emmanuel
Jedi Master
First of all I want to thank Laura and everybody for ...just everything. All the unselfish hard work witch You share with everybody, sharp, intelligent and clear mind, warm welcoming and encouraging thoughts, bravery and courage in this insane, heartless world ruled by psychopaths. I simply can't find enough words to really express all my gratitude for everything that You do.
My life is changing every day more and more when I read and think about all the enormous knowledge that You provide.
I don't wan't to be in first plane writing about myself but in this circumstances I really need Your advice and support. I am aware that everybody especially on this forum have a hard time in Your life and that my current problems are nothing more than that, current problems.
I find myself in very strange position. In October my "girlfriend" and me are going to Australia to live and work. I sell everything and I own now only my backpack, a little money, my shamanic drum and flute and my notebook. New beginning...
I have a lot of "new beginnings" in my life, but now is a little bit different, because I am not alone. And here ( so it seems ) lies my "problems". Because I spend more and more time with this forum and I read a lot of the material from Laura, C,'s, Gurdjieff, etc, I think about them and reflect a lot and I care about what is going on in this matrix , my girlfriend start to behave very strange. Nothing seems to please her any more. She don't wont to speak with me about what is happening in the world ( topic which we previously touched often - especially new age movements and mind manipulation because she was before very involved in "angel channeling" but she realized that is all nonsense and disinformation- she is "very sensitive" ). She said, that I don't love her any more, that I don't give her enough time and attention ( witch BTW is not true, because I still watch with here here's favorite serbian comedy series witch I enjoy to watch to, we go to the beach together, we laugh together, we make the meals together although is my diet very different than here's - she still eat a lot of gluten food, dairys which make me think that this also can be one of the factors that she is so fierce and sometimes "cold" - like different person which in my understanding now probably is. I speak with here about that but she don't wont to hear and investigate nothing about Paleo diet ) and today she want to manipulate me. She was going to the beach in Croatia ( we live at the moment closed to the croatian border ) and I also say that I would like to go. But because we don't have internet in the house I often go to the nearest pub to connect myself to wireless internet. That she use like an excuse, that maybe I really don't wont go and that I go just because of here ( this of course is not true, but just here interpretation, because I spend a lot of the time on this forum ). Than I said that I want to go not because of her wishes but because I want to go to the beach that we can spend some time together, now that we just waiting the papers to be aranged for Australia - we pay one trusted agency. And then she reveled that she wanna be alone, without me on the beach. I say that is no problem, but why she didn't say so in first place. She became suddenly very, very angry and she said, that we are no longer a couple for a long time and that we both know that, because she stayed with me just because she feel that she must contribute for my former money ( when we meet she was in big debts and I help her because that come very natural for me. We began to live together and I never ask what was her former life about. I was take her with everything she was and i never ask her anything - Ja, big mistake, I am aware now, but before I didn't questioning almost nothing. i take everything for granted without much thinking. With the help of this forum I began to question things and try to think with my own head ).
Now, we must continue to stick together because of the visa that we wait is on her, so I can then work full time job ( I have better earning because of my profession so we been advised to do so ).
I must also say, that I see this her behavior before, but I always find the apologies and explanations for myself, because I know her mother ( very disturbing person, a lot of psychopathic characteristics can be seen in her behavior ) and so I know all the sad story in my girlfriends life. The mother beat her often, she says to her that she was different than other children and that she is nothing and nobody and that there will be nothing good from her in life. She was also abused by mother relatives but the mother denise it. I know also my girlfriend character, a little bit impulsive but also tender, gentle ( or I want only to see her in her best way, I really am not sure now any more ) So we somehow always make it trough all the difficulties and storms in life. We have a business, we invest a lot of our energy, effort and money in the project but eventually all goes down and we find ourselves in debt. But we survive. We survive because we support each other, we love each other and we always talk a lot and laugh a lot together.
Phue...I must admit that is hard to me to express all this mixed feelings and thoughts in the words on this forum. Because of lack of the words I probably continuous repeat myself. Thank You for Your patience.
To make the thing short ( I am all sweat ), I be very happy is someone give me some advice if I see the things clearly or i am missing something in this picture. Could that be, that i am on the wrong track or is really something going on because of different thinking and energy in me ( i can't find better word ) that she perceive and the controlling system in the matrix want to routed me and misleading me, that i don't inform myself more via this forum?
My life is changing every day more and more when I read and think about all the enormous knowledge that You provide.
I don't wan't to be in first plane writing about myself but in this circumstances I really need Your advice and support. I am aware that everybody especially on this forum have a hard time in Your life and that my current problems are nothing more than that, current problems.
I find myself in very strange position. In October my "girlfriend" and me are going to Australia to live and work. I sell everything and I own now only my backpack, a little money, my shamanic drum and flute and my notebook. New beginning...
I have a lot of "new beginnings" in my life, but now is a little bit different, because I am not alone. And here ( so it seems ) lies my "problems". Because I spend more and more time with this forum and I read a lot of the material from Laura, C,'s, Gurdjieff, etc, I think about them and reflect a lot and I care about what is going on in this matrix , my girlfriend start to behave very strange. Nothing seems to please her any more. She don't wont to speak with me about what is happening in the world ( topic which we previously touched often - especially new age movements and mind manipulation because she was before very involved in "angel channeling" but she realized that is all nonsense and disinformation- she is "very sensitive" ). She said, that I don't love her any more, that I don't give her enough time and attention ( witch BTW is not true, because I still watch with here here's favorite serbian comedy series witch I enjoy to watch to, we go to the beach together, we laugh together, we make the meals together although is my diet very different than here's - she still eat a lot of gluten food, dairys which make me think that this also can be one of the factors that she is so fierce and sometimes "cold" - like different person which in my understanding now probably is. I speak with here about that but she don't wont to hear and investigate nothing about Paleo diet ) and today she want to manipulate me. She was going to the beach in Croatia ( we live at the moment closed to the croatian border ) and I also say that I would like to go. But because we don't have internet in the house I often go to the nearest pub to connect myself to wireless internet. That she use like an excuse, that maybe I really don't wont go and that I go just because of here ( this of course is not true, but just here interpretation, because I spend a lot of the time on this forum ). Than I said that I want to go not because of her wishes but because I want to go to the beach that we can spend some time together, now that we just waiting the papers to be aranged for Australia - we pay one trusted agency. And then she reveled that she wanna be alone, without me on the beach. I say that is no problem, but why she didn't say so in first place. She became suddenly very, very angry and she said, that we are no longer a couple for a long time and that we both know that, because she stayed with me just because she feel that she must contribute for my former money ( when we meet she was in big debts and I help her because that come very natural for me. We began to live together and I never ask what was her former life about. I was take her with everything she was and i never ask her anything - Ja, big mistake, I am aware now, but before I didn't questioning almost nothing. i take everything for granted without much thinking. With the help of this forum I began to question things and try to think with my own head ).
Now, we must continue to stick together because of the visa that we wait is on her, so I can then work full time job ( I have better earning because of my profession so we been advised to do so ).
I must also say, that I see this her behavior before, but I always find the apologies and explanations for myself, because I know her mother ( very disturbing person, a lot of psychopathic characteristics can be seen in her behavior ) and so I know all the sad story in my girlfriends life. The mother beat her often, she says to her that she was different than other children and that she is nothing and nobody and that there will be nothing good from her in life. She was also abused by mother relatives but the mother denise it. I know also my girlfriend character, a little bit impulsive but also tender, gentle ( or I want only to see her in her best way, I really am not sure now any more ) So we somehow always make it trough all the difficulties and storms in life. We have a business, we invest a lot of our energy, effort and money in the project but eventually all goes down and we find ourselves in debt. But we survive. We survive because we support each other, we love each other and we always talk a lot and laugh a lot together.
Phue...I must admit that is hard to me to express all this mixed feelings and thoughts in the words on this forum. Because of lack of the words I probably continuous repeat myself. Thank You for Your patience.
To make the thing short ( I am all sweat ), I be very happy is someone give me some advice if I see the things clearly or i am missing something in this picture. Could that be, that i am on the wrong track or is really something going on because of different thinking and energy in me ( i can't find better word ) that she perceive and the controlling system in the matrix want to routed me and misleading me, that i don't inform myself more via this forum?
