You are lost because you start with ‘Their’ selfishness and end with ‘Your’ selfishness. This is due to your distorted perception ("I wish ..all...). that is reflected in others, well, I'm not going to say that others don't have an excessive ego, only that, when you get hooked on others and see that you are ‘better’ than others is where you have lost. It is called egocentrism and I say to you: No one can live without ego, but it becomes a duty to mature it and integrate it so that it functions in a healthy and balanced way because otherwise it becomes insensitive and psychologically cramps you and puts you in the position you are in, in vulnerability.
I see that many people confuse service to others with servility, I don't know if this is your case, but I feel that you find it difficult to ‘give’, therefore you must begin to balance and give yourself with constancy and discipline to make your path of correction and then be able to expand to others. In order to do this, at work, you are required to dismantle the ego and the ignorance... Separate the wheat from the chaff, the real from your fiction ( how not to be so (?) so not to be). Strengthen and reinforce the best you have in you thinking that your ultimate intention is to reach out to others (SO) and let go of what is worthless (work on the appearance, my past, the falling leaves...) And well, needless to say EE with meditation to raise your frequency so you can deal with petty tyrants, there is a lot of literature on the forum that can help you.
Don't lose yourself in that character you are playing with it goes your identity. And you know what Caesar says: Be true to yourself.
I give. :) The thing is, I don't know the limit and the balance between ME and OTHERS. I'm not sure we're all on the same page about balancing ourselves and the WE. :)
That's why I feel kinda lost...
I do invest myself in MYSELF, I do invest myself in OURSELVES (in my family context, etc), but I don't know how much I should invest in others versus myself. :)
That's why i said that we can feel like slaves if it's not balanced. :)
Why i do maybe feel that?
Partly because I wasn't respected as a child. My parents imposed a lot, and now, as a grown-up living with my family (a blended one), I feel that I either do too much for the group or too much for myself...
I can quickly become like a satellite with the culpability of being. :)
Again, that's why I feel kinda lost...
I do have a Pure O that distorts my perception of reality (we all have distortions), but mine is highly excessive. :)
Maybe that's why I feel kinda lost...
And different ideas and feelings brought me to that expression. I was thinking about "what if I die today" because I thought I could have tetanus (and so, the I, SELF, part was becoming more futile ; doing for myself was going futile with the idea of the disappearance of the I).
I did not get the support I wanted for my worry, and it made the feeling grow. :) On top of that, I wasn't ready to explain how I really felt to the person concerned (because of fear not being understood). :)
This also made things more important. I was aware of these things but didn't feel confident about being true and clear. :)
Yeah, i try to balance my self and the meaning of everything. I'm in a deep phase. :) Hope it be bring the best rearrangement (depends on ME :)) :) Yeah, maybe i don't feel well in my context? I need to maybe change things for myself first and ask others how they do feel my position and investment in the group (IRL). :)
Thank U @all for your messages so far :)
Love that "
The Cs say: Where you are is not important. Who you are is what counts. "
and that "
Caesar says: Be true to yourself. "
sorry, I'm in a mood today
