My grandparents from fathers side are 88 and 90 old. They practically raised me and always been
like my true parents cause mine were let's say 'busy' by their constant drama.
Grandparents household in shared house was my safe and happy place.
Big garden, yard full of flowers, chickens, homemade everything, playing games, learning cooking and embroidery, sewing
and stuff like that really made me who I am today.
They were simple, loving people who fell in love when were 16 and 18 years
old and have been whole life together - never been separated one day.
He was construction worker and she was a housewife who
raised their two sons and 3 of us grandchildren. I'm the oldest of 3.
Their two sons - my father who is full blown narcissist (psychopath maybe ?) and his brother who is
like grandfather - kind and loving man, great father.
Why am I telling you all this ? I wanted to give some background to their and my story.
Because my loving grandfather passed 2 days ago.
He was head of the house but my grandmother was always clever and manipulative hiding terrible behaviour of my father
since childhood.
So he grow up in terrible man who does as he wants without any responsibility and
consequences.
Old poor man was always somewhere at work because he was managing building sites so when he realised
what's his older son like it was too late for some more drastical discipline measures.
Now I belive he was so schocked by son's behaviour and wifes covering up that he gave up from fighting or trying to
change anything.
So, as long as I can remember he was trying to give my Dad food for thoughts, advices, even help
in different situations but it all end up like you are talking to a wall.
'He is like that, I can not kill him' he used to say comepletely dissapointed.
He loved me so much, we did everything together.
He taught me to write, how to take care of garden, repair some things, grow rabbits...
My 10 years younger nieces after were not so interested in that kind of activities - then there were
videogames and stuf like that.
My parents marriage was hell and when things got too hard for my Mum, the two of us left the house
with few plastic bags.
I was 21 so nobody tried to stop me and I was determant to help stand back on her feet.
That day we left I dissapeared like I was never existing at all.
Obviously I 'choose the wrong side' as long as they were concerned
My loving Grandfather changed the lock for my Father on our household and next few days didn't interfare
when my Dad was burning our stuff on a pile in front yard. Neighbours were schocked.
My Mum and I moved to one appartment few streets away, still in our block so I ran on my Grandfather
on the bus station few times after and he pretended he doesn't see me.
He even lied at court for his son so we got nothing from divorce.
Back then I coudn't understand and forgive how he could pick his shamefull son over me.
And over my Mom who he was always fond of.
Anyway, I moved to another town, got married, had a child, years gone by.
Nobody from that house that was still 'home' to my heart ever tried to contact me in any way.
My uncle was probably quiet because he didn't want to provoke my father and again have drama in the house.
They all mastered eggshels walking on distance because of his temper.
So, 6 years ago after few smart books here, little soul searching and gathering balls,
and discovery that my father doesn't live there any more I decided to go there.
They are old enough, God knows if I'll ever see them alive if I lose more time.
I came with much love and understanding of all, because I'm also parent now.
Do not aprove them, but understand. And that is the most important thing.
Love. Gratitude. Forgivenes. And love again.
Good people make mistakes and we are not the same in dealing with it after.
They welcomed me with open heart like I never went away.
They were so shamed not long after they realized what they did and how it was wrong.
Especially, after his son took advantage of two more women then left - they were schoked
with what they were sustaining.
My heart was at place again. So, before corona bull**** I manage to spent nice amount
of time with them, visiting with my doughter, remembering the good times, huging, laughing...
My dearest Granfather fell in love with my doughter comepletely.
She is going to project and construckt like him and his crazy grandoughter, me, became welder in the meantime.
That was his thing ! He was laughing like crazy.
That was my biggest victory in this life, to move aside all the wrong and bad things and forgive.
To be there for them, so they know I love them most and have no grudges at all.
So, when it will be time for them to pass of this world, they could go in peace.
And what I got from it could not be described in words. My doughter also got a nicest gift.
Lesson about acceptance and unconditional love.
During corona crazynes I couldn't get to them because my father left his 3 wife and came back home and they all
wouldn't let me come and bring some deadly virus.
So I just spoke to them on phone, send flowers and little gifts to grandma to chear her up etc.
A month ago I heared from her last time, she was still pretty lucid after little stroke.
And devastated because grandfather is in hospital after surgery!
With corona, heart problems,..etc.
Shit...
(I don't really understand why they even let him to surgery with 90 years.
He wasn't in pain and it's not it would prolonge his life much. )
My heart was breaking cause I could not get to any of them.
I didn't want problems at house with father and so was granny
During 3 weeks stress and dementia swallawed her,
she fell to bed and they had to quickly give her to
nursing home.
Cause, ofcourse my father would not take care of her and uncle could not handle the two
of them alone. Everybody else are at work and I live too far.
After, when we talked about paying nursing home for both of them, my unce said that my father refused to take part
in it. So we others all should manage it somehow without him.
Because he 'has no enough money for himself either' ( and thats bull*****, the man is loaded ! )
After all I've been through with him I couldn't belive it ?! For his parents who gave him everything, woow.
It's beyond imaginable for me.
At monday they released Grandfather from hospital in very bad state but happy.
In spite of knowing he is not going home, but to nursing home where he will be with love of his life, 'the prettiest girl
with black braids'. In the same room !
And you know what happened ? He arrived and she did not recognised him.
He passed the next day. His heart must brokened comepletely.
They are preparing funeral for tuesday, his son did not asked of anything.
And Grandmother is alone in nursing home, unknowingly that her husband died by her side.
And my uncle is broken, hardly funkcioning.
But he and his wife will take most of things to prepare, they wouldn't let me come until funeral.
I must respect that.
....
Guys, I can't even....Omg.
Today I said to my doughter 'Are you ready to meet your real Grandfather for the first time ?
And she said that her real Granfather just passed and that 'other guy' is not of her importance.
'Ok, but he will be there, we'll have to face him, sit next to him, shake his hand in condolence..'
'Ok' she said..
I haven't seen him for 20 years and my doughter - never.
Even my gradparents pretended like he doesn't exist last 6 years and never even mentioned him.
This story is too sad and my heart is so heavy right now.
I don't know how I will survive facing him, but in respect and for the love of my grandparents and uncle -
I will be there.
I can do it.
I'm talking to my grandfather and grandmother in spirit.
I know they hear me..
Sending love and guiding to the light.
I hope she will soon brake free from this suffering as well
like my true parents cause mine were let's say 'busy' by their constant drama.
Grandparents household in shared house was my safe and happy place.
Big garden, yard full of flowers, chickens, homemade everything, playing games, learning cooking and embroidery, sewing
and stuff like that really made me who I am today.
They were simple, loving people who fell in love when were 16 and 18 years
old and have been whole life together - never been separated one day.
He was construction worker and she was a housewife who
raised their two sons and 3 of us grandchildren. I'm the oldest of 3.
Their two sons - my father who is full blown narcissist (psychopath maybe ?) and his brother who is
like grandfather - kind and loving man, great father.
Why am I telling you all this ? I wanted to give some background to their and my story.
Because my loving grandfather passed 2 days ago.
He was head of the house but my grandmother was always clever and manipulative hiding terrible behaviour of my father
since childhood.
So he grow up in terrible man who does as he wants without any responsibility and
consequences.
Old poor man was always somewhere at work because he was managing building sites so when he realised
what's his older son like it was too late for some more drastical discipline measures.
Now I belive he was so schocked by son's behaviour and wifes covering up that he gave up from fighting or trying to
change anything.
So, as long as I can remember he was trying to give my Dad food for thoughts, advices, even help
in different situations but it all end up like you are talking to a wall.
'He is like that, I can not kill him' he used to say comepletely dissapointed.
He loved me so much, we did everything together.
He taught me to write, how to take care of garden, repair some things, grow rabbits...
My 10 years younger nieces after were not so interested in that kind of activities - then there were
videogames and stuf like that.
My parents marriage was hell and when things got too hard for my Mum, the two of us left the house
with few plastic bags.
I was 21 so nobody tried to stop me and I was determant to help stand back on her feet.
That day we left I dissapeared like I was never existing at all.
Obviously I 'choose the wrong side' as long as they were concerned
My loving Grandfather changed the lock for my Father on our household and next few days didn't interfare
when my Dad was burning our stuff on a pile in front yard. Neighbours were schocked.
My Mum and I moved to one appartment few streets away, still in our block so I ran on my Grandfather
on the bus station few times after and he pretended he doesn't see me.
He even lied at court for his son so we got nothing from divorce.
Back then I coudn't understand and forgive how he could pick his shamefull son over me.
And over my Mom who he was always fond of.
Anyway, I moved to another town, got married, had a child, years gone by.
Nobody from that house that was still 'home' to my heart ever tried to contact me in any way.
My uncle was probably quiet because he didn't want to provoke my father and again have drama in the house.
They all mastered eggshels walking on distance because of his temper.
So, 6 years ago after few smart books here, little soul searching and gathering balls,
and discovery that my father doesn't live there any more I decided to go there.
They are old enough, God knows if I'll ever see them alive if I lose more time.
I came with much love and understanding of all, because I'm also parent now.
Do not aprove them, but understand. And that is the most important thing.
Love. Gratitude. Forgivenes. And love again.
Good people make mistakes and we are not the same in dealing with it after.
They welcomed me with open heart like I never went away.
They were so shamed not long after they realized what they did and how it was wrong.
Especially, after his son took advantage of two more women then left - they were schoked
with what they were sustaining.
My heart was at place again. So, before corona bull**** I manage to spent nice amount
of time with them, visiting with my doughter, remembering the good times, huging, laughing...
My dearest Granfather fell in love with my doughter comepletely.
She is going to project and construckt like him and his crazy grandoughter, me, became welder in the meantime.
That was his thing ! He was laughing like crazy.
That was my biggest victory in this life, to move aside all the wrong and bad things and forgive.
To be there for them, so they know I love them most and have no grudges at all.
So, when it will be time for them to pass of this world, they could go in peace.
And what I got from it could not be described in words. My doughter also got a nicest gift.
Lesson about acceptance and unconditional love.
During corona crazynes I couldn't get to them because my father left his 3 wife and came back home and they all
wouldn't let me come and bring some deadly virus.
So I just spoke to them on phone, send flowers and little gifts to grandma to chear her up etc.
A month ago I heared from her last time, she was still pretty lucid after little stroke.
And devastated because grandfather is in hospital after surgery!
With corona, heart problems,..etc.
Shit...
(I don't really understand why they even let him to surgery with 90 years.
He wasn't in pain and it's not it would prolonge his life much. )
My heart was breaking cause I could not get to any of them.
I didn't want problems at house with father and so was granny
During 3 weeks stress and dementia swallawed her,
she fell to bed and they had to quickly give her to
nursing home.
Cause, ofcourse my father would not take care of her and uncle could not handle the two
of them alone. Everybody else are at work and I live too far.
After, when we talked about paying nursing home for both of them, my unce said that my father refused to take part
in it. So we others all should manage it somehow without him.
Because he 'has no enough money for himself either' ( and thats bull*****, the man is loaded ! )
After all I've been through with him I couldn't belive it ?! For his parents who gave him everything, woow.
It's beyond imaginable for me.
At monday they released Grandfather from hospital in very bad state but happy.
In spite of knowing he is not going home, but to nursing home where he will be with love of his life, 'the prettiest girl
with black braids'. In the same room !
And you know what happened ? He arrived and she did not recognised him.
He passed the next day. His heart must brokened comepletely.
They are preparing funeral for tuesday, his son did not asked of anything.
And Grandmother is alone in nursing home, unknowingly that her husband died by her side.
And my uncle is broken, hardly funkcioning.
But he and his wife will take most of things to prepare, they wouldn't let me come until funeral.
I must respect that.
....
Guys, I can't even....Omg.
Today I said to my doughter 'Are you ready to meet your real Grandfather for the first time ?
And she said that her real Granfather just passed and that 'other guy' is not of her importance.
'Ok, but he will be there, we'll have to face him, sit next to him, shake his hand in condolence..'
'Ok' she said..
I haven't seen him for 20 years and my doughter - never.
Even my gradparents pretended like he doesn't exist last 6 years and never even mentioned him.
This story is too sad and my heart is so heavy right now.
I don't know how I will survive facing him, but in respect and for the love of my grandparents and uncle -
I will be there.
I can do it.
I'm talking to my grandfather and grandmother in spirit.
I know they hear me..
Sending love and guiding to the light.
I hope she will soon brake free from this suffering as well
