Difficult situation at work

[findit]

It certainly appears he was trying to get rid of you. Too bad you couldn’t talk to the other teachers, but you do have a contract, so you could have warned him that to break the contract would cause you to seek legal assistance into the matter. Maybe it might have caused him to back off, I don’t know. Hopefully, you can finish with your students like you wanted.

 

[BHelmet]

Thank you for sharing, Cleopatra II. I can only share my own experiences. My wife is Polish and for a time she taught at a Catholic high school. Our kids also attended this school. Her experiences did not involve sexual harassment but she did encounter the massive dysfunction of school/church administrative hierarchy. They tended to put up a Defensive shield to protect themselves and deny any wrongdoing while allowing a certain high level of chaos to reign. A squeaky wheel was allowed to get very loud before they would even consider having a discussion about applying any oil. Almost like “we have been here a thousand years. You and your petty cry for justice will fall by the wayside and we won’t ever have to address it because we make the cost of your personal energy so high, you will give up.”

In the final analysis, Wandzia had an adrenal burn out nervous breakdown, so I say you have to manage yourself. You can’t assume that anything St Paul says about how we should love each other applies to Catholic school policy. If you have personal shields of titanium coated steel then you can stay. Don’t expect anything to change.

One parent told me (about the school) “your not buying a great school. You are buying the kids of great families for your kids to grow and learn with.”

Yes there were great teachers at the school and it sounds like you are one.

But I was always mystified whenever the school had the kids sing YMCA by the Village People.

Catholic schools are a bizarre mixed bag. If you can shake your head and laugh and put up with and manage the embedded psychopaths, you can consider staying. I think you already know you are swimming with sharks. If you can be at peace with that, more power to you.

 

[John G]

Thank you for sharing, Cleopatra II. I can only share my own experiences. My wife is Polish and for a time she taught at a Catholic high school. Our kids also attended this school. Her experiences did not involve sexual harassment but she did encounter the massive dysfunction of school/church administrative hierarchy...

Yeah my wife is an assistant principal at a Catholic school (in the U.S.) and she left that school for a year due to the mean political environment. She had a great relationship with the principal and priest but the superintendent and bishop were against the school and the principal had been forced out.

 

[nicklebleu]

I don't know Cleo; he just went from a boorish cad to a crying saint....Do you believe him?

I had the same reaction … of course you know him better than we do, but this would get all my alarm bells ringing. I might be wrong. Anyway, I think we’ll know more in seeing how he goes about his promises.

And the “best reference ever”? If a reference is “too good” - as in over the top - it can work against you. It may sound like thge management is “complementing you away”.

Just a few thoughts I had on your situation, again, I might be completely off.

 

[Princess Lux 🌷]

I would appreciate your opinion about the event. Was I too weak? Could I do it differently? Better? Smarter?

I do not think that you are weak in pointing out factors that affects the situation or your decision esp. if it is the truth. What you did/suggested is what works for you and the principal also has made his decision. Maybe you can just see how things work from that decision and just try to be cautious. Your good intentions has made a way for you to reach a pleasant decision that works best for you and it's a good sign.

Your emotional attachment to your students may be putting you in a vulnerable state, which could be used against you. Be careful.
Remember, you are responsible for your future. Take your life into your own hands. Don't feel obliged to "shape" anybody's future. I know it's hard, but let go of all the "wants" and "wishes." Whatever you do, just let it be, don't force anything.

I think it is just best to ponder about what Natus Videre's reply so your attachment will not put you in a similar state again.

 

[Curious Beagle]

Thank you for all your comments and advice. Unfortunately, I didn't have time to talk to the other teachers or consider other options, since this morning I was urgently called to see the principal and forced to take the decision. So I went there and here is the description of the meeting.

I went in there and he started:

- "I would like to give you 31 classroom hours. High school and elementary. Specific classes, a lot of freedom, I'll adjust to the hours, but I know you're involved in academics, music and don't have time for that. You are indeed wasting yourself in this work and I would absolutely not urge you to do it, unless you are in a difficult financial situation."

So I told the truth:

- "I'm not in financial hardship, if I switch fully to a university job I'll earn a lot more, but it wasn't a job for me. It was a mission piece for me. What was to be built at this school appeared beautiful. However, various external circumstances (influence of the inspectorate, curia, church) do not allow it. I do not intend to burden the management with additional costs. However, I cannot abandon my students either. I've grown close to them, I've watched them develop and I'm not going to abandon them one year before final exams. I would like to run extracurricular activities with them, they can be free of charge".

Somehow this touched him, because he said:

- "And really this earning is not important for you? All the teachers here are always arguing about raises and perks. You're always talking about the students. But the extracurricular activities won't be free. I'll pay you triple for them because it's an honor for the school to have such an employee. Someone who always thinks about the students, about the mission.".

And I told him:

- "Yes, because for them I am here. And I don't want them to lose me, nor do I want to lose them. I would like to lead the current 3c class to matriculation examinations as I promised them and I will not break that promise."

I was very moved, I think he saw this and tears came to his eyes. And so did I. He made up his mind to make me some kind of consultant on scientific matters for the school. He apologized to me for the various situations. He said that he had always been attracted to me because there was something in me that he was looking for in a vocation, and he sometimes behaved stupidly, which he knows. He also said that he knows I'm right and that he also agrees with me on the issues of my protests about discrimination against students and recently had a reflection on whether he abandoned his faith for advertising after my comments. And that he doesn't want me to go away forever, but he is financially coerced, although he is able to make an exception for me and give me the 9 hours as I wanted. But I said I didn't want to burden him and just keep regular contact with the students. He promised me that he would see to it.

He told me goodbye that he would write me the best job review he had ever written and that he was sorry for everything. He didn't try to touch me. He cried when I left and told the secretary to leave.

Thank you so much for your support!

I would appreciate your opinion about the event. Was I too weak? Could I do it differently? Better? Smarter?

Overall I think you handle the situation quite well. You know what you want out of life, the options that is available to you and the price you have to pay for those choices. The problem probably started with misunderstanding due to your lack of communication with other coworker and superior. In general you don't have to be best friend with the people you work with but at least you socialize enough so working condition is smooth and going in the same direction. The obvious problem is punching your boss in the face for whatever reason as this never ends well. I understand in HRD the top reason employee quit their job is due to dislike of their superior. If you spend some times in understanding what your boss objective for you as a team player you will be able to help achieve that goal better. Remember he has order from his superior too. Most problems in organization started with everybody doing their own things while it lack synergy as a whole.

As for your spiritual lesson. you are progressing in the right direction as you show some empathy toward other. The realm of 3D is for socializing with other so the frictions can act as a mirror to our own flaws. You learn new ways to be in harmony with other ideas, culture, races, sex, etc. The end result of this planetary effort to come into spiritual convergence shall be that social memory complex that is the basic structure for 4D work. You are attempting to learn how to be one united people, working together toward common goal, sharing ideas, hopes and fears, carrying each other's burdens etc as if they are your own. You won't be harvestable to sto realm by being egocentric.

 

[Alejo]

Little late but I just caught up with the thread,

I think the situation developed well, you got out of an uncomfortable situation and from what you shared, it seems to have ended on good terms. I somehow do not trust his reaction, it seemed too perfect.

Perhaps he still harbors feelings or thoughts of a possibility of a future with you, and so him crying and behaving so generously could be him simply acting on those hopes.

A person who will touch someone who they're attracted to, or have feelings for, inappropriately in front of students... has got something wrong with them, so his apparent generosity seems to mirror his lack of consideration and entitlement.

So, maybe he's seeking to maintain a form of connection with you, but if I were you, I would probably stay away from him. Maybe keep a connection with the students, but him... he strikes me as bad news, very bad news.. capable of going from abusive and invasive to a total dove.

Just my two cents.

 

[Cleopatre VII]

The time machine will be created

Thank you! It's hard to find more motivating words for me! You have touched me!

I don't know Cleo; he just went from a boorish cad to a crying saint....Do you believe him?

I can't say definitively whether I believe him or not. In general, I assume that there is good in every person. To me, his behavior seemed sincere, but of course I cannot be sure.

It certainly appears he was trying to get rid of you. Too bad you couldn’t talk to the other teachers, but you do have a contract, so you could have warned him that to break the contract would cause you to seek legal assistance into the matter. Maybe it might have caused him to back off, I don’t know. Hopefully, you can finish with your students like you wanted.

I'm not going to take legal action against him. The management of this school has already had many legal conflicts with teachers. I wanted to do things differently. Maybe this will make them think twice. I'm going to have extra classes with my students. I'm happy with this decision. I will have more time for my academic and artistic work.

Catholic schools are a bizarre mixed bag. If you can shake your head and laugh and put up with and manage the embedded psychopaths, you can consider staying. I think you already know you are swimming with sharks. If you can be at peace with that, more power to you.

Thank you so much for sharing your wife's story. I am not going to stay in that school.

Yeah my wife is an assistant principal at a Catholic school (in the U.S.) and she left that school for a year due to the mean political environment. She had a great relationship with the principal and priest but the superintendent and bishop were against the school and the principal had been forced out.

Also, thank you so much for sharing this story. I see that Catholic schools in general are specific.

Just a few thoughts I had on your situation, again, I might be completely off.

For me, all thoughts are important. I consider what you write and I am grateful for your thoughts.

I think it is just best to ponder about what Natus Videre's reply so your attachment will not put you in a similar state again.

Actually being attached to students is problematic here, but I think I can resolve this issue with the best possible outcome for all parties. Including, most importantly, for the students.

Overall I think you handle the situation quite well. You know what you want out of life, the options that is available to you and the price you have to pay for those choices. The problem probably started with misunderstanding due to your lack of communication with other coworker and superior. In general you don't have to be best friend with the people you work with but at least you socialize enough so working condition is smooth and going in the same direction. The obvious problem is punching your boss in the face for whatever reason as this never ends well. I understand in HRD the top reason employee quit their job is due to dislike of their superior. If you spend some times in understanding what your boss objective for you as a team player you will be able to help achieve that goal better. Remember he has order from his superior too. Most problems in organization started with everybody doing their own things while it lack synergy as a whole.

As for your spiritual lesson. you are progressing in the right direction as you show some empathy toward other. The realm of 3D is for socializing with other so the frictions can act as a mirror to our own flaws. You learn new ways to be in harmony with other ideas, culture, races, sex, etc. The end result of this planetary effort to come into spiritual convergence shall be that social memory complex that is the basic structure for 4D work. You are attempting to learn how to be one united people, working together toward common goal, sharing ideas, hopes and fears, carrying each other's burdens etc as if they are your own. You won't be harvestable to sto realm by being egocentric.

Thank you very much for such a comprehensive answer, full of spiritual messages. I will also consider your words from this perspective. This is a very interesting prospect for me.

So, maybe he's seeking to maintain a form of connection with you, but if I were you, I would probably stay away from him. Maybe keep a connection with the students, but him... he strikes me as bad news, very bad news.. capable of going from abusive and invasive to a total dove.

Just my two cents.

Thank you. I will take your words into account. I don't have much experience in life or social skills, so such advice is very valuable to me.

Thank you very much to everyone for participating in this thread, for advice, thoughts and support.

 

[Alma.Innovadora]

A really annoying situation especially when the laws seem to favor the abusers and harassers for trying to take care of the image of the workplace, in that case, they are unpunished and the best thing is to leave before the situation gets worse, get out of their radius of action and leave them with their hell apart, because sometimes those "apologies" are nothing more than the "in case of emergency" option and not what you believe for presenting yourself as "good" for appearing "Honest" with words. If the situation seems "favorable" to you after you have dealt with the situation, you still shouldn't let your guard down. You are in your radius of action because of the attachment to the students really, nothing prevents you, more than yourself, to be able to continue teaching in other ways.

He seems to only tell you what you want to hear even from his fixation on you to gain approval and trust. "I don't want you to leave forever".... "I don't want to lose you/them" isn't it familiar what's behind that desire? Maybe that person has a serious emotional problem, but for that reason we should not have pity or compassion blindly. There are people who are a roller coaster of emotions and radical actions that can harm us in a big way by just giving them a little space in our lives, which after all, are the best cracks through which they can pass like water.

You don't have to think that you should be responsible for anyone's future. Everyone is responsible for their own life. But you can give private lessons to whoever you think is learning better with you and that could possibly, depending on how you manage your time, give you other possibilities and other options that maybe you don't contemplate right now. Sometimes you have to leave a little bit of what you consider "good/safe/stable" or as the "only place" where something can happen, so that other things can present themselves.

 

[Cleopatre VII]

So this issue has now been definitively resolved. Last Tuesday I was urgently summoned by the director for an interview.

First he apologized for his various behaviors, but then he started to resent me for not being nice enough to him and felt that I was irrelevant to him and his vision and mission. Then he asked me to stay and at least have wheels. I agreed to the classes, but I signed my resignation as a teacher by mutual agreement.

Before I left, he asked me if he could touch my hair, but I said no, so he didn't touch me.

 

[Alma.Innovadora]

Before I left, he asked me if he could touch my hair, but I said no, so he didn't touch me.

He has a serious problem of harassment and so on that I'm sure others here could say more concretely, I would just say he's a sick little guy. The sick game in which he will playfully persist until you tell him yes, because yes, there are those who give in to finance after so much insistence. With demands, with emotional accusations, that typical psychological game of "I admitted my guilt but I feel that you don't treat me well" he abused but demands that you treat him with affection? (laughs) seriously, be careful and keep the possibility of filing charges against that person if necessary, I don't know, just don't let your guard down. Asking you to stay was just to keep his "precious" close to him.

 

[bianca etezete]

I am asking for advice on a situation that I will describe below.

The principal of the school where I work had been making attempts to pick me up for some time.

About 2 weeks ago there was a situation where he was punched in the face by me in front of students for trying to touch me. He was not unkind to me for this. He seemed to understand my reasons.

I have worked as a teacher at a high school for three years. Today I have been informed by the principal that he cannot afford to employ so many teachers and therefore he proposes that I either take up a full-time position at the school or resign. On the other hand, he cannot fire me because I have signed an indefinite contract.

However, if I insist on staying I could get into conflict with the management, which destroys the atmosphere at work.

I also have another job (at university) so I am not materially dependent on my job at the high school. However, I treat it ideologically, as a form of mission. During these three years of work I have also become close to my students. I care about them very much, I know they like me, and I would like to see them graduate.

Taking on a full-time position is not feasible for me because I have another job, as well as studies and many academic and artistic plans.

On the other hand, I really don't want to leave my students. I feel responsible for their future. I have been thinking about organizing extra classes especially for them free of charge.

What would you advise me to do in this situation?

Hey Cleopatre VII, you are NOT responsible for anyones "future", except yours. You seem to have a lot of plans, tend to them! Only if YOU are in your fullest, you can be of true help for others. and it will come to you naturally. Do not overthink, do not torture yourself with a job that has no acceptable rules (even though students are nice). My advice.

 

[Beau]

In general, I assume that there is good in every person

This is wrong thinking on your part, and pathological people will take advantage of your naivete. Better to assume the opposite and make others prove to you they are good through their actions.

 

[Zzartemis]

So this issue has now been definitively resolved. Last Tuesday I was urgently summoned by the director for an interview.

First he apologized for his various behaviors, but then he started to resent me for not being nice enough to him and felt that I was irrelevant to him and his vision and mission. Then he asked me to stay and at least have wheels. I agreed to the classes, but I signed my resignation as a teacher by mutual agreement.

Before I left, he asked me if he could touch my hair, but I said no, so he didn't touch me.

Welcome to the world of psychos/socios/narcs....
Gaslighting 101.

Continuing to believe that there's goodness in all, can get you seriously hurt, killed or psychologically damaged.

How much time have you spent on reading Laura's writing/research on this subject?

I've never posted on what happened to me due to being duped by a human predator....Not sure I want to on a public forum...it was horrific. They too were educated and intelligent.

 

[Alejo]

He has a serious problem of harassment and so on that I'm sure others here could say more concretely, I would just say he's a sick little guy. The sick game in which he will playfully persist until you tell him yes, because yes, there are those who give in to finance after so much insistence. With demands, with emotional accusations, that typical psychological game of "I admitted my guilt but I feel that you don't treat me well" he abused but demands that you treat him with affection? (laughs) seriously, be careful and keep the possibility of filing charges against that person if necessary, I don't know, just don't let your guard down. Asking you to stay was just to keep his "precious" close to him.

Yes, I would not discount the possibility of taking legal action, hopefully you never have to but... "let me touch your hair"... it's not only invasive and abusive and wrong... but strange, creepy even.

Run away and stay away, it's sad for the students yes, but what you would have to sacrifice to keep your place in their lives is way too much. This guy seems obsessive and criminal.