End Game Scenario

[JAKSUN]

Hey altamash,

Thanks for pointing out my thoughts are not welcome here.

That was certainly not my thought or intent. One of the core purposes of this forum is to mirror each other -- especially because we can be very blind to our own ways of thinking. One can't trust oneself to do accurate self-analysis to correct the thinking to be more objective and open. So, we post thoughts hoping that others hear will read and point out where our thinking may be astray. We try to help others by mirroring because this is the main way we can objectively attempt to help others at this level of development.

[quote author=altamash]
Its people like them who think they have it 'all figured out' and have nothing better to do but attack other people. If i have broken a 'rule' on this forum with this thread then they should state it. But clearly they are attacking me and their comments have nothing to do with the topic.

Well, I have plenty of things better to do than attack people. This is my third forthright attempt to help someone on the forum by providing a mirror, and I may have done badly in some areas and hopefully someone will call me on it if so. But it wasn't an attack. It was an attempt to point out possible areas of thought / programming / beliefs that might be out of kilter so you could consider them yourself.

Here is an analogy that may help understand this attitude. It may be a little silly but it is one way to look at it. Suppose there are 10 of us in a room full of bugs. We are all wearing neck braces and can't look down to see if any are crawling on us and about to bite us. But we can see some big bugs on other people and some smaller spots (in the dim light) that might or might not be bugs. So, I point out for you that I see a big bug on your shoe, and maybe a smaller one on your leg but I'm not sure. You know where to focus feeling around and swatting in the dim light. You return the favor for me. So here in the forum we have recognized there are a lot of bugs crawling around us and on us that we can't see but other can point out so we can check. Except they are mind bugs and factual errors and such. So it is assumed that by being here you want other people to point out bugs or dark spots that may be bugs so that you can check. And it is hoped that you point out other's bugs, too.

Now, I'm not talking down to you with that example. But sometimes when one gets engrossed in defensiveness and feeling under attack, it takes some example or analogy way out there, disconnected from the emotion of the actual event, to describe the intent in what is going on.

Hopefully this helps. Maybe looking also at some posts of where other's received a mirror and how the interaction and thinking changed might help your perspective about this activity in some way.
[/quote]

I find this explanation to be very helpful in my understanding of how this forum works. Thank you for that gaman. I think I know what you mean by mind bugs and fractal errors and such - fractal very much describes how I have been contemplating the effect process of the universe in 'me' - how my being responds to the subtle mind forces it encounters and resonates with - and how quickly it begins a dance of entropy, how quickly it engages in movement with those energies, how easily led astray. Without the support of an objective network like this forum, how can we guard ourselves from the very instrument we must use to know our selves - our predator minds.

 

[Voyageur]

altamash

FWIW; what is perceived, and it is our perception after all that influences our thoughts and these thoughts being governed by oceans of programming beliefs, manifesting in our writing and communications. This is why mirrors are very important as they challenge our assumptions and what we believe as truth. Just because we read it in a book or received channelled information does not quantify truth. The forum is a place to challenge our assumptions, look at the geometry of presented facts and to be asked questions; which may often point to how we think, and helps us look at the boxes that we carry along and keep opening up for reference defaults. It is also a forum that participation is a maximum that helps all to learn as objectively as possible and if we are challenged, than this should be viewed as beneficial, even if it feels like attack, which is our natural default mechanism; you are not alone here – lessons are all there is!

The forum seems to be, based on its history and posting membership, inclusive of excellent moderating, a place where mirrors help others look at themselves and understand their thought processes, which in any classroom is feedback. Some people are more accustomed to receiving mirrors and some are not and for the latter, this can feel awkward.

You have not replied since Vulcan59 asked you to review. What he is asking is of course no different than for instants when the C’s ask to review transcripts; review is tantamount to objectively considering all aspects and measuring; re assessment.

It is obvious that you are well acquainted with the work herein and well read on subject matter. When I read “End Game Scenario” as a heading, it was natural to have a look at your post; dramatic heading. Your reference to End Game as in, sce-nar-i-o; outline, plot, scene, imagined or projected sequence of events, seem to be your effort at extrapolating what you perceive concerning all you know into “Group” references of people. It is also obvious that you are working out your thoughts as indeed you took the time to pen/post them. When you said “Thanks for pointing out my thoughts are not welcome here…; I don’t know anything…”, in reply to a members post, is missing the point. You are here writing, which is effort at your own understanding processes and your thoughts are welcome and valuable; if you can learn from them and from the mirrors that are presented, that is part of your lesson – we all learn from each other, even if we have to re-examine from time to time; ego does not like being questioned, it perceives as attack – default.

When you discussed Group 1 as being “ignorant masses” who are caught in the clutches, so to speak, of religion, and it is presumed you are referring to monotheistic religion, this gave me pause, not because you are right or wrong, but because are these groups really ignorant, as in totality, or have they just ignorance’s that they have not overcome? For as much as personally I have read, wrote, studied and pondered for all these years, it is still my struggle, my perceived internal ignorance that I am here to learn lessons about, trying to overcome my ignorance’s and truly looking at the way the mind works and how it is effected by influences of all kinds.

Keep at it altamash, don’t let mirrors blind you; they are there to help you along the way!

 

[Gimpy]

yes because i 'expected' this in advance. Its people like them who think they have it 'all figured out' and have nothing better to do but attack other people. If i have broken a 'rule' on this forum with this thread then they should state it. But clearly they are attacking me and their comments have nothing to do with the topic.

I was not attacking you altamash. Nor do I have 'it all figured out'. Your topic and first post in this thread is a vague outline of what you want to hear, and if most of what you put forward in that post is unimportant or 'doesn't matter', then why write it at all? It doesn't make sense. Can you see that at least?

You, 'lead' me somewhere which they could have done.

Fwiw, I don't think Buddy 'lead' you anywhere. ;) The question I have? Did you read what he and other posters suggested?

Let me add another thing: fwiw

When the first person replied to this post, and i proceeded to reply to his comments, my internet went out, when it came back, there was another reply so i wasnt able to send what i had written previously and i went back to check, by then you had made your reply aswell so it led me to change my response. I had literally written: Thanks for making me feel not welcome, bye

It seems the universe wanted me to wait for your post, call it synchronicity, be it sto or sts influenced, im just observing.

If you were 'just observing', would you be this upset about replies to your post?


Parallax said something I'd like to repeat here:

When I read “End Game Scenario” as a heading, it was natural to have a look at your post; dramatic heading. Your reference to End Game as in, sce-nar-i-o; outline, plot, scene, imagined or projected sequence of events, seem to be your effort at extrapolating what you perceive concerning all you know into “Group” references of people. It is also obvious that you are working out your thoughts as indeed you took the time to pen/post them. When you said “Thanks for pointing out my thoughts are not welcome here…; I don’t know anything…”, in reply to a members post, is missing the point. You are here writing, which is effort at your own understanding processes and your thoughts are welcome and valuable; if you can learn from them and from the mirrors that are presented, that is part of your lesson – we all learn from each other, even if we have to re-examine from time to time; ego does not like being questioned, it perceives as attack – default.

I can understand wanting to have an idea of what may come in the future, and seeking reassurance that everything will work out. The reality is that the future is still open, and speculation about it can become a waste of time better spent Working, osit. :)

 

[altamash]

Gimpy, gaman, mkrnhr, Vulcan59, Biomiast, anart, RedFox, chachachick, jacksun and Parallax: Thank you all for taking the time to help me look at myself and most importantly my 'thoughts'.

The reason i got upset is because i had a feeling about the 'outcome' before starting this thread. Yet rather then questioning why i am feeling this way, i still proceeded with this topic. I think it is important to share some of the physical events few days before and on the day i created this thread. Also please excuse me for my english as it is not my first language and i usually have to 'sit with a dictionary' (WordWeb Pro) when i am reading ebooks and articles on the internet.

Since a few days i have been watching some indian (bollywood) movies here in india and i have been feeling 'emotional' at every event that sort of makes me relate to what happens in those movies. At times i even 'feel' sad when i relate to some events in life. I have been reading 'Bringers of the Dawn' for the second time now after few years and was reading the part where 'men will have their feeling centers activated' so i was naturally attributing this 'feeling' to that. Also whats important to note is usually when i had those few seconds of 'feeling/emotion', it was accompanied by tears, as if they would naturally flow down because i felt emotional. Whats important about these 'automatic' manifestation of tears dripping from my eyes is that many times in the past it happens right before i do something 'stupid'.

So i even wrote something about this 'feeling' i was having and i wanted to discuss about it here. But after finishing i dont know why, but i deleted everything i wrote. Later i wrote this thread and after i was done, i went to the roof to go online and the internet simply wouldn't work, next i noticed the night sky was flashing lights, so i looked and saw the light, it kept flashing and i wondered if its a 'bleedthru' but later saw some lighting so i thought its gonna rain and its nothing important. Anyhow the net wasnt cooperating then and even though i was 'determined' to get this post created, i gave up because i had to eat dinner and it probably would have rained and i cannot sit on the terrace with my laptop then. Later it rained for hardly 2-3 mins and it stopped, i took a chance then and after several attempts this post finally went thru. It seemed like 'the heaven was crying' osit.

Now, after confronting with the responses, ego took over and i reacted with self importance. I 'knew' i was doing something wrong, one part of me was saying this, while the other was telling me that they are simply misinterpreting or they have zero tolerance for wishful thinking, or better yet, i shouldnt be focusing on the 'future'. This is what i was trying to ignore as i was more interested to see what you guys would think will happen in the future.

Later i took a walk as 'RedFox' suggested. I was broke, so i asked my grandpa to give me 10 ruppees so i could buy 2 ciggs so that i have 'something to do' while im taking a walk and looking for an isolated spot in this traffic and noise polluted environment that i live in, in india. I was contemplating about this the whole time and even though one part of me knew what my 'mistake' was, instead i let my dark side take over and curse the hell out of everything. It seems i was back at 'square one' 'again'. I kept telling myself that i am ignoring the fact that my life is still 'shit' and trying to keep a 'positive mindset' to overcome my limitations is an 'excuse'. After i was done smoking, i proceeded to go home and on the way i was passed by three kids who seemed cheerful and i could have sworn one of them said in gujrati 'peevi gayo ne' which translates: drank it yea/right ? I knew what this meant, it means that STS drank/fed off my emotions or that I 'lost' again or let myself 'bring me down'.

It took me two days to become centered again. Although i wasnt depressed, i was just 'withholding' my light/knowledge so to speak. Today as i woke up i even thought of contacting Orion STS. Thankfully 'my knowledge' has protected me again and i removed this negative mindset and i am ready to walk the path 'again' (as usual). :D

So i thought: what is it that i did wrong 'again'. It seems i make the same mistakes repeatedly in life regardless if i have learned the lesson the first time or not. I think i've found one of the reason to blame: anticipation. The other would be 'wishful thinking'. So clearly its my mind that needs cleaning.

And as for this thread, i've been 'manipulative' the last few months and recently trying to fix this so as those around me are noticing the change i have sort of become 'attached' to them and i guess thats why i brought my parents/relatives in the picture. But you guys are right, i mean i 'knew' this all along. I blame the drugs for forgetting what i already know, which makes me repeat the same mistakes again. I should remember that everyone has their lessons and even if there is any chance for them or others, i will know when the 'time' is right. Till then i should just not interfere.

Also i want to add that i have been reading this or that all my life and i always feel alone, and think that there is no one there to guide me. Things like 'renegade from the family of light' and 'wanderer' honestly are a setback and continually lead to wishful thinking and over active imagination. I made 2 threads here in this forum because i am feeling as if i am not doing anything in terms of 'networking' as C's have suggested. Also my negative reaction had a lot to do with thinking that the path to STO is not as 'hard' as you guys are suggesting. Which is also 'bringing me down' because 3 years ago i had a dream in which i was in a class room and the 'teacher' wrote on the whiteboard: REP and the rest i wasnt able to see but then he/she came over and slapped me and i precieved this as 'repeat' in terms of repeating 3rd density again. Refer to some of my posts in this forum for more details. So naturally i am 'fearing' that i will fail or that the path is so hard and i am all alone. It seems the internet has been the main source of information and the portal to connecting with like minded people but at the same time i have been 'glued to the pc' for way too long and it is also something that bothers me. Maybe i have the knowledge i need already buried inside me, it simply needs to be 'assembled' or organised. Maybe this is the key to free myself from internet and continuous reading this book or that article all the time. Also since the past month i have stopped all my bad habits and addictions and realized that i am a 'baby' on the spiritual path and there is simply so much to 'fix' and learn.

Today i remembered a long forgotten quote i read in one of Samuel Aun Woer's book: The 'teacher' will be 'present' when the student is ready.

If there is anything else that i have missed, i (politely) request you guys to tell me in as simple english as possible.

Thanks and i feel embarrassed to apologize 'again' for my behavior.

 

[Voyageur]

altamash,

Your English and your honest approach discussing your emotional times of late is well received; your environs seem challenging, but much can be learned about oneself and others if you can find times to pause and look between the cracks instead of being sucked into the dramas of everyday life.
All of us here one would think, has/is going through their own stuff, like you, but highly individualized to our own thought processes and past program pattering, which makes it hard to impart to others and rationalize to thy self, when feeling alone as you referred.

Far from me to advise, but I think the C’s said something about taking it slow, as you’re ready, so to speak. You seem to be on your path altamash, and it’s never easy.

FWIW, you’re welcome, but it seems that mirrors of the self are usually where to look as you seem to have done, so really the thanks is to thy self.

PS. No apologies necessary.

 

[Buddy]

So naturally i am 'fearing' that i will fail or that the path is so hard and i am all alone. It seems the internet has been the main source of information and the portal to connecting with like minded people but at the same time i have been 'glued to the pc' for way too long and it is also something that bothers me. Maybe i have the knowledge i need already buried inside me, it simply needs to be 'assembled' or organised. Maybe this is the key to free myself from internet and continuous reading this book or that article all the time. Also since the past month i have stopped all my bad habits and addictions and realized that i am a 'baby' on the spiritual path and there is simply so much to 'fix' and learn.

I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one who feels or has felt these things. The 'spiritual path' is a lonely path for me as well and the more I learn, the more aware I become of how little I already know.

You have us to help you though, and with constant interaction through networking here, you will learn a lot that you can apply, and maybe get some relief from that lonely feeling. :)

 

[obyvatel]

So i thought: what is it that i did wrong 'again'. It seems i make the same mistakes repeatedly in life regardless if i have learned the lesson the first time or not. I think i've found one of the reason to blame: anticipation. The other would be 'wishful thinking'. So clearly its my mind that needs cleaning.

Hi Altamash,
Are you familiar with the ideas of Gurdjieff? If not then reading "In Search Of the Miraculous" by Ouspensky is good starting point. Along with ISOTM, the recommended psychology books especially related to narcissism (http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=4718.0), if you read the Work section of the forum, you may gain valuable information about the psychological condition of man. The basic idea here is that man is asleep but does not realize it. In his sleep, he imagines himself to have great powers and knowledge, and erects buffers to soften external shocks arising naturally from life which contradict his grandiose delusions about himself. The process of waking up is hard but necessary - one cannot make progress on the path otherwise.
You seem to be familiar with the C transcripts, Ra material and Bringers Of the Dawn. It is difficult to gain the right understanding from these materials without doing a corresponding work towards understanding our present psychological state. If you read the thread on recommended reading list linked above, you will see that these 3 are listed as optional reading material. It is easy to go astray if we try to assimilate information coming from higher sources without adequate preparation and work on our own selves - tuning the reading instrument as Laura says.

After i was done smoking, i proceeded to go home and on the way i was passed by three kids who seemed cheerful and i could have sworn one of them said in gujrati 'peevi gayo ne' which translates: drank it yea/right ?I knew what this meant, it means that STS drank/fed off my emotions or that I 'lost' again or let myself 'bring me down'. It took me two days to become centered again. Although i wasnt depressed, i was just 'withholding' my light/knowledge so to speak. Today as i woke up i even thought of contacting Orion STS. Thankfully 'my knowledge' has protected me again and i removed this negative mindset and i am ready to walk the path 'again' (as usual).

While it is perhaps true that the universe communicates with us through symbols, decoding these symbols accurately is far from being simple. We need to exercise caution in interpreting these types of events and get seriously affected as a result. You mentioned wishful thinking and over-active imagination in your post - and it is quite true that we can take any event (even natural ones like rain) or chance comments and interpret them as somehow reinforcing whatever it is that is going through our minds. Taken too far this could be a serious problem - something to be watchful about - osit.

Maybe i have the knowledge i need already buried inside me, it simply needs to be 'assembled' or organised. Maybe this is the key to free myself from internet and continuous reading this book or that article all the time.

It is not that "simple". We need to read and understand - then we gain knowledge which can be applied in a real situation. Also we cannot see ourselves, so we need the mirror which a network provides to keep us from going astray.

fwiw

 

[Catalyst]

Altamash,

Your post title caught my eye as well. The replies received from Gimpy, gaman, Buddy, and Vulcan59 seemed to point out many traps our ego's can fall into. About those "nice" people in groups 2 and 3 which you would like input as to help this group can provide. I don't think there is much help for them at all, unless they have the drive, will, or desire to know more. A long time ago someone very close to me found all the answers in Jehovah and wanted to help / save me. In a way, this person did. What I learned along the way is "We have to help /save ourselves by accumulating objective knowledge".

"Each and every part of the world is a snare for the fool and a means of deliverance for the wise" Rumi

Catalyst

 

[altamash]

nice, thanks for the responses guys, im going to start reading Gurdjieff's books

 

[findit]

Hi altamash...I read through all the replies and I just want to say that you are not alone in this. The emotions you have struggled with, we have all struggled with at one time or another. I think it's great that you are open to the replies to your post. You are already growing. Don't feel like you have to have all of the answers overnight. Take your time, breathe deeply, and enjoy the ride like the rest of us. Focus on what you can learn and your lessons here. You'll do all right if you just stick with it.

 

[webglider]

[ Also what's important to note is usually when i had those few seconds of 'feeling/emotion', it was accompanied by tears, as if they would naturally flow down because i felt emotional. Whats important about these 'automatic' manifestation of tears dripping from my eyes is that many times in the past it happens right before i do something 'stupid'.

Although I don't think in any way that you did "something stupid" in writing your original post, I do think that you made an important self- observation in connecting how your moving/instinctual center connects to your emotional center.

From the self-awareness of the connection between the "automatic manifestation of tears" and the taking of actions which you later regret, you may consciously decide that in the future, when you find tears automatically dripping from your eyes, to not take any action until that feeling and those tears have passed.

To do this would require a great deal of self-control because of how closely the emotional and physical centers are connected in this case.

Suppose there are 10 of us in a room full of bugs. We are all wearing neck braces and can't look down to see if any are crawling on us and about to bite us. But we can see some big bugs on other people and some smaller spots (in the dim light) that might or might not be bugs. So, I point out for you that I see a big bug on your shoe, and maybe a smaller one on your leg but I'm not sure. You know where to focus feeling around and swatting in the dim light. You return the favor for me. So here in the forum we have recognized there are a lot of bugs crawling around us and on us that we can't see but other can point out so we can check. Except they are mind bugs and factual errors and such. So it is assumed that by being here you want other people to point out bugs or dark spots that may be bugs so that you can check. And it is hoped that you point out other's bugs, too.

This reaction which led you to write your original post, was, I think, a really beneficial one in this case. because everyone who responded to you is struggling with the same issues, has worked on heightening awareness, of his or herself, and have not identified your reactions as being "you". Instead, your reaction was seen as "the predator's mind" revealing itself, and like gaman's analogy of the bugs crawling over us which we can't see, while your reactions were expressed by you, they were not seen as not intrinsic to you.

However, in Life, such automatic responses can cause us much grief. Understanding how the predator's mind manifests through us, helps us practice strategic enclosure so that we can safeguard ourselves as we awaken.

All the best,
webglider