares himself to others... My thoughts personally, the ideal is nice, but I don't think we have much choice... otherwise advertising and social pressure/conformity wouldn't really be a thing. I think as human beings you can't help but compare and contrast against those around you, if not for anything, to help you regulate yourself. How else would you know how to behave around others or any such relative stuff... So, I don't think the ideal totally fits with what is real. We can struggle against our tendency to compare... but I don't think we can emerge totally victorious.

Anyways, my whole point, is that stress sometimes is unavoidable and so is the suffering after. If you have stress and you aren't suffering, then I think you have a problem because something somewhere is clearly disconnected. Acceptance is not a magic bullet but if anything, can help you to cope. But sometimes, what is required is not to cope, it is to totally rebel and not accept what has been lumbered on your desk or plate.

Stylistically, I advocate the struggles of life, because I believe that the right things worth fighting for. What we want, we will achieve only if we persist long enough and fight. However, if only what is difficult and only worth what a pain right? There are those days when things are as they should be, and this is also the way we wanted. But if every day is a struggle, how long are we going to survive? If every day is a struggle and every day demands extraordinary effort for each step, as we are well chosen the right path?

More and more I believe in the power of acceptance. You do not have to fix everything, I can not help everyone, not all can change, I can change or herself fully and be exactly as I want to be. In fact, have not we all perfect and special in their own way?
I think that each of us should accept yourself first, with all the vices and all the virtues.