I deceive myself for years thinking I was a strong woman.

[ClaudiaYG]

I'm glad your vision has grown so clear, it's rewarding from what I see :). And perhaps I'm wrong but, these boundaries you speak of, the ones you're wondering about, to my knowledge require some trial and error. They require some risk taking steps. I myself have had issues with setting up proper boundaries (and probably still do) but these boundaries are born out of a conscious evaluation of the results of interacting with the outside world. What is acceptable and what isn't can't be up to unconscious factors anymore, these answers fall in your hands and it's up to you, based on a day in and day out, case by case scenario. So little by little..:)

Thank you Alejo. This new information is very valuable for me and I am agree with you that it is require some trial and error.

 

[ClaudiaYG]

Also, in a psychology masters program, I took a family therapy class. One thing we learned about in this class is the therapy you are doing. A main assignment we had was writing a long paper highlighting the types of connections you are making in terms of our personality, etc and family members and family history. We had to create a family genogram with as much detailed information about family members and the associated relationships as possible. Here is a program I used for the assignment - http://www.genopro.com/introduction/ and http://www.genopro.com/genogram/family-systems-theory/ Individuals unable to attend this type of therapy might use the program or a related program to make similar connections you are making.

Thank you Bear. I am going to check the information that you post. I know how to do a genogram but I have not done with details.

 

[ClaudiaYG]

I know a person that gives this kind of therapy here in my country and I participated in a group constellation with her before, but only as an observer. I must say I was impressed. People impersonated different members of the family and that served the purpose of understanding the different interactions between them. But something extraordinary happened during this session and it was that one person among the observers started feeling bad and then the information came up about a dead baby who was going to be the brother of the one that was doing the therapy. So, even when the person doing the therapy doesn't provide with all the information, some things can come up in these sessions that are just incredible. I was a bit annoyed by the fact that some people actually impersonated other people and they really acted as if they were those people, I was kind of worried about attachments and all that, but maybe it will be interesting to give it a try, although I rather try the individual modality.

Thank you for sharing!!

I took individual modality because I feel more secure and contained. I think in a group therapy maybe I can see more things but only when I feel prepared.

 

[ClaudiaYG]

About Family Constellations Therapy I think that can bring very good information to our life about forces (or energies, or whatever) that are influencing our perception and behabior. But thinking about this and other therapies I was philosophizing a little (just a litle) and I'd like to share with you my thoughts .

I can be totally wrong, but I was thinking that maybe this kind of therapies should be aboarded just when one have made some progress on the Work; namely, you work hard discovering programs, disassembling sacred cows, making readings, recapitulations, and stuff like those,... and then, when you found a pitfall or maybe you feel that are blocked or stagnanted and you can not make progress, these kind of therapies I think that can "enter the scene" to bring new information and allow go ahead with the Work.

Also I was thinking that if you skip up directly to this kind of therapies without develop before certain level of discipline (fortify the magnetic center) there is the risk that we will can develop some narratives about our issues and in consecuence in any way affect our possibilities of follow with work.

Well, as I said, just a thoughts...

Yes Msante I think you have to be prepared to this kind of therapy. It is a therapy which came so fast the information and If you are not ready maybe it is to much.

 

[Minas Tirith]

Family Constellation Therapy or Bert Hellinger System Relations Therapy is available in the United States and France ... I am not sure, but I think this guy is located in France: http://english.constellations-lahore.com/index.html (I am not affiliated, just did a quick search).

I once took part in a group session some fifteen years ago in Germany - when this therapy was very much en vogue - Bert Hellinger, the "creator", is a German psychotherapist.

The way the group session works is that the group (approx. 15-20 people) meets during two consecutive days (a weekend), prior of which you have already talked about your issues with the psychotherapist who leads the session. So the therapist knows about you, the other participants are complete strangers to each other.

Then one participant starts and tells his/her story/issues. The family members are then "chosen" from the group. Mostly people volunteer, and say: "I'd like to play the mother" or "I'd like to be the middle sister" etc. All of the "actors" step in the middle of the circle.

What followed was one of the most peculiar experiences that ever happened in my life (and I am not exaggerating).

I volunteered to impersonate the little daughter of a couple who had come because they had serious issues with the child (I don't really remember the details). I volunteered partly because one part of the couple, the father, reminded me strongly of my own father , this guy just looked like him, just 30 years younger! The moment I stepped into the circle and was positioned by the therapist and the couple - the therapy is about positioning - constellations - how do family members relate to each other in space - I felt a peculiar energy coming through me.

It was neither "good" nor "bad", but very neutral, and made me move away and more importantly look away from the "actors" who impersonated the mother and father. I felt very isolated and sad, as if nobody understood me. During the positioning the impersonator tells the group how he/she feels in the moment, and the couple confirmed that most of the time her daughter would just look the other direction when being talked to!

During the course of the weekend I volunteered for different "stories", and it was always the same, once you are in the circle you somehow "get access" to the emotions of the person you are impersonating. Strangely enough I remember more about the others than my own issues I had at the time, but it is a very strong and very emotional experience every time - and by impersonating for others you also learn about these aspects in yourself.

We talked about our experiences in the breaks, and many in the group felt the same about this energy - I remember that the term morphogenetic field came up - and it definitely feels like a field you are entering and are suddenly connected to.

Hellinger wrote some books about his work, I am not sure if they are helpful, but here is the Amazon page:

https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_c_2_14/157-9325195-3084428?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=bert+hellinger&sprefix=bert+hellinger%2Caps%2C653&crid=2302PX2OU3FK1

M. T.