Marriage

[SeekinTruth]

That's my thinking about children, as well, Ailen. In what was referred to as "soul communities" in the FOTCM Statement of Principles, it would be the ideal situation to raise children, whether one's own or those of other the members of the community.

Like you said, if and when such circumstances were real, then everything could be different. And it would also be like this network, each giving what they're able to and being under constant watch for blind spots and potential problems. So the responsibilities would be carried by the whole community.

 

[Gertrudes]

Well, concerning having children, the way I tend to look at it is that, yes, it is self-serving in the world we live in right now. Given the societal structure, the schooling system, and the ways families tend to isolate each other, even if parents had a real desire to nurture and had done some work on themselves, a LOT of damage could be done without a real network.

I agree, the way most families tend to be nuclear, or even single parented, often leaves a child starving for the love and attention of an exhausted parent who has spent her/his day working, only to arrive home in the evening, deal with housework chores and with the almost overwhelming need of a child who's been left all day in the care of strangers we've never seen in our lives. What the child will get is almost invariably irritability, impatience, tiredness, if not worse.

Looking at teenagers in big cities nowadays, I mostly see acting out of one degree or another. Sure, teenagehood is a self centered period where we're redefining ourselves, but what's happening today seems very out of proportion and, on the other hand, directly proportional to the lack of previous care and nurture.

 

[truth seeker]

But for now, I think that we should look at everything we do as a child. At the Universe, even. And channel that "mother instinct" creatively, for others. It can manifest in a lot of ways. Maybe that is what real mother instinct is intended for, after all.

FWIW.

My thoughts as well. Like others, I've known from an early age that I didn't want to have kids. Growing up, I felt like an inconvenience and didn't want anyone else to feel that way. I also felt that in many ways, I had to parent my mother at an age that was far too young. One of the things I would tell people when they asked about me not having children was that I felt I had already raised someone so no need to do it again.

In addition to that, I was in two relationships with people who not only had children but also wanted more. At the present time, I find myself in the role of caregiver with my Father. Initially, this pushed my buttons because I felt resentment at being in a similar situation as I was with my Mother.

The way I've come to view it is that perhaps there was some lesson I wasn't learning but I'm trying to 'get it right' this time around. For me, I think one lesson is that there is always the opportunity to 'mother' someone (to be selfless and giving even and especially when 'it' doesn't want to). Perhaps you've been a mother to someone or several someones (not necessarily in the form of a child) and don't even realize it? :)

 

[Gertrudes]

Perhaps you've been a mother to someone or several someones (not necessarily in the form of a child) and don't even realize it? :)

Quick question truth seeker, is your question directed to me, Ailén, or all of us in general?

 

[truth seeker]

Perhaps you've been a mother to someone or several someones (not necessarily in the form of a child) and don't even realize it? :)

Quick question truth seeker, is your question directed to me, Ailén, or all of us in general?

It was rhetorical in response to Mrs. Peel's post but can also apply to anyone. Sorry for the lack of clarity. :)

 

[Gertrudes]

It was rhetorical in response to Mrs. Peel's post but can also apply to anyone. Sorry for the lack of clarity. :)

Ah, thanks truth seeker. It was clear, I think that the "you" confused me

 

[lizzietreid]

I have been following this thread for a couple of days now, but didn't feel compelled to comment, because I didn't think I could add anything to the discussion. It was a no brainer for me and my husband because it was love at first sight, but neither of us wanted children because of the state of the world, selfishness, etc. Fast forward six months and we are getting married shotgun style with a baby on board already. Apparently, my higher consciousness had other plans for my life, namely ivan and fletcher, my two boys. My point in posting now is this: the world wasn't right to bring kids into in 1999, it isn't right now, it wasn't right in the past. That's not what matters. We have to have a rough world to encourage us to grow, all learning comes through experience. My life, with all of its troubles, has been worth living, and I'm sure all of you here on the forum could say the same. My rough ride has only helped me so far, and I can see that potential in my children as well. So I just wanted to say that waiting for better times for kids is like waiting until you can afford it, never gonna happen. I don't think it should happen. Little adversity would lead to dull, ignorant children in the end. Just my two cents.

 

[Gertrudes]

Just to let you all know that we are getting married this year on the 12th of August :D

We have just been to Portugal and found our place, an old farm that has been beautifully recovered so as to conserve its walls made of old stone, wooden ceilings, and surrounded by gorgeous fields. And because it's sort of in the middle of nowhere, it is affordable and secluded.

Thank you so much again everyone, your contributions were crucial, that last sword that helped slaughter the cow. We are VERY happy with our decision, it "feels right", so to say.

 

[Oxajil]

Just to let you all know that we are getting married this year on the 12th of August :D

We have just been to Portugal and found our place, an old farm that has been beautifully recovered so as to conserve its walls made of old stone, wooden ceilings, and surrounded by gorgeous fields. And because it's sort of in the middle of nowhere, it is affordable and secluded.

Thank you so much again everyone, your contributions were crucial, that last sword that helped slaughter the cow. We are VERY happy with our decision, it "feels right", so to say.

Whoa, cool Gertrudes! Many congratulations!! :D

 

[theos]

Congratulations to you and your partner, Gertrudes. :D

 

[Aiming]

Just to let you all know that we are getting married this year on the 12th of August :D

We have just been to Portugal and found our place, an old farm that has been beautifully recovered so as to conserve its walls made of old stone, wooden ceilings, and surrounded by gorgeous fields. And because it's sort of in the middle of nowhere, it is affordable and secluded.

Thank you so much again everyone, your contributions were crucial, that last sword that helped slaughter the cow. We are VERY happy with our decision, it "feels right", so to say.

That sounds like a great place to get married! Congratulations to the two of you!

 

[SeekinTruth]

Congratulations on your decision, Gertrudes! :)

 

[Laura]

I have been following this thread for a couple of days now, but didn't feel compelled to comment, because I didn't think I could add anything to the discussion. It was a no brainer for me and my husband because it was love at first sight, but neither of us wanted children because of the state of the world, selfishness, etc. Fast forward six months and we are getting married shotgun style with a baby on board already. Apparently, my higher consciousness had other plans for my life, namely ivan and fletcher, my two boys. My point in posting now is this: the world wasn't right to bring kids into in 1999, it isn't right now, it wasn't right in the past. That's not what matters. We have to have a rough world to encourage us to grow, all learning comes through experience. My life, with all of its troubles, has been worth living, and I'm sure all of you here on the forum could say the same. My rough ride has only helped me so far, and I can see that potential in my children as well. So I just wanted to say that waiting for better times for kids is like waiting until you can afford it, never gonna happen. I don't think it should happen. Little adversity would lead to dull, ignorant children in the end. Just my two cents.

That you felt "compelled to comment" is interesting. You might want to read "The Adaptive Unconscious" thread in the psych section to better understand the reasons we make up for what happens to us, what we do, etc. As my mother was wont to point out, making a baby is NOT a miracle. Critters of all sorts do it all the time; you do the wild thing and don't take precautions, that's what happens a good percentage of the time. So there certainly ought to be more to the situation than just "oops! I'm pregnant! Must be intended/fated/meant to be!"

 

[Nienna]

Just to let you all know that we are getting married this year on the 12th of August :D

We have just been to Portugal and found our place, an old farm that has been beautifully recovered so as to conserve its walls made of old stone, wooden ceilings, and surrounded by gorgeous fields. And because it's sort of in the middle of nowhere, it is affordable and secluded.

Thank you so much again everyone, your contributions were crucial, that last sword that helped slaughter the cow. We are VERY happy with our decision, it "feels right", so to say.

Congratulations to you and your partner, Gertrudes! I am very happy for the both of you, and I rarely am happy for anyone getting married anymore because they choose to marry for all the wrong reasons. ;) But you two seem to be doing things in a very good way.

The place you picked for the ceremony sounds beautiful. You will, of course, take pictures and share them with us, yes? :D

 

[manitoban]

Just to let you all know that we are getting married this year on the 12th of August :D

We have just been to Portugal and found our place, an old farm that has been beautifully recovered so as to conserve its walls made of old stone, wooden ceilings, and surrounded by gorgeous fields. And because it's sort of in the middle of nowhere, it is affordable and secluded.

Thank you so much again everyone, your contributions were crucial, that last sword that helped slaughter the cow. We are VERY happy with our decision, it "feels right", so to say.

Very happy for you Gertrudes! And I can't think of a more beautiful location for the wedding.

Many congratulations to you and your partner.