Phew! What a fantastic thread, I'd firstly like to thank everyone who has posted, especially the likes of Angelo, unbeliever ECT.
I've got to say that I too was very easily confused and "suckered" in to the manipulative games. In fact, it came as a great shock to me to realise that my skills in discernment is in no way ready for practical application in the real world, and indeed the apparent "crunch" ahead. I found myself wanting to stick up for unbeliever and Angelo at many points, and simply couldn't see the subtle manipulations. If Laura, Ark and various others hadn't pointed out these games, I would have most certainly sided with these people, if not following them.
This case in point has lead me to some serious doubts about my own psychological health, well, actually, I've always known to a certain degree that I have serious psychological deficiencies, reading this post made me realise just how easily lead I am and how serious the consequences could be.
Like you, Fifth Way, people need to understand my tendencies and work out what I mean rather than just "get" it. In writing and speaking, It frustrates me enormously when people correct me by weeding out words that are ambiguous and unspecific, to be honest, I know that I need to be less lazy and more clear, and the only reason why it frustrates me is because the flow of which I use naturally is constantly being questioned and obstructed. But actually, I can see how this process of self analysis is not only necessary, but crucial if we want to make it out of here alive. I can sympathise with people who have the same difficulties in communicating, which resulted unfortunately in this case with me being lead by subtle manipulations I couldn't see.
In regards to first languages, I grew up speaking mostly Mandarin Chinese, now, I dislike blaming my shortcomings of English on this fact, but truth be told, for the majority of my life I've hated English, especially writing and reading. In only recent years, I've discovered the value of writing and communicating clearly. I purchased a book called understanding style and now Love the English language. In fact, this website opened my eyes to the world of reading really, So Thanks again guys!
There are plenty of good books about writing I would thoroughly recommend for anyone here who wants to improve their written English. I thought at first that learning this would be tedious and hard, but actually, it's rather exhilarating and simple to understand. I think we'd be doing a great favour towards ourselves and everyone on this forum if we make sure that we write with the reader predominantly in mind.
Angelo interestingly pointed out something I wanted to discuss, the idea about how conception affects our psychological structure, I've got a few insights into this matter I'd like to share.
A while ago I spoke to my Taiwanese friend about daoist concepts, mainly about how what the parents eat and the conditions, whether environmental or otherwise, they are exposed to during pregnancy could dramatically influence the child's physical and mental wellbeing. I know this is a little different to what Angelo was saying, THAT was about the intentions of the parents during conception, whether say there is love or not and how that might affect the psychology of the child. I agree that this may have an influence, but I'm talking more about practical things the parents do during pregnancy that might have an effect, which seems quite likely to me. For instance, if the mother during pregnancy eats or drinks mainly cold things while the weather is cool, that might give the child a weak throat or something. I'm not an expert on this, so the specific causes and effects I do not know, I'll get back to this once I know more. It's the concept I'm trying to get at, anyway, this idea is already proven to an extent, like drinking alcohol might harm the child and so on, but in Chinese philosophy, they regard even the most subtle conditions in pregnancy as something of tremendous influence to the child in the womb. This, personally I can believe, although some of the superstitions I've heard might be stretching it a bit...
Anyway, having this discussion lead me to speak to my mother about my time in the womb, and what she has revealed has been rather shocking!
She said about 3 months into the pregnancy; she started bleeding, BABLY, so badly in fact that when she went to the hospital, the nurses automatically took her in to the miscarriage ward and prepared for my death. Now, my mother was having none of this BS, so she started shouting "NO! He wants to live, I Want him to live" and demanded to speak to our doctor to get a more professional analysis. Indeed it seemed that my mum came very close to losing me, but thankfully the doctor saw the possibility of my survival more than the nurses, who witness that kind of problem all the time so are used to dealing with it without second thought.
Anyway, the doctor told my Mum that the only I would live would be if my Mum stayed in bed for the rest of the pregnancy, and that's what she did, she literally had to stay in bed for 6 months, not even getting up to brush her teeth! Her hair during this time went grey, and she became very weak, but nevertheless, I made it into this world thankfully.
I was wondering what kind of an effect that might have on psychology, could unborn babies suffer trauma? And what in the world happened!? My Mum never had problems with pregnancy, I am one of four children, so why me I wonder? Was it a deliberate form of attack or damage control? If so, that's despicable! Talk about below the belt! (No pun intended).
While discussing this with my Mum, she had the most wonderful insight into the root of my character, which helped me considerably understand who I am. She said that when my brother started to walk, he had absolutely no fear, he would just start running before he could even walk, which caused him to fall flat on his face all the time. Whereas for me, she said I had the idea in my head of walking much earlier than everyone else, and everyone thought I'd be walking the earliest, however, my Mum said I refused to let go and stand on my own for a long time, I'd hold onto furniture for a while, and if the thought came that I might fall, I'd refuse to take a chance. However, she said when I eventually dared to take that chance, I was certain that I could achieve such a task, and as such, I never fell over. Interesting how that kind of information reveals so much about a person.
This offered me a wonderful insight about myself; it seems that as a result of (trauma?) from a very early age, I am incredibly insecure and paranoid about the safety of the world, and afraid of taking risks. The degree of insecurity is as of yet unknown, but I have been known to become extremely paranoid at certain times... The fact that this problem can't be cured is a great source of comfort by the way. Oh well, the good side of this problem is that when I dedicate myself to something, I really go for it! Spending so much time thinking about the risks, when I decide to take the risk, I usually achieve my aims magnificently. This makes me wonder, could this be the karmic disposition I agreed to before coming here? On top of that, it seems like a quality that's rather necessary for me to get to this stage, doesn't it?
Thinking about this however outlined a more sinister possibility, was this although something I agreed to, a form of attack? If so, it appears that the PTB really wanted to either get rid of me, or leave me very weak physically and psychologically. Could STS forces do that?
Furthermore, I've been looking into the idea of negs operating in my life, and it seems quite evident that I am under constant attack from these beings, I won't get into the details right now, but I have good reason to assume this to be true.
This correlates with something else my mum mentioned, she said it was strange how much of a nightmare I was to look after as a baby, saying that for the first few months I refused to sleep, screaming and crying for literally entire nights! Why? What was so uncomfortable that I couldn't relax? Could it be a powerful Neg? It's funny because I am still unable to sleep in the correct position, I toss and turn all the time, there is an innate, deep tension within me that seems to have been with me my entire life, could that be a Neg that attached itself to me before I was even born? My parents said the only way to get me to sleep was by putting me in the backseat of a car and just drive, this soothed me for some reason, does this correlate with Robert Bruce's idea that water acts as a deterrent of Negs, and since we have a complex structure of water systems underground, driving around weakens Negs?
These are all questions I wish to find out, does anyone have any recommendations?
Oh boy! I've certainly got a lot to learn about objective reality and discernment, when reading the posts by Angelo and co I really thought they were asking some serious and good questions, I had no idea of the glaring contradictions and the paramoralisms, Thanks guys, if I hadn't read all that, it wouldn't have driven me to seriously think about ponerology and inner observation in this way, and I might have gone into the world and been chewed to pieces by manipulators. Sorry about talking about personal stuff quite a lot, but I want to determine the cause for the psychological deficiency, and the key might be looking into the past and objectively figuring out how the deficiencies are caused, what do you think? Could psychological anomalies be a tool for the PTB to make sure those with potential are subdued or easily manipulated by psychopaths, or do they use anomalies to create good STS puppets? Or both perhaps! I know I'm making the assumption that I have soul potential, which might be a complete fallacy, I don't dare let myself think that without serious doubts, after all, I might be a perfect vehicle for STS!
Anyways... I've gone so far from the point that I don't know where I started, just a few thoughts I had about this thread I suppose, I hope this helps somehow. :)