How to stop judgement

[hesperides]

Adding to seek10's excellent summary, there's definitely a huge difference between judging others because they're breaking our self- image of who we imagine we are, and seeing in others what they still haven't resolved within themselves. In the latest case, you understand that they are projecting onto you that which is unaware in themselves, or are unwilling to recognize as their own biais.

Anyway, I see that in our days judging is such an ordinary act, or even a way of being all on its own, that people don't realize anymore the chaos they are creating in themselves. At least for me, once I had decided to see how much energy I was used to spending on being judgemental, towards myself and others, that was quite a shock. Bye bye self-image, a good part of it at least, but now I'm so grateful for this, it´s one of the most liberating things I've ever encountered. Of course, as always with any programs , it's a work in progress for me to attend to on a daily basis.

I hope this can maybe help you a bit, MoonSun.

 

[Kay Kim]

I think if we judging others or self, most likely will caused angers with depression. And that leads to negative energies may manifest detrimental to one’s own self. That’s why Cs keep saying to us to “sit back and enjoy the show”.

Q: (L) I want to ask a little bit about this process of "unwinding" S__ has been facilitating with my body. Have you guys been watching?

A: Always. You have just accessed and outed globules of energy.

Q: (S) It's an energy cyst. (L) What is the original reason for the presence of the energy?

A: Anger from age 22 when you were in severe depression and had plans for suicide. The negative energy went to your arms. {was there some past life impetus for depression at this particular age?

A: Beware of cardiac concerns. Not what is, what may be.

Q: (L) What specifically?

A: Possible thrombosis in future.

Q: (L) What can I do to avoid such?

A: Many things, but most important is your attitude. You must decrease your anger

46.11 Questioner: Then are you saying that if a negatively polarized or polarizing entity is unable to control his own anger or unable to control himself in anger that he may cause cancer? Is this correct?
Ra: I am Ra. This is quite correct. The negative polarization contains a great requirement for control and repression

98.15 Questioner: Then any mind/body complex can develop cancer as a result of anger. Is this correct?
Ra: I am Ra. This is correct.

(L) They know that this is all going on and there'll be a lot of death and destruction. They're padding their own...

(Joe) Yeah, so my question is: Have a lot of government leaders been given information about upcoming events that...?

A: Yes

Q: (L) So they know that there probably is more likely to be an Ice Age, cometary impacts, earth changes, death, destruction, disease...

(Joe) Food shortages, mass immigration, chaos... Otherwise, how can you keep those people on board to destroy their own reputations, countries, and economies? There has to be a compelling reason for them to continue to do that.

(Andromeda) But they're not even afraid of repercussions...

(L) They KNOW something's coming.

A: Yes and so do you and some few others. Enjoy the show!

Q: (L) Is there anything further you can add?

A: The situation will resolve naturally as all situations do...

 

[msante]

I think a good way to look at this issue is to first distinguish between making judgments about what a person IS or what a person DOES. Judgments about what a person IS can create and reinforce patterns of thoughts and emotions that can ultimately affect our ability to see reality objectively and act appropriately in the face of every circumstance. In any case, IMO making judgments about others is almost inevitable because it is part of how our mind works in this 3D STS reality. What I do think we can do is try to avoid designating labels that categorically define people, as well as avoid solidifying our judgments and always remain open to changing them as we come to better understanding of each situation/person.

We must also consider that sometimes, judging others (even when we do not externalize those judgments at all) can be harmful to other people. For example, if we are talking about loved ones (especially our children), for them, feeling judged at an early age when they are developing and learning, apart from feeling rejection or disapproval can affect them, damaging their self-esteem and self-confidence.

In short, I am not saying that it is easy, but IMO we can allow ourselves to judge others as long as we do it with an open attitude to modify those judgments and without adjectivizing those people with solid labels or moral categories. On the other hand, keeping a constant vigilance on our emotions and a good mental hygiene can help us not to tie specific responses or behaviors derived from those judgments and consequently not to interfere with the learning process of other people.

One way to address it or rewire the brain (when observed and recognized as such) is put your self in other person's shoes. We all know the saying "What you see in others is your own reflection". This contemplation helps to identify the our own reading errors.

Certainly trying to put yourself in the other person's shoes is a good practice. And I definitely agree that many times our judgments about others is nothing more than a reflection of our own miseries.....

 

[Alejo]

thanks for reply. I mean judgment that when others intentionally tarnish our image or intentionally harass us, we become disgusted and at least label them in our minds. For example, some time ago, a family with a previous plan destroyed our character in order to misuse money. Or it has happened to me that someone has spoken in my language in order to be able to speak to another and has created discord and enmity. In my mind, I accuse these people of divisiveness, lying and hypocrisy, but apparently this is judgment.

Well, I don't know as I wasn't present in the context of the stories that you share. Maybe it was judgement per se, but maybe it was simply a recognition of their character traits and as such, adjusting your behavior to the recognition of the kind of people that they are is positive, IMHO.

I think there's a difference, crucial, between recognizing someone's behavior and judging it as undesirable from a subjective point of view, i.e. I do not wish to associate with this person because he/she is X, Y or Z. This implies a judgement made from a point of self awareness, and adjusting ONE's behavior in response to someone else that does not violate their free will.

And, on the other hand, looking at someone and seeing that they simply are different than you in behavior and judging them as evil or bad just because, with no reason other than the discrepancies in world view, and then attempting to change their world view to suit yours because it makes you feel more comfortable or more powerful or anything else.

In both of these there's a recognition of traits that differ from yours in someone else, in both of those cases there's a choice that can be made as a response to this recognition, in both of those cases there's an evaluation and a judgement. In both of those cases one could say that there's a self serving intent behind the response. But one of those attempts to make the world something that suits you as opposed to adjusting one's behavior and choices in response to the world.

Does that make sense? This is what I meant by defining exactly what you mean by judgement. Because it can mean so many different things to so many different people.

In the second scenario above, the judgement originates in a place within the individual that needs to control others in order to validate his own world view, and as such, I would think that if that's what you mean by judgement, then the best place to start working on it is to see where the need comes from within you.

So, that's what I meant, to start with a simple definition of the concept and the answer will start to become visible.

In short, I am not saying that it is easy, but IMO we can allow ourselves to judge others as long as we do it with an open attitude to modify those judgments and without adjectivizing those people with solid labels or moral categories. On the other hand, keeping a constant vigilance on our emotions and a good mental hygiene can help us not to tie specific responses or behaviors derived from those judgments and consequently not to interfere with the learning process of other people.

This is true, and also from a place of sincerity with the self, sometimes anger or self preservation is the right response because we're after all living in this reality and as such, we will be self serving in most instances. I think we have a better chance of conscious awareness of our drives if we dispel the notion that we can be 100% selfless by ignoring certain aspects of our characters.

 

[BlueKiwi]

This is what I meant by defining exactly what you mean by judgement

I agree - this is also what I meant by needing to define the word judgement. I think it often get conflated with the word condemnation, so it would be important to define it it well.

sometimes anger or self preservation is the right response because we're after all living in this reality and as such, we will be self serving in most instances

What if the need to preserve self, so that you can then move on in order to serve others ? I have this conversation with my wife often (who is a nurse) that how can you look after other people, when you yourself are in an energetically depleted state ?

So I guess my question would be is self preservation service to self ?

 

[Cleopatre VII]

I would go towards the broadly understood Christian philosophy and the philosophy of the East.

I believe the most important basis for not judging is love and empathy. However, this love and empathy must be properly understood. To illustrate the problem, as an introductory example, I will give a mother's love for her child. It is usually assumed to be a form of unconditional and disinterested love. A mother who loves her child does not think about the benefits she will get from this love. She wants her child's happiness because of the warm feelings that fill her heart. It is natural, she cannot do otherwise.

The mother's love, however, is not that difficult, because her child is similar to her, she is related to it, it is important to her, because it is her child.

And here comes the question of transferring this love to someone who is not related to us by blood and who is not similar to us in any way. In addition, this person is acting in a way that we would never do.

Nevertheless, we must always bear in mind a few important points.

First, we don't know all the feelings, emotions, and thoughts that led a person to act in a certain way. Most often, we do not know the life history of a given person, his or her neurological conditions, or the immediate reasons for the actions.

Empathy requires developing the ability to put yourself in someone's place, but is it so easy for us to imagine what it is like to be in someone else's place?

Judging can be compared to a certain extent with a math task. If we have too little data, we can sometimes estimate the result, but we cannot get the correct result with certainty.

Another point is that there is no concept of objective morality. There are a number of different definitions of morality in ethics. Are we not proud when we allow ourselves to make judgments? Can we be sure that our concept of morality is correct in every situation? Do we always know what prompts others to act a certain way? When we only see the shore, should we say with certainty about the depth that lies behind that shore? Have we never encountered a situation in which everything seems different than it actually is?

I think reading detective stories can make us realize how easy it is to make a false judgment or make a false hypothesis. I recommend Agatha Christie's books here in particular. There are many interesting solutions in these books that go beyond the schemes.

Additionally, when love speaks through us, there is an extraordinary will to understand the other being and all his or her choices. Love has the power to transform judgment into understanding.

 

[MoonSun]

Adding to seek10's excellent summary, there's definitely a huge difference between judging others because they're breaking our self- image of who we imagine we are, and seeing in others what they still haven't resolved within themselves. In the latest case, you understand that they are projecting onto you that which is unaware in themselves, or are unwilling to recognize as their own biais.

Anyway, I see that in our days judging is such an ordinary act, or even a way of being all on its own, that people don't realize anymore the chaos they are creating in themselves. At least for me, once I had decided to see how much energy I was used to spending on being judgemental, towards myself and others, that was quite a shock. Bye bye self-image, a good part of it at least, but now I'm so grateful for this, it´s one of the most liberating things I've ever encountered. Of course, as always with any programs , it's a work in progress for me to attend to on a daily basis.

I hope this can maybe help you a bit, MoonSun.

it absolutely helped, thank you!

 

[OpenMindOpenHeart]

I suppose it depends on what you mean by judgement exactly, it's really difficult to tell.

I don't think there's a single answer that could address all forms of judgement you engage in, as not all of them are created equal, and not every form of evaluation of a situation or a person can be called simply judgement, so I think the definition of Judgement should be first and foremost. I think after that, you can start to differentiate where your emotions about each situation come from, and working on those places where these emotions come from might be a first step towards at least becoming aware of the tendency.

So, what do you mean by judgement exactly?

Great answer!

 

[Alejo]

What if the need to preserve self, so that you can then move on in order to serve others ? I have this conversation with my wife often (who is a nurse) that how can you look after other people, when you yourself are in an energetically depleted state ?

So I guess my question would be is self preservation service to self ?

I think so, but I think there's context to every situation. One could say that if one preserves oneself so that one may continue to help others, then it changes, but then one is doing whatever job it is, in order to further one's goals of self realization or whatever it may be.

So, maybe it depends on where you look at it from, but finding a healthy amount of self preservation isn't an negative trait per se I don't think, and I am not sure self serving is even something we would be able to overcome in this reality at all. I think the key perhaps may be to be aware of our own self service, and do it in a way that aligns as much as possible with our goals and aims.

Not live in an illusion, being honest about our condition and who we are and where we are. Only then, once these conditions are accepted, do we stand a chance of possibly choosing otherwise eventually, or maybe of creating an opportunity eventually for choosing otherwise.

 

[Maya]

Great questions and answers. For me being judgemental was a big problem for a long time.
Something I learned from my parents as natural.
But it's rude and unneccesery in most situations - it's just our reflection in others.
Instant recognition and lack of understanding and emphaty.
Had a few very good lessons so now I'm extra carefull not to hurt anyone again.
So if nobody asked about something/someone I learned to keep my big mouth shut.
Especially last 2 years. We could never know someone's burden so just be kind and move on from there.
Understanding and acceptance to the max.

Self preservation in basic instinct for survival or so I think.
Any activity that keeps us safe, good and alive. But ofcorse not on someone's else expense.
Circumstances and agreement distinguish STS/STO quality as much as possible in our 3D world

 

[Vajra2]

We have to realistically size people and situations up to function in the world - so an idealistic attempt to suspend this to think fluffy thoughts all of the time would just be naive foolishness.

What does matter is the amount of energy we put behind the thought - given enough repetition and 'shove' the pattern can become obsessive and very dangeorus to both the self and others. Not just energetically, but at all levels. To mind, body and spirit.

Quite a few end up with their life dominated by or even consumed by a mind monster created this way - leading to failing health and an inability to relate to others or to function in a balanced manner. Or worse...

Judging is for most of us a deeply conditioned habit (many from childhood try to make themselves feel better by putting down others and some families teach very bad habits in this and similar regards), although we vary enormously in terms of how often we indulge, what it takes to kick us off and how seriously we take our thoughts.

The fix is not to stop judging, but to over time develop enough self awareness that we immediately catch what we are doing - giving ourselves the chance to avoid being sucked into unconscious identification with the thought.

We in the beginning will without noticing find ourselves deeply caught up in this or indeed other habitual thought patterns (perhaps for hours) before we cop what is happening - but that's normal and OK.

The classic teaching is to register (sooner or later) when the thought arises, see it for what it is and just quietly set it aside. Not today thanks. To keep on doing this no matter what - even if we don't always catch the pattern immediately.

We train the body to stay physically healthy, but most fail to realise that the mind needs working with too.

Meditation is very helpful (essential?) because done correctly it's not about suppressing thought - it's about over time (not overnight) training the mind in the eventual ability to dispassionately observe thoughts as they arise - remaining easy with them no matter what.
It you could say builds a platform from which it becomes possible to observe our own ego mind in action.

Genuine self love (that's the enlightened variety - not self indulgence or the classic STS/service to self) is perhaps the fundamental ingredient in this, in that it's lack of care for the self that creates the need to compensate for what we mistakenly perceive as our own inadequacies in the first place. The tendency when trying to work an issue without self love is to tip into dissatisfaction with self and ultimately into anger and self loathing. It's hugely important no matter what that we be gentle with ourselves.

Good teaching (as is available from some of the spiritual traditions - some of the Buddhgist groups are very good/some less so) can also be very helpful because it can help us to see the ouselves and our actions and the surrounding realities in a more holistic and consequently more realistic and balanced sense - to recognise the cause of our itch (which can often be enough to release it), but to also realise that many suffer from these kinds of bothers.

When we over time reduce and eventually stop pouring energy into our ideations (actually energetic creations) the thought pattern (like any other habit) becomes weaker, fades and eventually disappears. Equanimity arises...

Wisdom/living wisely in manner that reduces hassle and stress is important too - another reason why teaching on how to live can be very helpful. This is the first level of self work in all valid traditions... The Dhammapada is a classic example of this: http://buddhanet.net/pdf_file/scrndhamma.pdf

Mind is essentially self healing - given space it naturally sorts itself out.

Pouring in energy in an effort to suppress any of these sorts of thoughts is a mistake - it weakens the person while the ego feeds on this energy and uses it it to fight back/resist change - think the classic 'do gooder' scenario where the person ends up doing precisely what they have been preaching against. (clerical sex abuse is perhaps a case in point)

This broad approach is actually the basis for working with all of our 'stuff'. Some of the Buddhist traditions use the classic monk, elephant and monkey allegory to illustrate and teach the stages in the development of equanimity and an enlightened mind: Shamatha Meditation Image - Art, Buddhism & Thangka Painting Courses by Carmen Mensink

 

[Pecha]

Perhaps another clue to judgment and its possible psychic effect on others as opposed to letting go and letting people be is in the April 28, 1996 transcript:

Q: (L) I was reading this piece sent to us on the internet where this Cosmic Awareness source talks about people who deliberately have [incarnated] because, since the good guys really can't interfere from the outside, because it would violate free will, that many of them incarnate and thereby partake of the physical experience, and then wake up and are able to do the things that are needed on the planet. The object being to try to make sure that they will awaken to their purpose, and that emotions and emotional traps are used repeatedly and continuously to try to prevent them from awakening. What I am getting at is: what are the things that we can do to awaken? You have told us many times that we need to awaken. Obviously we are not fully awakened. We are aware of that. Is there some other thing we can do?

A: Let it happen naturally. If you are on a path, do you seek to jump up into the air and fly to the end of the path? If you did, you would regret missing the "rest of the path."

Q: (L) A lot of very strange things have been happening... Sandra and her heart attack, [my daughter] and her [broken] ankle, the terrible sicknesses I have had in the past months, [my other daughter] talking about the things that have happened in her experiences... it seems like, to me, that the situation in terms of attack is really heating up. Can you comment on this?

A: No.

Q: (L) Well, thanks a lot! Can we ask questions about it?

A: Yes.

Q: (L) Well, my eye infections, the ear problems, the loss of my voice for so long... were these part of the attack process?

A: Yes.

Q: (L) My mother also fell down and has a black eye. I am trying to find the portal? What is the portal through which all this attack is coming?

A: Discover.

Q: (L) Did we already discover it in part, i.e. SV and her mother and that situation?

A: No.

Q: (L) Are you saying that SV is not a portal?

A: People are not portals!!! They are only victims of the things that come through the portals. Otherwise, many could describe you as a "portal."

Q: (L) Well, I never said that I wasn't. Speaking of that...

A: When you concentrate on the people as portals, you falsely direct negative energy upon the soul units themselves. Rather like treating acne with the therapy to be found in a shotgun!

Q: (L) What is the appropriate response when you are in a situation and you know that the person is being victimized, yes, by the forces coming through the portal, but their victimization is causing you a great deal of problems? What is the appropriate response here?

A: How do you view those afflicted with disease? Do you throw rocks at them?!?

Q: (L) Well, no, you don't throw rocks at them...

A: What do you do, then?

Q: (L) Well, a person with a disease: you send or take them to a doctor or suggest that they go to a doctor.

A: For what purpose?

Q: (L) To discover the diagnosis of the disease, to obtain medicine, to either relieve the symptoms or cure the disease.

A: Bingo!

The psychic component is that judgment on an individual who has chosen their path can be an act of directing a sort of negative energy towards them. Even if their path leads to pain, on some level they've chosen that path to learn, and it is not abiding the law of Free Will to use one's emotions to or personal opinion on the matter to effect them in that way.

 

[BHelmet]

I think judgment and judging just happen as naturally as emotions. We have no real control over making judgements. It is often visceral. It is a part of the machinery. How do I stop that which happens naturally? We can rationalize and theorize until we are blue in the face. We are still going to make judgements. Trudeau sucks. That is a judgement. It might even be objectively true! LOL But what do I do with that realization after the fact?

Perhaps a different/better question might be: "How do I deal with my judgements and the ensuing reactions and emotions after I realize I have judged a person or situation without really knowing the whole story?"

I think I heard a prayer somewhere that we are supposed to change what we can and know what we can not. So, I can't really change making snap judgements. But I can change how I respond to my own judgements and I can change what weight I give to them.

It is also a good idea to know the difference between judgement and discernment. Can I discern if my judgements are valid or invalid or the product of my own sub-conscious programming and biases? And I suppose an investigation of our personal scales of judgement is in order. When I judge, on what fulcrum am I hanging the scales? It is a rich area. thanks for bringing it up!

And then the idea that judgement is bad is, in a certain way, just another program. (AND just another judgement! LOL!!)

 

[MoonSun]

من فکر می کنم اگر دیگران یا خود را می کنند، به احتمال زیاد باعث قضاوت همراه با افسردگی می شود. و این به انرژی های منفی می شود که ممکن است برای خود فرد مضر باشد. به همین دلیل است که سی ها مدام به ما می گویند که « بنشین و از نمایش لذت ببر ».





46.11 پرسشگر: آیا شما می گویید که اگر یک قطبی باشد یا قطبی نباشد، نمی تواند خشم را کنترل کند یا در خشم قادر به کنترل خود نباشد، ممکن است باعث سرطان شود ؟ آیا این درست است؟
رع: من راع هستم. این کاملا درست است. پلاریزاسیون منفی شامل یک نیاز بزرگ برای کنترل و سرکوب است

98.15 پرسشگر: سپس هر عقده ذهن/بدنی می تواند در نتیجه خشم به سرطان مبتلا شود. آیا این درست است؟
رع: من راع هستم. این درسته

این کاملا کمک کرد، متشکرم!

I think if we judging others or self, most likely will caused angers with depression. And that leads to negative energies may manifest detrimental to one’s own self. That’s why Cs keep saying to us to “sit back and enjoy the show”.

Thank you dear Kay Kim, I thought about what you said and shared it with someone else, it was very helpful!

 

[Vajra2]

It seems worth adding a bit more on the topic of self work - on the release of deeply conditioned mental habits which if permitted to develop fully (perhaps down to combinations of circumstance and personal tendencies - the latter potentially built up over successive lifetimes) can cause real problems for ourselves and others.

We all have these tendencies, but they mostly don't get past being fancies naturally resolved as life and insight bring fresh perspectives. That said quite a few are significantly affected by whatever tendency - but are unaware that they have an imbalance and so used to the resulting orientation that they are unable to see. They regard it as normal.

Examples can include the potentially compulsive judging discussed here, but also pretty much any of those patterns that can come to dominate and distort behaviours - victimhood, putting the self down, depression, addictions, anxiety, chronic illness, eating disorders, fear, self-hatred, anger, being drawn to abusive relationships, excessive concern about health, money, cleanliness etc etc. Also stuff like the urge to bully/dominate, the urge to sexually abuse, the urge to power and so on.

Fed energy for long enough the resulting mental creation can come to dominate the individual - driving them to behave badly towards themselves and others and into trouble and poor health. All so that it can parasitically feed on the resulting energy releases. Also because the consequent reduction in frequency weakens their connection to sources of higher energy.

This mind monster is actually a part of the self which has become separated, keeping it fed can be hugely debilitating. Resolution requires ceasing all hostility and attempted suppression towards it, and gaining a decent measure of equanimity/calm/mind space. (aggression just releases the energies which sustain it) Then reaching out to it in love as a part of an approach such as that outlined in the previous post. Re-integration in effect...

Tibetan Buddhist 'chod' meditation practice is a more fully developed teaching or 'how to' - one designed to enable liberation from mental conditionings such as these. It works very well and is accessible.

It can take quite a bit of meditative work before insight arises - the underlying causes of these issues are potentially deeply buried under layers of rationalisation and are of course protected by the entity.

It's important to recognise that complicated intellectual discussion doesn't of itself fix anything - it in fact risks the opposite by turning the topic into an energy sink and a substitute for action.

It's necessary to become aware that there is an issue - and if we are analytically inclined it may help our motivation if we can gain a reasonably accurate understanding of what is happening. Progress however as in everything else in life requires self motivated engagement and right action.

Tsultrim Allione is a Western Buddhist nun who has written extensively on chod in everyday terms - and made available guided meditations. Should it be of interest a good place to start is her pretty widely available book 'Feeding Your Demons: Ancient Wisdom for Resolving Inner Conflict'...