How to stop judgement

[MoonSun]

We have to realistically size people and situations up to function in the world - so an idealistic attempt to suspend this to think fluffy thoughts all of the time would just be naive foolishness.

What does matter is the amount of energy we put behind the thought - given enough repetition and 'shove' the pattern can become obsessive and very dangeorus to both the self and others. Not just energetically, but at all levels. To mind, body and spirit.

Quite a few end up with their life dominated by or even consumed by a mind monster created this way - leading to failing health and an inability to relate to others or to function in a balanced manner. Or worse...

Judging is for most of us a deeply conditioned habit (many from childhood try to make themselves feel better by putting down others and some families teach very bad habits in this and similar regards), although we vary enormously in terms of how often we indulge, what it takes to kick us off and how seriously we take our thoughts.

The fix is not to stop judging, but to over time develop enough self awareness that we immediately catch what we are doing - giving ourselves the chance to avoid being sucked into unconscious identification with the thought.

We in the beginning will without noticing find ourselves deeply caught up in this or indeed other habitual thought patterns (perhaps for hours) before we cop what is happening - but that's normal and OK.

The classic teaching is to register (sooner or later) when the thought arises, see it for what it is and just quietly set it aside. Not today thanks. To keep on doing this no matter what - even if we don't always catch the pattern immediately.

We train the body to stay physically healthy, but most fail to realise that the mind needs working with too.

Meditation is very helpful (essential?) because done correctly it's not about suppressing thought - it's about over time (not overnight) training the mind in the eventual ability to dispassionately observe thoughts as they arise - remaining easy with them no matter what.
It you could say builds a platform from which it becomes possible to observe our own ego mind in action.

Genuine self love (that's the enlightened variety - not self indulgence or the classic STS/service to self) is perhaps the fundamental ingredient in this, in that it's lack of care for the self that creates the need to compensate for what we mistakenly perceive as our own inadequacies in the first place. The tendency when trying to work an issue without self love is to tip into dissatisfaction with self and ultimately into anger and self loathing. It's hugely important no matter what that we be gentle with ourselves.

Good teaching (as is available from some of the spiritual traditions - some of the Buddhgist groups are very good/some less so) can also be very helpful because it can help us to see the ouselves and our actions and the surrounding realities in a more holistic and consequently more realistic and balanced sense - to recognise the cause of our itch (which can often be enough to release it), but to also realise that many suffer from these kinds of bothers.

When we over time reduce and eventually stop pouring energy into our ideations (actually energetic creations) the thought pattern (like any other habit) becomes weaker, fades and eventually disappears. Equanimity arises...

Wisdom/living wisely in manner that reduces hassle and stress is important too - another reason why teaching on how to live can be very helpful. This is the first level of self work in all valid traditions... The Dhammapada is a classic example of this: http://buddhanet.net/pdf_file/scrndhamma.pdf

Mind is essentially self healing - given space it naturally sorts itself out.

Pouring in energy in an effort to suppress any of these sorts of thoughts is a mistake - it weakens the person while the ego feeds on this energy and uses it it to fight back/resist change - think the classic 'do gooder' scenario where the person ends up doing precisely what they have been preaching against. (clerical sex abuse is perhaps a case in point)

This broad approach is actually the basis for working with all of our 'stuff'. Some of the Buddhist traditions use the classic monk, elephant and monkey allegory to illustrate and teach the stages in the development of equanimity and an enlightened mind: Shamatha Meditation Image - Art, Buddhism & Thangka Painting Courses by Carmen Mensink

Vajra, you explained the issue very well, it helped a lot. I have to read it several times and apply it. Thank you very much!

 

[Vajra2]

The difficulty KK in these and in most matters to do with mind is that intellectual analysis and even seeming acceptance of an argument while a start do not per se do much to alter our underlying state.

This in fact is why many sorts of counselling etc while feeling good to the ego and in the short term (somebody is listening to me!!) are not typically very effective.

Exactly the right push at the right moment can be helpful (it can also depending on the scenario at times seem blunt or harsh) - but most of the time those 'helping' are not themselves evolved enough to have the intuitive insight to recognise what is required. They may anyway just be mostly interested in running up billing time while avoiding hassle. Many float fluffy platitudes or deliver ideologically derived and formulaic responses which just encourage the recipient to wallow in their stuff.

Change of state requires getting a connection open to the deeper levels of mind - and eventual arrival at a state of intuitive knowing that we need and want to (and will) change. Which is why meditation is so central to self work. It as the advert says enables access to what other products can't reach.

Outcomes vary widely. We may during meditation eventually achieve a flash of insight, or alternatively a slowly growing insight into the whys and wherefores of our issue. We could even experience a replay of a causative event which shows us that our subsequent behaviour (in light of our current view) has not in the widest sense been rational.

The deal can also be far more gradual and subtle. We may for example experience some sort of an emotional release without consciousness of what has happened, or we may only over time very slowly become aware that a load has lifted.

Meditation is pretty magical - in that what truly matters is just to get on with it. It's about 'not doing', and not about trying to force the mind in any direction.

This amounts to almost passive observation, to just being. A tiny bit of mind gently pulls us back when we drift into identification with a thought and another keeps an eye that this is all that's going on. It gets easier with practice. After that it's about as in the first post just letting whatever arises in the mind be.

This is something most find difficult since we are all deeply conditioned to react, to escalate our intensity and to try to force our will on whatever when something arises...

The hard work is in finding our way to the not doing so that the mind can calm down. Once given space it as before sorts itself out - so the territory is ansolutely not about analysis and conceptual thought.

Lots of gentle and longer term commitment can be required when working our stuff - but successes have at times been recorded as healing advanced cancers and all sorts of other nastiness.

The power of the mind is not to be underestimated...

 

[The Purple Grape]

Judgement. A loaded (polarizing) word if there ever was one I think. I just judged the word judgement right there LOL. So now let me "assess it" more objectively:

By this I mean that it can and is used as two sides of the same coin in human interaction. Like so many things in our world, operating in some form of duality-in-tension. So it comes down to, what choice you choose to make in use and application of judgement in your life.

Side one: judgement is used in the form of "assessment" of something or someone. We are born with inherent abilities in this regard, though they are often trained out of us in schooling. But in this context, assessment is neutral in nature and the application of it is constructive if it effectively increase objective knowledge and understanding. This is the skill that helps us understand the necessity of keeping our motor vehicles in their lane when driving in traffic. This is non-punative.

Side two: Judgement is used as a form of, well judging others or other things, done as a form of forced infliction of separation from others. This form of the word in use is essentially deconstructive in it's quality and nature as human beings often fall into the pessimistic lane in life and apply negative value judgements. But I would not condemn this in all cases as it is actually called upon when we sit on a jury in a legal proceeding and must actually make a judgement that is binding under law. Even when used correctly under law, it is still deconstructive, and a human construct for human reasons that can be valid.

Which side of the coin is in play, tends to be driven by one emotions and passions, more so than knowledge and understanding. So we definitely can get ourselves into "complications" if we lead with emotions and passions rather than thoughtful contemplation.

I do feel, at least for me personally, that part of my live experience is to learn the constructive use of our native skills of judgement, and mitigate use of deconstructive judgements. A lifetimes work, by the way, being an emotional creature!

 

[Giganknot]

Hello again

assessment is neutral in nature and the application of it is constructive if it effectively increase objective knowledge and understanding.

Just about right.


Side three of the tent: If we pitch our intents right down the middle, our extents come out, loud and clear.

If we keep reassessing our pitches between each other, pretty soon our mutual intents are raised off the floor.

Lovely setup, Purple Grape.

 

[Menna]

Hello dear friends, I'm looking for C's comments on observing without judgement, I searched the word judgement on the forum but I couldn't find what I was looking for. I'd like to learn how to get rid of judgeing others, sometimes ot is not easy. Do you have links of sessions that C's have discussed about it? Thank you

Judging is invalidating something…there is a psychological equation where it is said….What you judge you become by continuously judging is what I gather.

Things just are in reality…So judging it putting your meaning on something like a projection