Hildegarda said:
Even if absolutely all the resources were there for them, many of them just couldn't keep up due to addictions, psychological damage etc. But, they still appreciate human support. They like when someone stops by for a little chat and brings batteries or empty water jugs for sharing -- no strings attached, no demands or requirements made to clean up your act, etc. Once, we had an activity when kids drew pictures for them. Such a simple thing, but people hang them up in their shacks and kept them up for months. Perhaps that too is some sort of success, I don't know.
I was just thinking that this is showing some people that they are human and valuable as they are, no matter what choices or circumstances led them to be in that situation at that moment. If these acts are appreciated - then this may be what they are really "asking" for - not pity, not "help" to change their lives. A simple act of kindness with no strings attached is a small act that can have non-linear effects like the butterfly wings. If one keeps their eyes open, one can see when an act of kindness is not appreciated and so you do not continue giving it to that person. Just food for thought.
My thoughts? -- I Hate Being Manipulated. Period. As soon as I feel any creature is USING me, manipulating me, then I instinctively withdraw. NormaRegula's story of the two runaways is very instructive: help was asked, probably some gut instinct said, give it a try, and when manipulation was not used, and the actions seem to match the words, the help was taken further and it sounds to me it made a real difference.
I tried to imagine myself in that kind of situation, observing the persons I was helping in the restaurant, and if I felt manipulated, used, with sob stories and specific demands and perhaps I noticed other clues that they are not being honest (maybe something does not match in their story) then I pay the tab and say "goodbye, I have done enough, you are on your own to find someone else you can manipulate." Well that is just a guess, because what I described is a hypothetical situation.
Another thought: I have often considered this principle: if I can put my energy into addressing a root cause, rather than a symptom, then I would feel much more useful. Like "teach a man to fish" quotation that was mentioned in this thread, doing something anything, to help remove the need for people to turn to begging would be better time spent than giving to the beggars, which consist of both the scammers and the legitimate people in need. Consider this, that when we give to beggars, we may be in a way saying we are accepting a situation that should not be. Think of Mother Teresa always helping the poor with their needs, but not helping them in any way to have different choices available to them. One may argue that her deeds seemed to only affirm that being poor was an ok existence. What a difference she could have made if she took the position that
forced poverty is not acceptable?
As this thread reminded us very well: whatever the situation one encounters, there is no black and white answer, but the individual case must be considered on its own. Yes, consider the Law of Three.
Sometimes you go with a "gut instinct". Maybe, try observe yourself when you make your choice, and question your motives, thoughts, and feelings. At least learn something about yourself, whatever action you take.
