Hello all,
Although I have posted on cass-chat before, this is the first post on here for me.
So the situation is actually an incident that occurred to me recently. In this situation, I am involved with conversing with two of my friends. These two friends are not well acquainted, and we all had decided to hang out and chat and get acquainted and have a couple of drinks. So after a few shots, an incident occurs. Old friend turns to new friend and just out of the blue, "hey you're a big guy you probably are good at fighting". Gets up and starts to pretend kick. The people in question are, Me=28 years, Old Friend=26 new friend=24. WE are not talking about kids here. The new friend is Russian (hence the big guy comment), and is very esoterically inclined. Old friend is into alternative media. Now I have been around a block couple times in my life, so I can see how easily a pretend kick can gradually and suddenly turn to a real one, with a bonus ride on the ambulance. So I stopped them, or should I say my old friend. How, well this is where my predicament comes in. I turned to the old friend and asked him in a firm tone, that "what the hell are you doing." "This is not how normal people interact with each other in this context." At that very moment since we live out in the countryside, the neighbour's dog started to bark. And quite funny I saw how my old friend, was acting just like an animal guard dog. And I turn to him and said, "You hear that dog, he is an animal. Right now it has no capability of thinking because of his animalistic instinct to guard. You are acting the same. If you insist on behaving and acting like a dog, well looks like he's looking for a fight." To which he responded that I have insulted his honour. And as I tried to explain to him that it was not meant as an insult, it just happened in that very moment that he was acting like a guard dog there was a guard dog barking. And further I tried to explain how this, is neither the time nor the place for such activity, and how these things have a huge possibility of going right out of hand and someone getting hurt. To which he no longer wanted to hear, and kept repeating to me that, what am I, "his dad". At which point I stopped. The advice that was given to me on the situation came from my spouse Nina. Since she observed the situation and she was not drinking, I believe her to be an objective observer in that situation. Her advice was simply that I was out of line and that I should have seen the consequence of such a comment. And yes it was an insult and I should have known better. And she also recommended actually to interact with this forum, as so I can work on seeing the consequences. Nina, maybe a tiny little girl on the outside, but she is wise beyond her years and has taught me many things. So her words are very influential to me. In the month or so since the incident I have been going through the situation in my head, and I believe Nina's advise to be on the money. This incident and others have made me realise how direct I am in general. And on more than one occasion "I say it the way it is". I think I am beginning to realise how that approach is very limited, if your goal is true understandable communication. I believe I failed because my emotions in that moment blocked me from putting myself in his shoes, and that is very different than when you say well if it was me and I was told that I wouldn't get insulted. To truly put your self in someone's place is to truly see it from their perspective according to their current knowledge input capabilities and all of their observable limitations. So I thought I would share this experience to the group. And ask how any of you guys would have interacted in that situation. Oh ya, the interesting thing about this whole incident is that my old friend in question is actually a security guard at a local hospital. Go figure! lol
Nima.
Although I have posted on cass-chat before, this is the first post on here for me.
So the situation is actually an incident that occurred to me recently. In this situation, I am involved with conversing with two of my friends. These two friends are not well acquainted, and we all had decided to hang out and chat and get acquainted and have a couple of drinks. So after a few shots, an incident occurs. Old friend turns to new friend and just out of the blue, "hey you're a big guy you probably are good at fighting". Gets up and starts to pretend kick. The people in question are, Me=28 years, Old Friend=26 new friend=24. WE are not talking about kids here. The new friend is Russian (hence the big guy comment), and is very esoterically inclined. Old friend is into alternative media. Now I have been around a block couple times in my life, so I can see how easily a pretend kick can gradually and suddenly turn to a real one, with a bonus ride on the ambulance. So I stopped them, or should I say my old friend. How, well this is where my predicament comes in. I turned to the old friend and asked him in a firm tone, that "what the hell are you doing." "This is not how normal people interact with each other in this context." At that very moment since we live out in the countryside, the neighbour's dog started to bark. And quite funny I saw how my old friend, was acting just like an animal guard dog. And I turn to him and said, "You hear that dog, he is an animal. Right now it has no capability of thinking because of his animalistic instinct to guard. You are acting the same. If you insist on behaving and acting like a dog, well looks like he's looking for a fight." To which he responded that I have insulted his honour. And as I tried to explain to him that it was not meant as an insult, it just happened in that very moment that he was acting like a guard dog there was a guard dog barking. And further I tried to explain how this, is neither the time nor the place for such activity, and how these things have a huge possibility of going right out of hand and someone getting hurt. To which he no longer wanted to hear, and kept repeating to me that, what am I, "his dad". At which point I stopped. The advice that was given to me on the situation came from my spouse Nina. Since she observed the situation and she was not drinking, I believe her to be an objective observer in that situation. Her advice was simply that I was out of line and that I should have seen the consequence of such a comment. And yes it was an insult and I should have known better. And she also recommended actually to interact with this forum, as so I can work on seeing the consequences. Nina, maybe a tiny little girl on the outside, but she is wise beyond her years and has taught me many things. So her words are very influential to me. In the month or so since the incident I have been going through the situation in my head, and I believe Nina's advise to be on the money. This incident and others have made me realise how direct I am in general. And on more than one occasion "I say it the way it is". I think I am beginning to realise how that approach is very limited, if your goal is true understandable communication. I believe I failed because my emotions in that moment blocked me from putting myself in his shoes, and that is very different than when you say well if it was me and I was told that I wouldn't get insulted. To truly put your self in someone's place is to truly see it from their perspective according to their current knowledge input capabilities and all of their observable limitations. So I thought I would share this experience to the group. And ask how any of you guys would have interacted in that situation. Oh ya, the interesting thing about this whole incident is that my old friend in question is actually a security guard at a local hospital. Go figure! lol
Nima.