C
cthwillow
Guest
I was walking with my father on a path heading north. On our right was a creek lined with foliage. We had just left Grand Jean (a seasonal wilderness lodge that I manage) where there was a gathering of women who were engaged in some sort of informal, Christmas party game type thing with a woman named Doris- (my half sister’s mother and Dad’s ex wife is named Doris) dressed up as Santa, except her bottom half of her Santa costume was missing, and she was dressed in only black panty hose. I thought that curious as she did not seem aware of her state. The other women were arranging themselves in their places to start the game. Anyway, he felt out of place being the only man and having come up there unexpected. Prior to this scene, I had gone to Grand Jean and found the managers’ cabin occupied and someone else had a key and I felt a little territorial. I pondered it and let it go realizing there were more people with keys and it is not for me to use at this time.
Not knowing what was going on and not a part of this scene, I asked him to go for a hike with me and then I was going to go home. So we are on this path and we turned to the right where the creek was and now I was facing a building in the South and a man stood in front, shorter with a round face and thin short black hair. He could remind me of my step father. His eyes where round and not really connectable, I mean I did not really look into them like there was no real presence to them.
There was a skull on a table and we were to work on it, he was on the inside of it with a metal pick trying to crack open the top. I was in a dual perspective, aware that this was my skull but I was inside with him, no form just presence and working to bust open the top of the skull. After making a crack, I realized I needed to release the rest from the outside going in and then I was working on the outside poking it with a metal object where there was the crack and the crack became wide enough for me to pull apart which I did and he did and a large circular hole was present along lines where the skull had fused long ago.
Then I watched as the man emerged, from the circular hole like a birth from the skull. There was no emotion involved just a sense of accomplishment and release for him as the task undertaken was resolved. I looked at the skull with the big round hole in the top and wondered what people would think of this in their curiosity to explain how the skull got that way. He said to me that they would think it was a murder…something done from the outside in and that I was going to be blamed for it not him. In other words he was going to kill me and then blame me for it. And I became defensive. I had to fight now and with the skull in my left hand I hit him in the head and I broke his skull in a circular fashion that matched the pattern on the skull in my hand except I hit him in his face, so a circle of broken bone under flesh was imprinted around his face. We struggled now and I hit him a few more times and we were now on the ground and I had him in a head lock with my right arm tight around his neck. I squeezed as hard as I could to cut off the blood to his brain. My head next to his and he was calm not resisting too much. I held with much force for quite some time longer than I thought necessary, strong little bugger, until he did not move and still I was a little unsure of his finality. Writing this, I feel I want to cry for the death.
In reflections, this dream could represent the struggle between the personality and essence self/ the ego and the soul/ the tonal and the nagual that Don Juan talks of. It also represents that both are working together to free/develop the self and that both are necessary to accomplish and progress. I think the ‘he’ in the dream represents the personality- with no real presence in the eyes as the personality is constructed…not a real thing and the essence is eternal and not limited. My presence and perspective in the dream was not through his eyes except I did have the feeling of working from the inside and outside at the same time but along with him not as him. My soul/essence that is not confined had the dual perspective and ability to work from the outside and the inside. This also could represent the need to free oneself through working from within but also being able to receive outside help as well but it is up to us to be able to give ourselves what we need. But I feel the personality and essence are represented in both him and ‘the me’ in the dream. Like the yin/yang symbol there is a little white dot in the middle of the black aspect and visa-versa.
Once freed of the skull, the structure of my personality-beliefs/programs, there was a need for one of us to die and we had to fight to the death but it was without emotion…no fear just determination. And only after contemplating the dream do I feel some grief and sense of loss that he had to go. Maybe this represents the annihilation and integration on some level of some lesson learned. Or he could represent some actual entity/program that has had some hold-on me that was released but wanted to take over completely now that it was freed-now that I was aware of him. It was easy however to kill him but much force was needed than I had expected and I held tight and was surprised at how strong he was and still I was not sure he was dead. But it is interesting that when the scene started we both stood outside the skull. Neither of us where trapped at that point…we shared a similar task. Maybe the structure-skull and need for release from it was a game, an illusion that we set ourselves up to play…to learn.
Another curious representation is the murder idea and that it is coming from the assumptions of others who may come along later and see that this injury was done from the outside in and that this is a “bad thing”, rather than a release from the inside out…which would be a “good thing” but impossible for anyone to believe. No injury could be caused this way and no one would believe me. That was his ace in the hole; I would be held in judgment and accused. My only recourse, acting on this trigger, was to act on his plan and turn it around on him. This could symbolize the fear of self realization in a superficial world and that others would not be able to recognize or appreciate that for what it was and I was attached to that idea in the dream and letting it influence my choices and actions.
Maybe the “others, the acting controls” from where I get that fear, are rooted in my father figures and in releasing them I better be prepared to do battle if I continue to have any attachments.
Another take is that caring about what others think and reacting to assumptions is also outside forces working on the skull….my beliefs…. programs and this sets one up to react to these and I can get distracted and lose the energy for self realization instead of being aware that these forces are acting on me and I need to take the necessary measures to release these controls and keep the focus clear by playing the game with full awareness of all these forces with the realization that I am developing my essence within these games and the games change according to my level of awareness.
So much going on here and it makes me….
Ponder..ponder..question…wonder.. What is really going on in this dream and what is the message? So many layers. And what is the connection to my father and possibly my step father? Maybe they represent those deep controls I have been reacting to.
I hope this helps you on your journey.
Any insights to add here??
Not knowing what was going on and not a part of this scene, I asked him to go for a hike with me and then I was going to go home. So we are on this path and we turned to the right where the creek was and now I was facing a building in the South and a man stood in front, shorter with a round face and thin short black hair. He could remind me of my step father. His eyes where round and not really connectable, I mean I did not really look into them like there was no real presence to them.
There was a skull on a table and we were to work on it, he was on the inside of it with a metal pick trying to crack open the top. I was in a dual perspective, aware that this was my skull but I was inside with him, no form just presence and working to bust open the top of the skull. After making a crack, I realized I needed to release the rest from the outside going in and then I was working on the outside poking it with a metal object where there was the crack and the crack became wide enough for me to pull apart which I did and he did and a large circular hole was present along lines where the skull had fused long ago.
Then I watched as the man emerged, from the circular hole like a birth from the skull. There was no emotion involved just a sense of accomplishment and release for him as the task undertaken was resolved. I looked at the skull with the big round hole in the top and wondered what people would think of this in their curiosity to explain how the skull got that way. He said to me that they would think it was a murder…something done from the outside in and that I was going to be blamed for it not him. In other words he was going to kill me and then blame me for it. And I became defensive. I had to fight now and with the skull in my left hand I hit him in the head and I broke his skull in a circular fashion that matched the pattern on the skull in my hand except I hit him in his face, so a circle of broken bone under flesh was imprinted around his face. We struggled now and I hit him a few more times and we were now on the ground and I had him in a head lock with my right arm tight around his neck. I squeezed as hard as I could to cut off the blood to his brain. My head next to his and he was calm not resisting too much. I held with much force for quite some time longer than I thought necessary, strong little bugger, until he did not move and still I was a little unsure of his finality. Writing this, I feel I want to cry for the death.
In reflections, this dream could represent the struggle between the personality and essence self/ the ego and the soul/ the tonal and the nagual that Don Juan talks of. It also represents that both are working together to free/develop the self and that both are necessary to accomplish and progress. I think the ‘he’ in the dream represents the personality- with no real presence in the eyes as the personality is constructed…not a real thing and the essence is eternal and not limited. My presence and perspective in the dream was not through his eyes except I did have the feeling of working from the inside and outside at the same time but along with him not as him. My soul/essence that is not confined had the dual perspective and ability to work from the outside and the inside. This also could represent the need to free oneself through working from within but also being able to receive outside help as well but it is up to us to be able to give ourselves what we need. But I feel the personality and essence are represented in both him and ‘the me’ in the dream. Like the yin/yang symbol there is a little white dot in the middle of the black aspect and visa-versa.
Once freed of the skull, the structure of my personality-beliefs/programs, there was a need for one of us to die and we had to fight to the death but it was without emotion…no fear just determination. And only after contemplating the dream do I feel some grief and sense of loss that he had to go. Maybe this represents the annihilation and integration on some level of some lesson learned. Or he could represent some actual entity/program that has had some hold-on me that was released but wanted to take over completely now that it was freed-now that I was aware of him. It was easy however to kill him but much force was needed than I had expected and I held tight and was surprised at how strong he was and still I was not sure he was dead. But it is interesting that when the scene started we both stood outside the skull. Neither of us where trapped at that point…we shared a similar task. Maybe the structure-skull and need for release from it was a game, an illusion that we set ourselves up to play…to learn.
Another curious representation is the murder idea and that it is coming from the assumptions of others who may come along later and see that this injury was done from the outside in and that this is a “bad thing”, rather than a release from the inside out…which would be a “good thing” but impossible for anyone to believe. No injury could be caused this way and no one would believe me. That was his ace in the hole; I would be held in judgment and accused. My only recourse, acting on this trigger, was to act on his plan and turn it around on him. This could symbolize the fear of self realization in a superficial world and that others would not be able to recognize or appreciate that for what it was and I was attached to that idea in the dream and letting it influence my choices and actions.
Maybe the “others, the acting controls” from where I get that fear, are rooted in my father figures and in releasing them I better be prepared to do battle if I continue to have any attachments.
Another take is that caring about what others think and reacting to assumptions is also outside forces working on the skull….my beliefs…. programs and this sets one up to react to these and I can get distracted and lose the energy for self realization instead of being aware that these forces are acting on me and I need to take the necessary measures to release these controls and keep the focus clear by playing the game with full awareness of all these forces with the realization that I am developing my essence within these games and the games change according to my level of awareness.
So much going on here and it makes me….
Ponder..ponder..question…wonder.. What is really going on in this dream and what is the message? So many layers. And what is the connection to my father and possibly my step father? Maybe they represent those deep controls I have been reacting to.
I hope this helps you on your journey.
Any insights to add here??