an issue that remains sin

[abstract]

I don't wanna seem unkind here, but I don't know if you are thinking so clearly as of now, it is NOT a good idea to suggest or even think about killing yourself. Even if you weren't serious, we take it
seriously, or at least I do.

not because i need compassion of anyone i need answers

If it is answers you seek friend, you must ask questions. You are simply making statements that you feel this way and that. I understand if you feel frustrated by our confusion,
so let's try it step by step, is that okay with you? :)

emotions hurt me for so long throughout my life until i learned how to get ride of them , though i lost such skill, but thats a different story

I used to think getting rid of emotion was the only way for me to be able to deal with life, I realize now that i was totally wrong. Emotion doesn't HAVE to be negative all the time.

 

[shijing]

now, I'm under the effect of EE program now lol to all of you who got surprised with the first reply here is another one. I'm not stressed, or sick or ill or drunk ,high[, or nothing, for those who asked.

OK -- score one for EE ... I guess ...

now let me start I'm about to be 20 next week , i got this attraction for the first time when i was ten, it didn't stop there it actually kept on growing as i grew.

If by 'this attraction' you mean attraction to others of the same sex, then that in itself could be normal -- as Deedlet said, there is nothing to be alarmed about with homosexuality per se -- its the reference to kids that is problematic.

i realized by having sex with people most of them older, that ANYthing that you like can be changed by will or external factors ironically i liked old men too on those days

I'm not sure, but it sounds like you are implying that adults were having sex with you when you yourself were a minor -- is that true? If so, then this is one reason for you to consider counseling, since this should not have happened.

now I'm "old" and nothing have disappeared just changed and even have become stronger. i like young boys and lately that feeling have increased i can control myself pretty well but nothing lasts for ever and that's where the question comes from

And that's why everyone here is unanimously encouraging you to get help -- you are talking about young boys in a completely objectifying way, and acting like you think they are there for the taking whenever your self-control happens to give out. Is your question whether or not it is wrong to consider having sex with young boys? Then the answer is an unqualified yes -- no ifs, ands, or buts.

everyone says that i need a psychologist ...

I agree with Deedlet -- if everyone is saying this, then you should probably take it seriously.

maybe I'm a psychopath , but then , why am i here in the mouth of the wolf???

Good question, and although you could be a psychopath, I have no way to tell so I am just going to play devil's advocate and say that you're not for the sake of argument. I think you have a general idea what kind of reactions you will get to your 'question' here, so I can only conclude that you may be looking for someone to tell you that this is wrong. Based on what you said above, it sounds like you may be the victim of sexual abuse yourself, and anyone who is an abuse victim is likely to have poor instincts about appropriate behavior, which is exactly what seeing a counselor could help with. So if you have any serious question about whether or not it is acceptable to solicit a minor for sex, there is no question that you should be headed straight to a counselor to get help dealing with these impulses. Don't think twice.

 

[knowledge_of_self]

you didn't get it

I guess not.. because your posts are not very clear.

i recomend you to read again ... in fact thats one of the reasons of why i threw the last post away
is because i wanna talk the reason why i posted it in here , not because i need compassion of anyone i need answers

Actually i believe both Shijing and I gave you a valid answer to your problem.

Seek Professional help. Maybe it's not the answer you were looking for, but it is indeed what you need.

emotions hurt me for so long throughout my life until i learned how to get ride of them , though i lost such skill, but thats a different story

It is easy to rid ourselves of emotions and conform to mundane existence of acceptance, without empathy or any feelings for others.
What is difficult is to embrace empathy, and to put oneself in other people's shoes when all your being is telling you otherwise. These are things you should discuss with a therapist.

maybe as a psychopath i should kill myself not to hurt people i thought that already, but wait we have a paradox right here,dont we......


thats not an answer.

The statement above is once again, another reason why you should seek professional help. Suicidal thoughts, are almost always a sign of an unhealthy psyche. I'm not qualified to give you professional advice and I must admit your statement made me feel quite uncomfortable/disturbed.

 

[shijing]

maybe as a psychopath i should kill myself not to hurt people i thought that already, but wait we have a paradox right here,dont we......

thats not an answer.

The statement above is once again, another reason why you should seek professional help. Suicidal thoughts, are almost always a sign of an unhealthy psyche. I'm not qualified to give you professional advice and I must admit your statement made me feel quite uncomfortable/disturbed.

Seconded. insipido04, I'm still not exactly clear what your question is to be honest, but there are red flags popping up all over the place here. Please feel free to clarify yourself, but the thing you should really be taking away from this is that you need to go find help, because you are describing compulsions that have the potential to harm other people (through sexual abuse) and potentially yourself as well. Please take that as the message that takes priority over anything else we could say in answer to your questions.

 

[insipido04]

im sorry if ive been unclear i like to use irony in my statements but with that down i think we are having a comversation now.

"Good question, and although you could be a psychopath, I have no way to tell so I am just going to play devil's advocate and say that you're not for the sake of argument. I think you have a general idea what kind of reactions you will get to your 'question' here, so I can only conclude that you may be looking for someone to tell you that this is wrong. Based on what you said above, it sounds like you may be the victim of sexual abuse yourself, and anyone who is an abuse victim is likely to have poor instincts about appropriate behavior, which is exactly what seeing a counselor could help with. So if you have any serious question about whether or not it is acceptable to solicit a minor for sex, there is no question that you should be headed straight to a counselor to get help dealing with these impulses. Don't think twice." (im sorry i dont know how to quote mark)


maybe in my past life :) but seriously is something iwould like to know...
suicide is somethig that have been in my mind since i was little and as i grow the feeling intencifies even more in fact in jun i felt this about to be real but thinking saves me like always and two main things at the time weed and EE how absurd and also smart..
however it slowed down , but had to gather something from there, knowledge..
to be clear and set the facts :yes i like young boys 12-30 mostly, yas i had sex when i was 17 with a 40 year old man,not raped , no i dont have any kind of bizarre odd or dgusting dreams , fantasies of any sort when i think about it, and no im not here to tell someone even though its something ive never talked about with anyone before in this way. and yes im here for answers no matter how cruel or unkind they might be just the truth...

be please understand be open minded cause my understanding tells a different story about my self sex is not everything emotionally painful situations dragged me to the understanding and the seek of elightment thats why this is and irony

 

[insipido04]

Seconded. insipido04, I'm still not exactly clear what your question is to be honest, but there are red flags popping up all over the place here. Please feel free to clarify yourself, but the thing you should really be taking away from this is that you need to go find help, because you are describing compulsions that have the potential to harm other people (through sexual abuse) and potentially yourself as well. Please take that as the message that takes priority over anything else we could say in answer to your questions.
[/quote]
no i couldnt harm anyone as i said i have no bizarre obcetion with that its just a feeling its just attraction

help, thats why i came here
i chose to.
besides body is not really important soul is what matters

 

[shijing]

two main things at the time weed and EE how absurd and also smart..

Just so you know, there is a zero-tolerance policy for referencing illicit substance use here.

yes i like young boys 12-30 mostly

A 30-year-old man can hardly be called a 'young boy', but a 12-year-old certainly can.

no i couldnt harm anyone as i said i have no bizarre obcetion with that its just a feeling its just attraction

This seems to be at odds with your earlier assertion that your self-control was starting to falter in the face of your increasing sexual compulsion.

besides body is not really important soul is what matters

In terms of our spiritual evolution, yes. In terms of our relationships with those around us, no. The body matters very much in the context of an inappropriate sexual act with another person, considering the soul housed within that body.

Let me offer you a challenge to try to help clarify your request, and then I need to be off to bed: if you could summarize your questions for the forum in one sentence, what would it be?

 

[insipido04]

please dont assume that should be the first policy i know the zero tolerance thing but im giving you the facts (besides, it didnt exist then)
now
if i couldn't control my self , believe me i would have done many things already and as you can see that takes the shape of a dilema, and there is something that i like more than sex, its to get knowledge ..

i have developed myself to get to laura and the wave before even imagine of its existence (im really dying to know who i was in my past life)
sex takes a second place in my priorities but things might change.
life is about learning and growing
in terms of learning my statement aplies

 

[spyraal]

Hello insipido,

My opinion too is that you should seek professional help.

We all have sexual and material desires every now and then. But we should take every effort
to grow the higher part of ourselves, so that the higher part of ourselves is the one that dictates
our final decisions before (for example) we end up stealing what we desire or forcing our sexual
needs to another person. This is where the Work comes into place. We are psychologically very
complex beings. Your sexual needs are but one part of yourself. Maybe you should try to grow
the other parts of yourself through the Work, so that your unfulfilled sexuality will not be the
commanding part of you, especially since it seems to make you even wanting to kill yourself.
Your sexual preference for minor boys is not the same as homosexuality. You will hurt other
people and yourself if you pursue this drive of yours. Like i feel your are hurt too already.
This is a burden which you will have to try and throw away or become stronger than it so
that it will not control you.

There are other things like companionship, understanding,
sharing of ideas, admiration etc. that personally i think are hard to find in a relationship
with a young partner (18-23), let alone someone younger than this, or a minor.
You are young yourself, but maybe you will later see for yourself that there are other equally
or even more important things than plain "sexual drive" as you grow up. You will want your partner
to be able to give you a clear mirror of you, and that means that he must be esoterically developed
himself. And for that kind of deep and fulfilling relationship you will need a conscious adult partner.
This is something worth trying to have. Or this is what i think. I wish you the best.

Thank you,
:)

 

[insipido04]

so many things to get clear.

We all have sexual and material desires every now and then. But we should take every effort
to grow the higher part of ourselves, so that the higher part of ourselves is the one that dictates
our final decisions before (

if thats so why does everyone have even sexual desires? the cute girl with the big butt, or the gorgeous guy in the bench..etc
i really know what im talking about. however im still in the prosses of deciding and this is an step im taking.

i understand what you said and this is the time to ask for me. but i have come to be who answers ironic isnt it
and i ve been working this in that way since then. made resarch of people ,etc but thats the formal way i literaly changed my mind to face this issue many times.

Your sexual preference for minor boys is not the same as homosexuality. You will hurt other
people and yourself if you pursue this drive of yours. Like i feel your are hurt too already.
This is a burden which you will have to try and throw away or become stronger than it so
that it will not control you.

having sex with a minor or older is not sinonim of suffering but it could become so like everything, like i said i didn't choose this, maybe in 5th lol but not this flesh.
10 years of self control have been a probe but its still there in fact there was an specific period when i felt completely asexual. but nothing lasts for eevveerr

 

[truth seeker]

Hi insipido,

The truth of the matter is that no one here is qualified to give you advice concerning this particular issue. Even if they are, it would be a difficult thing to do over the internet as I think there are too many questions that would have to be asked to get a clearer picture. This is why it's being suggested to you that you see a professional.

When people here say these things to you, it's because they recognize the intricacies of what you've described. It is not meant in a flippant way at all.

If you are an adult, and you are interested in children then something serious is going on. Only you have the answers to that. You may want to start to look into your background for clues in order to find out if something traumatic happened to you and therefore affected your feelings in this way.

I unfortunately don't have an answer for you, but perhaps you have suffered abuse in the past and now feel that the only way to connect with someone is in a way that gives you the feeling of control? Whatever the reason is, I don't believe there is any other way to get to the root of it unless you seek qualified help.

This thread on finding the right therapist may be of help: http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=13657.0

I wish you well.

 

[truth seeker]

so many things to get clear.

We all have sexual and material desires every now and then. But we should take every effort
to grow the higher part of ourselves, so that the higher part of ourselves is the one that dictates
our final decisions before (

if thats so why does everyone have even sexual desires? the cute girl with the big butt, or the gorgeous guy in the bench..etc
i really know what im talking about. however im still in the prosses of deciding and this is an step im taking.

i understand what you said and this is the time to ask for me. but i have come to be who answers ironic isnt it
and i ve been working this in that way since then. made resarch of people ,etc but thats the formal way i literaly changed my mind to face this issue many times.

Sorry for the double post, but I had to address this. I really need you to be clear, what is it that you are still deciding?

Your sexual preference for minor boys is not the same as homosexuality. You will hurt other
people and yourself if you pursue this drive of yours. Like i feel your are hurt too already.
This is a burden which you will have to try and throw away or become stronger than it so
that it will not control you.

having sex with a minor or older is not sinonim of suffering but it could become so like everything, like i said i didn't choose this, maybe in 5th lol but not this flesh.
10 years of self control have been a probe but its still there in fact there was an specific period when i felt completely asexual. but nothing lasts for eevveerr

Again, can you please clarify for me what you mean? Are you saying that you have not suffered any trauma that relates to this issue? That these are just feelings that you feel and nothing else?

Do not take the point you quoted above lightly. Engaging with minors is not only against the law, but also inflicts suffering upon others and those others are unfortunately not at a phase in their lives where they can process such a thing. Are you saying that this does not concern you?

What I'm finding most disturbing about your posts are that you don't seem to show concern for the feelings of the people we're talking about. Please correct me if I'm wrong. Do you find that you are able to feel for others? In short, why are you concerned about having the feelings you have and not equally concerned about getting help?

I'm unfortunately also getting the feeling from your posts that you may be enjoying the attention you're receiving from starting this post. Is this true?

Please correct me on anything I'm off on.

edit: clarification

 

[insipido04]

im afraid is not pertinent due to my situation , but who can be a better advise than the C's itself?
maybe it sounds horrible for many it was for me also .
but how about if they change the laws tomorrow and now your an adult at 16, or how about if i look 15 and have sex with an actual 15 yo boy???
is more than what it sounds evaluate this situation before anything
and it results kind of funny the answer help or therapist lets say because i dont have money for one.
now seriously
society is an illution , im stronger now but the question remains

Again, can you please clarify for me what you mean? Are you saying that you have not suffered any trauma that relates to this issue? That these are just feelings that you feel and nothing else?

Do not take the point you quoted above lightly. Engaging with minors is not only against the law, but also inflicts suffering upon others and those others are unfortunately not at a phase in their lives where they can process such a thing. Are you saying that this does not concern you?

What I'm finding most disturbing about your posts are that you don't seem to show concern for the feelings of the people we're talking about. Please correct me if I'm wrong. Do you find that you are able to feel for others? In short, why are you concerned about having the feelings you have and not equally concerned about getting help?

I'm unfortunately also getting the feeling from your posts that you may be enjoying the attention you're receiving from starting this post. Is this true?

Please correct me on anything I'm off on.

like i said before i really know what im talking about
suffering is a choise pain isnt
and once more i have put my mind and counsiousness over my physical needs but nobody seem to understand that anyways im not here to change that.

I'm unfortunately also getting the feeling from your posts that you may be enjoying the attention you're receiving from starting this post. Is this true?

put your mind over your feelings then, dont let them drag you (everyone)
enjoying no, thats superficial this is not a game but like i say if your not ready to walk, dont try to fly

 

[abstract]

but how about if they change the laws tomorrow and now your an adult at 16, or how about if i look 15 and have sex with an actual 15 yo boy???

That's your wishful thinking fully engaging itself.

and it results kind of funny the answer help or therapist lets say because i dont have money for one.

there are options for therapy that are of little or no cost, depending on where you are.

suffering is a choise pain isnt

Everything is a choice.

[

 

[insipido04]

not what is not understood of defeated otherwise a consecuense of subjacent circumstances from anything , remember men is not the center of the universe anymore

people make a drama of this because they are not sure of themselves and i didn't espected this but yet i did
allow yourself to understand that sometimes you are not right and many of these times ,because you dont wanna get further this was my drama not yours and nothing remains still not in our perception
this is not as easy as many thought is was is hard for me to explain this issue because i have come to deal with it my whole life and i ve learned from there im not asking you to swallow my words or eeven justifing anything
just a question just like you all