EGVG
Dagobah Resident
Hi, I wanted to share with you all some memories that I have, and recently had come to surface.
I've been dealing with body image issues since I was very very little, I was an overweight kid, then an overweight teen and then I dropped 30 pounds when I turned 15 or so, just by eating healtier. After loosing the weight I became very self conscious of how I looked, and also It matched the time I was discovering my sexuality or recognizing it, all came at once. I was figting depression alone, no one knew about the struggles I had, I was bulimic and anorexic, I also used to cut my arms, not deeply but superficial cuts that where very painfull.
I had a pro-anorexia/pro-bulimia blog and had bunch of "friends" with whom I could talk to and explain my suffering. I used to write in this blog and exposed my daily struggle with eating properly. Also I used to post about recovery, healthfull foods and exercising! It was my way of helping others that where bulimia wannabees, yeah you read well, bulimia and anorexia wannabees. I feelted very bad about this blog and during my active time, I use to fell like my blog was the healthiest of all, i was lying to myself of course,none of those blogs are healthy or promote a healthy life style.
So, it took me some years of therapy to get better, my mom is a psychotherapist so I had access to the best ones here. I went to a Psychologist, them to a psychoanalyst, them to a esoteric therapist that introduced me to a lot of esoteric disinfo stuff, and finally I went to a shrink.
I had a lot of therapy and I healed a lot, a lot, I stoped with the bulimia blogs and I also stoped the unhealthy life style of eating aspartame as if it was my only allowed "food", also I grew up, so I started to get a more objective view of my life and develop this imemse feeling of just wanting be better, to be ok.
And know I'm much much MUCH better, I feel like some of my demons just flushed away, but with that, new ones arrived. Now that I'm not sick, I have gained a lot of weight, more that 30 pounds, like 40! So this experience tells me that no matter what you do, you always are going to have to be carefull and feed your body and spirit well. (I'm on it)
Other memorie that was the first that came to mind this afternoon was, that when I was is school I was really excited about plastic surgery, I just wanted a perfect face a perfect body and I wanted all done, nose job, jawline joob, lipo, tummy tuck and more and more stuff that no normal teen needs. In fact the first time I contacted Laura on Facebook I ask her about plastic surgery, and she point me to this forum, wich have been a blessing. This network has help me more that years of expensive therapy and horrible medications! Thank you Laura for pointing me to this site, it has changed my life for the better, no doubt of it.
OK so back to the matter, I wanted all this plastic surgery done on me, and at night I used to pray for aliens to come to abduct me and performed plastic surgery on me, this was a constat on my mind, and at this point I didn't knew anything about the alien abduction phenomena or any of those things, I just like science fiction movies and games. But today when I remembered what I was hoping and praying for, for nights after nights, I became disturbed by that thought. So I came and started to writhe this, I not sure where to post this, here or in the swamp... Anyways I hope the aliens didn't heard my prayers.
So I was on that state of mind for about 4 years, I was really shallow and selfabsorbed, until I saw that my life had been nothing more that unfulfilled dreams, dreams of plastic surgery, alien abduction, and self imposed starvation, that had been my adolescence, and of course mixed with regular teenage problems like alcohol and drugs, bad grades, but nothing out of the ordinary, those things I knew how to manage and I did.
I was very fortunate to be on a school that helped their students in every aspect of their education, cognitively or emotionally. So I had the tools and knowledge to overcome problems like drugs, alcohol and expected problems one goes, but the knowledge I was missing was that of witch I'm know getting!
So finally I'm glad that I can write this and look back at the past and how I was destroying myself, and killing my future, I really hope this post helps others to look back and remember how clueless some of us where. Before getting to this site.
Sorry for wierd spelling mistakes!!
EDU
I've been dealing with body image issues since I was very very little, I was an overweight kid, then an overweight teen and then I dropped 30 pounds when I turned 15 or so, just by eating healtier. After loosing the weight I became very self conscious of how I looked, and also It matched the time I was discovering my sexuality or recognizing it, all came at once. I was figting depression alone, no one knew about the struggles I had, I was bulimic and anorexic, I also used to cut my arms, not deeply but superficial cuts that where very painfull.
I had a pro-anorexia/pro-bulimia blog and had bunch of "friends" with whom I could talk to and explain my suffering. I used to write in this blog and exposed my daily struggle with eating properly. Also I used to post about recovery, healthfull foods and exercising! It was my way of helping others that where bulimia wannabees, yeah you read well, bulimia and anorexia wannabees. I feelted very bad about this blog and during my active time, I use to fell like my blog was the healthiest of all, i was lying to myself of course,none of those blogs are healthy or promote a healthy life style.
So, it took me some years of therapy to get better, my mom is a psychotherapist so I had access to the best ones here. I went to a Psychologist, them to a psychoanalyst, them to a esoteric therapist that introduced me to a lot of esoteric disinfo stuff, and finally I went to a shrink.
I had a lot of therapy and I healed a lot, a lot, I stoped with the bulimia blogs and I also stoped the unhealthy life style of eating aspartame as if it was my only allowed "food", also I grew up, so I started to get a more objective view of my life and develop this imemse feeling of just wanting be better, to be ok.
And know I'm much much MUCH better, I feel like some of my demons just flushed away, but with that, new ones arrived. Now that I'm not sick, I have gained a lot of weight, more that 30 pounds, like 40! So this experience tells me that no matter what you do, you always are going to have to be carefull and feed your body and spirit well. (I'm on it)
Other memorie that was the first that came to mind this afternoon was, that when I was is school I was really excited about plastic surgery, I just wanted a perfect face a perfect body and I wanted all done, nose job, jawline joob, lipo, tummy tuck and more and more stuff that no normal teen needs. In fact the first time I contacted Laura on Facebook I ask her about plastic surgery, and she point me to this forum, wich have been a blessing. This network has help me more that years of expensive therapy and horrible medications! Thank you Laura for pointing me to this site, it has changed my life for the better, no doubt of it.
OK so back to the matter, I wanted all this plastic surgery done on me, and at night I used to pray for aliens to come to abduct me and performed plastic surgery on me, this was a constat on my mind, and at this point I didn't knew anything about the alien abduction phenomena or any of those things, I just like science fiction movies and games. But today when I remembered what I was hoping and praying for, for nights after nights, I became disturbed by that thought. So I came and started to writhe this, I not sure where to post this, here or in the swamp... Anyways I hope the aliens didn't heard my prayers.
So I was on that state of mind for about 4 years, I was really shallow and selfabsorbed, until I saw that my life had been nothing more that unfulfilled dreams, dreams of plastic surgery, alien abduction, and self imposed starvation, that had been my adolescence, and of course mixed with regular teenage problems like alcohol and drugs, bad grades, but nothing out of the ordinary, those things I knew how to manage and I did.
I was very fortunate to be on a school that helped their students in every aspect of their education, cognitively or emotionally. So I had the tools and knowledge to overcome problems like drugs, alcohol and expected problems one goes, but the knowledge I was missing was that of witch I'm know getting!
So finally I'm glad that I can write this and look back at the past and how I was destroying myself, and killing my future, I really hope this post helps others to look back and remember how clueless some of us where. Before getting to this site.
Sorry for wierd spelling mistakes!!
EDU
