PREDATOR AWARENESS: Life Preserving Cues
I have often wondered why we don’t start keeping some kind of list of observations we’ve discovered. I am aware this could be rather problematic on one hand, but on the other if we can wade thru some of the “noise” and stuff that won’t amount to anything, we may find a few useful nuggets.
After my recent experience with one whom I now suspect to be a psychopath, I’ve scoured my memory for all the little items that sort of “stuck out”. At the time, I found them to be a little off or odd. Unfortunately, at the time I was totally clueless with regard to psychopathy. In the aftermath I spent two weeks wondering what had just happened. I was intent on trying to sort it all out. For the next few months (after being pointed in the direction of psychopathy) I spent my time reading Hare, Cleckley and Guggenbuhl-Craig and Mary Astor’s “The Incredible Charlie Carawe”, pretty much in that order. Oddly, within three days of ending my association with the suspected psychopath I noticed I felt, overall, much better; mentally and physically. At the time, I chalked it up to “getting out of a bad relationship.” Over the following 12-15 months I was digesting all this new information and I continued reading on the internet. I really had a difficult time of trying to wrap my head around a person, another human being, NOT possessing a conscience.
As I read about other people’s experiences with psychopaths one item frequently mentioned was an energy drain these people experienced. One evening as I lay in bed pondering this I became very agitated with the thought of how could/can another person “steal” energy?? And how was I suppose to find an answer to that one?? (At this point in time, I realize that my energy had been stolen. This really ticked me off. To me it was worse than having my wallet stolen.) That question drove me out of bed and back to the internet. THIS question let me to THIS site. And I found more than I had dreamed!!
One area of curiosity I find revolves around music. We “normies” listen to music and our emotions are affected, generally. What happens when psychopaths listen to/hear music?? (As I have no statistics and little experience, I did note that the psychopath I have to refer to never chose to listen to music, but rather talk radio or television. Further, he refused to dance claiming “two left feet.”) Otherwise, my observation is that they seem to feign interest in music and I suspect music does not affect them at all.
Another observation was that the handful of (suspected) psychopaths seem to have a penchant for “sitcom” television. I wonder if it furthers their lessons on what is/is not acceptable behavior among the “normies”.
I would like to relay my final confrontation with this psychopath. Mind you, I was clueless that I was confronting a psychopath. Somehow, a little luck was on my side and some minor confrontations with the same person added “experience”. (This was a “romantic” two year relationship and previous discussions/confrontations revolved around honesty where I articulated my expectations and perspectives and stated that if “we” were not on the same page, I would understand. I THOUGHT I was dealing with a mature person.)
As I suspected that I was being lied to, I had decided to confront him with it, but I never let on that this confrontation was to happen. My thinking was “don’t give the liar the opportunity to formulate more lies”. I also orchestrated this “confrontation” to take place at a restaurant for three reasons; safety (mine- just in case he became violent, although he never had been in the past), to keep emotions contained (mine and his) and I would be meeting him at his home and I did not want this to take place in the presence of his teenaged son.
So, off we go and I THINK I have mentally prepared myself for anything most likely to take place. I’m prepared to hear: “Annette, I’m sorry”, “Annette, you’re just not the right person for me”, “Annette, I hate your guts”….. yep, I was confident I could handle whatever got thrown my way! Hahahahaha, silly me.
I confront him and expose his lie and, as anticipated, he offers more lies and I call him on those. However, I quickly bring things to the real crux of the matter. (hey, I’m no spring chicken and I’ve been around the block a coupla times and I’m not interested in being involved with someone who doesn’t want to be).
“How do you feel ______? How do you feel about us?” I asked, eyeball to eyeball.
His face slackened somewhat to the point his mouth was open and face expressionless. His eye contact glazed and it was as though he looked past me. Then, slowly, ever so slowly he turned and faced the wall. Expression never changed. It was like he was a robot that one minute was animated, then suddenly switched off. It was one of the most bizarre things I’ve ever witnessed.
I was flabbergasted. One part of me was thinking: I’d expect this kind of behavior from an eight year old, NOT a fifty year old man. This is pathetic! Then I thought, ok we’ll just sit here and wait. I was not about to “put words in his mouth”. At the same time, this inner voice is telling me that there is something terribly wrong with this person. I hear the inner voice, but I’m not paying attention. I certainly wasn’t prepared for THIS!!
Believe it or not, he remained like that for between five and seven minutes. I couldn’t stand it any longer. Incredulously I asked, “You mean to tell me you can’t tell me how you feel?????”
He turned and faced me again and in a very matter of fact manner replied, “No, no I can’t”. Then added, “That’s just me.” At this point the inner voice is no longer “calmly” telling me there’s something wrong here, the inner voice is almost deafening with advice to LEAVE NOW, DO NOT ATTEMPT TO ANALYZE THIS NOW!. LEAVE!!!! At this point, I was somewhat frightened and decided I should heed that inner voice.
Reflection upon this with the knowledge I now have leads me to a couple of possibilities. The psychopath was “surprised” by the confrontation (didn’t anticipate it). And somehow (with this particular psychopath) the word “feel” seemed/s to put him into “zombie” mode; totally clueless with regard to the “correct” answer. (After being educated, I was able to recall three other instances with this person where his feelings came into question, and not in a confrontational manner. And, interestingly, I do recall a slight glazing of the eyes and a slowing down, as if he was thinking, but I did find it somewhat odd at the time.)
Now, I bumbled my way in and out of that confrontation, but considering that inner voice, I want to add that I totally agree with the advice to avoid confrontations with psychopaths.
That “inner voice” was throwing red flags all along, marking all those “oddities” that I noticed, but did not pay attention to.
Anyway, I do think compiling some sort of list may hold the possibility of gathering otherwise unnoticed “clues.”
