Saman said:
Moreover, as far as having an emotional attachment to the speculations about 4D and so forth in the Organic Portal thread due to the 'inner dog's' self importance, I don't see this to be the case within because I was not seeking emotionally feel-good chemical confirmation for perhaps my own "sacred cows" about 4D reality being the way that I imagine it to be due to some speculations and intuitions, which may be false anyways since as you have stated, we won't really "get it" until we graduate to 4D, whenever that may be, or perhaps may not be since it is "open". They were just some notions based on some concepts that the C's had explained in the sessions and nothing more or nothing less. I was very surprised of what happened just when I finished the post in question because there isn't anything really new or significant within the context of that post in my opinion since most of what was stated in that post has been already mentioned in CassChat before in the 'past' by different individuals but I currently don't think it was all organized in one post as far as I know, which however, doesn't make it any special feat in itself anyways.
Interesting assessment.
I often find external events in our immediate environment to reveal hidden energetic dynamics in our lives. It often helps to look at these events symbolically, similar to how we view dreams, since external life has a lot in common with dreams. In waking life, our bodies are participating in mobile fashion, and interdimensional variables in dreams are supplanted with the materially "real" in the waking state.
There are, furthermore, energetic connections between people, and there are connections between people and interdimensional variables and influences. All of these are modulated by ouru psychic state, which opens and closes doors regarding these connections.
Saman, your mother experienced stress on her spine. The synchronicity between that spasm (where the build-up of stress could not be sustained), and your posting of the forum was so profound that you could not help but notice it, and associate a cause/effect relationship between the two events.
The thing is that spinal stress does not generate spasm without prior build-up. If the energy pattern of you mother's spinal stress was associated with your recent postings, then you need to understand the energy associated with those postings in a much clearer fashion. I decided to take a look at those postings again, and could not help but notice a pattern of enthusiasm building with each one.
You claim:
...there isn't anything really new or significant within the context of that post in my opinion since most of what was stated in that post has been already mentioned in CassChat before in the 'past' by different individuals but I currently don't think it was all organized in one post as far as I know, which however, doesn't make it any special feat in itself anyways...
This may be objectively true, but from what I observed you seemed to be "on a roll", and picking up momentum the more you posted. Although the information may not be new, you did seem to think it important to organize it as if it was going to lead you to something. You were "into" it, that much was obvious, and getting more into it all the time.
The enthusiastic energy of being into something is a "high", and results from the release of neurotransmitters and hormones that sustain it. This energy is useful because it keeps us going at a task, keeps us focused, and keeps our actions constructive. However, because it IS a chemical high at its roots, it CAN be addictive.
When this happens, our motives subtly shift from our creative exploration to the desire to keep ourselves "on a roll". Addiction to what we believe is creative enthusiasm is a manifestation of self-importance, because the truth becomes a means to keep ourselves going, even if we tell ourselves we are onto something.
So your claim that what you wrote was nothing special contradicts the apparent intensity with which you tackled a topic whose practical significance for the group seemed to be secondary to extended self-satisfying speculation.
Your abrupt response to Tschai was, furthermore, indicative of someone who did not want to be bothered with "trifles", and was a further indication that you placed speculation above the here and now aspects of the work, and your own "thing" above the needs of others. So you definitely were more than likely attached to your speculations, and more than likely started getting deeper into self-importance, and expressing rather than communicating.
At the same time, you are obviously at a level where you could have easily intuited this. I believe you did intuit the possibility, and pushed it away because of positive and negative reinforcement. Positive, because it felt good to express yourself as you were, and negative to avoid the dissonance of addressing the issue.
Go back, read your posts, and remember how you felt while writing them. Did you have a strong sense of purpose, of scholarship, of doing something that needed to be done? If not, I think you would have been more open to the signals coming from others.
Instead, you were bent on keeping the ball rolling. And the energy of the lesson presented itself with every post I think, and you brushed it by. And each time you brushed it by, your mother (who may have sensed your enthusiastic energy as a good thing- a thought that may have been inspired by forces that benefit from self-importance in seekers) accomodated you. She absorbed the energy of the lesson so it would not "pressure" you with doubt. Instead it pressured her.
And the pressure was strong because the farther along into knowing we are, the stronger the consequences of resisting true knowing, and hence the more response-able we are for our knowing. I believe each post increased self-importance, and constituted a denial of the true lesson placing more pressure on your mother's spine, until it gave.
The point is that if you keep resisting the lesson, you will feel dissonance because there is apparently nowhere to push it (unless your mother absorbs it in other ways), and knowing and self-importance cannot easily exist in the same mental space. It pays to observe this dissonance, because its deeper cause, the cause that pushed away the first lesson of empathic discontinuity is actually the more profound lesson, the one whose learning will assist even more than the first.
I believe the cause is a judgment against self-importance, which is also indicative of self-importance. You identify self-importance not as your own (refusing responsiblity even for its possibility) but your "inner dog's". Of course you did not invent this term, and it may be a decent analogy in a certain context, but I do think you are looking at this inner dog, and hence yourself, in self-depreciating terms (which is a reciprocal effect of placing importance on "non-dog" aspects, instead of the true teacher, the "dog").
I think you consider self-importance as beneath you. If you are dissociated in your perception from your "inner dog", then of course you may not percieve what is going on with it/you. And you may judge yourself harshly for such a "fall", which is not a fall, but just being 3D human and learning from it.
We do not punish ourselves for being human, and there is no need to "confess" to anyone. Simple honesty with self and understanding of the dynamic will greatly assist to rebalance the energies, and activate your capacity to observe the emergence of similar patterns.
When a disruption in empathic sense is reflexive, and when we seek to cover the reflex with speculative noise, there is more often than not avoidance of dissonance that is out of proportion to the original disruption. It pays to examine this, because your environment is indicating it should be examined. At the same time, there are forces that do not want you to examine the situation and increase learning.
I think this is a valuable lesson for everyone. Attacks do not just come from outside, but from within as well, and these are the most difficult to address, because it is easy to confuse self-assessment (which implies correction) with self-judgment (which implies condemnation).
Since we are in an STS reality, and we are OP-compatible to an extent, we are open to inner attacks through our own conditionings, and what these attacks want is to make us avoid confronting dissonance, and hence avoid learning.
That said, I want to add that since you are sincere in your quest for truth, you will obviously not resolve this contradiction by becoming more STS. That means that dissonance can only increase in your life, if not within then through external events that will become your avenues of potential learning. Personally, I prefer internal avenues as the discomfort is subjective, and does not involve others.
As I am expressing my view on this matter, the decision and final assessment is always yours, of course. If you are still adamant that your self-importance is a non-issue, and that there was no discontinuity in your ability to self-reflect, then I have nothing more to say about this.
