Partly I didn't want to bring it all up was because I was afraid of not being taken seriously, and that I might look like a nutter. But perhaps it is better to tell about it anyway.
On the 9th of February, at about 10pm, I saw God. Not the burning bush, not the saintly figure, but the realization that literally, God is everywhere, and I saw that. My vision was both real and dreamlike at the same time. I saw my couch, and it looked at me, so did the floor, the ceiling, the very air, God was everywhere. And this was not just a generalized experience, because I felt Gods attention on me, always, and with that attention came pure love, with ultimate understanding. I knew, that God understood all of me, all the good, all the bad, everything, and still loved me so completely that I was in rapture. It was the most awesome experience I have ever had. And it went on for hours. I would laugh and cry and giggle and sob and I felt the arms of God around me.
I saw so much that I can't really quantify it, but there was circles, spirals, DNA looking stuff, faces on a wheel, and I knew they were all me and at the same time everyone. I shared as much as I could with my cats Hermes and Miracle, and I think they both sensed the specialness of the moment. I wrote some of this down in my diary so that I would later be able to try to understand what was happening. I also felt a bit of fear... I don't know why, but I think I had the opportunity to leave right there, and didn't want to.
Later on, I was in a kind of haze for a few days, and something had changed within me, but I don't know what. I am not sure what to think of this experience, or if it means I should change what I am doing, or keep doing what I am doing. I am uncertain of the possibility that I have colored my thinking and memories because that is what I want to have happened, and so I was seeking some kind of independent verification or at least some kind of advise. The C's helped me before, and while I try to remain skeptical about any kind of response, I have to admit that I do wonder what they might say. Was this just my imagination, or was it real, or does it even matter if it was imagination and that the insights remain valid? I want to believe, but I am also questioning myself - maybe this is what crazy feels like?
The epiphanies.
God is everywhere, all the time, and is always with you and of you. This includes what most people consider bad as well. The devil is God, it could not be otherwise.
God loves everyone and everything completely. God understands all of you, there is no hiding, and no need to hide, because God will always love you.
The love of God is always there, all we need to do is to open our hearts to it. That means opening your heart to all, including pain, suffering, and death. It has to be, because God IS everything. You cannot close your heart to a part of God and expect to connect with only the things you think are good. God is all. Open your heart to all, and Gods love will flow in. This also means that in even our worst moments,
God is always there and we have the power to make that connection. God wants to, but we are the ones who reject God.
Those who would give others the commandments of God are in fact shutting God out. God is not about worship, or rules, those are things that take us further from God. Now faith on the other hand is different. Faith can help us connect, but we need to be open. God has no limits, so do not limit your heart or conceptions.