Awakening Anyone?

RyanX said:
Meri,

Could it be that some of these feelings are due to hormonal imbalances from your recent pregnancy? I don't mean to belittle your feelings in any way, I just wanted to point out that this may be an underlying factor in what you're going through right now. What you described sounds similar to what my ex-wife went through after our first child. Although she was never diagnosed as having postpartum depression, she had the classic symptoms. I've seen the same thing in other women too.

Hormonal imbalances are contributing as well, and I was explaining to myself that it will past with time, but pregnancy and baby birth just increase the "symtoms" already existing. Now when I think about the period before I had same feelings but they were not blocking me from my acivities.
It is relief if this will pass with hormonal balance back. I guess that after I know now I cant have same life anymore but at least to be full intelectaly active again.

Johnno said:
Agreed, some of the strongest people I have known have also been the kindest. Once that emotional bit that has been bubbling under the surface has sorted itself out, it will be able to combine with that old intellectual bit that was driving your life for so long. If you let it.
I am working in surrounding full of businessmans and "sharks" ready to to everything for their sucsses and bonuses.
And yes I dont fell as I am a part of it at all.
Two years ago I give up from high position and choose job which will gives me individuality and free time for my family and work. From this job I can watch people fighting for power and not to be personaly involved. It helps learn a lot .
 
Hi Meri,i have a little experience with the fear and i will try to share this experience and maybe will help or maybe not,for many,many years,even before knowing the Laura's work and this great forum and during reading/knowing Laura's work i always was haunted by fear and i can tell that i understand you perfectly because i know how it feels ,fear CONSUMED ME,it drained energy life from me and made me more confused,doubting in me and my potential, thinking that i'm weak ,useless,small that i will never make it and the worse part is that it can destroy you because (maybe i'm mistaken this is from my on experience)is like you open a door and letting in the 4d STS to come and manipulate you and feed on your fear that you own generate and more fear you have,more you have doubts on yourself,more weak you become and more food you are for 4d STS this i realized thinking a lot about this fear when i was stalking with it and trying to understand what is the root and how to stop it ,and doing so for many months in one day i realized that i found the KEY,i realized that this fear i aliment it,i grow it by myself and doing so i become weaker, have doubts in me,don't believe in me ,feeling like i'm loosing my will and the most horrifying thing i realized the more fear i produce more i'm exposed to 4d STS being manipulated and being food for them,in conclusion i get it that this fear i aliment it and if i stop doing so what will happen i asked myself ? And you know what will happen? i will stop to give energy for alimenting this fear and without energy this fear will cease,won't manipulate you anymore, will have no effect on you so you will not be doubting anymore in yourself and the best part you will be less food for 4d STS. When i realized this thinking a lot about this realization little by little always repeating to myself these thoughts i managed to surpass my fears,i don't tell that i don't have fear anymore ,i have but,i can control it not letting to consume me ,KNOWING that will drain the life energy and FREE WILL from me and giving it to 4d STS.

And like Anart had said off course you are making your own choices,you have all the right to do so and only you know what is the best thing/decisions to do/make for yourself.
Hope i don't muddied the waters more and truly i wish you strength and courage in your path.
 
Maybe this thread will help too,i'm not sure :

http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=3113.0 -The effect of the Wave/4th D transition on children ?

It's a great thread worth reading.
 
Thanks Andrian,
I missed this thread and it sure help me to remember all those innumberable possibilities. I am astualy stucked in only one or two scenarios and I understand that I am anticipating, and therefore fell such a fear.
I am trying to make decision to stop doing that , every day again and again, but seems like it is not enough just to decide , there must be something else which can help in that process and I keep looking for it. I understand teoreticaly what to do but in practice it is just a words that Im saying to myself , I feel like I have no faith . It happened in past that I loose faith , and then something usualy happens and things fit when I stop bein attached to some behaving or person, or situation. I guess I am again attached , but need to discover to what I am attached now (maybe 3d)
 
¿Awakening anyone? You can count on me.

I don't remember ever imagined to be a member of a religion. The reality is that I am member of FOTCM and I feel something very special within me: faith. In the past I perceived faith as an illusion, because I had no trust in anything. Doubts everywhere, thinking about ¿which is the real truth?

I am now fighting every day, to invest each minute with wisdom, to do things, to act. I have faith that I'm on my way to something useful, even if I'm not able to anticipate which the consequences are. Recently I also perceived that my body is changing dramatically. I believe this may be in relation to EE and the long detox process. I continue to loose weight, I had to throw away all my clothes, and I don't know if the process finished with this body shrinking. I even noticed that shoes are too big now.

I understand that the first part of awakening is discovering what you perceive to be the truth. To seek, find, extract, explore, recheck, ... but information is not the whole picture. I remember my first forum private message (unidirectional, no conversation neither answer was expected). I told Laura something I felt, "Thanks for existing." (now this feeling is public).

I also perceived that the awakening process is a long journey. Everyone has an inner path, traumas, walls to demolish. The truth is, a person that belief in something must do something, not punctually ... but everyday, on each action, to present to others and to it self and the ego: the truth. That this person has changed. This is very complex to explain. For me it is an inner perception that I'm on the right track. I do fear nothing, just one little thing: to fail to my self, not at the end of my life, but at the end of each day. I must do something, every day, on every action. With this energy I live today, and finally I can say: ¿Awakening anyone? You can count on me.
 

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