Boring, too heavy-handed and preachy

wanderer33

wanderer33

Jedi
A good friend of mine recently said I had become "boring, too heavy-handed and preachy". I also see myself in that way and would like to change.

Any advise?

(Please be as gentle as possible under the circumstances.)
 
wanderer33 said:
A good friend of mine recently said I had become "boring, too heavy-handed and preachy". I also see myself in that way and would like to change.

Any advise?

(Please be as gentle as possible under the circumstances.)
Click to expand...

Bearing in mind that STO does not give until asked, maybe this is an indication to stop preaching and wait to be asked?
 
Well, for starters you could try to become a good listener. Instead of focusing on whatever it is you think you have to offer and then opening your mouth, practice listening to and empathizing with whoever you are interacting with. Letting others speak without interrupting them and then reflecting later upon what they say is, at least in my opinion, a great source of knowledge. I am constantly amazed at how much I miss at first and only realize later. So 'shut up and listen!' would be my contribution to your query.
 
wanderer33 said:
A good friend of mine recently said I had become "boring, too heavy-handed and preachy". I also see myself in that way and would like to change.
Click to expand...

Well, before i venture to give any advice, i'd like to know under what circumstances/types of discussions that friend told you the above.

It happened that a good friend of mine called me boring and preachy one time. Boring, because i wouldn't be her drinking companion due to my choosing to quit alcohol, and preachy, because i stated the health reasons of why i made that choice.
 
Yeah, listening, even if you play a role of being kinda dumb, goes a long way toward making other people feel validated. Even if you KNOW what they are gonna say and what the answer probably is, listen anyway. Let them learn by hearing themselves speak things out loud. It's a great gift to give to another and if you think about it that way, that you are actually giving what they are asking for - to be listened to and validatated, and given the respect that you think they can work things out on their own if they have half a chance - then it becomes easier especially if, in your heart, you really do intend to give to others.
 
Thank you, theVenusian and Laura, I'll take that onboard and try to remember to apply that very good advise.

Alana, know what you mean. I don't drink or do any drugs not even pharmaceuticals. Tea is my limit. I must say though, I never lecture my friends on their habits, but I do often interrupt their conversations. I really have a problem with that. Needs a lot of work. :(

Gurdjieff smoked like a chimney which surprised me.
 
I am working on similar issues. I learned from my husband to not only listen, but ask questions that invite a person to share with you. Sometimes its hard to know what to ask, but if you listen, the right questions will present themselves. I've been working on this for a couple years and it is really helping me to break through some of my "i'm the center of the universe, don't you agree?" programs. People appreciate your interest in them and feel like you care. :) Its all part of the work!

Tree
 
After listening, when you feel like you want to say something that you would normally say in a preachy, boring or heavy-handed way, maybe try to find a way to say it in a light-hearted, 'jokey' or otherwise interesting way.
 
I have been into this stuff for over ten years and do think I am a wanderer. I have one friend who I have known for about 6 years we go out on a regular basis. SHE DOES NOT KNOW THAT I THINK ABOUT THE SUBJECTS ON THIS FORUM. She is not interested so I never discuss it because it is her choice not to believe in aliens and the wave, which I imagine she doesn't. When she wants to ask my opinion on things I will do so till then I will say nothing. Any way just being around her I think we communicate with each other on higher levels and on some level she knows the stuff I do, she just doesn't know it. When I got informed on the STO pathway I stopped, giving unwanted advice, telling people all the things I believe in, and cut way down on manipulation or deception. I realized it's less pressure. I am not here to fix anybody just myself. The pressure is off. We both have more fun that way and right now joy and fun are on my list of objectives.
 
Thanks for those insights Cecilfb4. I think the preachy part of me is a result of the urgency in which I see our situation. Much of what I believe, I do not discuss with anyone. Even though my friend, a hollywood script writer, gave me a synopsis of my behaviour, he exhibits similar characteristics. Its funny how the things you notice in others can come back and bite you. :)

On a positive note, one of my sons, the eldest of twins, is a trained psychologist and knows me very well. He re-frames the problem and has come to the conclusion that my life path is that of a 'catalyst'. His pet word for me. He thinks I bring change wherever I go. Unfortunately, this is not always gentle change. I'm working on it. That's part of the reason why I'm here.
 
Cecilfb4 said:
I have been into this stuff for over ten years and do think I am a wanderer.
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I find it interesting that over the last two weeks, we've had several people post on this forum that they 'think they are a wanderer'.

I would really like to know what you think this means, cecilfb4.

How does this thought affect your life, on a day to day, hour to hour basis? What about your life - your day to day existence as a human being incarnated on 3D STS planet Earth in 2010 is actually effected by this 'idea'.

I ask because, if 'wanderers' exist, it seems quite apparent to me that the last thing in the world they would ever do is 'think' or 'say' that they are a wanderer. In fact, the vast majority of them would be clueless once the veil fell - because that's how it works, to my understanding.

So, if you could help me understand not only why you would say such a thing, but what it really means - in real, day to day, living a life and learning, terms, that would be helpful.
 
anart said:
I find it interesting that over the last two weeks, we've had several people post on this forum that they 'think they are a wanderer'.

I would really like to know what you think this means, cecilfb4.

How does this thought affect your life, on a day to day, hour to hour basis? What about your life - your day to day existence as a human being incarnated on 3D STS planet Earth in 2010 is actually effected by this 'idea'.

I ask because, if 'wanderers' exist, it seems quite apparent to me that the last thing in the world they would ever do is 'think' or 'say' that they are a wanderer. In fact, the vast majority of them would be clueless once the veil fell - because that's how it works, to my understanding.

So, if you could help me understand not only why you would say such a thing, but what it really means - in real, day to day, living a life and learning, terms, that would be helpful.
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I have to agree with you there, Anart.

My brother-in-law has told me that he thinks I am a wanderer. If I understand him correctly, it's because he sees me as being a fairly advanced soul - I'm good at many things, intelligent, well rounded and open-minded. And also, unfortunately, because after reading about and listening to a fair bit of David Wilcock, he reminds him of me. Wonderful!

But as I tried to get my mind around the idea all I could think was, I suppose it's possible but how the heck would I know? And if it is true, it sure isn't doing me any good because I'm still saddled with a fat lot of programs, emotional problems, basically a whole list of 3D baggage that holds me back and causes pain to myself, and others, just as effectively as anyone else. And if wanderers come here to help others learn and awaken, I don't know that I'm doing much in that regard, especially because I've got so much to learn myself.

All this seems to indicate that if I am a wanderer, in this reality, I am still no different than anyone else.
 
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