Do you fear being STS?

[placematt]

Hi Wanderer. Great responses so far in this thread. I just wanted to echo Keyhole and ask how familiar you are with Gurdjieff's work, because this experience you're having perfectly describes G's concept of self-remembering. I remember the first time I really had a good mirror held up so I could see myself; I pretty much cried myself to sleep that night, understanding for the first time how much I harmed other people because everything I did came from selfishness and I had no self-control or consciousness whatsoever.

Hey T.c, thanks for the post!

I am somewhat familiar with gurdjieff. Have read ISOTM and some of the fourth way stuff. Im yet to read beezlebubs tales to his grandson but have read a lot of content on the forum about him also. Yeah i think thats a good way to describe it T.C. its like realising you didn't have consciousness for that part of your life. For me, even though i consider this projecting and self aborsbed behaviour to be over the past 24 years, its also been heavily acted within during the last 3, maybe 4 years because i have lost many close friends. Seeing this unconscious way of living and interacting and how difficult it was to finally see. It can really take hold for a moment, and it did, it shocked me. Self remembering, i didn't think it was self remembering but now that you mention it, perhaps it is as i've seen and can now actually remember myself participating in projecting and narssitic behaviour.

I remember reading something Laura one wrote about those beings who consciously choose to be STS, graduating up the levels of density in that mode, and that - to paraphrase - they're basically the most evil kind of being you could possibly imagine and in their own way, have Worked on themselves to get rid of any small amount of goodness left inside them.

Also according to Laura, there are beings/people whose true state is STS, and if we don't know our real I, then we can only find that out by trying to become an STO candidate and observing the results.

But I think that we're also speaking about potentials here. So, if you're afraid you might actually want to be STS, ask yourself: do you feel that you've got what it takes to eradicate every bit of kindness, care, empathy, desire to help and protect others, drive to understand reality and yourself and others as they really are? Would you prefer to live in a state that is so self-absorbed that what you see is only what you want it to be, and to exist to consciously and knowingly feed off and harm others in order to maintain your constantly depleating energy, all the while knowing that your ultimate fate, if you even manage to achieve such a state of being, is to basically contract and collapse in on yourself, becoming physical matter?

Well this is actually an easy answer, Its a resounding NO. Perhaps i identified my I with this little I that glimpsed itself. So instead of understanding what i saw was unconscious behaviour, i took it in a more absolute form of identity and who i was, or essence. Which it can't be.

The most helpful thing for me at the time was reading the psychology books: The Myth Of Sanity, Trapped In The Mirror, Unholy Hungers, The Narcissistic Family and Women Who Love Psychopaths, together with studies that the group put together on Psychopathy, here: http://cassiopaea.org/category/articles/psychopathy-studies/

These books and papers taught me about what I DIDN'T want to be, how I DIDN'T want to act. And when you know what to look for in yourself, you've gained the knowledge that grants you the free will to do something about it or not.

I have trapped in the mirror, myth of sanity and character disturbance in the mail which I'm expecting to get next week. Should have finished dabrowski by then so if i start getting shocks from those books, i think what i have learnt in "The theory of positive disintegration should help me. Actually all these replies haves helped me broaden my perception and not identity the whole of myself with this Little I. Because perhaps it was fear of the shock and it feeling real, or the strongest I for a while. I tended to gravitate towards it instead of knowing what it was.

 

[WIN 52]

The bad news is that the greater the soul potential for becoming an STO being, the harder the system works to make you STS.

The good news is that if the potential is highly STO oriented, with a bit of knowledge and understanding, it becomes easy to chain/cage the STS influences. Imagine that!

 

[cubbex]

The sad part about not liking our STS nature is that there is no way to stop it, unless we are able to change our constitution and metabolism. Our bodies hooks us to this nature. STS is just a predator of a particular nature, some are hyenas some are cute zebras. Our bodies need meat and some other nutrients. If you'd like to mitigate little by little in physical terms this predatory nature, maybe you'd like to give a look to the ketogenic diet. It is the less "predatory" diet out there, you don't eat a lot of meat but fat and oils, and some supplements. And you also feel cool. It's the only diet that respect the goddess blood.

 

[placematt]

The sad part about not liking our STS nature is that there is no way to stop it, unless we are able to change our constitution and metabolism. Our bodies hooks us to this nature. STS is just a predator of a particular nature, some are hyenas some are cute zebras. Our bodies need meat and some other nutrients. If you'd like to mitigate little by little in physical terms this predatory nature, maybe you'd like to give a look to the ketogenic diet. It is the less "predatory" diet out there, you don't eat a lot of meat but fat and oils, and some supplements. And you also feel cool. It's the only diet that respect the goddess blood.

Hey Prometeo,

good timing with the post. I have read keto-adappted, the diet research paper, the keto thread too and have start the KD diet as of yesterday with my broth. So already getting onto that bad wagon!! :)

 

[beetlemaniac]

As has been mentioned before, doing the Ketogenic Diet also can help a lot with corralling the little I's, since you need to be pretty disciplined with your eating habits. The discipline helps keep the predator in his place. I think it's great that you've taken all the necessary steps to get informed about it and are going on to start the diet on the right footing -- more power to you wand3rer!

 

[Joe]

No but I fear bigger STS that eat me

They can't eat you without your permission.

Perhaps, but the real question is: what constitutes permission?

 

[petite femme]

I understand what you are going through! I myself, also experienced great shock when I was able to objectively view myself for the first time! It was almost like being possessed! Watching something else other than who I perceived myself to be, acting through my body! I was a little scared at first as well. I really like the idea of using the fear as a motivator! I instinctively, have always been opposed to fear in my life. But through objectively viewing these contradictions within myself I realized that sometimes fear can be useful!! At first, because of the fear, I did not know how I was going to work through it, or change anything. But in the end I decided, I have to. I have a choice, the fear and objection to the unconscious negative behavior that I had witnessed in myself, had kind of proven that. It was the first step. I did not have any idea how, but knew that first I needed to understand the behavior that I wanted to change fully before I could begin to change it. All the advice given in this thread was fantastic! FWIW, I think you are on the right track!

 

[petite femme]

Also, as you stated, it's important to remember, its a work in progress!!

 

[Kay Kim]

Hello wand3rer,
I also looked back myself sometimes ago and remember I did a lots disgusting things that made me shudder at even thinking about it, then sad, anger, torment, depressed by what I did, even it cause pain in my heart too. Then I was writhe in my own sorrow for sometimes.

Then I realized that I can not go back to correct my previous fault, but now while I still have chance to live my life to be better person. Then I forgive everybodys any wrong thing they did to me and hope forgive me for any pain might I cause for other.
Therefore nowadays I don't contempt others when person make mistake, swindle, impoliteness and so on. I just pay more attention to person and situations and leave them and not attacking back. But sometimes I make mistakes again and reminds me I need more discipline.
What can we do? We have to keep trying to be better than before each time we fall.

So even though I am not perfect, one thing is in my heart, that is I want to be STO. Maybe I don't make this time or next, but I don't worry about it because eventually that's what I will be.

I am, I will refuse to be STS. I have done enough of that, no more, I let my past STS life style be gone. Haha.

Now I have gained knowledge and knows the truth, it make me happy that just know one thing that there will be opportunity for STO beings go to the 4th density.
Praise the Divine Cosmic Mind.

 

[placematt]

I understand what you are going through! I myself, also experienced great shock when I was able to objectively view myself for the first time! It was almost like being possessed! Watching something else other than who I perceived myself to be, acting through my body! I was a little scared at first as well. I really like the idea of using the fear as a motivator! I instinctively, have always been opposed to fear in my life. But through objectively viewing these contradictions within myself I realized that sometimes fear can be useful!! At first, because of the fear, I did not know how I was going to work through it, or change anything. But in the end I decided, I have to. I have a choice, the fear and objection to the unconscious negative behavior that I had witnessed in myself, had kind of proven that. It was the first step. I did not have any idea how, but knew that first I needed to understand the behavior that I wanted to change fully before I could begin to change it. All the advice given in this thread was fantastic! FWIW, I think you are on the right track!

Thank you for your response Petite Femme. It is about free will isn't it. I have been thinking greatly on this and its relation to the I's and their appetites. It still is free will to make the decision on which I to listen and let take the throne. I see this clearly now. Its quite mind bending actually to see that free will can be the smallest of choices, which create the greatest of realities. It is hard though and in respect, I will say that this is the hardest, most challenging of any work i have ever done. And in that hardest of work, greatest of challenges is truth. because if it wasn't so difficult, if glimpses of self didn't frighten me and show me small moments of my past infliction of suffering and pain both on others and myself. Then perhaps this wouldn't be as real if that makes sense.

Hello wand3rer,
I also looked back myself sometimes ago and remember I did a lots disgusting things that made me shudder at even thinking about it, then sad, anger, torment, depressed by what I did, even it cause pain in my heart too. Then I was writhe in my own sorrow for sometimes.

Then I realized that I can not go back to correct my previous fault, but now while I still have chance to live my life to be better person. Then I forgive everybodys any wrong thing they did to me and hope forgive me for any pain might I cause for other.
Therefore nowadays I don't contempt others when person make mistake, swindle, impoliteness and so on. I just pay more attention to person and situations and leave them and not attacking back. But sometimes I make mistakes again and reminds me I need more discipline.
What can we do? We have to keep trying to be better than before each time we fall.

So even though I am not perfect, one thing is in my heart, that is I want to be STO. Maybe I don't make this time or next, but I don't worry about it because eventually that's what I will be.

I am, I will refuse to be STS. I have done enough of that, no more, I let my past STS life style be gone. Haha.

Now I have gained knowledge and knows the truth, it make me happy that just know one thing that there will be opportunity for STO beings go to the 4th density.
Praise the Divine Cosmic Mind.

Hello Kay kim, I appreciate what you said and what has been something so prominent for me is this wallowing in this sorrow of myself. I think this is a trap too because it's like a cycle, more sorrow leads to less action, unless i observe and actually try to understand what it is.

I have lately come into thinking more and more about tolerance and how little i have for myself and others. This is something i would like to change and also observe it, for this I'm sure is an I. Your words are very encouraging and i whole heartedly agree, no matter how long it takes on the journey, to get back up and keep going to better myself by knowing myself is a direction that is at least noble. I don't think there are too many noble pursuits left in life. Perhaps that's just me, but trying to be more apart of this community and actively gaining knowledge to witness my self if even for a moment, its worth it.

No but I fear bigger STS that eat me

They can't eat you without your permission.

Perhaps, but the real question is: what constitutes permission?

Hey perceval, I have been thinking for the last few days on this question. What i think permission is, a true answer/orientation to the decision being made. If no permission is given, then anything but a resounding, No, is the opposite? Same as giving permission, anything but a Yes isn't. Free will, perhaps it could be thought of as being that black and white?

Thank you again for your responses!! much appreciated!

 

[cubbex]

A crocodile can eat you without your permission. To think your will and your wish will define other's actions is pure STS. Everyone is always free to do things with or without permission.

 

[Skyalmian]

A crocodile can eat you without your permission. To think your will and your wish will define other's actions is pure STS. Everyone is always free to do things with or without permission.

"No." itself does not work in the slightest.

If they are literally on top of you, you can literally bet your life that it's life and death on more than a physical level. They are bigger, better, faster, can see, hear, and do more than you can, can exploit things in you you never knew were there, read your thoughts as they happen, use past focuses and interests against you, and even and especially your body's feeling states to compel/force submission.

And that barely adequately describes it.

 

[David]

G seemed to promote the study of nature – everything gets eaten in nature. STS planet.

Though If I’m not mistaken, knowledge protects, and a network of like minded people would watch each others backs, though I think no individual has enough knowledge to be completely protected, other than 6D all knowing STO, where everything is probably a tad boring... not much in the way of surprises.

Though perhaps a soul, if like a seed, it could end up being eaten, but might not be digested.

Just might come out, smelling like a bed of roses...

 

[wanderingthomas]

Hey everyone,
I've had this sort of burning question, direction thats been very consistent over the last week. It's started from having what i believe to be, an actual look at myself. I've seen how self absorbed i have truly been, and it's brought me to a point of not only questioning being STS but trying to understand if I actually want to be STS.

I understand we live on an STS planet so in some aspects we are all STS. With the media, movies, narratives that support service to self, and also realising how selfish and self absorbed i've truly been and how many people i've hurt. I've really felt a sense of fear of who i am. Perhaps because i don't know anymore. I've been trying to observe my triggers and search for what it is, but i am unsure. I feel that I want to give, and yet when i try i don't. It scares me to think I want to be STS because thats not what I want. BUt i also have seen myself, truly, in a way i haven't before. Perhaps knowing myself for the first time, or knowing something of myself. I've seen this STS behaviour and it's shattered this idea of myself, which can be frightening. But whats more frightening is maybe thinking I want to be STS. So I'm curious if others have felt this fear also or their experiences with coming to terms with their own STS behaviour. Also how they have chosen to be STO or want to be STO. I think i've hit a period of self doubt that can be really rewarding if i find my way through it. I would love to hear from others who have wrestled with this whole indoctrination of being STS and if you feared it yourself? Worked through these realisations of behaviour and then moved onward.

thanks for reading!!

Yes, a similar thing happened to me recently, I turned 20 this summer and was able to see more and more the kind of narcisitic, self-absorbed and self-destructive person I've become.

When young, I've fooled myself a long time thinking I'm somehow better than everyone else because I "know" certain things. Well, in reality, I've become a really quite selfish and hedonistic person. That was most evident in my escalating porn addiction that has wrecked me to my core.
Am I afraid of being STS? Well, I am frustrated and unhappy with my behaviour but the problem is I've so consistently done the same mistakes and sort of given up and become apathic. Hopefully that will slowly change from now on.That's what my current view of that is. So, unfortunately, I'm not one of those that worked through those problems but what I can say to you is that once you go down the rabbit hole and see certain things to not go back and try to ignore it and especially not to make the wrong choices for which you *know* are wrong because that's from experience a downright soul killer. For me that self-doubt and a sort of state of limb and crisis of identity is downright self-torture. The biggest problem is when you become dead in your tracks and instead of after noticing these things you do something about it you actually do nothing about it.

Certainly, as others have already pointed out, noticing the predator in yourself is the first step towards overcoming it.

 

[cubbex]

A crocodile can eat you without your permission. To think your will and your wish will define other's actions is pure STS. Everyone is always free to do things with or without permission.

"No." itself does not work in the slightest.

If they are literally on top of you, you can literally bet your life that it's life and death on more than a physical level. They are bigger, better, faster, can see, hear, and do more than you can, can exploit things in you you never knew were there, read your thoughts as they happen, use past focuses and interests against you, and even and especially your body's feeling states to compel/force submission.

And that barely adequately describes it.

No... eh? what are you talking about?

I am talking about an animal not a lizzie alien. My point is to focus on each situation, each element interacting and each result of your choice. Sometimes you can run, sometimes you can't, and sometimes you can avoid entirely the need for running.