Something Gaby wrote yesterday really got me to thinking and I thought I would try to share it.
Gaby said that this whole ID thing was a "relief". And I thought, yeah, that's exactly it; it's like a huge feeling of constriction is gone.
But why feel constricted? Aside from some internal awareness that something is a lie...? Well, I started thinking back over my life and all the incredible struggles to make sense of the world and my experiences, and experiences of so many others, and to do so in the Darwinian/materialist context. Even the Cs had to be on trial all this time because of that. And that's not to say that putting things "on trial" or testing them is a bad idea; I still think it is a good idea.
But the thing was, I was very susceptible to the Darwinian schtick because I could pretty clearly see that the religious schtick - as it was taught - was a no-go. And that is still the case. Parts of it make some sense, but there was so much fantastical nonsense laid on top of what might be true that it was impossible to find anything to really "believe in".
So, if you can't believe religion, and the tools you have to work with are science under the control of Darwinism, what to do?
My problem was, I really couldn't just "believe" anything; there needed to be some facts, some evidence, to inspire confidence that the item was reliable.
On the other side, I had a lot of experiences, including an encounter with my deceased grandfather, and much later, my grandmother and then more recently, my mother. What do you do with things like that when the entire intellectual atmosphere around you says that such events are only delusions or illusions? I think of poor Carl Sagan who was firmly convinced that when he died there was nothing at all. But he was apparently content with that as so many Darwinians appear to be.
Okay, Cs say there are organic portals, that might explain such as Sagan and rabid Darwinians. On the other hand, are they right that I'm just deluding myself? Is there something in the mind that creates such things, such impressions? Can it be that it is all just some sort of natural material law or effect, like heat or cold, or light, or gravity, or whatever? Can the Cs be part of this self-delusory system?
Some years ago somebody asked me what would I do if the Cs were lying to me, if it was all a big fraud. I thought about it for a minute and then said that I guess it didn't matter because I would still act as if things mattered, as if the Universe made sense, as if love, truth, beauty, caring, STO, etc, were good values. I thought that even if they were delusions they OUGHT to be true and I was going to act as if they were to give them reality.
But you know, doing all of that in the face of what we have all been facing for nearly 20 years now - the increasing madness of our reality - is difficult. You get tired; you feel like just throwing in the towel, checking out ... let the lights go out. It's like there is no place to stand anymore in the midst of the hurricane.
So, there I was, in the late summer and fall of 2017, not long back after the stem-cell therapy trip, exhausted, unable to walk, hardly able to stay vertical for very long during the day; the previous few years of near constant pain leaving me with a dopamine depleted brain. And still, I decided I had to plug away at the least I could do as much as I could, every day. And all I could do was read and make notes. I was in a chaise longue with my legs elevated and a lap desk... struggling to focus my mind and make it do what I willed it to do which was function and recover.
There were projects laid aside that I couldn't cope with; but I could read. And read I did. As often as I was able, I posted a bit about it here on the forum. The early stage was Collingwood. And then, I was able to get back to my beloved biblical studies, particularly Paul.
I was reading some academic works on Paul, mainly talking about his visions, his alleged "Road to Damascus" experience, etc. I noticed that several of the scholars were announcing in triumph that they were now able to explain this with "evolutionary psychology". I've probably posted about that in the forum, too. That made me curious and I started reading about evolutionary psychology.
Evolutionary psychology led to reading about evolution itself. That led to books about fossils, theories of human origins, etc. Just a LOT of reading. On any given subject, I would read at least 5 or 6 books by the eminent persons in the field, and maybe some papers on the side. Neandertals, Homo Naledi, Out of Africa, Into Africa, Denisovans, etc.
Evolution led to reading about genetics. I'm sure some of you remember me talking about that and recommending some books that give basic background. Evolution and genetics was a LOT of reading. It would be tedious to list them all... sometimes 5 books a week, sometimes less because I am somewhat slower and some of these topics required intense concentration.
Then, more genetics and evolution and sociobiology, E. O. Wilson and the gang. Then, Origins of Life theories from the mainstream. I was commenting about these things here and there and recommending some books, but certainly not all of them.
Then Symbiosis - Lynn Margulis - then Virolution - and then Genetic Entropy... then Intelligent Design. Each topic filled in by several books by proponents and critics.
You know, for me, I needed to follow this path; I had to read the best that Darwinism had to offer and then get into the details of genetics by the experts in those fields so that when I finally watched the video about the Flagellum, it really was like a "Road to Damascus" experience. And I knew it had nothing whatsoever to do with delusion, illusion, or any silly "evolutionary psychology" explanation for a feeling of a shift to another reality. There the darn thing was, and there was no other possible explanation for it and I knew there wasn't because by then, I knew the best the Darwinians had to offer and I knew the deep details of cell biology and genetics, as far as is known by experts.
And then, RELIEF. I can hardly describe it.
Yes, I'm glad I have the Cs outlines of reality, cosmology, and so on, to describe things; it's a good thing I was exploring in several directions at once because there's just not enough time in a life to do it all otherwise! That whole other reality is REALLY REAL - only maybe not the way the old time religions described it; but then, they weren't that far wrong, they just got buried by nonsense.
Now I know that when my grandfather came home the night he died, he really did. His being did not "go extinct". He was there then, and continues to exist, as does my beloved grandmother, and so many others, not just my loved ones, but the loved ones of people everywhere. (As long as they aren't OPs!)
What's more, I know that when I die, it is not the end. And that's a relief, too.
I am firmly in a New Reality today, and I know it.
