Help with Stopping Energy Drain as a Caregiver

[SummerLite]

I could use some advise please. I work as a caregiver for a disabled man with cerebral palsy, 2 hours in the morning and 2 hours in the evening 3 days a week. The first day of my days off from this job, I'm a couch potato. I have no inspiration to do anything. I've come to accept this over time and tell myself this is a consequence of my nature and the work I do. I cram all my work into 3 days and also have 3 steady clients for house cleaning 2 days a week. So I'm tired after this and need the recover day. I usually pop back to my usual self after my couch sitting of 1 day.

The last 4 weeks have been different and this is where my searching for answers comes in. The other caregiver has been out sick and I've taken over some of her shifts. The recover time is lasting far longer and I'm at 3 days now and still feel like doing nothing, putting off things that need to get done. Absolute BLA!

I'm looking at this in a different light now. The other caregiver has recovered now and I'll be back to my usual 3 days with this man. But, I'm wondering if my life force is being drained in some way by him and what can I do to stop it? This must be happening on a very subtle level as I'm unaware of it when I'm with him.

I know I must improve my diet for one because during this time I've eaten poorly because of lack of energy and time to cook. Taking care of myself is important I know, keeping up my strength. So thats one thing I can do.

Can anyone explain what the subtle mechanism is for a person such as this to be able to absorb energy from another and how can that be stopped? Are there energy tentacles coming from him into my energy body or some such thing? I think having physical contact would be a direct energy transfer which happens since I'm taking care of these things, dressing, washing, feeding. But are there other energy streams taking place as well?

I'm aware of the problem with energy burn out for caregivers. I suppose people in this field are often empathic types that allow their energy to flow to another as a caring impulse, that would be draining. I would say I'm such a person and I'm also very sensitive to subtle energies coming from another. I'm usually aware of these energies coming from someone but I've been with this man for about 6 years now and perhaps these senses have become dulled? At any rate, I'm unaware of energy drain when with him which I feel with others at times. I can spot it.

I'm also unaware of excess energy I may be giving him in some way. One odd thing I'm wondering about, is he dosen't like me reading my tablet, thats connected to the internet, when I'm feeding him. If I'm reading a book or newspaper its ok. Feeding takes time and I occupy myself between bites and chewing with reading. Perhaps my energy (care) isn't with him as much with the tablet even though what I do for him doesn't change with what I'm reading....hmmm a funny thing.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and advise is welcome.

I suspect now something is going on at a very subtle level. He also has cancer and is going through chemo so sucking up energy may be needed. Plus, I wonder if his toxic state is affecting my subtle energy body in some way. I'm careful not to come into contact with his body fluids since I'm told this has toxins in it.

 

[Tuatha de Danaan]

'm also unaware of excess energy I may be giving him in some way. One odd thing I'm wondering about, is he dosen't like me reading my tablet, thats connected to the internet, when I'm feeding him. If I'm reading a book or newspaper its ok. Feeding takes time and I occupy myself between bites and chewing with reading. Perhaps my energy (care) isn't with him as much with the tablet even though what I do for him doesn't change with what I'm reading....hmmm a funny thing.

Sorry SummerLite I'd like to ask you a question rather than give any advice as I have no idea what's it's like for a caregiver.

Does someone suffering from cerebral palsy have the ability to speak and take in their surroundings?

 

[SummerLite]

Sorry SummerLite I'd like to ask you a question rather than give any advice as I have no idea what's it's like for a caregiver.

Does someone suffering from cerebral palsy have the ability to speak and take in their surroundings?

Hi! Yes, he speaks but is often hard to understand since his speech is so jumbled. He is a quadriplegic in a wheel chair but has the use of one finger he plays video games with. His mental age varies between 6 yrs and 13 yrs, more or less and is totally aware of his surroundings but at a fairly basic level. No complicated concepts in any way.

 

[Tuatha de Danaan]

Hi! Yes, he speaks but is often hard to understand since his speech is so jumbled. He is a quadriplegic in a wheel chair but has the use of one finger he plays video games with. His mental age varies between 6 yrs and 13 yrs, more or less and is totally aware of his surroundings but at a fairly basic level. No complicated concepts in any way.

Oh my lord, the poor man. How much time do you spend talking to him, does he get any verbal stimulus? Do you play any stimulating children's games with him or does he like music.?
I'm just trying to picture your time together and how occupied you are with him?

 

[Ian]

I could use some advise please. I work as a caregiver for a disabled man with cerebral palsy, 2 hours in the morning and 2 hours in the evening 3 days a week. The first day of my days off from this job, I'm a couch potato. I have no inspiration to do anything. I've come to accept this over time and tell myself this is a consequence of my nature and the work I do. I cram all my work into 3 days and also have 3 steady clients for house cleaning 2 days a week. So I'm tired after this and need the recover day. I usually pop back to my usual self after my couch sitting of 1 day.

The last 4 weeks have been different and this is where my searching for answers comes in. The other caregiver has been out sick and I've taken over some of her shifts. The recover time is lasting far longer and I'm at 3 days now and still feel like doing nothing, putting off things that need to get done. Absolute BLA!

I'm looking at this in a different light now. The other caregiver has recovered now and I'll be back to my usual 3 days with this man. But, I'm wondering if my life force is being drained in some way by him and what can I do to stop it? This must be happening on a very subtle level as I'm unaware of it when I'm with him.

I know I must improve my diet for one because during this time I've eaten poorly because of lack of energy and time to cook. Taking care of myself is important I know, keeping up my strength. So thats one thing I can do.

Can anyone explain what the subtle mechanism is for a person such as this to be able to absorb energy from another and how can that be stopped? Are there energy tentacles coming from him into my energy body or some such thing? I think having physical contact would be a direct energy transfer which happens since I'm taking care of these things, dressing, washing, feeding. But are there other energy streams taking place as well?

I'm aware of the problem with energy burn out for caregivers. I suppose people in this field are often empathic types that allow their energy to flow to another as a caring impulse, that would be draining. I would say I'm such a person and I'm also very sensitive to subtle energies coming from another. I'm usually aware of these energies coming from someone but I've been with this man for about 6 years now and perhaps these senses have become dulled? At any rate, I'm unaware of energy drain when with him which I feel with others at times. I can spot it.

I'm also unaware of excess energy I may be giving him in some way. One odd thing I'm wondering about, is he dosen't like me reading my tablet, thats connected to the internet, when I'm feeding him. If I'm reading a book or newspaper its ok. Feeding takes time and I occupy myself between bites and chewing with reading. Perhaps my energy (care) isn't with him as much with the tablet even though what I do for him doesn't change with what I'm reading....hmmm a funny thing.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and advise is welcome.

I suspect now something is going on at a very subtle level. He also has cancer and is going through chemo so sucking up energy may be needed. Plus, I wonder if his toxic state is affecting my subtle energy body in some way. I'm careful not to come into contact with his body fluids since I'm told this has toxins in it.

It doesn't necessarily mean that this is what is happening, that he's taking your energy. Lack of energy can be the result of lack of sleep, dehydration, insufficient intake of food into the body that gives us energy, and many other things can cause it. I read somewhere, that the problems are the means of our personal development, the medium by which we climb the evolutionary ladder towards higher degrees of consciousness. So this problem may lead to some kind of transformation, i.e. replacing old models (thoughts, habits...) with new ones. Maybe you should ask yourself what else can take away your energy from the things you do or What are the things you don't do that can boost your energy. That way, you might get an answer to your questions.

 

[Joe]

I think you'd have to first fix your diet, get some exercise even if you don't feel like it, make sure the time you're not giving care is as productive and stimulating as it can be, and that you are properly "detaching" from care giving on your days off. Once you've done that, you can reassess. Until then, those factors are "confounding" and mean you can't really assess if anything is going on while care giving.

 

[cindyj]

The fact that you are asking these questions is really good, because there is likely an energy drain happening, although I am not sure how that can be proven except by your own observations during and after your work. There are some resources I have turned to in the past when I was experiencing somewhat of a drain during certain work and interactions with people, to try to find out more about the concept, and what to do about it.

For me, recognizing the type of person I naturally am has helped me understand some things. As an introvert, for example, I get exhausted having to talk to audiences (so teaching a large class was not my favourite work!), but for an extravert, talking to large groups is energizing. And so on. This kind of analysis could help but I don’t think this relates specifically to what you describe.

There is also the Gabor Mate idea of “when the body says No” to consider. That was a useful book resource. And a more airy-fairy book I loaned out a long time ago so I can’t remember the name (I recall the author came from the Findhorn community) espoused the idea of emotional vampires and how to protect your space (basically, by imaging a protective bubble around yourself to stave off feeding). There is alot of info out there on “energy campires” etc., although it seems quite a few references delve into occult practices. I don’t think it’s okay to learn to manupulate others’ energies, just to defend my own energy from dissipation.

I hope you will be able to figure out what works for you, so you can preserve more of the energy you need!

 

[Gaby]

I will also write a list of things to do when you're burnt out and sometimes, you are so burnt out that you even forget to look at the list. When in that state, the thing that has helped the most is reading a romance novel and catch up with sleep. A few cleansing/meditation words and imagining your energetic field full of light before going to bed also helps. You can also ask for some Reiki.

When you adjust your attitude to others ("external considering"), there is often an energetic shift. Suddenly, it's more of what can I do to make this person comfortable in a more efficient way, instead of feeling the energy drain all the time. I often see it as an energy saving strategy and not necessarily an esoteric concept. Kind of like, I need to make my life easier, otherwise it's unsustainable. I often find that focusing on the other person, their backgrounds, how they must be feeling, where they're coming from, etc... energetically practical. I don't feel the drain, but I'm saving energy.

My 2 cents.

 

[SummerLite]

It doesn't necessarily mean that this is what is happening, that he's taking your energy. Lack of energy can be the result of lack of sleep, dehydration, insufficient intake of food into the body that gives us energy, and many other things can cause it. I read somewhere, that the problems are the means of our personal development, the medium by which we climb the evolutionary ladder towards higher degrees of consciousness. So this problem may lead to some kind of transformation, i.e. replacing old models (thoughts, habits...) with new ones. Maybe you should ask yourself what else can take away your energy from the things you do or What are the things you don't do that can boost your energy. That way, you might get an answer to your questions.

Ian, I think you nailed it! Thanks so much! Because I've had more work to do, less personal time, along with the holiday demands I've been shrugging off healthy habits. I'm dehydrated from drinking to much coffee to stimulate energy and not drinking enough water. My sleeping patterns are a mess. I love to stay up late then I need to get up early 3 days a week leaving me tired during the work day.I need to get to bed earlier and have a better, more scheduled sleep routine. My diet has been bad......I've eaten out a lot. I guess I'm kind of a mess! Thinking I can just plow through it without any care for these things.

On a deeper level you've caused me to reflect on my life lessons this time around. There's a lot to that one but it all fits. New Habits....Absolutely!

Its also interesting where my thoughts went to possibly explain this problem. Most of my life I've been interested in subtle and unseen energies, psychic stuff, window fallers etc. I pick up on these energies sometimes and I can see how they affect my life. When problems arise I usually think its a physical issue or an unseen energy of some kind. I did say several times I don't sense an energy drain coming from this man. Big clue.

At the same time, although I think this is mainly my physical issues at this time, the situation requires me to be thoughtful with energy drains with him. He's becoming more toxic physically from the chemo and in the past I've experienced physical symptoms from someone else's illness. So being mindful of that as a possibility is also good.

Very good advise !

 

[SummerLite]

I think you'd have to first fix your diet, get some exercise even if you don't feel like it, make sure the time you're not giving care is as productive and stimulating as it can be, and that you are properly "detaching" from care giving on your days off. Once you've done that, you can reassess. Until then, those factors are "confounding" and mean you can't really assess if anything is going on while care giving.

Yes, absolutely, that's the way to go. Thanks Joe!

 

[Amor]

I agree with what Joe said about diet and exercise. You yourself know what you can do better that which is in your own control. Especially lack of sleep tend to create gaps in awareness. Most often we are the ones draining ourselves. Giving away our power of self responsibility digs the drain hole even deeper. It is always easier to poke the finger around and not see where the finger is coming from. I would suggest getting sleep straight and diet is fundamental. Those things tend to compound both positively and negatively.

 

[Breo]

These are all such good advises and down to earth strategies. Food, sleep, inner light and shifting attitude.
If it helps, I´ll add an observation that I had after taking care of people. I also had these "transition times", where I felt empty, lost and low. When I had a closer look into it, I noticed that I was in a state of dissociation, that then took me back to childhood and the forced role of the "giver" as a child. After giving, there was nothing. Nobody cared. I relived this "nobody cared" state after work until the grown up program took over again. Snap in, snap out, without awareness, until I noticed and learned to care. Step by step. Without making it too psychological, yes, as grown ups most often we are the ones draining ourselves. If this resonates with you, it could be helpful to take this in consideration, while taking care of good food, sleep, etc. Awareness eases this empty draining state and it heals with love. There might be a "part" within calling for awareness, care and love :)

 

[SummerLite]

The fact that you are asking these questions is really good, because there is likely an energy drain happening, although I am not sure how that can be proven except by your own observations during and after your work. There are some resources I have turned to in the past when I was experiencing somewhat of a drain during certain work and interactions with people, to try to find out more about the concept, and what to do about it.

For me, recognizing the type of person I naturally am has helped me understand some things. As an introvert, for example, I get exhausted having to talk to audiences (so teaching a large class was not my favourite work!), but for an extravert, talking to large groups is energizing. And so on. This kind of analysis could help but I don’t think this relates specifically to what you describe.

There is also the Gabor Mate idea of “when the body says No” to consider. That was a useful book resource. And a more airy-fairy book I loaned out a long time ago so I can’t remember the name (I recall the author came from the Findhorn community) espoused the idea of emotional vampires and how to protect your space (basically, by imaging a protective bubble around yourself to stave off feeding). There is alot of info out there on “energy campires” etc., although it seems quite a few references delve into occult practices. I don’t think it’s okay to learn to manupulate others’ energies, just to defend my own energy from dissipation.

I hope you will be able to figure out what works for you, so you can preserve more of the energy you need!

Thanks cindyj for considering this problem of mine and taking the time to reply. Knowing oneself is very helpful, I agree, I also tend towards introversion and the energy drains you describe I've also experienced. My down time alone, is crucial for me and when I don't have it I get wonky which is also a factor in this case. Just hearing the book title " When the Body says No" was a flash of insight, my body was defiantly saying NO! I have that book as well.

I worked in dental offices for many years and although I enjoyed the patients my co-workers where often very difficult to tolerate. One woman was especially a big problem and daily she would attack me for one thing and another. At that time I practiced the imaginary barriers you mention. Surrounded by a mirrored bubble was a common one. I don't know if that helped or not. She finally quit because, I suspect, the energy drain she had from these attacks was doing her in and her body said NO! She also suffered from fiber myalgia. I considered the barrier method for this situation but it didn't feel appropriate so dropped it quickly.

I did a lot of reading about energy vampires at one time.

Thanks for your help!

 

[SummerLite]

I will also write a list of things to do when you're burnt out and sometimes, you are so burnt out that you even forget to look at the list. When in that state, the thing that has helped the most is reading a romance novel and catch up with sleep. A few cleansing/meditation words and imagining your energetic field full of light before going to bed also helps. You can also ask for some Reiki.

When you adjust your attitude to others ("external considering"), there is often an energetic shift. Suddenly, it's more of what can I do to make this person comfortable in a more efficient way, instead of feeling the energy drain all the time. I often see it as an energy saving strategy and not necessarily an esoteric concept. Kind of like, I need to make my life easier, otherwise it's unsustainable. I often find that focusing on the other person, their backgrounds, how they must be feeling, where they're coming from, etc... energetically practical. I don't feel the drain, but I'm saving energy.

My 2 cents.

Thanks so much Gaby, you'd certainly know of these things. I like the light before sleep and I'll do that! Also not getting enough sleep has been a contributing factor so I've been working on that and I see improvement.

I have changed my attitude with this man after reflecting upon what was said here and seeing the problem isn't him. All of a sudden he's more positive and cheery...... Does this have to do with my energy/attitude shift he's aware of or just him? It's caused me to wonder how much he has tuned into my moods over these many years. What sort of attachments he has for me. He can't verbalize any of that.

Doing my job in a professional manner plays into considering the other person's background, needs etc. that you mention. I see how this attitude is helpful with not gushing out excess energy towards them. I'm here to do a Good job which is mechanical in a way and doesn't require such a personal energy exchange. Perhaps that's something like you describe. But, I've also been noticing how this professional manner is helpful for energy conservation.

Thanks Sweetie!

 

[SummerLite]

Oh my lord, the poor man. How much time do you spend talking to him, does he get any verbal stimulus? Do you play any stimulating children's games with him or does he like music.?
I'm just trying to picture your time together and how occupied you are with him?

It sounds bad doesn't it. I've often wondered about the karmic lessons for him and also his family. What brought him to this, it must have been significant.

I don't do any of the things you mention, he isn't into that. Often times he prefers me to be quiet which is fine with me. A prior caregiver was very chatty and he couldn't stand it. I get him out of bed, get him dressed, shave and light wash and feed him, then leave. Our conversation is fairly light and short. If I speak to much he says Quiet! Most of the day he's on his tablet playing children's video games or watching tic toc. He can also use a remote to turn the tv on.

He has a great wheelchair with a joy stick he controls. He travels down town by himself when the weather is good and has lots of friends in the shops. He's into collecting vintage toys from the 80's when he was a child (he's 50 now). His room is full of small figures from Star Wars, Star Trek and the Muppets. Pictures of famous athletes are on his walls like Magic Johnson who he admires. He watches all the football games on tv and needs to wear a football shirt on those days. These interests are the things I speak with him about mostly. I'm a kid at heart in some ways too and love his collections and new editions.

All in all he seems mostly happy. His life is simple and he's well cared for. To have such a caring home life must be a positive karmic aspect I think. To go through this life without this support would be hell and he probably wouldn't have lived this long.