Woodsman said:
She said, "The doctors and people sound so sure and I forget what I was going to say and I was just coming from a long day at work, and my husband wasn't there, and I'd been up all night..."
As I think on it now... I don't think it was that she was ignoring my advice and input. It was that she was bullied, energetically coerced.
It almost feels like there needs to be an advocacy system in place for such moments.
Thank-you, Fluffy for bringing this into focus.
Hi Woodsman, I'm coming to you with practical information this time around since your friend doesn't seem to need education.
Have her consider forgoing any further Wellness Visits. The child is past the 3 month mark and is clearly emotionally and physically healthy & if he didn't have proper weight gain and body fat, they would already be addressing this issue.
So that long string of office visits is NOT mandatory. It's set up purely for the vaccination rhythm.
If the child uses daycare (as we had to), state vaccination mandates are carried out through the daycares - as in they get fined if their records are not up to date. Were I live, in Wisconsin, if you flip over that record sheet there is an actual check box to state that you are opting out (no feigning of religious exemption necessary here). I used to use a bright highlighter marker to mark it (so the administrator would quit calling me to update his files).
What we did to not be harrassed by doctors & nurses about the vaccinations was to drive 45 minutes out of town to a naturalpath. It's an absurd distance to drive when I have several hospital centers within a stones throw away from my home. It was well worth it.
Consider providing her a list of non-vax friendly offices. Don't just suggest to her to go do it herself (with all due respect, she's clearly overwhelmed & overworked - I get it, I worked full time up until recently too. There's no time for anything extra). You can typically find a list by joining some natural mothering group locally on line - people are very generous about sharing this type of helpful information.
If she ends up in the same predicament we did, with a 45 minute drive (to be fair, I have since found conventional docs locally that are non-vax friendly - but we never go to the doctor, so I have not established services, my son is 7 now), consider offering an invitation to drive their son yourself. It's not at all uncommon that someone else takes the kid, like a grandparent or nanny.
Here's another piece of practical information for her - if she does have to take her son to the emergency room, simply LIE. State that "yes, my son is up to date on all vaccinations, thanks for asking," just to get through the door with peace. If it comes up later that she lied, cross that bridge when you get there, they can't treat/threaten you any worse than they would have anyway in such a high stress & vulnerable situation.
Now from the angle of mitigating any potential damage - look on our forum the list of supplements to take (sorry, I don't have the time today to look up the links for you) & print out for her (vs send a link, so she can take the list to the store) . In all practical purposes, I'm not sure how you can get a 4 mo old to take much of anything - but there is a huge market for liquid kid vits.
She could supplement her pumped breast milk or formula (or make homemade formula, I highly recommend it. Look here at the Weston Price Foundation http://www.westonaprice.org/childrens-health/ they have the right fat profiles. I used it as a filler for when my son was transitioning to solid foods, I did not feel that the adult foods, which were high fat & protein (not starch & grain based) were enough for him to eat. that site link is great for that info too, if she isn't already in the know about how important good fats are for immune system & neurological development & mood & intelligence.)
I wonder if the mother is breast feeding, that if she supplemented her own diet with the damage neutralizing supplements, that they may come through her milk to her son? Probably does.
Oh, and a last thing, (disclaimer, I don't pretend to "know" you as an individual, so please don't get me wrong as sounding condescending or presumptuous - the upcoming advice stems from reminders to myself, to stay in the mind frame of compassion, respect & dignity for the other person & staying helpful/useful... vs, I can flip out, become argumentative, aggressive and fear mongering.) Come with the sentiment having compassion for how damn hard her situation is - all of it, working, sleeplessness, doctor harassment, it's horrible. I think you already processed this from your perspective & initial post, her situation has nothing to do with you (as in taking your advice, etc.), she just needs a friend to lean on, she knows what the better choices are already.