Nephilim in sessions trigger "memory"

[aragorn]

In the recent weeks I've taken a time out participating in the forum because I've sensed that I need to sort many things out. Also because I've been feeling so g*ddamn miserable and tired for months now. I feel that something inside me (maybe attachments, false identities, introjects) and maybe also outside forces have really put me up to the test - I guess "they" particularly don't like me doing the EE. So, anyways I've strongly felt that I must boost up my reading and gathering/applying knowledge, as an antidote to this "harassment". Which led me to read the C session transcripts again....

Now, the first time I read the transcripts I didn't have all of them available, so I didn't go through them all. This second time around I gathered them all and uploaded them to my cell phone for easy and fast access, anywhere and anytime (I highly recommend doing this if you can! Those few moments of spare time while sitting on the bus can be made useful!)

I'll cut to the cheese. The first time I read the sessions there was a few lines or words that triggered a strange emotion in me. It felt like a very distant memory of something so terrible that it was blocked away. But these lines or words somehow "woke up" this emotion or should I say memory, a feeling of panic or hysteria in the solar plexus area. And as my title tells you, almost every part where the discussion was of the Nephilim or Nephalim this very disturbing feeling arose. Also this word 'Coatzlmundi' was a heavy "trigger". And as I read the second time I experienced the same "panic" after reading several other parts as well.

Have any of you guys had similar experiences - certain key words acting as some sort of trigger? I realize that my "panic" doesn't have to be related to the Nephilim (if they do exist) per se, the words can just be triggering something different all together. But it certainly is strange and spooky...some moments I feel like I almost can grasp or "touch" this memory...but then the door gets slammed shut, partly because I'm too afraid to sustain the "link". I'll include here a few snippets that have evoked very strong "spookiness".

Session 941020:
Q: Who built the city of Mohenjo-Daro?
A: Lizards directly. Coatzlmundi legend ties in to this directly look at
illustrations on stones now.
Q: Who is Coatzlmundi?
A: Other deity of the Lizards worshipped by the Atlanteans and their
descendants because of the direct contact with humans for 1000 years.
Q: Now, you said Mohenjo Daro was built by the Lizzies directly. Did
they occupy this city themselves?
A: No.
Q: When was this city last inhabited continually?
A: 3065 years ago.
Q: When was it built?
A: 6092 years ago.
Q: I would like to go back to the subject of the Nephilim. Now you
said the Nephilim were a group of humanoid types brought here to
earth to be enforcers, is that correct?
A: Yes.
Q: When were they brought here?
A: 9046 BC one reference.
Q: They were giants, is that correct?
A: Yes.
Q: They were presented to the people as the representatives, or "Sons" of God, is that correct?
A: Yes.

Session 941023:
Q: (L) These Nephilim, how tall were they again?
A: Up to 15 feet maximum.
Q: (L) Was Goliath, who was killed by David, one of the Nephilim?
A: Yes. In legend. Actual event depicted in story was earlier.
Q: (L) Was it actually David and Goliath?
A: Yes.
Q: (L) Did he actually slay him with a stone from a slingshot?
A: Close.
Q: (L) Were these Nephilim genetically intermixed with human
beings?
A: Temporarily.
Q: (L) Why only temporarily?
A: DNA conflict.
Q: (L) Were they smarter than us?
A: No.
Q: (L) Were they bigger and dumber?
A: No.
Q: (L) About the same?
A: Yes.

Session 990710:
[...]After several minutes he found himself flying into a world of true hallucinations. After arriving in a celestial cavern where a supernatural carnival of demons was in full swing, he saw two strange boats floating through the air that combined to form a huge dragon headed prow not unlike that of a Viking ship.

Those words in bold did trigger me the most.

Maybe its a waste of time to try to figure this out, but on the other hand the link to this "memory" gets clearer for every time it happens so I feel I should get "prepared" some how to "take the blow" when it comes. Any ideas, suggestions? Feel free to mirror also... ;)

 

[paralleloscope]

Hi Aragorn

I can relate to what you say, both studiying hard to counter the psychic hooks but also on the trigger words.
Nephilim is definetly one that brings a whole stew of associations and gut reactions, a turmoil following an inner line of reasoning that i am in their frequency fence, i have to find the breach in my belief system which gives them that power, also the closest 'friends' i have are messing with that frequency, actually I am off to drink coffe with the most susceptible person in that regard. I am concluding that most of my near associates are in some way or another part of a unwitting nephilim jugend (in the sense of attitudinal receptivity). Lately I have been cutting loose the most apparant destructive bonds of association, now i am dealing with the more subtle psychic games, background draining which is possible as i lean towards explaining the scheme of the situation ( saviour program ) asked for in some degree. I'll do some breathing before i am off, and report back later.

 

[Laura]

Have you read this thread: http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=4093.0

??

 

[paralleloscope]

My mention above that my friends are nephilim apprentices has modulated sligthly, aparts from the 'ficticious' handling in naming the relationship as such but also when we just met for coffe I became aware of the complex we are in together; the relevant friends which i mentioned before as nephilim friendly are all (myself included) victims of narcissistic families, which with crude analogy may be mirrored to the concept of nephilim, a uniform bunch of narcisstic enforcers, judging by conceptual affiliation of STS family philosophy.

In relation to the Black magic thread and negative shamanic imprint; in the compound of narcisitic friend/foes which i talk of, we where up untill some years ago all in cannabis smoking cahoots, a very unfortunate motion. I recall one stoned session where I felt abducted and was helplessly being driven on rails on the moon into some kind of ethereal/psychic custody. I stopped smoking shortly after but I am still seeking to undo that helpless belief induced at that moment.

Maybe its a waste of time to try to figure this out, but on the other hand the link to this "memory" gets clearer for every time it happens so I feel I should get "prepared" some how to "take the blow" when it comes.

Imo, the blow already happened as you imply in it being a memory, it's recognition and maybe the physical apperition which is coming in slowly. wether it is a waste of time, I just discussed this with my friend, my position is;
I favor the practice of recognition of concepts, which from societal level may be deemed irrelevant but from personal attraction are highly relevant, from the cosmological widest down through the personal micro lense of emotional handle, if held to an objective ligth the noticeworthy concepts get a holographic cross reference scheme, there migth be distractions and red herrings but then this is learnt how is dealt, by notice. Words can be utilized as magnifying tools or as trigger as you say to look into the shadow which it alludes. The movie 'Donnie Darko' had mention of the word cellardoor as a commonly accepted 'most beautiful word' wether this is true or not i don't know, it does carry the point of trigger, which migth be that the moist unconscious soon to be discovered carries awe and holds promise of reunion with baggage disowned.

 

[anart]

, if held to an objective ligth the noticeworthy concepts get a holographic cross reference scheme, there migth be distractions and red herrings but then this is learnt how is dealt, by notice. Words can be utilized as magnifying tools or as trigger as you say to look into the shadow which it alludes.

Hi SeekParallel,

I'm not sure if you're aware of this or not, so I'm going to point it out in hopes that it allows you to become aware of it. Your posts tend to lean toward 'word salad' - sections of them are not clear, concise or easily understandable. This is either reflective of a lack of concrete understanding on your part, or just a lack of external consideration for your reader. Could you, perhaps, work on being more externally considerate and clear in your writing?

Just a thought. :)

 

[paralleloscope]

you are rigth Anart, i actually considered that while writing, my self excuse was, i have this huge amount of stuff i want to share, which just keeps on building, so i decided this was the best i could do for now, internally considering i needed to burst that bubble and just posted, even though i was aware it is really condensed and could actually use some dollops of editing / external consideration. But really i need to go to the swamp.

 

[Buddy]

Hi Aragorn.
If no one has anything additional to add to your search, then this might be useful:

My personal preference when I've reached the limit to something I can't quite come to grips with, is to keep the compilation handy and organized, but to drop it and go to something else.

Connections may be found elsewhere that lead back to it. Sort of like when someone asks you a question that you've forgotten the answer to. The answer will come, but it may take a different associative link to reach it.

Learning is fun, but it's non-linear a lot of times as you know. Take a break, smell a rose and do a couple of pipe breaths, find something to laugh at, delight at a child in play, think about something personally successful for you, somebody else's accomplishments in the Work so far. These are some of the things we're working to preserve. :)

I wouldn't have said all that except that you seem to be really down right now.

 

[Marcus-Aurelius]

Hi Aragorn,
I tend to agree with Buddy here. In case the real point of something bodering me is not clear directly, I just drop it and go for something else.
What I can say we have in common is the tiredness, preventing us to do the EE program. This occured to me during around two months during which I couldn't do the EE program; it was just like all my energy left me at the very moment I thought about doing the EE breathing program.
But I lately took a resolution to overcome this. It's not easy, but am doing my best.

 

[Windmill knight]

A bit of trivia:

Upon reading the name "Coatzlmundi" I remembered that the word for "snake" in Nahuatl, the language of the Aztecs, is "Coatl". Hence the god Quetzalcoatl. A quetzal is a Central and South American bird, so "Quetzalcoatl" is usually translated as = "feathered serpent". Interesting that the word "quetzal" is also close to "coatzl". I believe "mundi" is "world" in latin.

In the version of the legend of Quetzalcoatl taught in schools (and which therefore may be sanitized and twisted), he was a priest or teacher from ancient Mexico; a Jesus type of person who banned sacrifices, but was tempted by his opponents and failed. Dishonored, he took a boat across the Atlantic to go to the "land of wisdom" (a reminiscence of Atlantis?) and promised to return one day. So apparently, when the Spanish Conquistadores arrived, some were inclined to believe they were Quetzalcoatl.

Also, "atl" means "water" in Nahuatl. As in "Atl-Antis", perhaps. (I think this latter connection was made by Laura somewhere in the cassiopaea site.)

 

[aragorn]

Have you read this thread: http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=4093.0

??

Thanks for the suggestion to read this, I finally made through the most of it having even less reading time than usual because of visiting mother and father in law this weekend ;) I most certainly will read all of it again tomorrow (when our guests are gone...), it feels very important to assimilate this information. I think I'll order the John Keel books right away.

I feel a bit guilt talking about my problems all the time, but I hope you bare with me just a little bit longer since I strongly feel that I'll need your help on this one. And helped you have all ready, thanks for posting. Once I'm through this, and I'm determined to succeed, I'm certain I will see my purpose in life more clearly and will be able to put some sincere and genuine effort to help others. Sorry of the following being off topic, sort of, but I'll pour out my brain over here if it's all right. :)

After starting this thread two days ago I've had some interesting experiences. I guess doing the EE (also starting with body work/therapy a few years ago; bioneregetic breathing etc.), other work on the self and gathering knowledge about narcissism and other things finally are "breaking some ice". The first thing that happened yesterday was intense:

During the day, after starting this thread, I started to feel more and more tired, feverish and somehow "out of body" up to the point that I considered not going to sing the performance in the evening. Well, since our economic situation isn't that good, I decided to pull my self together and go anyway. In the intermission I read some of the posts on this thread and had a peek here and there (since there wasn't much time) on the other thread recommended by Laura. Then the second act (we were doing Carmen by Bizet) started and somewhere half way through in a scene where I'm sitting on the scene very near the orchestra, not singing or acting-just being static, I felt this warmth sweeping through me. I started to think about the people on this forum and the people around me and suddenly I felt just LOVE towards everyone, regardless of their beliefs or manners. How Laura and many others on this forum are being so wonderfully helpful, and how they just are full of love. I don't know how I knew this, but I just knew. Driving home I was full of relief joy and kept singing my version of POTS (to the tune of Amazing Grace) over and over again!

Today our family went to see a gymnastic show for kids where several groups, starting from toddlers performed their numbers. I just had to keep fighting the tears, everything they did just seemed so perfect and wonderful...I never would have imagined reacting this way to something like this. In the end they did a imitation number of Michael Jackson and I felt strong grief for poor Jacko, him being dead an all, and I could feel my stomach cramping in "silent crying". So, guess somethings happening....

Oh, and since I'm typing away I would like to mention two thing that's been happening also. The few moments I've had the opportunity to take a "power nap", say 10-15 min during the day, I many times had been connected to some sort of "eavesdropping". Sometimes I "hear" conversations taking place somewhere distant (not audible in the normal sense)-it's like listening to a radio channel that is transmitting really silently. It is hard to explain how it feels, but it's not voices in my head in a audible sense, it's more like being "in" the conversation. Almost always these "dialogs" are about something scientific...some detail in something. Some times I can "see" and "read" newspaper articles. I know this sounds crazy, but in these moments I actually see the article in my inner eye and start reading. I haven't written down any of this "eavesdropping", since I've been explaining it away with "stress settling down inside my head", which it of course could be, dunno.

The other thing I've experienced during sleep or sleeplike states is "voices" saying: "The lying, the lying! They are lying..." I've strongly felt that with 'they' this "voice" means Laura and her team. Sometimes, even some times during the day, a "thought" can pop out of nowhere which is about some tiny trivial "defect" in the Cass transcripts or other writings relating to this forum, and it just keeps nagging me for hours. I dunno if this is some sort of attack or a inner struggle, but I sure would like it to end. After yesterdays flow of love though, I feel that the strength of this "skeptic entity" has diminished.

So, dunno if I'm loosing it...somehow I feel this is just part of the process. Thanks for reading and being here/there!

 

[Buddy]

Hi Aragorn. Take my ideas with a grain of salt, but fwiw, I thought of the following:

In a sense, I see the predator's mind as a homeostatic mechanism because, like the General Law, it wants to keep you in a certain balance, comfort level, status quo while it is draining your very life.

As we do the EE, continue studying and gathering knowledge, we begin to individuate from our various 'authorities', which includes aspects of the social reality and narcissistic parents/significant others - we're learning to think for ourselves, learning HOW to learn anything we want to know and to NOT need the old programs to provide convienient 'rules for living' anymore.

This internal changing can be likened to the child whose grown up and attempts to leave the nest. The 'needy' parent begins to exert control thru guilt, snideness, guilt manipulation, the old double-binds - anything that might have a chance to work - to make you believe that "you can do it", but "you probaly won't, because I know your faults", kind of thing.

I don't know if any of those things you describe as "attacks" will stop, but you may be able to control your reactions to them. Maybe the "skeptic" can be quientened by setting out to "prove Laura wrong", or simply questioned to exhaustion. Maybe those articles can be focused on until you can read them or dismiss them as uninteresting and 'request' something more interesting to be shown to you.

It's up to you, bud. I think things will look differently if, instead of spending much time on seeing what you "ain't", spend as much or more time noticing how much you've learned and how to share that with the network.

Fwiw :)