How to 'feed' yourself

[obyvatel]

‘How to feed yourself’ doesn’t sit with me somehow, not that it matters... would it be more helpful to think in terms of ‘how to free ourselves,’ or ‘to be free of feeding’ since it seems that the false personality/programs that burden the mind with all sorts of thoughts/confabulations, where awareness is reduces to a small bubble..... me me me.

And if its a false I that thinks there’s an obstacle to overcome, its probably nothing more than a false obstacle (illusion)... existing only as a program/thought pattern that limits being... and something that requires work to open up to possibilities, and effort to acquire new habits, that aid in the development of being in real life, without anticipation, without identification, perhaps just acceptance, without much in the way of conditionals, as to how something should be...

I could be wrong... specific situations and all that...

I guess it depends on how you interpret the term "feeding". All the stuff that you mentioned above - work to open up possibilities, effort to acquire new habits - do not happen through one's own efforts in a vacuum. How does one actually go about doing any of these things? Can you find an example?

One needs experiences and ideas to learn from - be it from books or from other people. That to me is a form of feeding. There is skillful feeding where there is an increase in positive values - or at least that is how I interpret skillful feeding.

The question "how to free ourselves from feeding" is impractical from our current situation as far as I can see. It is scientifically established that we are a part of an interconnected ecosystem. The implications of this go far beyond the relationships between humans and flora and fauna. We cannot live without depending on others - present and past. We derive physical, emotional and intellectual nourishment through other beings. We can try to feed as skillfully as possible in every situation so that others can derive nourishment as well as ourselves.

When I am writing this post, I am using ideas that I have learned through books written by other people, ideas obtained through and from other people as well as through experiences I have had with other people. The computer that I am using to type this message has come into existence through the agency of other people. Same with the internet connection. And this forum - which is created and maintained through the labors of others providing a medium to share ideas. So all these things are nourishing me and my present efforts. And what I am writing is in the hope that it provides nourishment in some form to those who take the trouble of reading it.

This is my present understanding of how things work at our level - something described as "reciprocal maintenance" in 4th Way literature.

 

[bjorb]

[quote author= obyvatel]‘How to feed yourself’ doesn’t sit with me somehow, not that it matters... would it be more helpful to think in terms of ‘how to free ourselves,’ or ‘to be free of feeding’ since it seems that the false personality/programs that burden the mind with all sorts of thoughts/confabulations, where awareness is reduces to a small bubble..... me me me.[/quote]

I can imagine how the word ''feeding'' could set you off. But its how you interpreted it.

In a STO network you could replace the word ''feeding'' with supporting, assisting and helping each other.

That’s why the C’s said :

We give to others and receive from others of the STO. We feed each other.

 

[Solie123]

The question "how to free ourselves from feeding" is impractical from our current situation as far as I can see. It is scientifically established that we are a part of an interconnected ecosystem. The implications of this go far beyond the relationships between humans and flora and fauna. We cannot live without depending on others - present and past. We derive physical, emotional and intellectual nourishment through other beings. We can try to feed as skillfully as possible in every situation so that others can derive nourishment as well as ourselves.
[....]
This is my present understanding of how things work at our level - something described as "reciprocal maintenance" in 4th Way literature.

Thank you Obyvatel, I was thinking along the same line.

Something that happened to me upon first reading the wave was the idea that I must stop feeding on others and their energy; and the way I must accomplish this is to convert myself to STO being and STOP feeding. XD (it's funny in hindsight) Later on I realized how silly that was, even if it was in good intention, it is essential denying and rejecting the stage and place I am now. I am a 3rd density STS Human-being living on Earth, and I am here, because I'm here. That being said, I'm not STO, I would like to be, but I'm not. I can only optimize my feeding in a way that I'm not draining or hurting others, but there's no way to avoid feeding in one form or another. I think the goal is to make the best of where you are now while still objectively accepting who you are.

 

[Phill4]

I had the thread open on a tab and finally got to it a little late though.


I think a good way of looking at it, is like are a transmutation unit

If we are in the path of crystalizing certain factors in ourselves, to become a transmutation unit that transforms raw energy into light (following this analogy) we have to transform our raw machine into a useful machine able to complete the task of transforming energy.

I like to look at this particular subject, (because i had these same questions) as energy, and energy transforms, and we are energy therefore we also transform, and the crucial factor how the energy traffic we manage and the energy we are and the energy we receive flows starts with the energy immediate to us meaning ourselves, then we can move to other things.

The good thing about this analogy is that it applies to physical terms, everyone is energy but we are just configured differently, events are energy, a wall is in ecence energy and ideas thoughts are energy that vibrate in their own realm and medium.

there are ecosystems existing inside our stomach and we exist in a system. Sound moves on air, and thoughts and other energies move on sound, and so on.



Feeding is necessary in terms of transmutation of physical energy into our system to be able to run , the question then becomes what many things can our system do, we know of and don't know of, and what kind of energy expression we know of and we don't know of? what kind of energy transmutation mechanisms we have in every center we are aware or unaware?
We are physical bodies and we are not free from that law of feeding which in scence is STS in the physical realm, but in the realm of our actions in the continuum of time and orientation our thoughts can have these inclinations of polarity,

The concept in itself is very mind stimulating when you think about it. :)

How this connects to the aspect of the original post, we have to construct this machine first to be able to transmute all these energies, thoughts, foods, cosmic vibrations into Light. Nothing should be more important at that stage. otherwise by effect of the nature of our not-yet-configured machine is that, light won't come out in its full potential and expression or not light would come out but something else, or the machine itself burns out.

TC said it, it is ME who has to be worked on first, it is US ourselves but that doesn't necessarily exclude altogether working along with others and doing other tasks as well,


thanks for the post!

 

[bozadi]

Thinking about improving our individual independency and feeding ourselves, I contemplate on some seemingly interesting possibilities. I don’t know if this was covered before and I might very well be thinking in too simplistic ways, I just want to make sure where this line of thinking might lead to in terms of various possibilities. So I believe that we should analyze the process whereby a development (objectively or subjectively) occurs in the life of a person and this can even be a very ephemeral thing and that person suddenly turns so energized, joyful, confident and even loving, for a shorter or longer period of time. You know, just a kind of acknowledgement can cause these reactions or whatever they are; no physical digestion or possession is necessary. So, something relatively abstract can cause an individual to become very energized and joyful. Where does that energy or joy or confidence come from?

 

[3DStudent]

So I believe that we should analyze the process whereby a development (objectively or subjectively) occurs in the life of a person and this can even be a very ephemeral thing and that person suddenly turns so energized, joyful, confident and even loving, for a shorter or longer period of time. You know, just a kind of acknowledgement can cause these reactions or whatever they are; no physical digestion or possession is necessary. So, something relatively abstract can cause an individual to become very energized and joyful. Where does that energy or joy or confidence come from?

I think that energy might come from inside yourself. It could be that due to your own efforts, you find yourself in a sort of streak and start to learn quicker. So you feel energized and in a positive mood overall. But it also could be a bit from outside, too. Your efforts may make for more receivership capability. So you're able to receive and transduce more higher energies. You sort of learn to dance with the Universe, and learning is fun!

 

[T.C.]

Thinking about improving our individual independency and feeding ourselves, I contemplate on some seemingly interesting possibilities. I don’t know if this was covered before and I might very well be thinking in too simplistic ways, I just want to make sure where this line of thinking might lead to in terms of various possibilities. So I believe that we should analyze the process whereby a development (objectively or subjectively) occurs in the life of a person and this can even be a very ephemeral thing and that person suddenly turns so energized, joyful, confident and even loving, for a shorter or longer period of time. You know, just a kind of acknowledgement can cause these reactions or whatever they are; no physical digestion or possession is necessary. So, something relatively abstract can cause an individual to become very energized and joyful. Where does that energy or joy or confidence come from?

I can only speak from my own experience. But, philosophically speaking, I think it may relate to this quote from Ibn al Arabi/William Chittick:

You should know that the divine call includes believer and unbeliever, obedient and disobedient. … This call derives only from the divine names.

One divine name calls to someone who is governed by the property of a second divine name when it knows that the term of the second name’s property within the person has come to an end.

Then this name which calls to him takes over. So it continues in this world and the next.

Hence everything other than God is called by a divine name to come to an engendered state to which that name seeks to attach it.

If the object of the call responds, he is named ‘obedient’ and becomes ‘felicitous’. If he does not respond, he is named ‘disobedient’ and becomes ‘wretched’.” (Futuhat, II 592.32, Chittick, 1989)

If we're embodying or representing or channelling a certain archetype - say, "apathetic self-focusedness" - and that "term of the name's property within the person has come to an end" and another name, such as "filled with the joy of being alive" or maybe even "realiser of the terror of the situation" calls to us, and we answer, then the energy we're then transmuting into reality will be of a completely different nature and will, in turn, saturate us with the properties such a name is built from (say, 'higher frequency', 'understanding', 'less selfish', 'wastes less energy on frivolity', 'contentment', 'good health', 'valuer of knowledge' etc., etc).

However, if one does not understand that the above is actually what's happened - and that one must maintain their connection and strengthen it, like a new connection between two neurons needing to be repeatedly fired in order to build an extremely strong connection - and instead, believes that they themselves ARE the name of God, and that THEY have of their own volition simply chosen to live their lives differently, who constantly says to themselves, "ah, this is me; I am finally the real me; my true and real 'I' has crystallised and all will be well from now on", then this new and tenuous alignment with the new name of God will only last a certain length of time without being constantly strengthened, and when it finally disengages, then another "divine name calls to someone who is governed by the property of a second divine name when it knows that the term of the second name’s property within the person has come to an end".

This new state leads to a lot of frustration and pondering and soul-searching and reading, searching for "What's changed?" and "What's different?" "Why have things that were so easy become so difficult?"

The fact is, being under a completely different name of God, one is essentially a completely different person. And if one has made big life changes during the period under the 'better' name of God, then the original 'shock' or as you say, "the process whereby a development (objectively or subjectively) occurs in the life of a person and this can even be a very ephemeral thing and that person suddenly turns so energized, joyful, confident and even loving, for a shorter or longer period of time. You know, just a kind of acknowledgement can cause these reactions or whatever they are; no physical digestion or possession is necessary. So, something relatively abstract can cause an individual to become very energized and joyful" cannot happen again, and even if it did, I don't think it would have the same effect as it did the first time.

So we get our energy from the name whose influence we're under, and half of the names are connected to and leading to entropy (hence, our frequency resonance vibration diminishes and we become more contractile and lazy and apathetic and feel the need for energy from the environment and from others) and the other half of the names are connected to and leading to creation in infinite potential (hence, our frequency resonance vibration increases and we become more expansive and energetic and motivated and simply don't feel the need to take in energy from the environment and others, as we have a direct connection to the source of infinite potential energy).

OSITATM

 

[bozadi]

3D Student, receivership capability and transduction of higher energies sound relevant me in regard to the point(s) that I will attempt to clarify.

T.C., your explanation based on God’s Names as regards certain periods of our lives under the domination of certain divine characteristics can also be plausible in explaining some certain experiences of ours in distinctly higher or lower frequencies, let’s say. I haven’t ever seriously focused my attention in the topic of God’s Names, although I live in Turkey, where Arabi can be said to be an esteemed name in many of the related circles, and I have a certain interest in Sufism despite being a non-religious person. Now, I wonder if the “God’s Names” field of knowledge can offer a kind of calendar or method by which we can check if we are under the domination or test of a certain Name’s characteristics in a certain period of our life? Or check if we have been successful or not with one? I certainly believe that there is a truth to this field but I wonder if it also offers relatively objective checking tools or is it mostly based on relatively subjective interpretation?

Although I felt like I had a certain point when I posted my first message in this thread, I then noticed that I was not so sure about it. Oh, by the way, I was also thinking about a contemporary Turkish writer’s argument that “unhappiness is unethical” in translation (from an interview with Prof. Ahmet İnam in Turkish). In the interview, he admits that he himself is unethical but that he wants and works to be more ethical. And I admit that I might be much more unethical than himself. I suppose that there are two types of ethics, the one of STO and the one of STS (the paths of being vs non-being, etc), and what Prof. İnam refers to when he makes that suggestion is actually an STO-oriented ethics as far as I can tell. I’m aware that that motto sounds too judgmental but I can’t resist being inspired by its possible ramifications. Yes, all these matters are also very much related with levels of knowledge and awareness, which are so profoundly promoted by the network here in this forum.

I currently assume that part of the awakening process of existing and potential STO-candidates is about an acknowledgement like that; that being essentially happy, joyful, confident is kind of a universal right granted to everyone based on eternal universal reality or truth, which is succinctly but very strikingly described in some of the Cs’ sessions. In our STS-dominant local reality, we naturally tend to desire or fear for something to happen which will trigger us to be happy or unhappy. You know, when the C’s insistently emphasize that “there is no time” (as we mostly tend to perceive it), it is kind of an egotistical perception of time of ours; “I will be joyfully energized and fulfill my responsibilities when this or that will happen”. A possibly vicious circle of postponement or something. But depending on how we approach it, this view or statement (there is no time) might also be too simplistic as it might be greatly ignoring the context and just emphasizing the eventual truth of a matter, just as in the case of the statement, “it is unethical to be unhappy”; this is just too simplistic and judgmental, if it is not approached carefully or with sufficient knowledge or awareness. And, surely, I believe that the statement “there is no time” firstly leads us to ask “what then?” and eventually to “What is the nature or characteristic(s) of a timeless reality?” It is somehow the STO realm, I believe. Many of our efforts based on reading, discussing, learning, breathing, meditating, detoxifying, etc. are inevitably made by an “anticipation” at this or that extent. I believe that this is natural and that anticipation does not necessarily prevent some probable positive outcomes but one additional area of practice which is also essential for reaching the purpose “might” be conscious attempts at more direct interaction or experimentation with the target mode of being. This can be problematic and destabilizing because it is kind of alien to attempt to break or bypass the ordinary or the familiar flow of things. But sometimes something unordinary might be beneficial as well, depending on the circumstances and intentions.

I think this kind of sounds new-agey and might connote the “free food” or “shortcut” idea but I think that the essential difference regarding a free or accessible eternal universal positivity is about responsibility-taking. Do we want to access a deep calm, joy, confidence, etc. to escape having to face our STS-dominated reality and take responsibility in transforming it, or on the contrary?

 

[bozadi]

We can't just stop being unhappy like that but I think that we should be gradually more aware that, especially under these conditions, it is a "duty", a "responsibility" to be happy. Or put any other positive thought pattern instead of "being happy". It will probably be unnecessary to emphasize this "duty" of "responsibility" of being happy in the 4D, it might especially be more applicable to our current conditions.

Justifiability of being happy or feeling joy despite all the extremely adverse conditions and tortures of our life was (and still is, to some extent) one of my most serious ethical concerns, although lack of happiness, joy and trust had already cost me too much in so many ways. The knowledge and attitude offered by the C's was probably the greatest help for me to overcome that complex. But this doesn't mean that now I am or can be happy anytime I want. Absolutely not, I just wanted to share what's on my mind in this thread due to some possible associations.

 

[bozadi]

On the other hand, there is this from the session dated "14 March 1998":

(A) Well I have a question: are we supposed to be happy in this life? (L) Well, if you are not, you aren't doing it right. (A) Is that true?

A: No, it is not.

Q: (L) Well, I think that no matter what happens a person ought to have a good nature about it.

A: Each has individual karmic lesson profile.

 

[theoria]

This post is a beautiful example of how, sometimes for some reason, we aquire a Pure intention. In other words, we aren't exactly sure of what, we can't clearly see what is happening in us, we don't know what we truly intend to do, we only have this overwhelming impulse to do something which takes us forward.

We start doing many new things, all stemming from this one intention, still unclear of whats going on, but doing it nonetheless. However, since we don't really see whats going on, in other words, since the action is not as Conscious as it could be, then something must happen to take it to that level, of making progress a super conscious act.

We lose our pure intention. It gets obscured by petty details. I don't think this is a step back though. I think this is how it works. None of us really know where we are going. we have an idea, an image, but these are really just stepping stones until we can see clearer than ever before what progress really means. The process of reaching back for something which was taken for granted before, is a super conscious act of progress. And, as they say, if what we aquire was easy to aquire, then it will be easy to lose.

This isn't exactly about feeding, but this is what I got from your great post. :)

 

[bozadi]

Thank you for your input, theoria. Yes, I think we frequently experience the processes whereby we develop intentions and visualize target big pictures but when we can somewhat lose our clear contact with those big pictures while we take various types of concrete efforts towards those intentions or pictures, which sometimes lead to an overwhelming sense or anxiety of being lost, or being in deep darkness. And, sometimes we somehow experience those temporary super-conscious states that provide a higher awareness shedding a light on the scene and help with the progression.

We all still have many STS programs running in our minds, many bugs and toxins running in our bodies and everyday we are being bombarded by distracting or disintegrating influences that feed the darkness in our minds through STS-programs. These programs cause (and also are enabled by) various gaps in our awareness, our identity or our being. Our reading, learning, discussion, meditation and detoxification efforts enable more light to be shed on various parts of those gaps of darkness.

By the way, when I previously referred to our need to face our STS-dominated reality, this surely includes the need to face our own numerous individual STS-programs or thought patterns, not just external. Another point I want to clarify in speculation is that a person can be or appear unhappy, unjoyful, etc. but as long as a person does what they need to do to balance and progress themselves in terms of karma or awareness or spirituality based on their own free-will choice, I believe there “must” be that awareness and utilization of true positivity (STO) in some level of their individual awareness profile.

Still trying to explore more concretely my own point here, I now remember that sometimes our complexes involving some STS-thought patterns can cause us to believe that we don’t have the right to access and experience some STO-oriented frequencies or awareness or a profound joy or peace or confidence, etc. This is like the paradox I implied above previously; There are all these tortures, dreadful pains, terrors and agonies in our lives so we can experience an ethical dilemma about whether it is fair to access and experience and maintain a profound joy, trust, peace, confidence etc. especially when we ourselves have certain thought/feeling/action patterns which are kind of compatible with or somehow related with those agonies so we might be trapped by a victim and/or guilt complex. Part of the complex is that, you need to be “fed” by relatively deep or high STO-oriented thought/feeling/action patterns so that you may be better able, or able at all, to help explore, heal or decrease STS-oriented thought and action patterns in and around yourself.

I believe that many of us have the explicit or implicit capability of accessing very STO-oriented thought, feeling and action patterns although the extent of utilization of such capabilities can depend on various conditions but because of our STS-programs some of which we might be consistently running without being consciously aware of it, we have that conscious or subconscious blocking pressure built in or on us when opportunities arise to utilize those capabilities. I don’t deny the fact that everyone is responsible for their actions and the related results, and everything is somehow occurs based on free-will, so I don’t blame external factors for our possible internal blockages. This aspect of the subject matter can be discussed in length. I want to shortly refer to the “self-feeding” aspect in the same context. I believe that many of us have also self-feeding capabilities through access to very energizing STO-oriented frequencies related to profound joy, peace, trust, love, etc. but these capabilities might also be blocked by self-inflicted prohibitions, conscious or subconscious. I would like to comment on this aspect and also other related aspects more in a suitable time and listen to yours, of course.

 

[bozadi]

When I say "self-feeding" and "STO-orientation", this might appear contradictory but I'm sure most of you can establish the connection and I meant that. I think this is a significant part of the 3D lesson profile. I mean, self-feeding capability. I think that most of us block ourselves very badly because of our STS-programs. In this sense, our STS-programs inflict the primary damage on ourselves, and we might not be aware of the extent.

And, of course, the capability of feeding ourselves should not mean escaping from our responsibility of exploring, facing and treating our many different STS-oriented thinking and acting patterns, but help it.

Improvment of the self-feeding capability, through whatever ways to be explored, should help alleviate imbalanced dependency problems among individuals.

Maybe meditation is one of the main methods for relieving our STS-programs and accessing some STO frequencies to feed and heal ourself. All the other methods already suggested and practiced in this network also certainly help us feed ourselves in various ways. Discussion on various sub-aspects of the subject of self-feeding might enable us to feed ourselves even more effectively.

 

[bozadi]

You know, there are those linear and non-linear perspectives. Although we are STS and we can’t directly go to the STO realm to get some energy, we can nonetheless energize ourselves by interacting with the STO realm based on our acknowledgement and/or belief and/or awareness of it and our ultimate intention (if it exists) of transitioning into it.

And it appears that, as long as the STO is concerned, even our most individual self-feeding or self-healing attempts and or experiences through interaction with the STO realm will eventually tend to cover other related individuals in our lives.

In fact, some of the new-age materials might also be encouraging interaction with the STO realm in this or that way, but most of them also encourage fantasizing instant transitioning into that realm while we still have so many STS-programs running actively, which is absurd and misleading, so they encourage to escape the responsibility of exploring the extent of our own STS thought and action patterns and that of the broader social and humanity-wide STS thought and action patterns, and finding and applying the ways of taking immediate and conscious action for changing this situation through networking.

And majority of the general new-age materials (even those which are based some level of good faith or good intentions) are not even sufficiently aware what the STO realm really is, and that for a long time we have been living and feeding a strictly STS order of life. Our own knowledge of the STO realm is also very limited but based on the valuable information provided, I think that many of us can have some generally applicable views of what the STO and STS realms are or are not.

And based on the idea of STO-candidacy and other available potential information about the related spiritual-cosmological context, I believe that we can and do somehow interact with the STO realm in this or that way and extent. I don’t think that it would otherwise be possible to progress towards it. And such interactions have probably some external and internal aspects. It might be claimed that all beings have some STO roots as long as they exist because “being” itself appears to be a more STO-based concept.

So we potentially have access to all the energy available in the entire existence. And so, theoretically, access to a needed energy or self-feeding should not really be a problem depending on our interaction with the STO realm based on our awareness of and belief in it including the fact that our very beings are rooted in that realm. It is our subsequently acquired STS-oriented thinking/feeling/acting patterns that prevent us from being aware of and interacting with our home and destination. Again we should be careful about those “new-age” promoted STS-based ideas of immediate salvation or escape from our STS-dominated thought/action patterns and from those which surround us. Responsibility to ourselves and others necessitates exploration of the existing situation and our involvement in it, and networking to gradually solve the entire problem.

When we somehow manage to access true STO frequencies or awareness, this can and probably will make us desire to have left behind all our STS-programs, which must almost certainly turn out to be wrong. And when we find ourselves entangled in the web of the STS frequencies, this might cause us to believe something like we have never interacted with the STO realm and that it may never have existed. So we might go between these extremes. I think that increase of awareness based on learning and exploration of the both realms as relevant enables us to get gradually free from this drifting.

 

[bozadi]

Another point I want to attract attention to as regards energizing or feeding ourselves is an observation that when I manage to focus on loving some close people in my life with a certain success, I often experience an unexpected satisfaction or completion in many different terms. I think this leads to an interaction with the STO realm in some way and extent.

When I say loving someone, I must admit that this is not something I can frequently make and I mostly ‘practice’ this by imagining loving someone close to me like family or some close friends although I don’t plan to limit it with certain people or circle, they just make good practice subjects for me.

There are many reasons why I prefer to practice loving through telepathy-like imagination without informing the related people about my such efforts or discussing or practicing love with them in more active and visible ways but I think it is primarily because of the heavy pressure of STS-programs in almost everyone involved including myself, most of the times. I come to notice that practicing a relatively pure love is so luxurious and can be so difficult to focus on in the STS-dominated conditions of ordinary (!) life.

So, when I somehow can focus on loving a specific person or sometimes persons, I imagine taking that person before me, looking at each other naturally and comfortably, and then I begin to talk telepathically. I often tend to say something Iike, “I know what you experience in your life. We can’t really talk about these freely and comfortably in the physical life. I know about your deep fears, anxieties, wounds, pains and also complexes of victimhood and guilt... This is the dominant reality of our life and we can’t even tell and discuss the truth, let alone effectively solving it. We all are really under a great pressure in this evil life order. But we strive anyhow and continue to live and hope good things and now that we can tell the truth of our lives more freely, we can gradually wake up and begin to support each other more actively. I love you. Love is and will always be the only truth of our relationship no matter how bad and complicated things have turned for us for sometime. My existence is for you, for your love, trust, health, joy, happiness. I enjoy so much dedicating my life and all my being to help you overcome any problems by gradually manifesting your godhood and shining like the sun. This is what you are and all we are. We just need to be patient because what we intent now is not so easy to manifest physically in our lives but this is what we live for and nothing can change this as long as we exist and love each other. (...)” I actually do not specifically use these words or sentences. Just telepathically transferring or sharing these ideas almost as a whole in a process.

When I finish focusing, I don’t care much about if these telepathically messages reach to the related person or persons. I tend to believe that they do. I feel happier and in higher spirits. Even if this is the only good result, that’s fine anyway! I just did something good and it will certainly influence me and my relationships in this or that way or extent.

I can’t do this loving practice regularly or often. I hope that I will because as far as I can effectively focus on loving a person and persons as pure as possible in this way, I can easily notice that my STS-programs are weakened significantly even if for a relatively short period of time. It is like a good deep breath. I gain a very satisfactory sense of purpose in my life. Complexes and paradoxes are relieved, etc. But you know, then I gradually lose that comprehensive awareness or STO-interaction. STS-programs gradually dominate again. But at least I can remember to some extent what I need to focus on again. Although I can’t keep the same strong impulse of necessity about it, I mean, when I first admit myself that I will gradually lose the high frequencies and return to the ordinary STS-dominated darker realities of myself and of the world, I am still very much aware how important and critical it is for me to repeat and regularize this practice so that it can gradually manifest in the actual life and I don’t worry about it because I think that I won’t lose the awareness of the necessity of returning to the practice but as I actually return to the ordinary conditions, I tend to lose the depth or strength of the remaining awareness of the critical need or the utmost value of returning. Only after I can manage to focus on a relatively pure love for another person again that I can remember and recognize what I have missed in the meantime and I feel somewhat ashamed and foolish. So the drifting and striving continues.