The other day I was thinking about it. I'm not a fan of this reality too, but not because I just feel antipathetic, just because the situation is a mess, and it depresses me that almost everybody wants to live in an illusion mode. I thought that here is just pain, suffering etc. but because pathological beings are ruling the world, abusing of that illusion mode people likes to live in, or maybe people live in this mode as a reflection of the ideologies these pathological beings have created. I'm not perfect, sometimes I serve as a vessel for this ideologies without noticing until I spot it. But life is beautiful, it has showed me its grandiosity, its variety, so I hold my breath and hope that one day I will be able to change things for better, don't know how although.
I've had what could be considered suicidal thoughts because I had those ideas that I don't, as others, need me to live with such weight over my back of not being completely happy, and have the life I would want but, thinking about reincarnation and all that, I see that is pointless to do it, I´m gonna reincarnate again and maybe restart all my lessons again, that I by no doubt want to do again, so I can't evade or stop to exist in this reality, maybe my actual personality but not my soul (or me in other words), I can lie to myself that I do if i can but I don´t like to do that because deception is worst than facing the truth. So I give the try to keep working, the best I can.
You know I have this fantasy that never expected to be inspired long long ago by serendipity while using of illegal substances (

sorry I know it's not good), that I will master myself and reach a higher point of perception, that my intellect as my emotional maturity will be like no one else, that I will be in peace as in oneness with everything, although I had these kind of experiences after doing the EE sometimes just walking on the street, those kind of experiences when even the simple things are so beautiful that you live in a state described before on the sessions of STO, when you don't "want" nothing, just because you love what you have in presence, and that you feel free, so free that you can love in the same way. But that will come with hard work, conscious suffering and knowledge, also I don't know if I'll have the opportunity in other life of acknowledge this special knowledge here. This is an especial period of the universe as I understand, not one easy to live through but I have a gut feeling that is an especial opportunity.
By the way what's that thread of Ghostly lover? I've searched in the forum with no luck.