Although, I am not that anxious, aprehensive, dreadly as I would had been at least ... 5, 7 years ago, due to ... I believe the lessons I had learnt with the help of this forum, to which I am grateful. EE had been also a very good palliative, so to say. I had not been able to do it often but, when I am so stressed is the first thing I do and is very helpful to recover my balance.
Things, situations had been quite complicated for me in this Covid-1984 era. I wanted to be with my elderly parents, since my brother that used to live with them, decided to go to another city because her daugther live there. So, my parents were alone. After I was "voluntary forced" to close business because it was not essential, I went to the city where my parents live. At first, I thought that a month - authorities said it would be a month- would not be a problem, economically speaking to be able to pay salaries, suppliers, expenses.
But then, the month become 2 and 3 ... to which I was in the need to adquire a debt, at those months I was only able to pay reduced salaries, some fixed expenses and taxes. By July, the business was abe to reopen with the condition to to commit myself to the city authorities, to comply with all the required sanitary protocols, signed on paper. So, in reality I was able to open at mid July, But I was not there, employees do so. I have been in touch with them from afar to manage the business, although it had been stressful, I am able to doing so.
So, it went July, August, September and, there was not news about my brother coming back -by that time- I was still with my parents. (Location may be confused, because I am writting this where I used to live right now). Several days ago, my brother return home (parents) to tell us that, he was not coming back to keep living there, this corona issue had last too many months and there is not ending, so he preferes to stay with her daughter. he just went for a visit.
Due to his stayed at parents, I was able to come back home for a week, and will go back to my parents in a couple of days.
Supposdely, I came to be at the business for updates and know how things go. Since September, business at down town center were allowed to open daily ...July, August was just 3 days per week and reduced hours) to which was more difficult to pay suppliers ... I will pay them, eventually ... is stressful to have them upon me demanding their payments. I understand them, and they understand the situation as well, so that helps. And, I had been talking with them and most will respect the credit agreement because I have a very good payment history, to which I am very grateful. Another issue had arrisen, suppliers do not have goods in stock, broken commercial chains, that would complicated things more, Sales had been so low. But, I do not have money to go out of business, have to keep going.
Supposdely, I came back to do a fast and deep cleaning at my apartment, it was left 6 months almost untouched, I cousin kept coming every once and then to open the windows. But the dust/dirt continued to accumulate. Buf... and here,days ago become/arrised another issue in which I am more stressed. Have another cousin in which he have very difficult economic times, he told me that he is selling his car in order to pay debts and that he does not have money left to pay next month apartment rent. So he asked to live in my (actually my sister's) apartment for a period of ... coronavirus time?. And, I say yes, to him and also his daughter that nowadays live with him. When I came more than ten years ago to this city, he recieved me at his apartment and I lived there for more than 5 years. Within family we help each other.
With this yes, and because I will go back to my parents for whatever period of coronavirus time, I wont be here and, is useful and good that he will pay not rent but expenses, that helps me too.
With this yes, cleaning and business work almost dissappeard of my schedule and packing is what I am doing, in order for them to live here, is needed to take my stuff out. Too bad I had aquired a lot of stuff, I do throw away stuff every month, the aparment is little and, I don't like to be in a mess or with a lot of things because I feel that I don't fit. Still there is too much and many many many books, people had told me to throw away the books.... no! I do not do that ... well, had not decided which books will have to go ... for now, I told my cousin that I will leave the the closets, bookcases and shelves as empty as possible so that they can put their things. And, I have until tomorrow, another cousin will help us, take me and my stuff and move it to my parent's city tomorrow.
So, I said yes, still is stressful, when I came here at Monday, I say to my self "home sweet home" ... this feeling to be at home is nice, by tuesday I said yes. part of me says, that is another lesson, one can do wherever, and one is without the stuff that had been attached to. Another part of me is mouring... Just when I realized the part, the lessons, to keep going/living in this city that had been so difficult, to almost embraced, to be by myself, to have my stuff, to have my life... have to move and keep going. I just want to cry. Is ok, I repeat myself. Is ok, to have this feelings, it does good. And, I am doing so, I had not been able... have to do things, pack, business work, sometimes I just want to dissociate with whatever movie, to not think, to not contemplate just for a moment.
So then, thanks for reading, hope the lessons all of you have, because I'm sure you have,.. keep going, stay safe, be fine, there are always paths, This will pass.
And, I still waiting for the "soon enough" something that may stop short this madness
