How are you feeling?

[palestine]

I do often wonder 1) do the majority of people actually know what’s going on and don’t want to share how they feel

This is a question that I ask myself very often. Thank you for raising this question. It is of interest to me, and as I see another person speaking about this matter, I feel that I am not an exception!

Would it be a good idea than to create a dedicated thread for this?

One question that I sometimes ask myself is: where was I, when a kid? I could never formulate an answer to this, except with the C bit going by "your incarnations are simultaneous". Even with this bit, my logic stops and I cannot make a clear & "satisfying" picture. the result is that I am left with a big big uncertainty. I find it an exhausting art than to be able to deal with such fundamental uncertainties. But it is sometimes difficult to "not know", and just keep on with whatever.

I have memories of my childhood, but it's like a dual scenario. I cannot express how much this affects me badly when thinking about it, because:

- I haven't found an answer (as stated above)
- one scenario involves negative events

So it remains in the back of my head.

Moving on, and focusing on matters valued by the forum, has been a good antidote - except that it does not exactly solve the "riddle".

To answer your question, @T.C.: it could require some investigations, and interviewing people in a context of anonymity. I believe that people know, and are experiencing very paranormal things, and that nobody dares to speak about it, out of fear for social exclusion.

 

[katak]

Truth does heal

There are also some congratulations in order, because seeing the truth allows us to better navigate reality. The fire that burns can also light our way ahead.

Thank you very much @TC and @iamathis, I also believe that the truth heal us and set us free. Sometimes one thinks that what we are looking at and percieving is real and true. Sometimes we simply don't want to see the bare and raw truth. As a child, I was a rebel who fought for truth, for which I was often punished. Because "Parents are always right, even when they're not." Today, I see it as a good lesson that confirmed to me that even if authority goes in a certain direction (like during the Covid period), it doesn't mean we have to follow if we don't perceive it as right. Since childhood, I've been pondering truth—whether what we currently perceive as true is really true at all. We live in an unbelievable chaos where truth is hidden in a pile of lies. Finding it is sometimes like looking for a needle in a haystack.

 

[Nachtweide]

Today I remembered several experiences from the recent period, and my heart is bleeding and screaming with pain. I feel incredibly sad, and my eyes are as if they’re looking through a window onto which rain is falling. I knew that my native family, in which I grew up, was not ideal, but I thought that I had forgiven what had happened and that I had managed to deal with my past. After reading these books, together with the sessions with C's, I see now that my original family are probably all three OPs — where one is a narcissist, one a psychopath, and one perhaps “just” OP.

I feel pain at the memory where, not long ago, I’m standing outside with my mom, talking to an older married couple. My mom is mocking me, making fun of me, and this older lady gently strokes my cheek with love and says something. I don’t remember what it was, but I remember those eyes — eyes that were full of kindness. A kindness I have never seen in my own mother’s eyes. I feel sadness that the father who was supposed to protect me never did. He either pretended everything was fine or even poured oil on the fire. For a long time I thought he was the only one who truly loved me. Sadly, today I see nothing but his cowardice. And my sister? She has been envious of me since childhood – that I did well in school, that I got into good university, that I had a good job... Whenever she had the chance, she would smear me, even if it meant outright lying. She still does it today; I’m simply no longer within reach, so now she does it to other people.

And in the end, after today’s endless flood of memories from childhood and all those moments we spent together, I feel that I love them. That I truly care about them. In the background there’s anger too — that I love them and they probably don’t love me, and they probably have no idea what it even means to truly love someone.

Your post touched me deeply. I feel your sadness, and your story is also my own. The clear, unveiled view of our lives can lead our entire system to complete collapse. To truly recognize ourselves or to understand the dynamics that determine our lives, we need external triggers that break us down and dissolve us.
For me, there is a comparison to Gurdjieff: We crystallize at a certain level that takes us further and further away from our own core. It’s like an onion whose layers keep multiplying, becoming firmer and thicker. We ourselves feel the contradiction, the inconsistencies, and often sense how we act against our own convictions. To become a conscious human being, we need triggers that shatter our system—the layers of the onion dissolve. That is the only way to recognize our inner core.

The path of realization is merciless. There is no veil here, no excuse. The truth lies openly before you, and you feel as though you won’t survive it. This year, I myself experienced twelve months of complete system collapse, which brought me in November to the point where I was ready to end my life because I could no longer bear the pain and fear. Only with the help of close friends was I able to stabilize myself again and keep my head above water.
In clearer moments, I tried to analyze every situation and find reasons to understand it all. Here in the forum, I received many valuable pieces of advice that I implemented. Yet my intuition told me that my situation had not arisen by chance. I had a strong sense that there was something I needed to discover—something existentially important for me, the key to my core, the path to myself.
Images emerged, fragments burned into my memory, and there was only pain left—pain that had left traces deep in my bones. I felt as if my bones were dissolving, my feet losing contact with the ground. I consisted only of a bubble of sadness and fear.

Today I know: This year was given to me as a gift to open my eyes and to experience myself more deeply. I remember a similar collapse about 13 years ago. At that time, I suddenly had access to information that had remained hidden and inaccessible in my normal state of consciousness. It was a profound inner realization—a world reachable only through pain, fear, and deep sadness.
Another important insight concerns emotions. Highly sensitive people often develop an exaggerated emotional intensity toward others, which becomes their norm. The nervous system adapts accordingly. If you live with constantly high stress levels since childhood, the system adopts that as its baseline. In my case, I observed very high resilience to stress.

This year, I consciously decided to distance myself from people who emotionally drained me—takers rather than givers. This included parts of my family of origin. Since it was a conscious decision, my system coped well with it. This emotional distance allowed my system to readjust to a healthy emotional level.
For me, the crucial question was: What meaning do these people have in my life? If they have meaning, I will reestablish contact at this new, healthy emotional level. Every contact was restored, and there were surprising insights. Emotional regulation took place on both sides—wonderful, balanced, and open conversations in which everyone shared their perspective. Today, we are emotionally connected at a healthy level, without expectations, guilt, or fear.

The closer people are to you, the more important it is not to let yourself be guided by exaggerated emotions. Sometimes a temporary separation is needed, sometimes a permanent one. Today I know that I had a deep emotional dependency, even though I thought I was a free person. To all those who triggered negative emotions in me and were unable to clarify their own emotional situation with me, I have forgiven and let them go in love and peace. There are no attachments left.

I’m sorry for writing so much about myself now. The deeper purpose was to recognize the dynamics and perhaps to point out a path that could help clarify your situation

 

[Nachtweide]

After reading these books, together with the sessions with C's, I see now that my original family are probably all three OPs — where one is a narcissist, one a psychopath, and one perhaps “just” OP.

There are many symptoms that are assigned to certain clinical pictures or diagnoses. It is not helpful to pigeonhole symptoms into categories just to arrive at a fixed diagnosis. Almost all personal traits that we observe externally have an entirely different origin story. They may stem from our own childhood trauma, intertwined with the trauma of our parents. As the saying goes: I am the sum of all my experiences.

We should refrain from judging so that our brain can categorize things more easily—instead, we should learn to understand why things develop the way they do. Knowledge is the key, compassion the vehicle, and understanding the driver.

 

[katak]

To become a conscious human being, we need triggers that shatter our system—the layers of the onion dissolve. That is the only way to recognize our inner core.

Yes, I see it very similarly. Perhaps not even half a year ago, I said that I perceive the last few years as a kind of transformation and a period when I am gradually removing, like onion layers that prevent us from "truly seeing." It's not easy to see things that you normally don't want and would never choose. I believe it's possible for a person to make such a choice even before birth. Sometimes I wonder if I was crazy for choosing this On the other hand, these life lessons truly help peel away those onion layers. Yes, overly intense emotions can obscure reality – especially for someone who is highly sensitive. If they’re not kept under control, they can make quite a mess.

As a child, I couldn’t understand why someone would be punished for telling the truth. Much later, I read about an experiment in which a person was placed in a room with a black ball on the table. Many other people were seated around it. When everyone was asked what they saw, they all claimed it was a white ball. In the end, even that person, under pressure, said he saw a white ball too.And today, wherever we look, we’re confronted with so many contradictory pieces of information about the same thing. It simply is what it is… The price of truth is high, and the lessons that lead us toward deeper understanding and greater authenticity are often harsh.

I'm not entirely sure it was wise to express my feelings so openly and unfiltered. Maybe I've just grown weary of seeing the masks people wear. I do understand that in this world, we need to protect ourselves. But at the cost of not being authentic?

Thank you very much for what you wrote. I have a quiet intuition that an answer to this day has already arrived.

 

[katak]

We should refrain from judging so that our brain can categorize things more easily—instead, we should learn to understand why things develop the way they do. Knowledge is the key, compassion the vehicle, and understanding the driver.

Yes, thank you — we shouldn’t judge or evaluate others. A person often understands many things theoretically, yet putting them into practice is much harder. I don’t know what the real truth is. I would love to know it; perhaps one day the answer will come.

Wishing everyone a nice day.