naorma
The Living Force
I am opening this threat because I think deprogramming yourself or getting out of your patterns is one of the most important things. I am posting one of my experiences during the last time. Maybe someone will have some benefit from it.
My story goes like that:
In answering Andres statement I posted a remark:
André De Carvalho on March 09, 2015, 09:08:20 PM wrote
>> … feeling just so sad with all that is going on, feeling like crying and like this world is not worth a penny, or even less than that<<
Part of my answer was:
>>So it is just like it is and we have to learn our lessons . . [and somewhere there is always a little laughter or a smile hiding ;)<<
After some days I simply did not feel well with this answer. I realised that I was doing the same my mother did and which I always disliked: Everytime someone had a big or little problem she would hush it away: "It is not so bad, it is alright, isnt it? it will be better" etc., I always hated that because she did not see the fact that right now there was pain, and this pain wanted to be seen.
And I felt I did the same. I did not want to accept the pain.
One year ago one of my daughters started to make a body therapy to find the reasons for her gestose-problems during her pregnancies. She needed C-sections and wanted to know the deeper reason for that. And she was the one who brought at first the idea of something terrible hidden in our system. Because her therapeut asked her about her grandmothers sufferings (my mother).
Next step was: I had a little problem with my liver and stomach. My therapeut gave me some homeopathical stuff and also asked ME about MY grandmother who was one of 13 daughters from a big farmers house and had to leave home at the age app. 16 for there was no money to raise up all, had to work in the big city, married, got a daughter, another one, this one died, husband died as well. This must have been very hard for her: Alone with a child in the 1920s, without an income, no social security. She married again, had two more daugthers. I realised that there must have been troubles, fears and pains I never saw before. And in seeing these pains I felt relieved - nothing hidden that could threaten any more.
The theme of grandmother was brought up again by two participants of a 5 week Seminar I had to give. Both of them were talking about their grandmothers and how important they were. Marion also said, she thinks her grandmother who had asthma gave it to her - simply because she always implied that one has to have asthma, when having a cat. Marion took that programming, we guessed.
Marion is in our little group. One day we were talking about how we get through the day, how we start in the morning. And she said: "I dream a lot. And everytime in the morning I kind of sort my feelings and try to find out to whom they belong. This one to my father, the other one to my grandmother, etc." So this was the next hint that stayed in my mind.
At our last meeting I talked about my problems - there are some with my mothers apartment - I have to find a new owner for a really big credenza and also have to sell a lot of things, want to change my living etc.. Besides that I have a stillstand at my working situation at the moment which also causes some inconviences. So I asked Sabine if she could find out what was hindering me. She said that she saw some inherited burdons. And we found out they belonged to my mother.
I was a little upset because something had been stirred that did not feel too good. Next day when I was at a sauna I suddenly realised what it was: I had to face the horror. He wanted to be seen, not been pushed away like my mother did. I had to accept horror as a fact.
And this I what I try to do now. Stop the programm of pushing away horror, just face the horrible things in this world and accept them as a fact. I think it already started when I was reading Wave 7 with that horrible person who killed that girl and kept her for a year in his apartment, forgot his name.
Obviously it is my job to "clean my familys house" and see things as they are - it will help my whole family and already does.
P.S. Little Background information.
My mother as well as my father have been going through a lot of hard times. My father being a solder in WW2 (I could get an idea of what he and all others must have suffered when I visited Waterloo). My mother - same as a lot of young women - was deadly frightened at the time the Sovjets came to free Austria, she fled to the countryside and had some terrible adventures obviously. There must have been really cruel things - rapings, killings, destroying, like in every war, every soldier does at the end when he meets his enemy. [In that I learned to differenciate between the „Russian“ and the „Sovjets“]. Right now my mother lives in a home for elderly people and I have to go through all her belongings in our apartment. I've been reading her diarys from 1933-48 and was really touched and shocked. She must have suffered a lot and especially from one tragedy. She only mentioned that something so terrible happend that she was not even able to write down. I dont know anything about it. She probably has never told anybody and she is too old to ask her now. So this remains unknown. Or maybe I find a way to find out - would be better, I guess.
My story goes like that:
In answering Andres statement I posted a remark:
André De Carvalho on March 09, 2015, 09:08:20 PM wrote
>> … feeling just so sad with all that is going on, feeling like crying and like this world is not worth a penny, or even less than that<<
Part of my answer was:
>>So it is just like it is and we have to learn our lessons . . [and somewhere there is always a little laughter or a smile hiding ;)<<
After some days I simply did not feel well with this answer. I realised that I was doing the same my mother did and which I always disliked: Everytime someone had a big or little problem she would hush it away: "It is not so bad, it is alright, isnt it? it will be better" etc., I always hated that because she did not see the fact that right now there was pain, and this pain wanted to be seen.
And I felt I did the same. I did not want to accept the pain.
One year ago one of my daughters started to make a body therapy to find the reasons for her gestose-problems during her pregnancies. She needed C-sections and wanted to know the deeper reason for that. And she was the one who brought at first the idea of something terrible hidden in our system. Because her therapeut asked her about her grandmothers sufferings (my mother).
Next step was: I had a little problem with my liver and stomach. My therapeut gave me some homeopathical stuff and also asked ME about MY grandmother who was one of 13 daughters from a big farmers house and had to leave home at the age app. 16 for there was no money to raise up all, had to work in the big city, married, got a daughter, another one, this one died, husband died as well. This must have been very hard for her: Alone with a child in the 1920s, without an income, no social security. She married again, had two more daugthers. I realised that there must have been troubles, fears and pains I never saw before. And in seeing these pains I felt relieved - nothing hidden that could threaten any more.
The theme of grandmother was brought up again by two participants of a 5 week Seminar I had to give. Both of them were talking about their grandmothers and how important they were. Marion also said, she thinks her grandmother who had asthma gave it to her - simply because she always implied that one has to have asthma, when having a cat. Marion took that programming, we guessed.
Marion is in our little group. One day we were talking about how we get through the day, how we start in the morning. And she said: "I dream a lot. And everytime in the morning I kind of sort my feelings and try to find out to whom they belong. This one to my father, the other one to my grandmother, etc." So this was the next hint that stayed in my mind.
At our last meeting I talked about my problems - there are some with my mothers apartment - I have to find a new owner for a really big credenza and also have to sell a lot of things, want to change my living etc.. Besides that I have a stillstand at my working situation at the moment which also causes some inconviences. So I asked Sabine if she could find out what was hindering me. She said that she saw some inherited burdons. And we found out they belonged to my mother.
I was a little upset because something had been stirred that did not feel too good. Next day when I was at a sauna I suddenly realised what it was: I had to face the horror. He wanted to be seen, not been pushed away like my mother did. I had to accept horror as a fact.
And this I what I try to do now. Stop the programm of pushing away horror, just face the horrible things in this world and accept them as a fact. I think it already started when I was reading Wave 7 with that horrible person who killed that girl and kept her for a year in his apartment, forgot his name.
Obviously it is my job to "clean my familys house" and see things as they are - it will help my whole family and already does.
P.S. Little Background information.
My mother as well as my father have been going through a lot of hard times. My father being a solder in WW2 (I could get an idea of what he and all others must have suffered when I visited Waterloo). My mother - same as a lot of young women - was deadly frightened at the time the Sovjets came to free Austria, she fled to the countryside and had some terrible adventures obviously. There must have been really cruel things - rapings, killings, destroying, like in every war, every soldier does at the end when he meets his enemy. [In that I learned to differenciate between the „Russian“ and the „Sovjets“]. Right now my mother lives in a home for elderly people and I have to go through all her belongings in our apartment. I've been reading her diarys from 1933-48 and was really touched and shocked. She must have suffered a lot and especially from one tragedy. She only mentioned that something so terrible happend that she was not even able to write down. I dont know anything about it. She probably has never told anybody and she is too old to ask her now. So this remains unknown. Or maybe I find a way to find out - would be better, I guess.
