Consciousness Triggers for Self-Remembering

[TheSpoon]

I've been trying to Self-Remember with the help of consciousness triggers - saying to myself that when such-and-such a situation arises, I will enter a state of Self-Remembering.

Page 182 of Ouspensky's The Fourth Way contained this paragraph that I found helpful:

"Suffering is the best possible help for self-remembering if you learn how to use it. By itself it does not help; one can suffer one's whole life and it will not give a grain of result, but if one learns to use suffering, it will become helpful. The moment you suffer, try to remember yourself."

Which ties in nicely with what Gurdijeff says we first need to do to preserve energy which is ceasing to express negative emotion, because - as I see it - being annoyed/upset about something is suffering, and we're much less likely to express ourselves in a negative manner if we remember ourselves. I've been finding this really useful when my son throws food on the floor - good time to take a step back and not knee-jerk react.

It's interesting that when a state of self remembering appears, my last 4 or 5 seconds of thought seem to be available (a bit like how when someone wakes you up from reading by saying 'Well?' you can still access the last thing they said, even though you weren't conscious of hearing it at the time). And in those thoughts I can dimly sense the approach of that state of awareness - the connections between the thoughts that, perhaps, activated an "I" which is interested in The Work.

So a question I have to ask myself is: am I actually Self Remembering? Which is something I guess I'd have to ask the group's opinion on. Whether or not it's Self Remembering, I certainly feel present - present to how I'm feeling, present to what's going on around me, present to what I'm thinking - but at the same time also a sense of being present as an observer to the same. I often take a large in breath and reflect on how long it's been since I was last "aware" of anything.

Interesting that although I'd prefer not to work for a living, I seem to spend more time being aware when I'm at work than I do at home at the weekends when, although I'm doing things I enjoy more, I seem to spend less time fully conscious. That makes me wonder if mundane work is actually necessary/useful in terms of The Work. Or perhaps it's just that my monkey mind is following the path of least resistance - similar to how my flat was never cleaner than when I was supposed to be studying for exams.

Also, is anyone else following a daily meditation practice? I'm not finding it make so much difference to the number of times I remember myself in a day, but it does seem to have quite an improvement on my emotional state. I feel like I'm carrying around less low level, strangely unattributable, guilt.

 

[webglider]

Which ties in nicely with what Gurdijeff says we first need to do to preserve energy which is ceasing to express negative emotion, because - as I see it - being annoyed/upset about something is suffering, and we're much less likely to express ourselves in a negative manner if we remember ourselves. I've been finding this really useful when my son throws food on the floor - good time to take a step back and not knee-jerk react.

I kind of long for the days when my daughter used to throw food on the floor from her high chair. It was so easy to disarm her then - remove her from the situation and let her amuse herself by crawling around the floor. Heck, I'd even crawl around the floor with her. Flash forward to the present, she's 17 and the opportunities for eliciting the conditions for "...being annoyed/upset about something" are limitless.

Last week though, I broke the pattern somewhat. Although I did become thoroughly "annoyed, upset", (enraged actually) , I did not express it verbally. I did not call anyone to discuss it. I went out and walked about four miles, then went to a movie. I was still angry the next day, so I walked another four miles and went to a concert. I was still angry the third day, so I walked again, and went to a book store until late evening. After that I went home and was able to talk to my daughter and make jokes.

"What were you so angry about anyway?" she asked. "Was it because I......?

She actually knows what makes me angry - I actually think she enjoys having the ability to evoke this response in me, so I didn't get into it.

I don't know if this is self-remembering or not - as I was walking, the same tape was playing in my head, and I was really furious, but something told me not to give voice to it, so I didn't; I haven't, and I won't.

I didn't say anything that I regret, and I feel as though I have achieved some self-mastery over my actions if not my emotions.

I don't think this is self-remembering actually, because I'm not as much actually remembering myself as reexperiencing the same emotions that I've experienced in similar situations.

Is there a goal to all this? My wish is to extinguish these emotions completely and replace them with more appropriate ones. Is this even possible?

But at least this time, the emotions were contained as much as possible within myself until they disipated on their own.

So maybe I'm just at the first stage, the stepping back stage in which I can still make the choice not to express myself in a negative manner.

It seems to me that I can step back and observe myself more effectively when I am not in the grip of such strong emotions. I really like those calm, meditative states, but I'm only fooling myself if I believe that they can sustain themselves in the face of the other emotions.

 

[TheSpoon]

Hi Webglider

Last week though, I broke the pattern somewhat. Although I did become thoroughly "annoyed, upset", (enraged actually) , I did not express it verbally. I did not call anyone to discuss it. I went out and walked about four miles, then went to a movie. I was still angry the next day, so I walked another four miles and went to a concert. I was still angry the third day, so I walked again, and went to a book store until late evening. After that I went home and was able to talk to my daughter and make jokes.

It sounds as if you 'changed' the pattern, rather than 'broke' it? Taking three days before you're able to discuss something is what we'd call sulking in my house, and you may find that it takes up far more energy than clearing the air at the earliest possible opportunity. Your daughter was obviously still very aware of your emotional state so you were clearly still 'expressing' negative emotions, although congratulations on not saying anything you would have regretted!

I suppose I'm making the distinction between expressing negative opinion in the street (or to a baby) which is clearly pointless, and expressing yourself to a family member where such expression would have a point - perhaps preventing future occurrence. I mean, I don't think Gurdijeff intended that we should put up with unacceptable behaviour - look at his reaction to meeting Aleister Crowley as an example.

Is there a goal to all this? My wish is to extinguish these emotions completely and replace them with more appropriate ones. Is this even possible?

For me a goal would be to prevent anger - where I'm able to express myself reasonably - from developing into losing-the-plot rage where I'm not. I suppose the point of trying to self-remember when the anger approaches is to be able to take a step back and look at why I'm angry. Is it about me, or is it about them? Would it be useful for me to say something or not? Quite often when I get angry with my child it's because he's not doing what I 'want' him to do, and that just says STS to me and I have a wee smile to myself.

"Extinguish Completely" sounds like repression. I would prefer to admit what is there and look at why it's arisen - rather than letting that aggrieved tape play and adding fuel to the fire. And then deciding how to respond, rather than acting out my part in a (melo)drama.

But at least this time, the emotions were contained as much as possible within myself until they dissipated on their own.

Yes, although containment takes energy and (at risk of sounding a bit New Age) you may find that that energy has dissipated into your body rather than into the aether. Or perhaps you burned it off with your walking.

Good luck!

 

[PepperFritz]

Iss there a goal to all this? My wish is to extinguish these emotions completely and replace them with more appropriate ones. Is this even possible?.... It seems to me that I can step back and observe myself more effectively when I am not in the grip of such strong emotions. I really like those calm, meditative states, but I'm only fooling myself if I believe that they can sustain themselves in the face of the other emotions.

I dunno, I consider it a major victory if I succeed in identifying the real "origin" of an emotional outburst within a reasonable period of time of experiencing it.

Take yesterday: I have a chronic inflammatory condition in which I've learned to tolerate a certain amount of physical discomfort on a daily basis. But from time to time the pain reaches a debilitating level, seriously interfering with my ego- and agenda-driven plans for a given day. Yesterday was one of those days, and I ended up being quite bad-tempered with my house-mate over some really trivial stuff. Within minutes of leaving the house I saw that I was actually angry at my uncooperative body, rather than my house-mate. Previously it would have taken me much longer to make that connection, and/or I would have beat myself up about the "stupidity" of my behaviour. Instead, I simply saw the connection, and the pointlessness of being "angry" at something so beyond my control. When I returned home about an hour later, I very matter-of-factly shared my insight with my friend, taking mental note that I really need to drop the self-important "suffering in silence" bit and just communicate what I am experiencing with those around me, if I want to avoid such "outbursts" in future.

Will I behave differently the next time I am having one of those days? I dunno. At the very least I hope the "moment of insight" happens a little sooner each time -- maybe immediately after the outburst, maybe at the very same time, maybe eventually just before the outburst happens. The point is my goal is not to "extinguish" the emotion, but rather to better facilitate the "insight" so that the emotion becomes unnecessary.

An analogy: As I child I learned to perform arithmetic with pencil and paper. My teacher set the goal of eventually doing such sums "in my head" and dispensing with the pencil and paper. The pencil and paper were not "bad"; at one point in my learning they were necessary to the learning process. They simply needed to be "left behind" in order to progress to the next level. I think it's the same with strong emotions. At a certain stage of development, they are necessary to the lesson, a tool to help us "make the connection". Eventually they can be left behind, but not until we're "ready" to do so.

Seems to me that the focus should be less on the emotion than what it is pointing to. Does that make sense?