Networking & Introverts

[Bar Kochba]

I am in a strange situation. I've been around this forum since 2006, yet can do little else but read it. I find myself having personal breakthroughs by myself from reading the suggested texts, doing the work alone. Networking is a must, according to the C's, if progress is to be made. I learn from what I read here, but contribute nothing. I want to, but still feel unqualified. Even the C's say time is short - but I am no longer stressed about making it to the next level. All I can do is my best, right? Even though the work is difficult, it is very rewarding & suits my introverted, loner personality. Has anyone else had a similar situation occur, as in being on this forum for a few years, doing the work by themselves yet having trouble with the networking part?

 

[Laura]

You might want to read my recent post here:
http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=12737.msg91953#msg91953

Everyone has a place and a role in a network. Sometimes your role doesn't activate until a certain moment that has not yet arrived. The only thing you need to ask yourself is: is there something I could offer that would help someone else that I am NOT doing?

 

[Andrew]

I am in a strange situation. I've been around this forum since 2006, yet can do little else but read it. I find myself having personal breakthroughs by myself from reading the suggested texts, doing the work alone. Networking is a must, according to the C's, if progress is to be made. I learn from what I read here, but contribute nothing. I want to, but still feel unqualified. Even the C's say time is short - but I am no longer stressed about making it to the next level. All I can do is my best, right? Even though the work is difficult, it is very rewarding & suits my introverted, loner personality. Has anyone else had a similar situation occur, as in being on this forum for a few years, doing the work by themselves yet having trouble with the networking part?

I can relate heavily with how your feeling Bar Kochba. I myself share the same Introverted, Loner personality as you described above. And it's interesting that this post has come up, because these feelings of unqualification recently hit me extra hard.

While reading the latest session, Laura posted this in response to Woodsman:

But I cannot do this, (as I have learned), without help. I have to stay in class because guidance is very important, which is why I was so taken with the notion of co-linear learning which I first learned about here. I most happily climb the mountain when I can see the other climbers, ahead or behind me, yes, but more importantly, to either side of me.

Yes, going it alone is a drag, isn't it? After all, that IS the STS method of working - contraction and shrinking even if they think that they are expanding their realm.

:O when I read that I immediately got this sharp pain in my stomach and knew that was me, and how I've been "working". And it dawned on me that some serious adjustments needed to be made within myself. As in it's "time" to put it into gear.

I can't speak for anyone else in this forum but I'm currently, and have ever since I joined this forum, had this same exact dilemma you are experiencing. I believe I've even discussed this before in other posts, yet cannot seem to get out of the funk that I seem to be in. I share your feelings of "un-qualification" heavily, and it goes even further than that. I often feel overwhelmed by the knowledge and understanding that many members have, and feel infinitesimally small in comparison. What good is my voice compared to the great minds that are already here that are providing earth-shattering insights into the mechanics of life and existence? What kind of insight could I possibly provide that would benefit others? And I rationalize my non-participation this way.

I even question whether I'm "fit" to be here in the first place. Or if finding my way to SOTT and all of Lauras material was some kind of Cosmic Tease or sick game the universe is playing on me? Such as "Hey Andrew, look! Here is how you get out of this reality and return to that peaceful reality that you know exists deep down inside yourself! Oh, but we're sorry, your not capable of attaining this yet. Better luck next time!"

I don't understand myself why I feel so connected to the thought patterns of this forum, it's findings, and research, yet STILL am unable to "participate" successfully. Perhaps it's because there is still LOT's of work to do. Maybe that's where the problem resides?

While I'm typing this post to you, it's dawning on me that these answers cannot be known unless there is a genuine mirror providing objective feedback. Perhaps there are programs that are running inside us that are not allowing the expression of our thoughts? The predators mind perhaps? It's impossible for me to say because I'm in a similar, if not the same situation you are finding yourself in. This is actually a question that I wanted to bring to light myself, but I know from past readings that this has been addressed before by other members so I didn't want to cause any "noise" for the forum. Not saying that is what you are doing, but that is what I would have felt that "I" was doing, if I were to do so.

I'm quite thankful that you brought this to light as I share your same inquiries. I'm gonna check out Lauras response to your question now. I just wanted to get that out.

Even now, while finishing up this post I'm questioning "Do I post this? Do I sound stupid? Does any of this make sense? Is this going to help Bar Kochba? etc."

Take care Bar Kochba and keep moving forward.

 

[dant]

It seems to me (correct me if I am wrong, which I have been many times),
that in order to discover what is within, one ought to take the first step, for
better or for worse? DOing nothing, gives back... nothing, so the "problem"
remains?

Does one refrain completely or stick out a toe, a foot, or jump in wholeheartedly?

At first, I have refrained for awhile (in gathering knowledge), but then proceeded to
use a toe, then a foot, then the whole-body jump many times, and yes, I have been
reprimanded, ignored, but also "rewarded", but I would not have learned a thing
about my inner-self had I not taken the "first step", and without help from the
members of this forum. This process is a self-directed learning process, it is not
easy by any stretch of the imagination for some, and yet, others seemingly can
DO so quite easily - and that is perhaps because they have a better "foundation"
which reminds me of: "The Parable of the Sower"...

What I have found is, that it takes DOing "something" as the first step,
persistently, with careful objective thinking at each step, might lead one
towards collinear growth when one:

(1) Seeks Objective Knowledge (OK)
(2) Acquires OK
(3) Understands OK
(4) Applies OK
(5) Reapply steps 1-4 for continual "refinement" and "purification"

Seems to me, by writing "something", one has taken the first step.
All that is left is careful persistence and adherence towards the
objective goal. The more steps one has taken, the "easier" it might
become so as long as one is truly sincere towards objective knowledge.

FWIW,
Dan

 

[PepperFritz]

I learn from what I read here, but contribute nothing. I want to, but still feel unqualified....

I think that you are misunderstanding the concept of networking, particularly as it applies to this forum and the Work.

"Contributing" is not required; however, "Participation" is. Reading and learning from other people's posts IS a form of participation, even if it is passive participation. But active participation has the potential of additionally expanding the group's reservoir of knowledge, so to speak.

I don't equate "active participation" with "contributing" in the sense that you do, e.g. offering words of wisdom, advice, insight, instruction, etc. If all you do in your posts is ask questions, that is enormously valuable, in that you may ask a question that no one has considered before, or you may ask a (seemingly simple) question that many passive participants have been dying to ask, but were too shy to, or you may nudge someone who considers themselves quite well versed in the concepts discussed on this forum to realize there are "gaps" in his understanding, as he struggles to come up with an answer. In a networking situation such as this, every single post has SOME value in terms of the interaction of the whole -- and, of course, forcing yourself to step out of your comfort zone and be a more active participant helps YOU to grow and progress as well....

:)

 

[3DStudent]

I too am an introvert, but it has always seemed more easy to share your thoughts over the internet than in real life speech. I've had similar thoughts along the line of "What can I contribute?", being a new member and not having much new information and knowledge/experience to share. The only thing I could think of was my personal issues with OCD, so I made the topic "OCD = STS". But I've read about other people's experiences, and although I can't find a direct relation to them, they often help me and I can relate to them enough to benefit from them. So, like it has been said here, I think every post has potential of helping the network. Afterall, all there is is lessons and even "difficult" posts could serve as a learning lesson. FWIW

 

[salleles]

As the C's have said - and is supported by observation and experiment - there are those who create and those who destroy. There is creative force and entropic force.

http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=673.msg9324#msg9324

How to stipulate one's place and role in a network? I'm currently more 'destroying' (especially new age charlatans), than creating.

edit: Sorry if this comment seems to be a little offtopic. For the record, I consider myself an introvert too, and networking is definitely NOT my strongest quality... therefore the question.

 

[Bar Kochba]

Thanks for all the posts here! I read Laura's post in the other thread & I think I'm one of the ppl bringing up the rear. That's cool with me. I am not in a funk, & have had that uncomfortable mirror held up to me here quite a few times, which helped me grow tremendously. If my posts helped anyone, that is awesome. These are exciting times, and I am grateful to be a part of this forum.

 

[Bar Kochba]

I would also like to say to any newbies who may be reading that this Work is the most difficult I've undertaken but has yeilded the most satisfying results. For the longest time I was going nowhere, wondering if these ppl were out their minds talking about programs & the machine...but I stuck it out, & am amazed because I'm to the point where I can actually "SEE" my programs as they run! So keep on keepin on.

 

[RedFox]

fwiw I thought I'd mention that I am an introvert. The difference now being I don't feel bound by it.
Having done my best to participate (by reading and learning, and attempting to add when I felt that I may know something....even if I 'felt' I didn't [to test to see if I did have something to add through mirroring from the forum]), and through the recommended reading I've learnt that my introverted side was a defence created in childhood to cope mostly with school. I could not handle the social interactions so I withdrew from them to survive (internally). It has taught me to observe and be cautious.....
Having learnt through this forum and works here that the world is infected with pathology, I can see what exactly it was I was defending against all this time!

Add some new found self confidence to the mix and removing my negative introject from my introverted 'program', and I am starting to be able to interact socially without fear (created by the negative introject) and trust myself that I can observe at the same time and look for any clues I should be aware of.

I even question whether I'm "fit" to be here in the first place. Or if finding my way to SOTT and all of Laura's material was some kind of Cosmic Tease or sick game the universe is playing on me? Such as "Hey Andrew, look! Here is how you get out of this reality and return to that peaceful reality that you know exists deep down inside yourself! Oh, but we're sorry, your not capable of attaining this yet. Better luck next time!"

Hi Andrew, I've thought similar things about this forum in the past.
To me they came from my negative introject and where there to stop me/make me give up/doubt myself. All in all they where not useful and a waste of energy.
I concluded that even if it was a cosmic joke and I was the butt of it, then I would do my best to use it as a learning experience. Also all of the data I had so far seemed to point out that this was quite a faulty thought, and did nothing to help only hindered progress.

 

[John G]

I think anyone who makes it here and resonates with it has done a great job of following one's higher self up to this point. Being in position to watch the back behind the scenes is a different thing than bringing up the rear. I agree with 3D Student that the internet can largely make an introvert act like an extravert. Self confidence, even being social, is kind of a different question than introvert/extravert. There is such a thing as introverted social in personality theory.

The introverted social person kind of wants to plan the party behind the scenes. People can learn a lot and be quite useful behind the scenes. I'm very introverted and kind of halfway on the social scale. I do wonder that if my higher self tries to drag my lower self out more from behind the scenes locally (aka in person), whether my lower self will take the hint. On the other hand it's probably harder for the powers that be to drag me into something not so good. The problem of the lower self finding the higher self's message is there regardless of one's personality. Apparently the whole group can use a little acceleration in this area (aka breathing exercises).

 

[Gawan]

Hi to all,

I think it is a very intersting thread, so thank you for having the courage to post it Bar Kochba, so you have done something! ;) And that's great!

I can relate to this topic as well, and I thought in the last couple of weeks also about networking (especially this forum) and found it and still find it amazing, to meet people I have never seen and maybe will never see in my live face to face, so do personalities/members get drawn simply by their postings. Letters put to together to words, words formed to sentences and in the end there is a personalty, behind a pseudonym.

At the very beginning of my forum time, my fear has been to get banned, so I followed up the posts of people you got banned, to find out, what have they done, why got they banned etc., this urge got later weaker and weaker. And I learned that the moderators are not bad people, that they doing it because of a purpose and not of a bad will so to speak. Well, my fear to get rejected and lots of internal considering.

Actually it is a normal behavior of my machine, first to "check" the people/situation out, who is who and then I get more and more open within a group, because I feel comfortable/safe with them. This behavior takes time to get within groups, but is also somehow a protection against character disordered people, but as well not a free card to be 100% safe.

And now? Well, I try to do my best in this forum, sometimes I know things/can relate to it …, so I'm posting and at least to learn something, because only with participating in this network, imo, I can do something and even if I do a -mistake-… well someone will ask me to clarify… and further I can learn something about my machine.

Well, sometimes it feels like a release when the negative introject is not running all the time.

I am in a strange situation. I've been around this forum since 2006, yet can do little else but read it. I find myself having personal breakthroughs by myself from reading the suggested texts, doing the work alone. Networking is a must, according to the C's, if progress is to be made. I learn from what I read here, but contribute nothing. I want to, but still feel unqualified. Even the C's say time is short - but I am no longer stressed about making it to the next level. All I can do is my best, right? Even though the work is difficult, it is very rewarding & suits my introverted, loner personality. Has anyone else had a similar situation occur, as in being on this forum for a few years, doing the work by themselves yet having trouble with the networking part?

I can relate heavily with how your feeling Bar Kochba. I myself share the same Introverted, Loner personality as you described above. And it's interesting that this post has come up, because these feelings of unqualification recently hit me extra hard.

While reading the latest session, Laura posted this in response to Woodsman:

But I cannot do this, (as I have learned), without help. I have to stay in class because guidance is very important, which is why I was so taken with the notion of co-linear learning which I first learned about here. I most happily climb the mountain when I can see the other climbers, ahead or behind me, yes, but more importantly, to either side of me.

Yes, going it alone is a drag, isn't it? After all, that IS the STS method of working - contraction and shrinking even if they think that they are expanding their realm.

I know this too, to sort out anything by myself, because I don't want to bother anyone else with my problems. But within this forum I took the courage to write about whats going on within myself. To get an advice etc.

It is sad, because it seems, here I take western society as an example, through the economy/globalisation people got more and more separated, many people only thinking in "Me, Me, Me". I think it is called in sociology: "individualism"
here is a quote from wiki:

Individualism is the moral stance, political philosophy, ideology, or social outlook that stresses independence and self-reliance. Individualists promote the exercise of one's goals and desires, while opposing most external interference upon one's choices, whether by society, or any other group or institution. Individualism is opposed to collectivism, which stress that communal, community, group, societal, or national goals should take priority over individual goals.

It might be, that it got twisted in history, because to have a right to be an individual to be unique vs. we are all the same. I think -political ponerology- can give some good answers, about this process.

 

[3DStudent]

...and through the recommended reading I've learnt that my introverted side was a defence created in childhood to cope mostly with school. I could not handle the social interactions so I withdrew from them to survive (internally). It has taught me to observe and be cautious.....

I've never thought of it that way. I always thought that my introversion was a part of me, even a soul quality. I can always remember being shy, but maybe it was something developed around kindergarten to cope with the environment. I think though it seems that, given the distance of the memories, even before school I was timid and even fearful.

I think that if I tried to be an extrovert I would find myself identifying, like I was trying too hard in an unfamiliar space. It seems in past times before I knew about identifying that when I tried to be more outgoing it produced a state of self-observation like, "Why did I do/say that?" But maybe it is just an artificial program constructed at an early age, and so it is all that I'm comfortable with. Perhaps it's just a bunch of self-imposed limitation. OSIT

 

[theos]

I would consider myself to be an introvert also. Growing up I was extremely shy and timid. However, the more I learn about my machine, the negative introject, and the world in general I feel it easing up. In my private life I find that I enjoy interacting with others much more than I used to. On this forum I post more frequently than I used to.

Also, gluten is linked to shyness, suggestability and timidity. I've found that I'm very gluten sensitive so that could've played a big part.

 

[PepperFritz]

I've never thought of it that way. I always thought that my introversion was a part of me, even a soul quality. I can always remember being shy, but maybe it was something developed around kindergarten to cope with the environment. I think though it seems that, given the distance of the memories, even before school I was timid and even fearful.

I think that if I tried to be an extrovert I would find myself identifying, like I was trying too hard in an unfamiliar space. It seems in past times before I knew about identifying that when I tried to be more outgoing it produced a state of self-observation like, "Why did I do/say that?" But maybe it is just an artificial program constructed at an early age, and so it is all that I'm comfortable with. Perhaps it's just a bunch of self-imposed limitation.

I think the question to be asked is: Are one's "characteristics" simply a part of one's Personality, rather than one's Essence? I think that in order to determine that one must be open to artificially adopting "unfamiliar" characteristics and playing with the concept of "personality". In my experience, the more one is resistant to changing or experimenting with the ways that one interacts with the world-- usually by the disclaimer "But that's just the way I am!" -- the more one is likely to be behaving in a purely mechanical manner, from "programs".

You also need to be aware of what is meant by "Introverted" and "Extroverted". The dictionary definitions suggest that they are personality extremes, rather than either/or "types". In many ways, they represent two sides of the same "Self-Absorbed" coin. One would think that the ideally "balanced" individual would have an equal ability to enjoy his own company and keep his own counsel, as well as an ability to reach out and connect with others in a socially constructive way. To say that one can only be one or the other is self-limiting indeed. In my experience, the "Shy" individual often has the same degree of "self-absorption" and self-preoccupation" as the extroverted "Look at Me!" life of the party type -- perhaps moreso. The aim of the Work is to move away from our "self-centred" and "self-referential" way of looking at the world into one that is more objectively concerned with "the Whole". (See External vs Internal Consideration)

When I was a youngster, I thought of myself as a shy and introverted "type". When I started a career in my early 20s, one that required me to do a certain amount of "schmoozing" and aggressive "selling" and "promoting" of myself and my abilities/talents in order to get where I wanted to be, professionally speaking, I quickly realized that being that "type" was going to hold me back. So I determined to learn how to be a different "type" when needed. I observed how other people did it, and for a time kind of "mimicked" them. For some time it felt like an artificial "persona" I put on when I needed to, not really "myself". But one of the "techniques" I used in these social situations was to ask other people lots of questions about themselves, to keep conversations "flowing", and over time this felt less and less like "artifice", and more and more like something I genuinely enjoyed. I found that I had developed much more of an interest in and curiosity about other people, and was less and less "self-conscious" around others. In other words, I began to change from being intensely self-focussed to being more aware of others, and having an ability to genuinely "connect" with them. To my great amusement, people started to refer to me as an "extrovert", even though I was still the same person I always was, in terms of my "essence".

C.S. Lewis famously said "We must wear masks until we have faces". Experimenting with various "masks" of "personality" and "type" is a highly effective way of learning how "fluid" one's "personality" and "characteristics" can be -- and, thus, an important way to learn what is simply "personality" (and thus not to be "fixed" and "identified with"), and what is actually "Essence". Personally, I think to resign yourself to being a certain "type" and to having certain limiting personality "characteristics" is to stay emotionally "stuck". It's only by challenging ourselves to behave in sometimes "uncomfortable" and "unfamiliar" ways that we can discover who we truly ARE and who we really want to BE -- as opposed to who we were forced to be at some point, or were expected to be, or felt we could be. We can only CHOOSE to be the person we want to be when we allow ourselves the CHOICE. And automatic, mechanical behaviour arising from emotional programs is not CHOICE; is not FREEDOM.

Of course, limiting ideas of what "type" of person we are also extend into limiting ideas of what we are able to "do" and accomplish in life. A trivial example from my own life: For years I was convinced that I could never master the ability to drive a stick-shift car, both due to my own ideas about what I was capable of, as well as the insistence of my ex-husbands who didn't want me driving their cars. Then, at the age of 50 (when old dogs are not supposed to be able to learn new tricks), I had the opportunity to drive my cousin's stick-shift car whenever I wanted, since we were now sharing a house. For an entire year I avoided learning how, then finally forced myself to do it. To my surprise I mastered it in no time, and I cannot begin to tell you how freeing and symbolic that became for me. Now whenever I face anything I fear I cannot do, I remind myself that if I mastered the stick-shift, I can master ANYTHING!

:D