Hi SarahElizabeth, I think Redfox's post is excellent and I just wanted to give a personal example related to the study he posted.
I work with adults with learning disabilities, this job has really made me evaluate my ability to erect boundaries, and also look at the way I carry myself and speak and what image that gives off, from the way the service users interact with me I think I was/am perceived as a 'soft touch' and therefore vulnerable to attack although I feel that I have made positive changes since first starting a year ago.
To cut a long story short I did not know the full history of one man that I work with, I knew he was on the sex register for something to do with children but was under the impression (from what I was told from a senior staff member) that it was a trivial thing, he is also a schizophrenic. He appears to be a very quiet and gentle man who is hesitant to speak, one would assume this meant he was nervous, he also doesn't like loud noises, so my approach was to be very gentle with him, trying to relate to him, engaging him in conversation and trying to build a rapport (which seemed to be the approach everyone else took with him). Over time there were a few red flags that came up very very occasionally and spread apart over time, I mentioned these to peers or seniors and it was sort of brushed under the rug although my manager did give me the advice to physically move away from him if he enters my personal space. One day we were sat in a cafe together on a table and I was chatting with him which led on to him asking me some really inappropriate questions of a sexual nature and totally overstepped my boundaries, I replied that I wasn't going to answer that as it was inappropriate and none of his business. Had I not had that piece of information from my manager- that it was perfectly acceptable and in the best interests of both him and myself to erect my boundaries I don't know what I would've done.
After reading his case history I was horrified that I had not read it before and left myself so open to attack, without the knowledge of his past I couldn't make an informed decision as to how to protect myself and I think this soft and gentle approach I took with him showed me as a weak victim that he felt confident enough to approach in this inappropriate manner.
After this happened I made an effort to never be alone with him, to be louder than I usually was, and to watch my body language so as not to give off the impression of being like a vulnerable little girl, as this seems to be what triggered him. For a long time up until this event I felt that if I was to move away from him or assert myself I was being 'mean' and would offend him but when it comes to your own personal safety these things have to go out the window imo. I found it helpful to play over scenarios and work out what I would try to do in each one, I think this was my way of trying to deal with the situation as I had very mixed emotions about it, and apprehend future attack. Since that event he has not approached me in this way again.
I would suggest reading Predators, pedophiles and rapists by Anna Salter, and also Character Disturbance by George Simon if you haven't already to try and understand how predators mind's work. And another book I found helpful for realizing that I had boundaries and was allowed to say no was Gabor Mate's When the body says no.
Also just to add, when I'm out in the community with service users, I think the general public probably thinks the service users I'm with are crazy too, although the adults I work with don't sound half as intrusive and loud as the ones that have been talking to you. But my point is that rather than labeling them as 'crazy', some are just severely damaged individuals on a whole host of toxic medication or drugs and products of our sick society, I say this just to give some perspective, although I still think that erecting your boundaries to protect your safety is paramount as you cannot know if they are dangerous or not, I would say it's always best to er on the side of caution.
