Being Ignored

[Crystla24]

Hello Al and Everyone here,

My time-frame to post is short, as usual. This won't be eloquent, but I want to express my gratitude to you for making this thread and every single person who contributed.

I have been going through a very hard time and this has been my underlying issue to a much greater program. This thread may very well have given me a stepping stone to assimilating my shadow!

I hadn't posted since December, and if you can recall...I had been nervous to make my last post and had made a pre-post to whether I should or not. You Al, were the first person to tell me to go for it! And then I was almost entirely ignored when I did. It did not trigger an angry response though. I just wondered "why is this?" I knew it was alot of self-importance, I wreak of self-importance. Anyway, on top of All life's freaking hassles. I had to move to another house. And would you know it, No one helped me except one person I had to break down and beg for help. There was my own pride involved in some of this. But alot of the anger boiled down to the fact I Actually needed help and no one was there for me. This threw me into a full blown fit of rage at the world/universe. I felt I had been fully possessed by my shadow and didn't care. I have been full blown projecting all I know is wrong with me onto the world; and I was sabotaging my life, knowingly and uncaring 'cause I had given up my fight and decided, maybe this is who I Am. I wanted to be self-important! I felt "entitled" as someone earlier had said. Half the reason I am in the mess i'm in is for over-extending myself helping everyone else. It was my turn to be helped! I had a full fledged revolt with myself and haven't been around, cause I wasn't going to purposely, uncaringly project everything I was angry about onto everyone, knowing it was all me.

After further consideration after reading this thread. I decided, although I feel conscious of my flaws (which I seen your anger in it too Al), what is my sub-conscious crying out for me to see with all this projecting? Am I denying I am all these bad things and still lying to myself. What am I blatantly ignoring in myself. The thought came to, other strange lol "my shadow screams from the abyss, I Exist". Thought into this strange sentence (don't ask me why I'm so wierd lol), I am going to start recovery from this point. Further thought told me, maybe I need to forgive myself! I forgive most everyone and let petty things go, but this hatred of humanity that was my self-projection, that was hating myself! I don't know that I can expand more on this right now. But maybe someone will see what I did. I feel like for the first time in my life I might actually be able to start healing.

Sorry for the hijaack, I was in a very bad place and still not capable as of this time, to share much subsistence. I am very grateful for this network. And I pray that the help you actually Need Al comes to you. It's hard to take on life alone (if that's what our perception is). Thank you

 

[Crystla24]

Not to be noisy, but I wanted to put the word out there, self-acceptance. I think these thought had come to me upon pondering how to fix self-importance issues. Maybe it is a front to our underlying insecurities about ourselves...FWIW

 

[Al Today]

[...]
myself helping everyone else. It was my turn to be helped!
[...]

I also do that. I love to say nobody gave me a damn thing. All I/We have is from honest hard work. (My wife and I feel like we are a team against the heartless world). I also love to say I've been waiting for that knock on the door from publishers clearing house as the $10,000,000 contest prize winner. But Ed McMahon has died so now I will never win.
For those who have never "heard" of this: _http://www.pch.com/winnerscircle/winnercircle.shtml

We must do the Work on our own. All are here to help each other in the Work. And by helping, we are helped.

 

[Antoinette]

Hello Al.......I'm a very much a newbie to the site. As I was scanning through this section your post caught my eye and caused reflection on something I just found out about through a holistic/preventive MD doctor here in my area. You fit the profile of many patients he has worked with here. Recently he has been doing seminars with a Dr. Gilbert Renaud on what is called "Recall Healing" with these objectives:
-discovering genealogical wounds carried within
-track back timelines of personal trauma
-discover when disease patterns started within you
-discover and stop negative patterns leading to illness
-learn how to interpret symptoms and discover emotional issues

If you do a google search on Recalll Healing you'll find it. I admit I haven't done any extensive research into this, but the reputation of Dr. DeWet (who introduced Dr. Renaud to my area) achieving results for his patients here as been amazing. He's a pioneer for preventive medicine and started a wing at the University of Texas Health and Science Center. Which is incredible to achieve in this religion prone/subjective belief part of the world.

Hope you are able to find some relief and answers to what is happening to your physical/conscience/ and spiritual being. By the looks of all who have reviewed your post 1417 so far.......I don't believe you've been totally ignored. Many here have shared good advice and are being of service. Not unlike you I do a battle with self importance.... as the C's have told us it's not necessary, only the self and it's discovery.

 

[Al Today]

Thank you Antoinette,

I'll g00gle "Recall Healing" and see what pops up.

 

[cubbex]

My observation/experience is that anger at being ignored is related to infantile narcissistic rage and not being cared for or having one's needs met at a very early time, possibly pre-verbal. I think it has happened to everybody at least a little because no parent is perfect, but to others a great deal more because the parent was inculcated with very bad ideas about child-rearing.

So, you've got this issue. Thing is, you have to live where you wake up even if some other person put you there while you were dreaming (including some other aspect of yourself, possibly.)

I often describe it as coming to yourself in the middle of a battlefield and wondering how the heck you got there. The first order of business is to survive until you can get out of that mess and that means stop being a target. You have to very quickly learn to master your fear and impulses to react to everything going on around you so you can "get out alive".

Mastering fear is the key because you have to understand that all of the other negative emotions you are talking about emerge from fear; fear of annihilation.

Strangely, when we are afraid of being annihilated (ignored, starved, cold, etc), we often do the very things that create the scenarios that make what we fear more likely to happen! You know, anger, jealousy, acting out, etc... all come from this fear of being ignored, unwanted, hungry, cold (what the infant fears), and that just turns people against us and they do what we fear!

Mastering fear often means doing what "it" doesn't like or want to do. When you are upset because you are being ignored, pay attention to how much you are ignoring others in your focus on yourself. When you feel that you are not accepted, pay attention to how much you are voicing your acceptance of others. What are you doing constructive?

It seems from your comments quoted above that you do know how to master these things, you just don't realize that doing this with the right attitude can change your whole perspective. It's all about how you interpret it, what the "story" is.

Have you read the thread "redirect" and tried the writing exercise in respect of this issue? Maybe you should write your life story and publish it on an anonymous blog, one chapter at a time, warts and all, and come to some resolution about the meaning of your life? It seems to me that it is a story worth telling, someone else might benefit from reading it, but at the very least, YOU would benefit from having a clear idea of where you have been vs where you are now and the meaning of it all.

As for meaning - what meaning is there in our lives if we do not have some positive effect on others? What luggage can we take out of this life except what we have done for others?

My hat off miss. I always wait for your comment to show up, like I did before with the cs sessions. You are now indeed inspiration for my dialogues of my fictional story I'm writing right now.

And thanks for uploading the amazing grace, now I can read it

------------------------------------------------------------------

About the thread, sometimes I feel afraid of being ignored, but not angered by it, so when I fear I try we don't loose anything. Also when I began to understand this anger at being ignored when I was 14 years old, I thought the irony of this, that Laura speaks of; the irony that I got angered whenever I've been ignored, but that I didn't care if I ignored others.

I've been ignored from there to many times, of course working on it wasn't so easy at first, but then I just simply waited to the proper time I can speak and express myself, after I listened to others in their own moments. With this comes the lesson of when we need to speak and when we need to be silent.