Advice needed.

[go2]

Thank you for sharing a real effort and the fruit, Luke! :)

 

[cubbex]

OMG I DID IT! But in a slightly different way.

His music was playing loud and I sent him a text instead and he turned it down!!!!! Then I felt slightly guilty and sent more texts saying the walls are crap... Maybe I should have just left it with, 'Thank you for turning it down' but instead I mumbled abit so I dont know if that difused the whole thing... Time will tell!!!!

That's it warrior. I now understand you, now that I have been thinking about my father issue, he has the same effect on me, he talks and never let myself talk or even, I felt like paralyzed, until I may talk to him by writing, so he knows all I wanted to tell him.

Don't feel guilty for someone that do not feel guilty to cause you such problems. Take it as, some business thing, its just turn down the music that's it.

Hi cubbex. As a member of a network, you don't have to keep all that stress bottled up. Having a heart attack is not a good sign.

As you know, there is The Swamp where you can dump all you want - even scream and shout to 'get it out'. You can even say you just want to vent and don't want anyone to 'tell you what to do.' I do not think that anyone will think less of you - or think that you cannot 'walk by yourself'.

Like the EE, it's a tool for you to use for your benefit if you feel like it and it sounds like you just might (feel like it).
:)

I am thinking about this, doing EE I have the next days extraordinary lessons, but at the sometimes is like some volcano exploding, and sometimes even doing just the three stage breathing I take all that stress out and I am scared to hurt someone, you know, I don't really apreciate so much people around me, but that does not mean, go and hurt the, punch their faces or whatever. An yeah that's how it feels. But you know, this last days I am feeling and thinking different than before, and after some fight I had and leave as I said, all my stress out went with that poor abusive guy.

If the swamp is to do that, hope my next thread wont scare. But if this is to do that ok.

Edit: The same redaction problem

 

[luke wilson]

well since I made the post, I have been somewhat on a wave. My plan was to do work tonite but as it so happens with bad luck and bad timing, as soon as I sat down to do work, his music started playing. This was just coincidental. And I tried but I couldnt. So I sat there stewing for like an hour, decided to procrastinate myself and listen to my own music whilst re-scheduling inorder to find extra time to do what I had planned on doing.

Then well, I just got a hold of my phone and wrote a text, a polite text... Then he turned it down almost immediatedly. Then I felt guilty then I sent another text actually saying he turned it down to much, then he sent me another text, then I sent him another one saying that the loudness really gets to me. Then, after all this, I was really still feeling uncomfortable with myself so I went and have been socialising with him and my other housemates since then.... Just inorder to get that 'feeling' out of me. I was acting like an automaton doing everything in my power to get rid of it. I couldnt hold that 'feeling' I dont know what it was, only way I can describe it is a sort of guilt... The earliest memory of this 'feeling' is when I was really really young, I think I was like between 7-11 years old and I was at my grandmothers house and it was my birthday. As my mother was helping me to cut my birthday cake, everybody started singing 'happy birthday' to me and for some weird reason I got really annoyed, maybe felt guilty and I shouted at them to stop but they didnt and I ran out the house and started to cry. It felt exactly the same, this 'feeling' maybe guilt? and I can't handle it. Maybe an addiction to my own suffering? I dont know, what could it be?? I see it rarely because I rarely do stuff that makes it arise so I havent had opportunities to self-observe myself whilst in that condition. Today though, I knew I was acting as an automaton being driven by it, trying to evade it but I couldnt stop myself, didnt have the power or rather to be more precise, I did not want to stop myself.

Anyways, thanks for the help everyone. He is actually a very considerate person and not a mind reader. The problem lay with me. Uhmm, I also dont know if texting was cheating and bypassing the problem because it seemed like a way to get the message across without going through the raw experience of a face to face...

 

[Approaching Infinity]

Anyways, thanks for the help everyone. He is actually a very considerate person and not a mind reader. The problem lay with me.

That's great, Luke. What a good opportunity for testing your own "tape loops"!

Uhmm, I also dont know if texting was cheating and bypassing the problem because it seemed like a way to get the message across without going through the raw experience of a face to face...

It can be really difficult to assert yourself if you've been trained your whole life not to. I don't think it was cheating. Baby steps. Start with something small and work up to something big, that way you'll build your own confidence by seeing you're actually able to follow through with your plans. If you keep it up, I think that one day soon in the future, you won't have any trouble confronting people face-to-face.

 

[flashgordonv]

I think writing to somebody can work really well. I have had the issue all my life that in a situation of stress, my mind goes blank and I often cannot remember what it was I wanted to say. I find that if I write it, I can say everything I want to, I can read it over and make sure the tone is correct, and that it makes sense. For me it is the best way to get the message across in a non emotional way.