"Why did I come here? Of all the places to come to why did I come here? I must have really hated myself..."
This is EXACTLY what got me started on my journey- I asked my mirror the exact same question! Thank you for bringing it up. It's reassuring to know I'm not alone.
Casting aside the suggestion that my soul made a mistake, or that incarnation was falsely-advertised, I spent some time observing the natural world. Before I could make any sense of it though, I needed to distinguish between what was actually 'real' and what was made up by other people.
The theory of gradual evolution for example was made up by another person. The classification of species was also made up by other people, and we only
invent things which give us some kind of advantage over everybody else ie; we only
invent things for profit. Distinguishing between nature and everything else wasn't easy. We expend a lot of energy/attention on/with the inventions of other people. Discarding all of them was necessary to really observe the world - as if I
was the world.
Does the Earth have any eyes or fingers? Can a planet bear arms? Obviously the answer is yes. This human form is surely the finest fruit on the tree of life, and our souls don't occupy it for the purpose of fighting, or working or even surviving. This human form is the only kind (on this world) which has the capacity to defend the whole. This human form contains a species of light that is poorly understood, and apparently very much sought after. We generally don't recognize it as such, but we call this 'inner light' a soul.
Anyway, I came to the conclusion that I didn't have a choice - that my soul was drawn here, or pulled here against my will. It's the only explanation that makes any sense. Viewed along side human ovulation it makes perfect sense, but the implications are staggering, for they suggest an ongoing 'crime' of inexplicable proportions. For every soul which receives the spark of life, untold numbers never do. They make the monthly passage only to become trapped here somehow.
How are these souls supposed to return to celestia if they've never had the chance to live and more importantly, die? This cannot be nature's design, it's not for the other mammals of Earth , and it certainly isn't our fault. We know that it's wrong because a part of us literally dies from exhaustion years before the rest of the body does. We can define ourselves in a single word - innocent.
It seems the phrase 'Food for the moon' might be more meaningful than we think. We can try to change things, but even the best case outcome wouldn't benefit us directly, it would only protect future generations of us. There are those among us who know what I'm talking about - especially in Hollywood, where they frequently leave 'clues', either to support dissemination of the most important subject there ever was, or to drive me insane by reflecting something nobody else can see.
Casting aside the idea that I was in any way special, and supported by reflections in popular media, I came to the conclusion that those 'in the know' use this wisdom to their advantage, rather than raising any kind of alarm, and that is the crux of the human condition. If it was repaired once and for all there would be no need for power structures, so those that exist work hard to keep everything just the way it is.
I don't want to reincarnate here, and I certainly don't want to get trapped here in a sleeping state for all eternity. If we simply do the math, it's easy to see the odds are never in my favor. In the words of the famous late math professor Alexander Abian - "It's time for mankind to raise a petulant finger in defiance of the celestial organization". So that's what I'm doing.
..!.,