Thanks for taking the time to reply folks :) . Totally understand its not about being rich or making loads of money from art etc, I'm probably not getting what I was trying to say across too well, and because I didn't post well yesterday at the start..
In day to day I've been too exhausted sometimes from working low paid jobs to do much else really, it can also take a lot of energy away from stuff like meditating, study and networking. But with hard work and consideration maybe a better balance can be found I hope..
A lot of folks are probably going though this I think.. For those who aren't, and have found a balance then I'm happy for them!
I do get what you guys mean I think, that doing and sharing creative things are the goal in themselves, although money is important, as for most of my life have lived with not enough of it . It takes up a lot of energy.. just struggling to pay the bills and worrying about money takes away from doing the creative things .
I do work as a cleaner now, 4 days a week so it will give me a bit more time hopefully and Loreta I agree with you, that it allows your mind to be freer, I found time and space to sing and hum some tunes, and imagine things to draw while I was cleaning which was lovely, but the dirt or something in the job gave me a weird rash, (I'm guessing) couldn't sleep it was so itchy lol.
So tried goin back to cycle mechanics recently which wasn't great either.. The job that was available is more like managing a big shop which, was a new business that was very disorganised.
And it's the kind of place where they expect you to do everything when there just isn't enough time.
Just way too stressful, for not much pay . . They may have a part time job available in future I hope, and it's healthier than the cleaning job.
But I've gone back to cleaning again and hope that it doesn't bring out a reaction..
It's always the dilemma..
Either there is more time to do something creative, meditate etc, and not enough money and worry, or there is more money and not enough energy/time to do creative stuff.
At the moment feel pretty down about it as every job I try either wears me out too much, to do much else afterward, or is bad for health in some way.
Cost of living here in the UK is high, to be able to afford a decent diet etc isn't cheap.
To be poor isn't much fun either.
I've been there most of my life, and being creative IS a reward but you need good food on the table and a decent home to be healthy.
Before now I've lived in shared houses all my life, had to deal with people who didn't clean the kitchen so you can't cook properly, or you need to clean everything just to cook dinner and then clean afterward as well.
And things like threatening behaviour, antisocial people, being disturbed by people keeping you awake all night, peeing all over the toilet seat etc etc.
There are some great people I've met but there's "always one" as they say. And that's all you need for everyone to stop cleaning up. It's not good for your health, material support and a good house and home are def necessary for a healthy life i learned.
But this is the kind of lifestyle I have been able to afford for most of my life from doing things like cleaning work, security work or cycle mechanics, (which is paid like retail work), unless you have a partner or someone to support you. And loads of people are living precariously like this.. So I'm kind of highlighting the problem that they have too..
Although now it's different for me, I was able to afford a decent home, a Narrowboat. But only because my sister passed recently, bless her, and she was very generous left me some inheritance, so it was only from what happened to her which was very tragic, she got sick with cancer soon after loosing her husband from early onset Alzeimers. She cared for him for 15 years, they were both really wonderful people.
So was able to buy the boat only because of these tragic things that happened to them and how generous they were.
I Found that the difference having your own place makes to standard of living and health is amazing. It's much easier. You can look after your well being. And for this, I'm always very grateful, and having not had a home like this beforehand, appreciate it all the more, and it is always with sadness and pain, and love, due to what happened.
Living here in the Marina is beautiful, it's next to a nature reserve, although I've had complaints after even 1 minute of doing some music. It was being recorded on my phone and you can hear this lady coming to bang on the boat literally after 1 min!
The plan before this was to cruise the canals with my partner, where there is more privacy, but it didn't work out with him, so I had to stay at the marina in order to work.. And it's not cheap to rent a mooring. Narrowboats I've discovered aren't cheap to maintain either.
Homes in UK are soo expensive, and I'm still trying to find a way to record music, as I've got the equipment, but not much space or privacy. Maybe something like getting a small mortgage for a house if I sell the boat, and work hard, as there are some homes up north here that are more affordable
. Or just run away to the alps lol
Anyway, the boat I live on is beautiful, a high end one. Most people would be very grateful to have a home like this, especially now where people in the UK are becoming homeless at an alarming rate. So really I've got twice as much as some would like to have, and really I'm lucky to be alive and in a good place mentally so a lot to be thankful for!
Either way, long hours of physical work aren't great for the soul either and as the Ra transcript said, it's really not conducive to meditate, and grow. At least it keeps you active though.
I'm thinking a lot about others I've met too, people who have fallen into poor health and illness for similar reasons, I've def met a few so this post was attempting to address the wider issue of being stuck in this situation in general and how its difficult to be creative etc.
And about what you said Nature Videre, it's really difficult financially for everyone at the moment, just to survive. So having the time and money to support a lifestyle that gives me enough time to devote myself to being creative is would be a privilege indeed!
Oh, it's only people like the Rockefellas kids who can afford that of course!
When I did security work, I met a few people who had the same issues, one girl was really tragic. She was in bits, lost and wandering around the shopping centre where I worked. She was doing strange things so my supervisor asked me to approach her and find out what was going on. She wouldn't speak but ended up lying curled up on my lap looking at me in a desperate way, looking for help.. Then the police turned up and detained her back of house aggressively which was pretty shocking.. In anger she finally shouted and screamed about not being able to afford do her art and how the rich kids at college had this opportunity..
I've met others who to a lesser extent felt the same way. One girl was really frustrated by the rich kids who had these opportunities also, and they were popular artists doing "gender equality related art". She was really peed off! And poor.
It's like, being poor for a long time just drains you, long hours low pay.. I may go back to security work but having trouble renewing my licence, or just work in Aldi! (If I could get a job there that is).
I've done these kind of jobs all my life, am pretty useless at doing much else like higher end jobs.
But I'll keep trying to find time to do some creative work, here and there, even if it's just 15 mins a day like 3D Student said. And it's important to keep trying and moving forward.. Anyway thanks for taking the time to reply once again. I'd like to be able to reply and put quotes to you more directly, but can't work out how at the moment. Will start using my laptop, probably it's easier to work out how, rubbish with this stuff lol.