Don't know where to turn.

[laststop]

How do you stop psychic attack? I feel cause I'm learning what I'm learning that I am being attacked! the more I learn the less I can cope with this reality. I can't sleep, I can't find work, everything is chaos. I'm really trying to find away to change my life but juts can't seem to turn it around. The more i learn the harder it gets. It seems that knowledge is good and bad like everything else in this reality. The more you know the more your attacked until you know enough to be powerful enough to stop it. I'm on the verge of a divorce and leaving my kids cause the tention in the house is just too much. I won't bore you with detail but in a nut shell EVERYTHING in my being is telling me to leave, to go somewhere, to be alone so I can clear my head and figur this nightmare out. Life can be good I know but not for everyone. I must have past life karma to work out or something because nothing is working for me.

I just feel done! I don't have anything more to give to this slave life. I don't even truly want anything anymore. I just want piece of mind, freedom from this salvery! This time we live in is not making it any easier. Reading the Casiopaea stuff just makes it even crazier. I mean really this stuff is crazy on the 3d level! The crazier the closer to the truth it seems to be which is scary. Coming down here with a total lack of consciousness ( memory wipe) and then trying to figure it all out.

I would REALLY like to know how one can retain past life memory so I don't have to go through this next time if there is one. Whatever I did in my past lifes has destroyed any potential for me to make money. It has to be it because I just can't seem to find the road out of poor ville. I really want some answers and I have found a lot but what i really need is personal direction. My higher self is not interested in showing me the way it is like he is saying figure it out! Well hey pal give me a fing clue!

I think great learning is driving me mad. I just feel there is no relief in site. I see two doors. one leading to a lower astral plane and one where I regain my power and freedom living here or or the next density. The last one is hanging by a thread.

 

[Nicholas]

Hi laststop, interesting user name.

How do you stop psychic attack? I feel cause I'm learning what I'm learning that I am being attacked! the more I learn the less I can cope with this reality. I can't sleep, I can't find work, everything is chaos. I'm really trying to find away to change my life but juts can't seem to turn it around. The more i learn the harder it gets. It seems that knowledge is good and bad like everything else in this reality. The more you know the more your attacked until you know enough to be powerful enough to stop it. I'm on the verge of a divorce and leaving my kids cause the tention in the house is just too much.

Beholding the reality of the situation we find ourselves in can be overwhelming and downright scary!

[quote author=laststop]
I won't bore you with detail but in a nut shell EVERYTHING in my being is telling me to leave, to go somewhere, to be alone so I can clear my head and figur this nightmare out. Life can be good I know but not for everyone. I must have past life karma to work out or something because nothing is working for me.

I just feel done! I don't have anything more to give to this slave life. I don't even truly want anything anymore. I just want piece of mind, freedom from this salvery! This time we live in is not making it any easier. Reading the Casiopaea stuff just makes it even crazier. I mean really this stuff is crazy on the 3d level! The crazier the closer to the truth it seems to be which is scary. Coming down here with a total lack of consciousness ( memory wipe) and then trying to figure it all out.
[/quote]

This sounds like your "predator's mind" trying to run away from the situation. We are here to learn. Take a step at a time to analyze your situation. Have you read any of the recommended books in the reading list?

[quote author=laststop]
I would REALLY like to know how one can retain past life memory so I don't have to go through this next time if there is one. Whatever I did in my past lifes has destroyed any potential for me to make money. It has to be it because I just can't seem to find the road out of poor ville. I really want some answers and I have found a lot but what i really need is personal direction. My higher self is not interested in showing me the way it is like he is saying figure it out! Well hey pal give me a fing clue!

I think great learning is driving me mad. I just feel there is no relief in site. I see two doors. one leading to a lower astral plane and one where I regain my power and freedom living here or or the next density. The last one is hanging by a thread.
[/quote]

Money is a medium of energy transfer. Think about becoming rich in knowledge as we learn. That is what is most important for us. In another level we do remember everything as part of our lessons. Your higher self maybe giving you clues or maybe you are not understanding, that I cannot help you with. Of your two doors you have to choose, which is more appealing? Then strive to attain it.

Hope I was helpful in some small way and goodluck. I am sure others will chime in as well.

 

[truth seeker]

Hi laststop,

From what you've written, it seems as if you've done some of the reading. I was wondering if you've been able to do the ee program and/or gotten around to the diet sections? They've been of tremendous help to me with dealing with stress and getting my mind in a better state to deal with the intake of knowledge. :)

I'd also like to invite you to post an intro in the newbies section. Just a bit about yourself and how you found the forum.

 

[Acaja]

Hi laststop,

By writting you're under psychic attack, or that your past life may be responsible for your actual struggle, it seems that your predator's mind is actually telling you that you're a victim, that you cannot help it and therefore there's nothing you can do. Well I say since you're getting knowledge as you mention, there's no doubt your belief system may be in trouble, that you would feel very confuse.
And THIS is the sign that now, maybe for the first time in your life, there IS something you can do, and that for the first time you can start making a choice ! Who's saying you want to flee? You, or your predator's mind who feels in danger ? Also, could you fight ?

 

[anart]

What is your diet like?

 

[Alada]

I agree with truth seeker, the EE program can be a big help to calm things down and help you conserve your energy. The more energy you have the better your thinking can be, same with taking care of your diet.

In trying to get ourselves in order there is the idea that one "makes haste slowly". Take some time to adjust, take care of yourself, get some rest, take a walk and think, write down your thoughts if it helps to process them, whatever it is you need to do that will help conserve energy and clear out the cobwebs so you can think a bit more clearly. Now is probably not the time to be making any major decisions. For myself I find it much better when I'm in a low point to wait until it passes (it will pass) before deciding anything, no good trying to make any decisions on days like that, they never work out, been there and got the t-shirt.

So take care and have a little patience with yourself, keep sharing and networking as you go. Look into the EE program and diet section if you didn't do so yet, they can help you.

 

[Nienna]

Hi laststop,

I agree with what has already been said. Look to your diet, do the EE program and slow down.

You say that you don't want to bore us with the details, but we cannot help if we don't know the details. From what you have written it seems that you want to run away rather than face what life's lessons are trying to show you.

You have said that you are ready to leave your marriage and your kids, but how do you know that you, and your programs, are not the cause of the problems with your marriage? You need to slow down, do some breathing, correct your diet so that you can think clearly. You cannot correct anything by running away.

Reading some of the Narcissism Big 5 books may also be helpful to you.

 

[melatonin]

"I would REALLY like to know how one can retain past life memory so I don't have to go through this next time if there is one. Whatever I did in my past lifes has destroyed any potential for me to make money. It has to be it because I just can't seem to find the road out of poor ville. I really want some answers and I have found a lot but what i really need is personal direction. My higher self is not interested in showing me the way it is like he is saying figure it out! Well hey pal give me a fing clue!"

- Hi LastStop,

From my own experience of past life memories, my understanding (from what i can gather) is that we only carry our trauma with us. Im not sure why this is (or if the C's have anything to say about this - i havent read nearly enough).
I guess it makes sense that anything that isnt traumatic doesnt grow our soul, and if we carried over knowledge that would make 'breaking out of the cycle' of this accumulated trauma easier in some way, it would be 'cheating'.

Edited :- Too add one word.

 

[Piotrek]

[quote author=anart]
What is your diet like?
[/quote]
This is KEY.
Laststop - I feel the same way. The knowledge you acquire about Reality will make EVERYTHING seem pointless at first.
I am in EXACTLY the same spot in life -- and up until recently felt that the job/friends/wife/family are the problem.
I felt depressed, anxious, angry and helpless at the situations I 'landed' in - as well as the whole 'system'.
I listened to the Ultra Mind Solution audiobook (I drive a lot and don't have time to read that much) and realized that my diet -- along with entertaining ANTs (Automatic Negative Thoughts) -- was helping me in a downward spiral.
I highly recommend you read that book and reevaluate your diet.
As soon as I started adding vitamins and omega 3 fats, along with some beneficial microorganisms to my diet, my mood improved SIGNIFICANTLY.
Meditation/EE will also help you to relax and disassociate so that your mind can rest.
I sincerely hope you will NOT give up. This forum has an incredible wealth of knowledge, but you need to 'sip' it, otherwise you'll 'drown' in it and it will do you no good at all.
Keep learning and navigating -- no matter what.

All the best!
P

 

[laststop]

Thanks for your replies everyone! So you want details here ya go. I'm feeling better today just drained a bit. Yesterday was a day from hell. I have actually been doing fairly well up til then. My circumstances are just tuff right now.

Pressure: Must be out of my apartment by June 15th. I have no job or work just surviving on unemployment and food stamps. So i have no money to put down to get another place. I owe the landlord two months back rent and just about everyone else some money too. So money is my biggest issue. Now couple this in with all the knowledge of have obtained over the last 7 years in intense study and research. Going from a cult like religion to reading stuff like the C's and Hermetics, channeling's, psychic ventures and more.

I was reading about a book a week for awhile there taking in mega downloads of information which I can do. This last year especially. Reason being is I'm ready to go on. This life is not appealing to me anymore unless this planet changes for the good then I may want to stay in physicality.

Hermetic teaching is intense reading and practice. I think it is some of the best teachings cause they are from the best teachers. The Great work is a truly Hermetic teaching tracking back to Egypt and beyond. One teaching is, that in order to become a truly free human with the animal part eradicated you must come out of the deep sleep and establish the Superior "I" which is to live fully conscious. If you know about Hermetic teaching then the family unit is one big obstacle to gaining this position because if the family is not on board with doing this then they become the enemy so to speak to your progress.

Jesus Christ said: If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple.

Here is a man of love telling you to do this, WHY? Cause gaining life is what you will miss out on if they are not part of the same effort. They will only hold you back and deny you your right to progress into a truly free Human.

So my kids are to young to effect me but my wife is supportive of my endless researching and study but she is preoccupied with the kids and does not understand the in and outs of becoming. So as I go through my dissolution it is taking a toll as she is going through dissolution too but not anything like mine. She is trying to work out personal stuff as I am too but mine is just so more intense because of all the knowledge I'm trying to balance and sort out.

One thing is that if the family is all on board with the great work then everything will be good. so it is a matter of getting there. There is no stopping me now. I will leave the family IF I have too. If I do I will train under a Hermetic master personally. I may do that anyway but it may take more time for me to work things out if possible. Things are not looking any better out there.

My diet is good. I eat mostly organic. I do meditation but have had a hard time finding time or a good relaxing place to do it. The house is not good cause the kids are noisy unless it is at night which by that time I'm just tried. Morning would be best but the kids get up early. Outside is great but it has been raining for like a year here!!!! If I can get back to meditating I will get back on track. I'll look into the EE breathing. I wonder if it is like the breathing I do now?

There is more to the story but this is my general circumstances right now.

 

[Keit]

It sounds like you are going through a pretty rough time, no doubt about it. But have you tried putting things in perspective a bit?

Pressure: Must be out of my apartment by June 15th. I have no job or work just surviving on unemployment and food stamps. So i have no money to put down to get another place. I owe the landlord two months back rent and just about everyone else some money too. So money is my biggest issue. Now couple this in with all the knowledge of have obtained over the last 7 years in intense study and research. Going from a cult like religion to reading stuff like the C's and Hermetics, channeling's, psychic ventures and more.

All this "intense study and research" and you still find your and your family's life in ruins. Have you wondered why is that? What ever happens in our lives is a reflection of who we are at the moment.

I was reading about a book a week for awhile there taking in mega downloads of information which I can do. This last year especially. Reason being is I'm ready to go on. This life is not appealing to me anymore unless this planet changes for the good then I may want to stay in physicality.

So the planet has to change to accommodate your requirements?

Hermetic teaching is intense reading and practice. I think it is some of the best teachings cause they are from the best teachers. The Great work is a truly Hermetic teaching tracking back to Egypt and beyond. One teaching is, that in order to become a truly free human with the animal part eradicated you must come out of the deep sleep and establish the Superior "I" which is to live fully conscious. If you know about Hermetic teaching then the family unit is one big obstacle to gaining this position because if the family is not on board with doing this then they become the enemy so to speak to your progress.

And how about the idea of you becoming a hindrance to the welfare of your family because they rely on you to provide for them (as you should because it is your responsibility) while you are busy researching and studying? Perhaps you did the best you could, but then again, in times of great need of a worldly type, spiritual teaching is an indulgence. Perhaps it could be fitting if you were on your own, but you have a family to take care of first. Is that why you want to leave?

Jesus Christ said: If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple.

Here is a man of love telling you to do this, WHY? Cause gaining life is what you will miss out on if they are not part of the same effort. They will only hold you back and deny you your right to progress into a truly free Human.

So what you are saying is that you are a victim of circumstances?

So my kids are to young to effect me but my wife is supportive of my endless researching and study but she is preoccupied with the kids and does not understand the in and outs of becoming. So as I go through my dissolution it is taking a toll as she is going through dissolution too but not anything like mine. She is trying to work out personal stuff as I am too but mine is just so more intense because of all the knowledge I'm trying to balance and sort out.

Yeah, sitting on the butt and unlocking hermetic keys sounds much more intense than cooking, cleaning, doing laundry and taking care of kids.

One thing is that if the family is all on board with the great work then everything will be good. so it is a matter of getting there. There is no stopping me now. I will leave the family IF I have too. If I do I will train under a Hermetic master personally. I may do that anyway but it may take more time for me to work things out if possible. Things are not looking any better out there.

So if I understand you correctly, you are basically looking for favorable circumstances, and then will leave your family IF these favorable circumstances will happen. Until then you'll stay with them, because even with all the hindrance and them being "the enemy", there is still something you are getting out of this arrangement. Right?

My diet is good. I eat mostly organic. I do meditation but have had a hard time finding time or a good relaxing place to do it. The house is not good cause the kids are noisy unless it is at night which by that time I'm just tried. Morning would be best but the kids get up early. Outside is great but it has been raining for like a year here!!!! If I can get back to meditating I will get back on track. I'll look into the EE breathing. I wonder if it is like the breathing I do now?

There is more to the story but this is my general circumstances right now.

So you have money for organic food but not for rent. And kids are such a hindrance to your spiritual development. Sounds pretty selfish, but not sure if you can see that.

But maybe I misunderstood your post and more info would make it clearer?

edit: spelling.

 

[Tigersoap]

Hi Laststop,

Maybe it would be good for you to lift your head up from the books you are reading and try to deal with your life as it is now.
I guess your situation is quite difficult but it won't make it easier if you escape it by reading hermetic stuff.
I hope you can see this indeed.

 

[dannybananny]

You can't expect from your family to just simply change instantly. But if your wife is showing some interest that's a big progress for her and something some of us here can only dream about happening in their families. So I think you should go easy on them because that Jesus saying was only metaphorical. You cannot demand nothing from universe because you're here by your own will to learn. By accepting the pain it could get easier, and I think that in such situations seeing the bigger picture can really help.

 

[anart]

Hi Laststop,

Maybe it would be good for you to lift your head up from the books you are reading and try to deal with your life as it is now.

I agree - it sounds like you're dreaming while your life is falling apart around you. Hermetic teachings are doing you zero good if your life is not reflecting the knowledge. Your life is a reflection of who you are, so it's time to stop chasing dreams of 'great knowledge' and start actually taking care of the details of your day to day life. You say you are ready to move on from this life, yet your life shows that you don't even understand how to live this life successfully. How can you graduate if you don't even understand this life well enough to provide for yourself and your family? In other words, time to wake up from your dream of being a magician. Also, by diet, I specifically mean gluten, dairy and sugar - do you consume these things? If so, they are a huge issue.

 

[Nienna]

Hi Laststop,

With all of your reading, I am wondering if you have read In Search of the Miraculous by Ouspensky? If you read the forum guidelines, you will be familiar with the fact that this forum is based on 4th Way teachings, among others. And In Search of the Miraculous was written about Gurdjieff and his 4th Way teachings.

Here is something he talks about in the above mentioned book that you may find interesting, or not.

It often seems to people of the “way,” that is, of the subjective way, expecially those who are just beginning, that other people, that is, people of the objective way, are not moving. But this is a great mistake. A simple obyvatel may sometimes do such work within him that he will overtake another, a monk or even a yogi.

Obyvatel is a strange word in the Russian language. It is used in this sense of “inhabitant,” without any particular shade. At the same time it is used to express contempt or derision – “obyvatel" – as though there could be nothing worse. But those who speak in this way do not understand that the obyvatel is the healthy kernel of life. And from the point of view of the possibility of evolution, a good obyvatel has many more chances than a “lunatic” or a “tramp.” Afterwards I will perhaps explain what I mean by these two words. In the meantime we will talk about the obyvatel. I do not at all wish to say that all obyvatels are people of the objective way. Nothing of the kind. Among them are thieves, rascals, and fools; but there are others. I merely wish to say that being a good obyvatel by itself does not hinder the “way.” And finally there are different types of obyvatel. Imagine, for example, the type of obyvatel who lives all his life just as the other people round him, conscious in nothing, perhaps a good master, who makes money, and is perhaps even close-fisted. At the same time he dreams all his life of monasteries, for instance and dreams that some time or other he will leave everything and go into a monastery. And such things happen in the East and in Russia. A man lives and works, then, when his children or his grandchildren are grown up, he gives everything to them and goes into a monastery. This is the obyvatel of which I speak. Perhaps he does not go into a monastery, perhaps he does not need this. His own life as an obyvatel can be his way.

People who are definitely thinking about ways, particularly people of intellectual ways, very often look down on the obyvatel and in general despise the virtues of the obyvatel. But they only show by this their own personal unsuitability for any way whatever. Because no way can begin from a level lower than the obyvatel. This is a very often lost sight of on people who are unable to organize their own personal lives, who are too weak to struggle with and conquer life, dream of the ways, or what they consider are ways, because they think it will be easier for them than life and because this, so to speak, justifies their weakness and their inadaptability. A man who can be a good obyvatel, is much more helpful from the point of view of the way than a “tramp” who thinks himself much higher than an obyvatel. I call “tramps” all the so-called “intelligentsia” – artists, poets, any kind of “bohemian” in general, who despises the obyvatel and who at the same time would be unable to exist without him. Ability to orientate oneself in life is a very useful quality from the point of view of work. A good obyvatel should be able to support at least twenty person by his own labor. What is a man worth who is unable to do this?

From all that you have written in your last post, you seem to think that you are better than the rest of your family.

We are quite familiar with the quote by Jesus about being aware that your family can be your enemy. From what you have written, your family does not pose this threat.

It seems to me that you are wanting to run away and become a hermit so that you do not have to deal with life here and now.

As the C's have said, you can't graduate to 4th grade until you learn all of the lessons of 3rd grade.