Being Ignored

[Al Today]

I hate being ignored.

Don't let it discourage you but rather use it as fuel to keep going. :)

Actually, I've been curious at my feelings of being ignored. I'm hopeful there was a valid reason for no response. This was the underlying reason for the posts.

If the feeling of being ignored was the underlying feeling then perhaps the reason has little to do with 513 and more with something deeper within you that may be helpful to look at?

If this is the case, know that you're always welcome to start a thread about it. The opportunity for networking extends to you as well as others.

I recognize that my negative emotions at being ignored is childish. Yet, I get angry when "I" am ignored. Well not angry all the time. Mostly annoyed at least. Now why is this? I can literally come up with what I call excuses beginning from childhood. So called bad parenting perhaps. Through life having to not ignore authority relentlessly being drilled into my head. But when all is said and done, I think this is based within Narcissism at a minimum.

This is one aspect of battling programs that stop me from growth into Being. In another thread, I allowed this "being ignored" issue surface. Irregardless of the situation at hand, I "felt" what I do not want to feel. I felt like a small child stomping their feet because they were ignored.

As I said. I recognize this and do work on self control. Never the less, the emotional irritation surfaced.

This bring up another point. ACCEPTANCE. How does one truly accept truth. For example, for the rest of my life, I will have to live with the bone degeneration, discs already degenerated that will never be as they were. Damaged joints from years ago that become more apparent, noticeable as age progresses. Oh... I wish I would have known about diet and nutrition years ago. I may have never been cured, but surly the process would've slowed down, if not halted. And let's not forget about EE. I mostly do pipe breathing and I can testify to the help it provides.

Anyway, back to acceptance. I can logically "know" what is. But I still get depressed, angry and jealous that my body, physical abilities will never be as it once was. I cannot get over the hurdle of just letting go and moving on. To just accept and move on. To not sometimes dwell.

 

[ignis.intimus]

Anyway, back to acceptance. I can logically "know" what is. But I still get depressed, angry and jealous that my body, physical abilities will never be as it once was. I cannot get over the hurdle of just letting go and moving on. To just accept and move on. To not sometimes dwell.

You have to emotionally know it as well, to feel the original feelings behind it. Often these feelings are so powerful our mind takes us to more comforting places, and we think logically about these things to distance ourselves from how we really feel/felt deep inside. Be completely honest with yourself and imagine a situation where you have felt ignored. In this imaginative scenario say exactly what comes to your mind, exactly what you want to say to the other person. Often it does boil down to a childish emotional need that has not been met. You may do this and find yourself telling a complete stranger (in your head or on paper) something absurd for the situation like "You never really loved me" or "You were never there for me", something along those lines.

Bottled emotions are a potent brew, but in my experience, the DCM has graced us with not needing to drink it all down. You will however need to take a drink straight-up. You can't water it down, or mix it. Total honestly with oneself, about ones feelings, and then accepting those feelings. You will know when you have done it right because you will feel differently about the same situations.

 

[Gimpy]

This bring up another point. ACCEPTANCE. How does one truly accept truth.

Well, its different for each person. Some have to hit rock bottom, lose everything. Others lose 'just enough' to scare them into the realization that, until truth is acknowledged, then accepted, nothing will change for them. Some have to get fed up, or angry.

It sounds to me like you've got bottled up anger that needs a direction that isn't going to eat you up.

For example, for the rest of my life, I will have to live with the bone degeneration, discs already degenerated that will never be as they were. Damaged joints from years ago that become more apparent, noticeable as age progresses.

What does that mean, really? Look at it this way: your body has 'x' amount of energy to use each day, how do you want to spend it? I do know what you mean...I've also got disc degeneration and lord knows what else falling apart, I got to a point that it no longer mattered what was 'wrong'. I realized that being cornered in my house with all the 'can't do this, and can't do thats', was the same as being upset that I can't run down the stairs backwards. ;) Self defeating....and when you think about it, its also self abusive...part of a program that kicks you in the head because you're not 'good enough'. Sound familiar?

I hate being ignored.

In what way do you feel ignored? Is this a sense of being invisible in public, because of perceived disability, or do you feel ignored in another venue? (On-line etc)

People ignoring me is wonderful. That means I can chase employees around on a scooter in Wal-mart when they're trying to hide somewhere to use their I-phones.

 

[mcb]

I hate being ignored...

What sorts of posts here on the forum do you ignore? What sorts do you read and reply to?

Take a step back and look at your own posts as though you were someone else reading them. Where do they fall relative your answers above -- would you pay attention to yourself if you were someone else?

I know this won't come across as very polite, but I frequently ignore your posts. I have come to not expect very much from them. I have sometimes found, perhaps mistakenly, that they didn't inform and they didn't challenge. My behavior now reflects a bias, I realize, that is rooted in earlier experience with your posts, and a need to make the most of the limited time I have available to participate in the forum. Others here may have reacted in a similar manner.

I also recognize that there are patterns in your posts that trigger feelings in me that I would rather ignore. Others may experience that as well.

...Oh... I wish I would have known about diet and nutrition years ago. I may have never been cured, but surly the process would've slowed down, if not halted...

You and a bunch of other people here. You can learn from it, or you can just give up. This aspect of it -- the damage I have incurred -- does not bother me so much as watching other people I know wreck their own health (like as not by trying to improve it using conventional health advice), and finding that there is nothing obvious I can do. So I look for not-obvious things to do.

Anyway, back to acceptance. I can logically "know" what is. But I still get depressed, angry and jealous that my body, physical abilities will never be as it once was. I cannot get over the hurdle of just letting go and moving on. To just accept and move on. To not sometimes dwell.

So you have the notion that "I cannot get over the hurdle of just letting go and moving on." It's something you "know" (i.e. "no") to be true. Is it really true? Have you consciously questioned it?

 

[truth seeker]

Anyway, back to acceptance. I can logically "know" what is. But I still get depressed, angry and jealous that my body, physical abilities will never be as it once was. I cannot get over the hurdle of just letting go and moving on. To just accept and move on. To not sometimes dwell.

Seems like you're holding onto the past. Can you think of anything that's good in your life now? How do you currently view yourself?

In terms of feeling ignored, I've found that many times, situations I perceived were really "just" a reflection of my own projections. In other words, how I felt towards myself would end up being a self fulfilling prophecy. When I changed those thoughts, my interactions with others and their responses (or at least my perception of them) changed as well.

Apologies if this was posted elsewhere, but have you read the Redirect book and thread yet? The writing exercises will do you much good, I think. They've been very helpful for me and in a surprisingly short amount of time.

 

[Ollie]

Anyway, back to acceptance. I can logically "know" what is. But I still get depressed, angry and jealous that my body, physical abilities will never be as it once was. I cannot get over the hurdle of just letting go and moving on. To just accept and move on. To not sometimes dwell.

Seems like you're holding onto the past. Can you think of anything that's good in your life now? How do you currently view yourself?

I agree, a couple of things that helped me: accepting life and death as cycle of experience, coming to peace with this, and accepting fate for what it is - reality; and keeping a daily journal where I add an asset, or resource a day, either external or internal, such character, talents, traits and natural, heredity type. Reviewing these entries leads me towards self-acceptance and self-worth (rather than self-importance). And, in the process, I can hardly ignore myself! :)

In terms of feeling ignored, I've found that many times, situations I perceived were really "just" a reflection of my own projections. In other words, how I felt towards myself would end up being a self fulfilling prophecy. When I changed those thoughts, my interactions with others and their responses (or at least my perception of them) changed as well.

This is true for me, too.

Apologies if this was posted elsewhere, but have you read the Redirect book and thread yet? The writing exercises will do you much good, I think. They've been very helpful for me and in a surprisingly short amount of time.

I agree with this, it is a powerful exercise to undertake, and takes up only a short amount of time.

 

[Gawan]

Anyway, back to acceptance. I can logically "know" what is. But I still get depressed, angry and jealous that my body, physical abilities will never be as it once was. I cannot get over the hurdle of just letting go and moving on. To just accept and move on. To not sometimes dwell.

Seems like you're holding onto the past. Can you think of anything that's good in your life now? How do you currently view yourself?

In terms of feeling ignored, I've found that many times, situations I perceived were really "just" a reflection of my own projections. In other words, how I felt towards myself would end up being a self fulfilling prophecy. When I changed those thoughts, my interactions with others and their responses (or at least my perception of them) changed as well.

What helps me most of the time is to rationalize this feeling, that some people didn't have time to respond on a post, don't have the time even to read it. Which in my experience most often leads to my own self-importance and thinking that what I have to say is important and with that getting occupied with internal consideration.

Anyway, back to acceptance. I can logically "know" what is. But I still get depressed, angry and jealous that my body, physical abilities will never be as it once was. I cannot get over the hurdle of just letting go and moving on. To just accept and move on. To not sometimes dwell.

Are there times where you do feel better or what have you done at other times to overcome this feeling?

 

[Bluestar]

Hello Al,

Being you were in such a horrible accident and suffered a great loss, trauma from that experience 'may' be an issue.

A forum member gave me some great advice once and suggested a book called "In An Unspoken Voice" by Peter Levine http://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php/topic,23581.0.html On chapter 5 and it has given me some really great insight regarding my own physical issues from trauma.

Be well and I trust that you will be gentle with yourself.

 

[Al Today]

Often it does boil down to a childish emotional need that has not been met.

Yes, and it does begin with childhood. I understand that being selfish is behind this. Seems that some programs just will not die. They merely go to sleep and awaken intermittantly. In the last event, I did not shut it down. I allowed the program to continue. This is part of a larger self-destruction program that I am aware of and do work on. This larger program is one of the main drivers for the selfish STS mode of living. Nothing comes easily nor instantly. Only through concious effort and continous practice will combat these... what I call character flaws. And with time, I am getting closer to achieving my goals.

Are there times where you do feel better or what have you done at other times to overcome this feeling?

I suck it up, remind myself it is me being unreasonable, keep my mouth shut, occupy my mind with another subject, and it will pass. Work seems to be the best distraction for disconnecting feeling of ill will.

[...]
What sorts of posts here on the forum do you ignore? What sorts do you read and reply to?

Take a step back and look at your own posts as though you were someone else reading them. Where do they fall relative your answers above -- would you pay attention to yourself if you were someone else?
[...]

This appears to me as nothing more as a prelude, a set up for the following commentary:

[...]
I frequently ignore your posts. I have come to not expect very much from them.
[...]
that they didn't inform and they didn't challenge.
[...]

Why? What is it you expect that I do not deliver? What is the challenge? To stimulate intellect? To overcome every and all obstacles easily and quickly? To be emotionally strong as steel, with an intellect to match? Using words that need to be looked up? Speaking verbose and appearing more educated? To me the challenge is to speak in simple terms.

[...]
My behavior now reflects a bias, I realize, that is rooted in earlier experience with your posts, and a need to make the most of the limited time I have available to participate in the forum.
[...]

Have I offended you in some way? Do you believe that I am not worthy to participate? That I am noise that should go away? Am I a waste of your time to even look upon? Am I the only one that has you feel this way? Or how many others fit in to this category?

I also recognize that there are patterns in your posts that trigger feelings in me that I would rather ignore.
[...]
Others may experience that as well.
[...]

Is this true? What is it about me that triggers these apparent feelings that may make you uncomfortable and would rather ignore?

So you have the notion that "I cannot get over the hurdle of just letting go and moving on." It's something you "know" (i.e. "no") to be true. Is it really true? Have you consciously questioned it?
[...]

Yes. I do consciously question my inability to emotionally heal. Almost daily. To accept and be happy with daily effort. Yes, there is also jealousy involved. Maybe I have talents others do not. As you have that I do not. There is no "I" in the word team. So please, let me understand why I bug you so?

 

[Menna]

So lets say your health deteriorate more. That means that RIGHT NOW is the healthiest you are going to be and you are wasting this time by always thinking I wish this or that your are missing your health now because you are thinking about what use to be or what you could have done. Maybe in five years you are going to need a cane to walk and you will say then I wish I didn’t need this cane meanwhile when you didn’t have the cane you were saying I wish I didn’t have this or I did that. So you will never be happy about your health if you keep this mentality. You are as healthy as you are going to be right now (If you deteriorate more) so enjoy it .

I do the same thing with my age…I wish I was three years younger…The lessons that I have learned and where I am at in my career I wish I was three years younger…Now if I say this and then three more years go by I will just be older and I would have missed my life now.

Maybe the trials and tribulations in your life have deteriorated your body but have also given you the knowledge and awareness you have now

 

[Ca.]

I have felt this condition as well, and what i came to realize is that it was me, and what ever emotional limitations i placed on myself, have to except that people have lives, which differ from mine.

It helped me to understand when this lack of attention did occur, that i was getting was a direct reflection of my own limitation's in respect in the choice of freewill of others. i don't believe that applying any pressure to expecting friends to CC me on any responce, would be natural, and better mentally, and a healthy way of acceptance. It must be by there own vocation, and freewill to have any reflection to a true integrated relationhip. Not a DC connection (one way ) but an AC connection (but a current, going bothways), for a positive, and healthy view of self control of ones emotions, and respect of values that are much more lasting, as well as meaningful.

In order to keep the joints lubricated i take a supplement of MSM ( methl-sulfonyl-methane ) Sulfur. This is a supplement similar to Glucosamine . i also believe that if muscles, and joints are not utilized (strength training) that an amount of atrophy occurs, which promotes a degeneration of the joints, followed by arthritis, unless it is a genetic issue.

You know the old saying use it or lose it.


Arthritis Foundation
http://www.arthritis.org/exercise-intro.php

Regular, moderate exercise offers a whole host of benefits to people with arthritis. Mainly, exercise reduces joint pain and stiffness, builds strong muscle around the joints, and increases flexibility and endurance. It reduces inflammation from arthritis and related conditions and reduces the risk of other chronic conditions. It also helps promote overall health and fitness by giving you more energy, helping you sleep better, controlling your weight, decreasing depression, and giving you more self-esteem. Furthermore, exercise can help stave off other health problems such as osteoporosis and heart disease.

Bodybuilding.com
Joint Supplements
_http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/bbinfo.php?page=JointSupplements

 

[Al Today]

[...]
You are as healthy as you are going to be right now (If you deteriorate more) so enjoy it .
[...]

I understand what you say. The quickness of events is what has left me shaken. Short version is I've been getting along fine with one leg since 1976. No problem, accepted that. Life was an exciting challenge. There's that challenge word... I had goals and would overcome. I worked hard, very hard, both of us, made a good life, and people barely noticed my wooden leg. Is what it is. Six years ago, I had rotator cuff surgery. The shoulder kept dropping out of socket when it felt like. Then Five years ago, I was renovating our home. Carrying & installing drywall. Re-plumbing. Lot's of home improvements. Then I blew my back. HerniaS and disintegrating discs. I thank my father for his DNA. I had surgery, wish I didn't. Having the 1 leg was an added hurdle to overcome in recovery. I work hard, moved up to a cane. Got rid of the cane. Then 3 years ago, boom. My hip blows out. Kept that 2 years until I could no longer take the pain, nor barely walk. Had total hip replacement last year. Back to the walker. Worked back up to the cane. Seems I am stuck with the cane, for now. Through that time, I got hooked on pain meds. Powerful stuff, the good schtuff. With the help of this network , I went through emotional distress, those major major meds are gone. Still hurt more than most people do. So yep. Takes time to acclimate and accept. And yes, I am a fighter and intended to live as long as allowed.

Note above was all physical. Prior to all that, back in 2002, I have also lost most material possessions due to a changing economy. Had the house foreclosed, had the irs after me. Lost it all. After Y2K, it took almost two years of working my arse off and watching everything slide away. When I was out on my last contract, when billing rates dropped 45-50%, doing what I can on a losing battle. More $$ going out than coming in. I was away from my family as I watched the towers fall and that Pentagon fiasco of 911. I never gave up. Sold the house before the banksters got it. Found a "real" job out here in cornville. Also in the past, cleaned toilet rooms & offices for xmas money for my children. So yes, I do know adversity. I just whammed so fast, my emotional acceptance has yet to catch up with the truth of the situation.

Well, am I sometimes angry, jealous, sad, irritated by those who know not. And yes, I am also guilty of many character flaws. I am Working hard on these. Sorry for the whiney noise. Would that be challenging enough for someone? Difficult to accept in a short time span? The smiles will follow. I am sure because that is my history...

edit: Wait... There's more. Below the replaced hip is a knee that is a candidate for replacement. The ankle is not very good either. I almost lost the left leg when I lost the right leg in '76. So the left leg problems, along with the aggravating neurapathy below the hip replacement is more icing on the cake. I try not being bitter here. I only am letting you understand who I am. And oh yeah, let's not forget the flaming bursitis I now have after the hip replacement.

 

[Al Today]

[...]
You know the old saying use it or lose it.
[...]

Yep, you got that right.!.!.!
And thanks for your help.

 

[ignis.intimus]

Reading through your list of injuries, surgeries and issues I have to say that is a lot to go through Al Today.

What do you think about what the C's said about the soul matching to genetics if present? Do you think that your deteriorating health reflects upon your life, past and present?

Are you doing everything in your power to address your situation?

When I was struggling to come to terms with my situation that was a big hurdle I had to overcome. To realize that I was so afraid of how bad off I was and how long it would take to heal, if it were possible at all. My best honest estimates were years off, and this was very disheartening. I wanted the pain to end now, not spend another 10+ years suffering even more to work against my problems. I wanted to think that I would get a break, and somehow in 1 or 2 years I could be better. This led me to not address my problems fully, because so much effort with such little pay off would remind me again of how much further I had to go. So I pushed the reality of my situation away from me. And because I didn't approach with my situation with total honestly, I couldn't give it my total efforts. How could I fix something I was trying to ignore was a problem?

If, and how, this might relate to your situation I am not sure. But I do get the impression that there is more you could do. You elude to having bad DNA, which from what little I know means you have to work double-time on the food and diet front. Your body would be much more sensitive to unhealthy foods, and you would have less "margin of error" than others. Do you cheat on your diet, eating things you know you shouldn't be?

 

[Al Today]

What do you think about what the C's said about the soul matching to genetics if present? Do you think that your deteriorating health reflects upon your life, past and present?

I do wonder about that. Could be this body is to keep me asleep, hold me back. Or I have some very bad karma to reconcile. I don't know for sure, but I have wondered if there is any correlation.

Are you doing everything in your power to address your situation?

Not everything, at once. This I cannot do. I continue to achieve goals. I have learned a long time ago that all can not be changed at once. Major items need to be broken up and chipped at. This is what I do.

Do you cheat on your diet, eating things you know you shouldn't be?

I do not think "cheat" is the operative word here. As I live with others, I do succumb to weakness. On the other hand, my spouse is growing with awareness as I grow. As long as improvement is demonstrable along with goals being achieved, much is improving.