My life recently: suffering to epiphany to progress

[Matthew]

You are all so kind and generous and understanding. Reading and re-reading your posts over the last few days has been profoundly moving.

I was hesitant to post this thread initially tbh; I was concerned that it would be narcissistic given that I tend to be rather self-involved. However, I have often found that something someone posts on the internet even if not addressed directly to me can be of enormous value for me so I decided to post it just in case it helps someone else. I wasn't looking for anything more than that really although the act of getting it all off my chest and not keeping it all inside was of benefit in itself. If I had been looking for compassion and understanding and lots of bloody good advice, however, I could hardly have asked for anything more. If I were to respond to every individual comment or point in your posts that I appreciate then this post would be at least a page long! Rest assured, however, that your input is tremendously valued and helpful. It has helped me to realise that I need to declutter my life and discard lots of activities and drains on my time and energy that are really not that important in the grand scheme of things.

I have so many ways of working on myself available to me, many of which you have mentioned and wasting time on interesting or fun things that are not really that important is not really helping. I have gotten over my anxiety about doing E.E. and have done that yesterday and today and that has really helped. I am still mulling over which of the various 'plans of attack' I need to take to work on myself and my issues as I need to prioritise them; there are far too many to tackle all at once. I also need to re-read your posts again to take notes so nothing slips my mind. You were so on point! It's almost like you know me intimately which is ironic because I don't tend to reveal myself too much in real life unless I really trust the other person. Once bitten, twice shy, and all that. So bless you all; you have my sincere gratitude and love.

(I have a nagging thought that there is something else that I wished to add and it is likely to pop into my head as so as I hit 'send'. If so then I shall just have to post again.)

 

[stellar]

I was hesitant to post this thread initially tbh; I was concerned that it would be narcissistic given that I tend to be rather self-involved. However, I have often found that something someone posts on the internet even if not addressed directly to me can be of enormous value

It doesn't seem narcissistic to me to ask for help in cleaning and tuning your machine. We all have past wounds affecting our lives in different and sometimes common ways and I guess the first step of no longer hiding them is the first one.
The generic 'don't be hard on yourself' may take on a new meaning. It may become more of a 'stop doubting yourself' and listen to your body and your instinct. We can be our own worst critics based on lies instilled in us about ourselves. Keep on keeping on.

 

[SMM]

SE, that's wonderful to hear about EE
By sharing here you have opened up this wonderful discussion with great points too!

Love is unconditional giving. But in order to give you must first have something. In fact, you have to have a lot.
In order to have a lot you need to work hard and work all the time.
This will not leave you any time whatsoever for thinking about love.
Ark

One of my favourite Ark quotes

On a lighter note, a while back I listened to a TED talk, by a woman who had divorced and married several times. I can't remember the name, but the take home message was: In life, the only person we are stuck with for life and cannot break up a relationship with is US. If you don't have a good/healthy relationship with yourself as much as possible, if you can't stand on your two feet, and YOU aren't happy with who you are, your efforts, your actions and what you give to others, then why would you submit someone else to that if you really love them? Start "at home" first, and then you'll be in a better place regardless of what life has in store for you.

Whatever we escape (due to trauma or any other reason), never really goes away. So, whatever it is, I think that it's better to face it. Not that we have to do it all at once, but we can strive to get to the truth of the matter, change the behaviors that we know are negative, and do what is in our power as we understand better and better, mistakes and all. That in and of itself can help heal, and fill in the "emotional holes" that we spent a lifetime trying to patch up with temporary solutions. OSIT.

I hope this helps a little. Step by step!

This really helps sum up healing as a process here. Thank you, Chu!

I think what Chu said about your antidepressant dosage being lowered and these revelations ring true. SE, have you had similar revelations along the same lines in the past either about yourself or reality that lead to feelings of depression or not knowing how to deal with what was revealed?

Dietrich Klinghardt speaks about 5 Levels of Healing. You can watch videos on it here.

There might be something useful in there? It's better to focus on one aspect. I definitely have experienced that if we are physically ill and in need of healing at Level I, it can be difficult to near impossible to do emotional or psychological work at the other levels, even with support. It's just hard to see clearly what steps to take next.

As biala84 mentioned about Iodine and DMSO helping her after years of living intoxicated. And yes, be strong and always look for answers. I would add ask for help. These three go a long way in demystifying things you struggle with by yourself for years.

So, Diet, Health and EE are some areas that help lay a really good foundation.

Whenever I feel sorry for myself and lament the lack of parenting I received when I was a child, I go outside and walk barefoot on the grass or sit beside a tree. I read somewhere (wish I could remember where) that we all have a mother who supports us and that is the Earth. She feeds us and clothes us and shelters us...and is always there.

Hugs!

Cassandane, this reminds me of a Stoic quote:

"Pass through this brief patch of time in harmony with nature, and come to your final resting place gracefully, just as a ripened olive might drop, praising the earth that nourished it and grateful to the tree that gave it growth."

~ Marcus Aurelius, Meditations.

Walking barefoot or grounding in some way helps me too.

Stepping out and realising that, regardless of circumstances, we are not alone, that there are lessons in our experiences that can make us grateful for the lack of parenting or whatever obstacle and that how we respond is within our control (easier said than done) helps us plan and act in the here and now, changing our actions as our understanding changes. It is a process. Changing thoughts, behaviours and actions takes time, where usually emotions and feelings follow (not always immediately).

Networking, applying knowledge and keeping track of changes continuously gives us clarity, specificity and focus. In my experience with this, respect for and connection with ourselves, others and all there is grows

 

[syldan]

Stepping out and realising that, regardless of circumstances, we are not alone, that there are lessons in our experiences that can make us grateful for the lack of parenting or whatever obstacle and that how we respond is within our control (easier said than done) helps us plan and act in the here and now, changing our actions as our understanding changes. It is a process. Changing thoughts, behaviours and actions takes time, where usually emotions and feelings follow (not always immediately).

At the ripe age of 60, having lived to the fullest (in my heart) I can say that there are various necessary steps to take for change to occur. And none are the same for another. But in my experience, one thing we all have in common (all that feel, that is) grieving, crying, days drowned in tears are somewhat of a cleansing process. These periods I have accepted as being my relationship with myself, and they are so draining on one hand, then always part of a revigoration. They build the staircase which we climb. One day at a time!

Thank you so much for this forum and the stairs we are building together!

 

[karo]

Thank you strategic enclosure for sharing your story, I think it is very helpful for others who may wish to share; also thank you everybody who answered, your replies are uplifting, encouraging and also helpful in many ways. SE I wish you to take care about yourself and keep going step by step to overcome anything which may be difficult on your way.